episode_0100

Sihyuk smiled wryly without thinking.

What. Up until now, I have experienced the pain of burning my body and digging out my soul more than once or twice, and I have seen, heard, and felt ten thousand things in the process.

I have felt a kaleidoscope of events and fainted. I have fallen into unconsciousness and had a dream of longing. I have reached a state of selflessness and talked to myself, asking and answering questions, and have even reflected on someone through a relationship I have had.

So, he thought that he had experienced almost everything that could be experienced in a blacksmith shop in his life.

It was a mistake. It must have been an absurd miscalculation. Now, at least, the illusion was popping out into reality and talking to Shi-hyuk. Even in the form of his past self.

Was it the world’s trickery? Or was it that he had lost his mind while working as a craftsman? Or, it seemed that he had finally become unable to bear the physical pain and gone mad. Yes, it was understandable to go mad. He had held out for so long. It was brave to have held out sober all this time.

Looking at Shi-hyeok, who had a look of self-mockery on his face, ‘Si-hyeok’ rolled his glassy eyes, then looking at him, who was as battered and wounded as ‘himself’, he twisted his neck and asked.

[What’s so funny? Why, so ugly? What?]

‘He’ pointed his fingers, which were broken and reattached countless times and had joints bent like lightning. Then he began to draw curves by swinging his ugly fingers around like a baton.

The tips of his nervous nails went back and forth between ‘Si-hyuk’ and him.

[Is it ‘me’ who has endured and persevered through the harsh times and protected her dream at the bottom of the lake? Or is it you, who has finally gained the right to soar into the sky and play among the clouds, but whose mind has wandered elsewhere and is now lying around, miserable and struggling?]

“… … .”

[Looking at myself who has become lazy and flabby, how can I not feel my insides turning inside out? Even the squirrel rolling around on the floor like a rotten dog is infuriating, but what makes me swear the most is that! What on earth have you been doing to fall down! Since you have reached a certain level and the water has opened, it is only right to sow the seeds and reap the harvest, so why are you struggling with formless things, forgetting your original goal, and wasting your soul and energy on useless things!]

Ah, Sihyuk realized it only then.

This was it. In the past, the topic that Yoo Hee-ah had thrown out. It was another self that had unconsciously been tempted and led there, who had affirmed madness. It was wearing the shell of the past and fiercely protesting against him.

[You should know better than anyone what I mean! Don’t pretend not to know! Didn’t you say you would create the best work? Didn’t you promise yourself that you would create a masterpiece that everyone would remember, an achievement that would be remembered for a long time in history? And what the heck, look at what you’ve become!]

“… … .”

He did not bother to respond to the sharp criticism.

The dog barked, the woodcutter chopped firewood, and the blacksmith hammered. He had no intention of hanging on to empty words and associating with illusions.

[Have all your resolutions sunk to the ground? To create a work! To hope for the possibility of the best work, the ultimate masterpiece! Are you so well off that you can’t study, train, ponder, and struggle, but rather waste your time on others? Can you afford to try to attach the arm of someone useless?]

“… … .”

It must have been so. My body didn’t move.

Was it a pinpoint? His hands that were on the floor, shaking as he tried to get up, felt heavy. No, it wasn’t just his hands. His entire body felt heavy. It was as if the air in the murky blacksmith shop had been replaced with mercury, making it difficult to breathe, and the pressure that was weighing down Sihyuk was growing bigger and bigger.

No matter how hard I tried to break free, it was all in vain.

[Why, are you going to be leisurely, saying that you have already achieved everything? Are you going to stretch out your arms, saying that you can achieve your goals at any time? Are you going to waste your past and the years that have passed without a care? Look at me, you foolish thing! Look at the history inside you! Where did the pride that made you grit your teeth while enduring countless failures when you existed as me go? Where did the sadness and anger that built up while enduring all kinds of insults and pointing fingers at me, living like a cockroach, relying on the honor of your teacher, go? Has the passion that made you swallow tears of blood, overcome pain, and sacrifice your body to only draw your own works on the stove completely died?]

“… … .”

My consciousness was becoming increasingly hazy. It was different from the fatigue I felt earlier. I felt like I was being sucked in like a swamp – I was being possessed.

The darkness he had felt from Yoo Hee Ah earlier, Shi Hyuk could feel it within himself. It was a fertile land suitable for madness to take root, and the seed that Soo Ra had planted there was sprouting within him.

Shihyuk trembled with helplessness. Come to your senses. Were you really this weak? No matter how much he scolded himself, his body and mind, exhausted and listless, were unable to shake off temptation, as if he were wrapped in a blanket on a winter morning.

In his place, ‘Shi-hyeok’ was growing stronger. His body, which had been nothing but a shell, was becoming clearer, and his voice, which was babbling like a ghost, was becoming more colorful.

