episode_0111

What is this strange sensation? This pleasant elation and at the same time a subtle uneasiness.

That dirty good feeling, like feeling like you’re on drugs and having a hangover at the same time.

The arrow that pierced my heart disappeared without a trace. What could this phenomenon be?

I felt a little annoyed because nothing was clear.

“Raul…”

“What’s going on now?”

The Countess’s voice, heard in the midst of all this, was just annoying. Like the sound of a mosquito buzzing in your ear when you have a hangover.

“Can I ask what this miracle is? What kind of talent…”

“Are you so sad that I didn’t die? So much so that you shed tears?”

That’s why I changed the lumps in my heart into sharp words and let them out.

I didn’t really feel anything about that behavior, because the Countess did the same to me.

Despite the sharp words I fired, the Countess did not fight back.

“Raoul Bergé. My son.”

“It seems like you’re looking for two people at the same time. Even if Raoul Bergé is here, your son doesn’t exist. The fool who died in that court that day…!”

“I’m sorry.”

“What…?”

“I admit that my apology was wrong. I should have said sorry first. I have nothing to say. My son. I am truly sorry.”

Why now?

Why do you say things like this when you’re about to give up everything?

What kind of wind blew that you, who only sent me cold words and stares at the moment I desperately wanted?

Why on earth would you appear before me, ready to give up everything and fall into a comfortable sleep, and shake up the things I had given up?

Are you trying to mock me for the days I longed for? Even if I try to suppress my emotions, there is such a thing as good.

The reason I don’t kill this woman now is because it’s clear that my father… no, the Count and Liesel wouldn’t want that.

“Don’t make me laugh…”

I couldn’t bear to kill this feeling.

How can I kill the feelings that my past self creates as I try to hear a single warm word from this woman?

It would be like denying the me of that time. The me of that time, the me who endured everything to hear a single warm word, the me of that time who watched the tea on the coffee table prepared for conversation grow cold, the me of that time who stood in front of the door and kept knocking on the solid door.

“Don’t make me laugh.”

If any part of me tries to deny who I was back then, I will kill that part.

Because I feel like the me back then is more special and precious than the me now.

How could I not feel sorry for that foolish me who used to knock on my mother’s bedroom door while hugging the book I received as a birthday present?

How can I forgive this woman who threw me out as a child, who was so foolish that it made me look pitiful?

“You’re a hypocrite. I know your past very well. But what does that have to do with me?”

I knew a bit about this woman’s past. I, too, had once tried to understand her.

“You just used your wounds as an indulgence to inflict the same on me. You made excuses to avoid what you did, and you just acted like a heartless person, trying to win the love and sympathy of Count Arthur Bergé.”

The Countess did not deny what I said. She simply listened to me silently, lowering her eyes.

I didn’t agree with that. I could see him swallowing his words in order to refute it.

This woman is just accepting it, as if she had expected to hear something like this.

… That shouldn’t have happened. As a child, I wasn’t prepared to accept this woman’s verbal abuse.

What’s the point of saying words that you can endure and withstand?

“You.”

I’m tired now.

It’s also about pouring out your overflowing emotions that you can’t control by putting them into words.

I also try desperately to change the form of things I cannot change.

It’s also about having expectations for something.

“You’re the weakest and most cowardly person I’ve ever met.”

“……. I won’t deny it.”

“I’m sure my apology was intended to be for my forgiveness. That way, you’ll feel a little better. To relieve your guilt toward me and feel better. More than moral reasons… That’ll come first. ”

I have no intention of criticizing you on that point.

After all, humans are not the kind of people who would do anything if they could just release their emotions. Heroes and villains, in the end, are just fools who put their emotions first.

In the end, I am just one of those fools. The queen of dragons, the king of ghosts, the demon king, no matter how grandiose they may be, they are all fools who are crazy about expressing their emotions. Whether it be love or anything else, in the end, it is just an emotion.

All those foolish emotions that can’t even begin to compare to my frustration at not being able to meet Leila in the end. In the end, they’re probably worse than trash rolling around on the streets.

“…… If you want my forgiveness.”

So I wish this woman would just disappear.

It’s too merciful to hurt someone with harsh words.

If you do that to this weak woman, she will easily break. Back then, I didn’t break and continued to make futile efforts.

And if I did that, it was clear that this woman would lose her words and collapse. I wanted this woman to disappear from my sight, which would only complicate things.

