episode_0110

Confession – confession, confession, confession.

-This episode’s monologue about the protagonist’s dark past takes up most of the episode.

-There is a lot of sad content related to child abuse, and most of the stories are dark.

-Skipping does not affect the subsequent story, so readers who do not wish to see this kind of content are recommended to scroll to the bottom and read only the encounter scenes, or skip to the next episode.

What was your first memory?

“Son~ If you cover your eyes like that, you won’t be able to see well~”

For me, this memory was the beginning.

I was probably about five years old,

To my father who asked if I had a wish on my birthday,

I told him I wanted to go to an amusement park for the first time.

I had fun playing with my father all day and ate a lot of delicious food.

How excited I must have been at a young age, with so many dolls and so many rides.

After playing for so long, I got tired,

I clung to my father’s warm shoulder and looked around the amusement park under the scarlet sunset.

At the amusement park, I was carried on my father’s shoulders and looked at the beautiful scenery.

A place where the lights sparkle very brightly and are illuminated with fascinating colors.

And my father’s shoulder, which was very warm.

Oh, I’ll tell you in advance, the most important lesson in my life is…

“Never make a wish.”

bang——!

The sound of a car crashing and breaking windows.

Weeing—weeing—!

The ambulance’s siren sounded, and unknown adults lifted me up.

From that day on, I could never see my father.

The lawyer told me that a teenager under the age of 13 had been drinking and driving a stolen vehicle.

Those people were probably still alive when I became an adult.

As if nothing had happened.

That’s the law in Korea.

He said he was young, had been drinking, and was a first time offender.

Such difficult laws that they could not understand were set free for them.

I heard that only other innocent people died after being hit by the car they were driving.

That’s how I ended up staying with my mother.

My mother, who lost my father, was always crying,

I think I was crying even louder every time the man called ‘uncle’ came to my house.

If you wait until 3pm every day, it’s time to memorize the Bible.

Looking back, I think the reason I had an exceptionally better memory than others was because of my survival instinct.

If I got even one verse from the Bible wrong, my mother would beat me until my nose was broken.

Before the nosebleed stopped and a scab formed, I would kick the sore spot again.

Until my consciousness becomes blurred and I can’t feel my whole body,

Or maybe it was around the time my broken arm and wrist were crushed and shaking.

As I struggled to survive, something like a palace storing memories opened in my head.

There, I gradually wrote down the details of Isaac, Job, Jonah, and other people in the Bible.

On days when I memorized the Bible well, my mother said I was a good boy and gave me a small black bean noodle cup.

Of course, there were many more days when I couldn’t eat.

After receiving the food, I put it on a corner of the bookshelf, and whenever I was really hungry, I took out a piece and ate it.

But perhaps even that wasn’t enough for a child who was growing up, and most of my memories were of him being really skinny.

Fortunately, I learned Hangul quickly, so no matter how hungry I was, I didn’t eat any foods or toys.

No matter how hungry I was, I held back and just stared blankly at the front door that never opened.

When I was young, I thought my father would always bring me food and come back someday.

If you continue to be such a good child, won’t you come back someday? I feel like doing this.

No, wouldn’t it have been better if I had eaten something like fat or bleach?

If I had done that, I would have died before it was as painful as it is now.

…

I’m sorry. Let’s move on from these sad memories.

Anyway, I lived like that.

My mother always kicked me just enough to keep me from dying because my father died because I told her my wish.

I cried a lot and felt mortified, but there was nothing I could do. It wasn’t wrong.

If I hadn’t made a wish on my birthday that day, my father wouldn’t have passed away.

My mother wouldn’t have cried, and she wouldn’t have kicked my nose to the point where I couldn’t even smell it.

“For someone like you, just being alive is a sin.”

“You are a devil…so you must repent. “People like you have to die…this world will return to its original state…”

“I’d rather…you should have died…”

I grew up hearing these words every day from a young age.

Pain makes people grow, and adversity at a young age makes children grow up too early.

Now that I think about it, I might wish I was right.

If you live this painful life because you did something wrong,

I may have felt a little less unfair and cried less.

As the seasons passed by, I guess it was around the time when I had memorized all of the Old and New Testaments.

The last time the lawyer visited, my mother gave me a big hug.

They said they finally received insurance money.

I don’t know what it was, but it was a good day for me because it didn’t fit that day.

From that day on, no new ‘uncle’ came.

My uncle, who was a little younger than my father, always went into the room with my mother and didn’t come out for hours.

That moment when I opened the door because I sometimes heard my mother being in pain.

I was beaten by my mother to the point where the bones in both my arms were broken.

