episode_0096

[Episode 96] – Snow White’s Story (2)

It was great to be back at one year old, but honestly there was very little I could do at this age. All I could do was complain and babble to the maids.

However, the baby’s complaints are quite effective. If I just cry, the maids and maids will understand what I mean. So it was quite easy to reach my mother.

…When I saw my mother’s face for the first time, I really cried, not like I was complaining to the maids. It was the first time I saw my mother’s face in person, which I had always seen only in portraits.

Really, it was a face that looked exactly like me. To the point where I wonder if my face will look like this when I grow up. Red eyes embroidered beneath ebony black hair. It was the look of a haggard mother.

I guess it was true that you were sick. The smell of medicine and the musty smell peculiar to the sick were mixed in the room. When I saw my mother looking out the window with her sorrowful eyes, I made this promise.

This twelfth life, I will live for my mother. In this life, I will save my mother, Aurora. Honestly, the reason my mother got sick was because I expected it. No, I was stupid for not knowing.

The person who gave my mother medicine was Vivian’s hand. After dying about 11 times, I was able to identify all of Vivian’s limbs hiding in the castle. Finding the culprit was easy.

From then on, things moved smoothly. If I wasn’t by my mother’s side, I would cry at the top of my lungs, and I would throw all the toys around me at the pharmacist who was giving my mother medicine.

So all the maids thought it was strange. I wonder why I, a baby, do strange things whenever the pharmacist comes. It was enough to make me suspicious. After that, the maids took care of it.

‘It’s a big problem because the princess hates the pharmacist… Why does she cry like this and scream when the pharmacist comes? ‘Do you hate the smell of medicine coming from the pharmacist’s body?’

‘That won’t be the case again. You stayed calm when the doctor and other pharmacists came to diagnose the princess. The princess only said that to Her Majesty the Queen’s pharmacist.’

‘Why on earth…?’

The maids who had been observing my strange behavior became suspicious of the pharmacist, as I expected, and that suspicion spread to everyone’s ears, like ripples caused by a rock thrown into a calm lake.

The head maid, who heard the rumor, became suspicious of the pharmacist and began to listen to other pharmacists’ opinions. I don’t know what happened to the pharmacist after that, but he never showed his face in my mother’s room again.

Instead, the pharmacist my father visited gave my mother medicine, and she slowly began to regain her health. By the time I turned five, my mother’s health had improved to the point where she could even go for a walk.

Just like that, my mother regained her health. You are so healthy that you can appear in public. When I saw my mother getting healthy, I was happy too. Finally, I felt like my mother would take care of me.

…That’s right, actually, my mother didn’t take care of me until I was five years old. You didn’t even try to make eye contact with me. As soon as I started walking, he kicked me out saying he didn’t want to share the same room with me.

At that time, I thought it was just because I was sick. Right? When you’re sick, you’re more important than others, right? So I thought my mother didn’t care about me.

I really believed it would happen.

…I guess I was less dead back then.

I found out later that my mother was not interested in me. It’s not that he didn’t like it or hate it, he just wasn’t interested. The only thing my mother loved was her father.

He said he had no interest in me, the child born between the two. Even though I was next to her all day chirping like a baby bird or following her parents around like a chick, my mother wasn’t interested in me.

So, when I turned six. For the first time, my mother asked me to sleep with her. He asked me to come into his bedroom, and I was so happy that I was going to sleep with my mother for the first time that I didn’t know what to do.

I was so happy to sleep with the mother I had only dreamed of. I even prepared a storybook for my mother to read to her and went to her bedroom. I’m past the mental age to read children’s books, but…

It was a small dream of mine to listen to children’s books from my mother. My dream was to lie down in the same bed with my mother and fall asleep while listening to a storybook. Well, it’s a trivial and cute dream, right?

I knocked on my mother’s bedroom and she told me to come in. Seeing my mother already lying on the bed waiting for me, I smiled brightly and climbed onto the bed.