He could even see the spittle flying in all directions from his passionately opening and closing mouth, and the screams he was shouting reached him, making Shihyuk’s skin tremble. The smell of that sulfur fire and the flickering of the black flames were becoming so vivid that he could feel them through his five senses, and ‘his’ presence was becoming clearer.

[Wake up, you crazy bastard! All those years and tears you’ve shed are a waste! What? You won’t make something for just anyone? It’s more valuable to make a guardian’s sword than a scoundrel’s sword? Ha! Your words are like water flowing from a mountain to a river. It’s disgusting to see you keep putting in effort in a far-off place, talking nonsense about knowing people and only making something for the worthy! There’s a limit to wasting your time! So, even if what you say is right by one in a thousand! What are you working on right now? Why, do you think you’re going to honor that one-armed bastard with a daughter as a hero now?]

“… … .”

Was it because of his mood? Shi-hyuk had the illusion that ‘his’ body was changing.

No, it wasn’t a mistake.

‘Sihyuk’s’ hunched back straightened, and his joints, which had worn down as he grew taller, regained their function and he stood upright. Before he knew it, ‘he’ had even taken off the glasses he had been wearing.

In contrast, he was gradually shrinking and becoming weaker. Shihyuk’s vision became blurry and his judgment was half-lost, making him dizzy.

Shi-hyuk continued to point his finger at him, who was lying on the floor like rice bran after the core was taken out. As if he was gradually taking the initiative as he wavered, ‘he’ was gradually becoming more complete and flawless.

[Don’t laugh!! That’s just nonsense, complete bullshit! Haven’t you heard it before? Think about it!]

“… … .”

-Maybe the illusion is right.

Shihyuk recalled.

Park Gwang-deok. A man who lacked both skill and talent, so no matter how hard he tried, he could not help but stay there.

[He was a man who was only concerned with living without a shred of heroic nobility! Where on earth did you see his potential? From the way he was, with no arm, unable to control his own body, and who was begging and bowing his head, selling his shame? From the pathetic way he tried to commit fraud? A pitiful human being who couldn’t even feed his own hungry flesh and blood! Are you trying to praise the author, who was only concerned with living without a shred of nobility, as the material of a hero?]

Shihyuk lowered his head in silence. As he said, Park Gwangdeok was a person who was far from being a hero.

‘Sihyuk’ shouted while burning black flames.

[Admit it honestly! Your actions are nothing more than cheap sympathy! You forgot your goal and reached out to the unfortunate and needy! So, are you happy with it? Did you feel refreshed by the moral superiority you experienced by temporarily stepping aside from the path of the seeker? Did you really think that you were a living Buddha just because your acquaintances praised you a little and you reached somewhere?]

“… … .”

[Where is there a grave without a story! The world is wide, and those in difficult circumstances are countless, like pebbles on the riverbank or bushes in the forest! Will you continue to take care of the weak who will stray from their goals and stumble? Where will you have time for that! When will you ever create your best work when you are drenched in blood, sweat, and tears and go straight ahead? What will you do after that damn arm? Why, are you going to sew the eyes of a broken doll in an orphanage?]

“… … .”

The world is like that. It’s unfair. He couldn’t save all the abandoned stones in the world, who had even been deprived of the right to dream. Shihyuk also had goals and dreams to achieve.

Is that really so? Was it a useless effort?

‘He’ now spread his arms wide like an opera star greeting the audience’s enthusiastic cheers, his body temperature now palpable and ominous enough to be felt at close range.

He beat his chest and lamented and wept like Hamlet in the spotlight on stage.

[You fool, Lee Si-hyuk! You are a swindler, blacksmith! Admit it, you are corrupt! I can no longer stand to see you leave the path of a craftsman in the name of a goal and become a volunteer!]

‘Sihyuk’ rushed at him. He covered his face with both hands and squeezed it with such force that he looked as if he would crush it at any moment, and shouted while locking eyes with both of them.

[Give that body to ‘me’! Now I’ll throw away all the useless baggage and find ‘my’ original form! I’ll go back to the past when I only looked at the hammer and the flame! I won’t be hung up on such useless things as a hero, a person, a relationship! Only for the sake of a masterpiece, only for that! I’ll strive toward my goal! The strongest weapon, the best equipment! Compared to that, my heart, my emotions are all just empty words! For the sake of humans, what a ridiculous thing to say! I won’t go around and around! I’ll just create something powerful, scary, and tiresome! It’s that simple! As the best craftsman, ‘my’ notoriety and fear will be widely remembered for generations to come!]

“… Ra.”

[What?]

Shihyuk’s lips, which had been trembling like a tattered piece of a burst water balloon, trembled slightly.