The uncle just lay on the bed, smoking a cigarette, and looked at me with a smile.

The expression on his face as if he was happy about getting hit.

The thought that there is no one in this world I can trust.

I was able to learn while hugging my broken arms.

It was such a cold winter, and my mother asked me if there was anything I wanted.

It was a very happy day, and I was able to see the outside world for the first time in my life.

My mother gave me a Lego toy bigger than my body,

They dressed me in much warmer clothes than I usually wore.

I was smiling because I was happy.

It snowed heavily that day, and I thought my Christmas wish had come true.

“I’m coming back with my mom and uncle, do I have to stay here?”

So, my mother left me sitting on a park bench and leisurely drove away.

I was excited to see snowflakes in person for the first time in my life.

I really liked how white, soft, and cool it was.

Was it when I was walking around in the snow for a long time and carrying a toy box?

Several hours passed and my mother did not return.

I waited until the bright sun disappeared and the bright blue moon appeared.

Now that I think about it, you never said you would come back.

The small suspicion that took root became a conflict, and it gradually degenerated into fact.

I was quietly sitting on the bench, shaking, holding a box of Lego.

I had come so far away that I didn’t even know where my home was.

The weather of -3 degrees Celsius was very harsh for a 6-year-old child.

I waited like that all along.

Hoping my mother and uncle would come.

Or hoping that my father would come back even now.

What if I went far away?

Maybe it was the fear of being caught again and being beaten by my mother to the point where I would never wake up again.

Or maybe it was because I was so scared and exhausted that I couldn’t walk anymore.

In the snow that falls so hard,

I exhaled pure white breath and closed my eyes.

It would be better if everything ended like this.

I thought that wouldn’t be that bad either.

Oh, it was just full of sad stories, right?

It’s okay, it’s a little calm from here.

When I opened my eyes like that, I found myself in an orphanage before I knew it.

I heard that my mother lost contact with me, and my relatives were reluctant to accept me, even though I had no money.

Seo Kang-woo. (Rain and rain on the strong and strong.)

A life that seems cursed just by existing.

It may have been similar to my name, which means heavy rain.

But to be honest, I liked life better at the orphanage.

The teachers there weren’t warm, but they didn’t hit me.

The kids there were childish but very kind.

As time passed, I was becoming a full-fledged adult.

The children at the orphanage followed me and lived happily, just like their younger siblings.

I also studied hard.

It was partly because I had a good memory, but I also wanted to become a bigger person.

A person who has power in his voice and can make the world a better place.

I was accepted into the university I wanted, left daycare, and found a new home.

I worked really hard, moving cement, working at Coupang, and other difficult jobs.

I made a lot of friends, and the people I worked with always complimented me.

Of course, I know that they are really nice and nice people.

But that didn’t change the fact that I was always left alone.

Still, I thought life would be okay if it stayed like this.

Left alone in a single room, I put candles on a birthday cake, closed my eyes, and prayed.

“Please allow me to continue to spend time like this in comfort.”

By any chance, do you still remember?

The most important lesson I mentioned at the very beginning.

It was, “Never make a wish.”

Yes, from this point on, my life, which seemed to be going smoothly, started to go wrong again.

The death of his father’s death and the settlement of the murderers.

No, before I knew it, my mother was knocking on my door.

After seeing him for the first time in a long time, his face looked very haggard, and his arms were full of injection needles.

He immediately said to me, “You can make money, so repay me for raising you.”

Do you understand?

Of course, it is true that he was born and raised.

But that child, that tiny child no older than 6 years old.

You abandoned me in the middle of snowy winter and beat me until my bones broke for some ridiculous reason.

Can you boldly ask me for money like this?

You, who abandoned me in that weather where I could die, without even giving me a penny?

Oh, unfortunately. The prosecutor and judge didn’t seem to think so.

In the end, I lost in court and had to bring the money to my mother.

Before I knew it, my mother was holding a sign in front of Chung-Ang University, where I entered hoping to see some trace of my father.

People who knew nothing about my life and the media were all criticizing me.

They say he is an irreplaceable son who abandoned his mother.

So I dropped out of college.

And I lived as an assembler in a factory somewhere in Gyeonggi-do.

click-!

Assemble the parts.

Grrr!

Turn the screwdriver and tighten the screw.

Half of the money I received from working for a month was sent to my mother.

I just collected the other half.

When I die later, I wanted to give my belongings to someone who will organize them.

The truly scary thing about hell is that there is no hope there.

Perhaps, based on this concept, I may have already been living in hell.

There was no more hope, no reason to live.