As I lay down in bed, I was so happy to feel my mother’s warmth. I couldn’t help but laugh as I wondered if this was how a chick being held by a chicken would feel.

I asked my mother to read me a storybook, but she refused because she wasn’t feeling well. It’s unfortunate, but it can’t be helped, right? I didn’t want to be a bad daughter who threw a tantrum when my mother said she was sick.

I was just happy just being by my mother’s side. I loved feeling the warmth of my mother’s blanket. I was happy just to be able to hear my mother’s breathing nearby.

But why?

I suddenly felt suffocated and struggled. Even when I opened my eyes, it was dark, something was pressing hard on me and I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak, I just flailed my arms and legs.

Even though I tried to cry out for help, I couldn’t breathe. I grabbed the arm of someone who was pressing my face and scratched it hard with their fingernails. Please save me, please save me. That I was wrong.

But the more I did it, the more something pressing on my face pressed me harder. As it took a long time, it started to strangle me. Die, please die. That you have to die.

In my fading consciousness, I heard it clearly.

‘Why were you born? Because of you, he made me…!’

My mother’s voice seemed to lament my existence.

Only then did I realize my mistake.

Why do I have to do this?

Why do I have to die like this?

The only time my mother cared about me was when my father loved me. Because of my father’s position as king, he couldn’t see my mother and me often. He came to visit us about once a week.

My mother thought that I was taking away that precious time she had once a week. My mother thought that the more attention my father paid to me, the less time she had to receive that attention.

He killed me so that he could use that time only for himself.

He killed me only so that he could be loved by his father.

It wasn’t until I repeated it three times that I realized that it was my mother’s nature.

My mother never used poison or anything like that. Smothering them with a pillow, or going on a boat ride with them and pushing them on their backs. You killed me with what seemed like such a small mistake.

When I realized that even my mother who gave birth to me didn’t love me, I just wanted to die. I really didn’t want to live. There are countless ways to die, right?

I could have died without failure just by falling on my head from the terrace. But I couldn’t do it because I was scared. No matter how much I think about it, it’s clear that I have no attachment to my life, but I didn’t have the courage to die.

After realizing that I didn’t have the courage to take my own life, what I desperately wanted was to die slowly and naturally. Because it was really promising.

Even if you die anyway, you will return again. There will be another opportunity anyway. In my 20th life, I didn’t eat anything and stayed in my room.

Since I wasn’t eating anything, I had no energy, and there was no hope in my heart, so I could clearly feel like I was dying. Every time I looked in the mirror, I felt a strange joy as I saw myself slowly dying.

I died like that, and I died again, and I died again, and I died again. Even though I repeated it about 30 times, the maximum I lived was until I was 15. Until then, I had never felt like an adult.

So, my thirty-fourth life.

The moment I returned was my father’s funeral.

During my thirty-three regressions, my father has never died before. The moment I returned, my father died. Of course my mother died first. So, the only human left by my side is.

‘From today onwards, I will be raising you.’

‘……’

‘Aren’t you saying hello? Whose daughter is this? She has a dirty personality.’

‘…i look forward to. Her Majesty the Second Queen Vivian.’

It was only Vivian who became my protector.

This was my first time experiencing something like this, so there was nothing I could do. Until now, at least my father was by my side, but now he wasn’t there.

Up until this point, I thought I wouldn’t be able to live this long. If I got involved with Vivian, I would inevitably die, but this time, Vivian is raising me? I thought that if I lived just one week, I would live a long time.

At this time, I was helpless about life and death was insignificant. I just acted like if I was going to kill him, I would kill him. But, unexpectedly, Vivian didn’t kill me. What kind of ‘talent’ do I have?

And, Vivian seemed to attach significance to the fact that now that my father is dead, I am the person closest to him. Honestly, I still don’t understand what my mother or Vivian are thinking.

My father is dead, so what does it matter to me, who is related to him by blood? I just wanted my obsession to be limited to my father. Even though I was obsessed with Vivian, it only made me disgusted and annoyed.