episode_0107

“…Is it over?”

“Eric, really. Don’t you know saying things like that guarantees it won’t end?”

“S-sorry.”

“Please stay still for a moment. I’ll check the situation.”

The storm-like clash of magical forces had settled somewhat, and Cecilia cautiously pulled me along as she approached the edge of the barrier.

“Mmm… The mana has stabilized… The barrier is intact, no risk of further explosions… Yes, it seems fine. I don’t think anything else will go wrong here. Thank goodness.”

“Yeah? That’s good. Then we can move apart now, right? I’m getting sweaty from all the tension.”

“Huh? Oh… Right.”

When I moved away from her, Cecilia made a face that looked almost disappointed. Perhaps because she was under extreme stress, she didn’t even bother masking her expression—her lips were fully pouted in displeasure.

But I had long since gotten used to pretending not to notice such things, so I naturally sat down cross-legged in front of her.

“Alright, now that the biggest issue is resolved, let’s continue our conversation. While we’re both still clear-headed.”

They say people exhibit extreme competence in crisis situations—and right now, my mind was eerily calm, as if adrenaline were pumping through my veins, leaving my entire body electrified.

“That makes sense. If we take a break now, who knows when we’ll get another chance? So, Eric. Do you regret what you said a few minutes ago?”

“Yeah. The only thing I’m thinking right now is how glad I am that the surrounding mana stabilized. If that’s the case, then there won’t be any problems when yo—”

“That’s the last thing I wanted to hear right now. Eric, how can you be so selfish? If you stay here and die alone, and I walk away—do you really think I could bear the weight of that responsibility? That guilt?”

“That’s exactly why, in extraordinary and unavoidable situations like this, we have to pick the best possible option—”

“You sound just like Elia. The only difference is that you’re the first to volunteer as the discard piece.”

“Huh, really? Well, Elia does tend to think like me.”

Back when the Hero’s party traveled together, Elia was usually the one making plans and leading everyone. A result of Lucilla, the Hero herself, admitting she wasn’t suited for leadership and passing the role along.

“Since we’re on the topic, let me ask you something. Do you not consider your own life—no, your very self—valuable?”

“Where did that come from?”

I raised a finger at Cecilia.

“If we’re judging by that, doesn’t our beloved Saintess treat herself far more harshly than I ever could?”

“No, you’re wrong. What I do as a Saintess… is different from what you do. I heal people, help them, nurture their faith—and in return, I receive hope. In the end, I was chosen as the Saintess not just because of some inexplicable divine power, but because I find joy and purpose in this work.”

“……”

“Now, what about you? You don’t even claim to want anything for yourself. You just laugh along when others mock you. It’s as if you never had any expectation for this world to begin with!”

“Ghk—”

Her words struck me. Having no desires in this world—maybe that was my precise state of being right now. This world was never mine to begin with. I was merely burdened by a vague sense of obligation to clean up the aftermath. That’s why, no matter what they said, no matter how much they mocked or hurt me—none of it carried meaning.

After all, everything built here would vanish the moment I returned.

Tears pooled in the corners of Cecilia’s eyes.

“That’s not how it should be! People—humans—shouldn’t live like that! You’re alive! You are alive!”

I’m alive. Such an obvious statement sounded utterly surreal.

“You’re alive—eat delicious food, read interesting books, meet good people, go places you’ve never been… That’s how you should live! You have every right to be happier than anyone else, to live smiling! Otherwise, I—”

“Enough.”

“Eep!”

“I get what you’re trying to say, but I won’t entertain it. Drop it. I have no intention of doing that.”

The moment I foster affection for this world, I’ll be bound to it for real. Sacrificing, hurting, even dying—I’d be able to do it all with a smile. But I don’t want that.

Acting that way would mean truly living for this world—abandoning my original life. For some reason, that thought alone felt unbearable.

Though no matter how much I told myself that, my actions never changed—I still devoted and sacrificed myself for the Hero’s party. In the end, I was just lying to myself.

“How much I love this world—that’s none of your concern. There are far more people outside who deserve your attention first, aren’t there? Think big picture.”

“Without you, none of it matters!”

Cecilia screamed.