Feeling the darkness gradually mixing into the gray, ‘he’ put his ear to the dry, chapped lips, expecting the affirmative words that would come soon.

“I told you to shut up, you monster.”

[?!]

Five-colored fireworks rose and covered ‘Sihyuk’.

Shihyuk answered without wavering, his clear eyes engulfed in flames as he looked at the illusion that was struggling and screaming in the splendid heat spreading from the tips of its toes.

“Standing on the path of the seeker, I do not consider it a bad thing to seek the path of the truth and not pursue the path of the truth. What is wrong with seeking the path and advancing while being benevolent and righteous?”

[Are you still talking such ignorant nonsense?]

He continued to open his mouth, the size of the flames clinging to the illusion that was making a vicious sound increasing.

“Even if I have to go far away, I won’t become a beast for the sake of my wish. I will decide what to make and who to give it to.”

[Don’t make me laugh! So, you’re saying that your judgment is based on that pathetic one-armed man!]

“Yeah.”

Park Gwang-deok is weak, just as Heo Sang said.

He lacked talent and, due to his difficult circumstances, he was deluded and committed sins. He may have been too low of a person to be considered a hero by the world.

But, that day, Sihyuk thought as he looked at the loving father and daughter embracing each other.

“Try to uphold righteousness and goodness, and only strive to protect those you love. Isn’t that enough?”

The father who raised his daughter alone tried hard while honestly admitting that he was weak and helpless. He struggled with all his might toward his dream. Even that dream was so simple and ordinary that all he wanted was to protect his family and stand proudly in front of his precious daughter.

That is why Park Gwang-deok was already a hero at least to his daughter.

That’s enough.

From that appearance, Shihyuk thought that he was a proper human being and that he was worthy enough to become a hero. He judged that he was not lacking in anything to pass on his belongings.

The illusion, which was gradually turning into ashes, screamed as if in a fit of rage.

[Nonsense! Are you talking about the qualifications of a hero with such naive and innocent thoughts? Do you really believe that a flawed piece of trash that is neither noble nor great can rise to such a position?]

“Is being a hero such a great thing? Is it something that is determined from birth?”

[What-]

“Is that what a half-baked person who can’t even open the [Status Window] is saying?”

[… … !]

The illusion shut its mouth.

The darkness within me that only pursued my own desires and put others down ended up tripping over my own feet.

If you have to be noble, how far must you be free of even the slightest bit of dirt to be called a hero? Of course, strength and character are important, but is that saying that there is even a set standard for that?

If there is such a thing as predetermined fate, why do people cling to their dreams?

It is human to overcome adversity and forge a path. That is why everyone is qualified.

His firmly rooted will prevented madness from digging into the craftsman’s mind any further. The positions of Heosang and Sihyuk were reversed, and his body was once again filled with strength through his unwavering conviction.

On the contrary, Shihyuk continued to speak to his other inner self, which was gradually withering away and collapsing into a pile of gray ashes.

“So what if he wasn’t qualified to begin with? I made a promise.”

His young friend came running towards him with her hair braided into two pigtails and a bright smile on her face that still had baby fat on it.

Shihyuk told the small and fragile thing that had been giving him the most precious thing time and time again that he would grant her any wish.

I still remember the shy, slurred voice whispering into my ear through gaping teeth.

-Is this a secret that only Hanbyeol and Ajusshi know?

-Appa is Superman, but he’s actually a crybaby! Long time ago, Hanbyeol woke up at night because she had to pee, and she was crying because it hurt and was hard! She even asked for help while looking at pictures! And she always pretends to be okay in front of Hanbyeol!

-I see.

-Yeah! So Hanbyeol is helping Appapa and Sipper! Now, if you don’t cry, you’ll be fine! So, can you help me too?

-Okay, Hanbyeol will be as you wish.

“I swore I would grant that little one his wish.”

Pretty dolls, nice clothes, delicious sweets.

There were countless other things he wanted, but the child didn’t wish for a single one. He only wished for his hero.

One of Park Kwang-deok’s most precious stars asked him to help his father.

He promised that he would do it and that he would give me strength.

“He vowed to make sure that the father would always be his daughter’s hero.”

Fate, qualification, whatever. It doesn’t matter if he’s not a hero. I’ll make him a hero for a child.

Those who work hard for their dreams deserve to be rewarded. As for the world where that doesn’t happen, go eat shit.

[—-!]

Shi-hyeok, who had been staring blankly at the darkness disappearing while letting out a silent final cry under the influence of evil, quietly recited while pushing the last piece of [Love], [Courage], and [Yeo-ui-cheol] remaining on the shelf into the brazier.

“I decided so.”

=====

The next morning.

A large box was delivered in front of Park Gwang-deok’s house.