Then it must have been a sunny spring day.

On the day I took sick leave and was walking home, several children were playing and kicking a ball.

When a soccer ball rolled, the child ran as fast as he could toward the road.

And on the road, a truck was driving at full speed.

So I threw myself into it without any hesitation or fear.

Of course, there was also something to save that child,

It would be sad if a child died like this.

Even if I survive, what if I get injured in my leg and can’t walk?

So I threw myself into it, patting myself on the back and saying it was only natural.

But to be honest.

I didn’t want to live anymore.

So it’s okay if I die like this.

I hope that this child can be saved and his life can be ended.

I threw myself like that.

How long will I have to endure this pain?

What did I do so wrong that I had to live a life like this?

I closed my eyes tightly and pushed the child away so that he wouldn’t get hit by the car.

I prayed earnestly in my heart with a smile on my face.

“It’s okay just once. “I want to receive love in my next life.”

…

That’s why I came to this world.

The day I first opened my eyes in this world,

That day when a rope was tied around my neck and my airway was tightly tightened.

I came into this game that I only played in passing.

The first time I met Yuri, I was scared.

I thought I would fall into hell, but her love for the first time in my life was so warm.

“young master! Try some of this. “I made fried rice for dinner tonight.”

It was my first time eating warm rice prepared with care by someone.

“It’s okay, master. I am there. Don’t worry about those people…I will always protect you!”

Yuri comforted me when I was kicked out of the New Year’s party because I couldn’t even wake up.

I don’t know how warm the love I felt for the first time in my life was.

Mr. Yuri may have just been kind, or he may have treated you well as an employee.

But can you imagine? For me, who has lived a life like this.

The beautiful warmth of her always walking with me and protecting me.

At least other people, Lauren and other children.

They treated me so well that I wondered if it was really okay to do this.

I smiled brightly for the first time in my life.

And for the first time in my life…I opened my heart.

This world will forgive me even if I live.

You don’t know how much I wanted to cry.

Finally, happiness has finally come to me.

This is what it felt like to be loved by someone, and it was so warm. That’s it. I learned it for the first time.

…

Now you know.

What happens when I make a wish?

“Young master…you can’t give up…until the end…you…must…protect….”

Yuri’s entire body was overflowing with blood,

There was no warmth left in my already cold body.

Since that day, many people have left.

The people I love, the people who gave me love.

I allowed Arang, who protected me until the end, to meet the end with my own hands.

I managed to collect the exploded flesh of another child and cremate him.

I really want to die so badly, I don’t know how much I have cursed the world.

What did I do so wrong?

Is it really…is being alive itself a sin?

It wasn’t really a grand wish.

I just wanted to go out and have fun as a child, and I wanted to be happy.

I didn’t pray for a quick fortune, nor did I wish for someone to die and hate them.

I just…just…wanted to be happy.

Just like everyone else… just a normal life… that kind of life.

But…now I’ve changed my mind a bit.

I can’t die like this…yet.

You must hate me for deciding to commit suicide by throwing myself that day.

I, who committed such a crime, should pay for my sins and burn in hell for the rest of my life…

Please…never again…

I don’t want to lose those children.

So…please…

It’s okay just once…

Can you give me…a chance…?

As much as it was painful and difficult for me.

The children who gave me love and extended a warm hand without anything in return…

I just want to let you live happily.

So as not to lose it again…

I…I definitely…want to protect…

So please…I don’t want to be saved…

please…

Could you please hear my prayer…

—-

“Cough…cough…! Wow…!“

My vision is blurred, and I feel the fishy taste of blood in my mouth.

Sniff…sniff…

“…It’s truly a memory I can’t look at without crying…“

An old man in a bright blue suit looked at me, wiping his eyes with a handkerchief.

“…Nice to meet you. Descendant. This is my first time meeting you in person like this.“

“…Your face looks very scared. Don’t worry, I’m on your side.“

Like a lawyer, he took out a business card from his pocket and handed it to me.

“I came to you after hearing you cry out desperately for me. I am the god of “preservation.” It’s called Erlac. Please feel free to call me L.“

He took off his hat and politely helped me stand up.

“Then…if you feel better, let’s talk a little.“

Tingting–!

He tapped the sword stuck in my heart with his finger.

“About the contract I will enter into with you in the future.“

“…“

The kind-hearted appearance and polite attitude of an old man.

But even the cold gaze hidden behind it,

Fear and fear overflowing from deep within my heart.

The person I am facing now is.

It was clear that it was another type of ancient god.

He came in person to offer me a deal.

With eyes that seem to have transcended some dimension.