So I decided to give it some false hope.

“Try to save the people from the demon soldiers lurking in this forest. Since you couldn’t save me. Beg for forgiveness in that way.”

This woman is strong. At least within the scope of an ordinary knight.

She was a woman who was far below the level of the Master, and even Camilla and I.

If Kyle had thrown down his weapon and fought with all his might, like he did when he killed the Queen of the Harpies, it would have been this woman who died.

“If you do that, I’ll try a little bit to forgive you too.”

What torments people is not vague despair, but a faint glimmer of hope.

Since I know that fact better than anyone else, I instilled it in this woman.

Of course I didn’t lie. I just didn’t say that I would die before that happened.

If this woman really survived, I would try my best, even if it was just a little bit. Even though it was obvious that she would die before that.

“… Okay. Let’s do that.”

The Countess held her beloved sword, which glowed black like broken obsidian.

There was a time when I admired the sight of someone holding that sword.

Maybe the reason I hate swords is because of my longing for those days.

“I know. You didn’t tell me one thing.”

“……”

“I’m sure I’ll die miserably while fighting. Maybe something will happen to me that would make it better to die like that.”

I didn’t know this woman knew that much.

“… Your speaking habits are also largely my fault. I guess you know that much, even though you’re the mother of all people. Hypocritically and disgustingly so.”

” Are you still thinking of going?”

“Didn’t you say so? Go and fight. Then I should do so. Because my beloved husband told me that’s what atonement is.”

The Countess began to head towards the main camp, which was sure to be under attack by soldiers.

“… I might die, so can I tell you one thing before I do?”

“I have no talent for blocking out the sounds coming from my ears. Unfortunately.”

“There was a moment when I held you just once. The day you were born… I held you without knowing it and named you on the spot.”

“…….”

“But even that day’s affection couldn’t overcome my fear. It must be because I’m weak.”

“………. That’s.”

“I won’t make excuses. I won’t defend myself. I’ll erase my position and say it. I was the worst mother to you.”

……My mother turned her back completely and ran towards where death was lurking.

“If you can come back… I promise. I will love you as much as I hated you.”

“… Do whatever you want.”

I thought my heavy heart would be sorted out, but it only got heavier.

The moment I let out a sigh and was about to grab my weapon, Rosie also came into my sight, adding a new weight to my heavy heart.

“… What’s going on now, Rosie Nevermore.”

“Ra, Raoul Bergé. I, I… What I did that day…!”

But at that moment, a vicious hand struck Rosie’s neck, knocking her unconscious.

“Marquis. If you spit out any more, you might actually be killed. When you wake up, bow three times a day in the direction of the luggage. ”

“Your Majesty.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll wake up in about 3 minutes.”

His Majesty, covered in flames, was smiling while holding a charcoal lump, not a corpse of a demon soldier, in one hand.

“You know too. That old, loathsome king of ghosts has appeared.”

“……”

“The Empress and Camilla must be fighting that old man. As a man, I can’t just suck my thumb.”

“That’s a grand excuse.”

“… Yes. I don’t want to save the Empress. That’s all. ”

As His Majesty whistled, His Majesty’s horse, ‘Greenie’, came running with its mane and hooves burning with green flames. Camilla and the Empress were angry, saying that it was a horse made of bones and not a single piece of flesh, but why a horse?

To us, both Catherine and Green are just cute words.

So, His Majesty and I each mounted our respective cute horses.

“Then Count… no, Raoul. The enemy is far away, and there must be demons lurking in the forest. Normally, it would be ideal to turn back… but what do you think?”

“Your Majesty… no, Axel. You’re wasting time by asking the obvious. ”

“Okay, the answer is…”

“Simple is probably the best.”

His Majesty hurled a huge fireball toward the forest, and I struck the ground with my staff, causing an earthquake.

“I’ll kill them all in a straight line!!!”

“… By the way, what if there are other nobles in the forest?”

Then His Majesty froze for a moment.

“That’s probably because he died to the demons. He’s just so unlucky.”

“Ha…”

It was His Majesty’s way not to think about the aftermath, but for some reason I didn’t hate it.

“Run, Catherine.”

The King of the Wraiths was the one who contributed to Leila’s death.

So let’s go and put an end to this old grudge.

My old grudge, the long-held animosity that has taken hold within the King of Ghosts.

After putting an end to all of that, I plan to head towards the end of emotions.