“Haa… Haa… Fine. I know anything I say won’t get through anymore. Well, you’ve always been like this, so I suppose there’s no helping it.”

Then Cecilia roughly tugged at the ribbon of her top. The moment I saw that, I scrambled back in panic.

“W-w-wait! What the hell are you doing?!”

“You refuse to feel attachment to this world, refuse to feel any joy—so I’ll force you to survive. By any means necessary.”

“What does that have to do with taking off your clothes?!”

“Direct skin-to-skin contact maximizes divine energy transmission efficiency. Didn’t you learn that in class? Mana transfer is more effective through skin than cloth, and even more so through mucous membranes.”

“Th-that’s…”

I froze stiff under her words.

If I even dared ask why she was doing this, I’d be stepping on a landmine.

Of course, Cecilia probably thought she was being perfectly rational—but by any measure, her current state was not normal.

Every word she spoke about the past was essentially a landmine in disguise.

Even if I never acknowledged having those memories, if Cecilia outright confessed first, I couldn’t pretend ignorance anymore.

Up until now, I thought she—like everyone else—would never mention it out of guilt. Turns out, my own thoroughness became my poison.

Priority one: calming Cecilia down.

“O-okay! I’m sorry! I’m really sorry, so just stop!”

“Stop? Why should I?”

With that, Cecilia carelessly tossed aside her now completely loosened top.

“D-do you seriously think doing this will make me happy?! Even if there are other ways—forcing your divine energy on me would be disastrous!”

Of course, transferring divine energy was possible. Just as I’d once imbued her with my mana, she could do the same to me with hers.

But infusing an ordinary person with my mana was radically different from channeling a goddess’s divine energy into a mortal.

“Think logically. No matter how much power you give me, I can’t become a Saint!”

A lie, of course.

No matter how weakened Cecilia’s power was, its essence hadn’t changed.

If she wanted to make me a Saint, she absolutely could.

And most importantly—the goddess herself would absolutely prefer to keep a convenient pawn like me near the Hero’s party.

“I’ll bear the physical strain of the mana flow—just stay still, Eric. Okay? I want this to end well too.”

“What you’re doing right now is not ending well!”

“I’m miserable too… I feel terrible for resorting to this… But I won’t stop.”

“D-don’t come any closer!”

Too late. Cecilia had no intention of listening. I had to stop her before she discarded the last shreds of her rationality entirely.

THUD

A faint noise reached my ears as I panicked.

“Did… you just hear something?”

“Stalling won’t work. Are you going to behave?”

“No, seriously—”

THUD-THUD

The sound was faint but unmistakably rhythmic—and growing steadily louder.

No ordinary holy relic overloading would make noise like this.

Rescue.

Which meant I had to buy time now.

“You don’t need to be afraid, Eric. Someone like you… could easily do what I do. And you will find it—the reason you have to love this world.”

“I don’t want to find it by letting you die. Besides, rescue is coming.”

Even if I did somehow endure Cecilia’s divine energy without issue, escaping was an entirely separate problem.

“Rescue? Hah, what nonsense. Just who was it who tried to give up everything for an easy way out—”

CRASH—BOOM!

This time, the sound was deafening.

“Huh?”

“I told you. Rescue’s here.”

This was sheer, dumb luck. Even Cecilia couldn’t possibly ignore this noise—she tilted her head slightly, straining to catch the sound.

“It’s rhythmic… and getting closer…”

“Do they know where we are?”

“Probably. They might reach us soon.”

“Haaah…”

The tension finally drained from my body, and belatedly, I grasped the absurdity of our situation.

Me, collapsed weakly on the ground—and Cecilia, her top fully undone save for her undergarments, poised to embrace me for entirely non-romantic reasons.

Who the hell is coming to rescue us?!

Damn the joy of salvation—this was not the time.

“Cecilia! Clothes! Clothes!”

“Ah! R-right!”

Finally cooling off, Cecilia scrambled to grab her discarded garments.

SMASH!

“Quite the spectacle.”

Too late. A frigid voice rang out from the newly torn hole above.

“A Saintess candidate, half-dressed, attempting to violate a defenseless man? The surviving inquisitors would weep at the sight.”