episode_0093

As time passed, Lizel was born.

Arthur Berger adored the child, and even Ratri smiled unusually fondly at the sickly baby.

The more this happened, the more Raoul crawled into a dark corner.

Arthur Berger also knew that and took care of Raoul as much as Latri took care of Liesel.

While Ratri bought a jewel-encrusted doll for young Liesel, Arthur Bergé bought Raoul a sword made by a famous blacksmith.

Arthur Bergé was considerate enough to make sure Raoul didn’t feel left out, but Ratri felt a strong anger at his actions.

“… Why are you taking care of that child? Why that monster and not your child, Lizel?”

“Madam, please be careful with your words and actions. They are both my children. I am just trying to balance the scales. I swear I have never favored anyone.”

“That child is a disgrace to this family.”

“…… Since you are like that, I will also embrace that child. Impurity? This disgusting empire itself is one giant lump of impurity. ”

The two had their first fight as a couple, and their anger was vented on Raoul under the pretext of rationality.

The more this happened, Arthur Bergé had no choice but to take care of Raoul, and Liesel ended up receiving relatively less love from her father.

Raoul, who grew up in such a tilted family, went to the battlefield against many odds.

“What the hell are you talking about? You’re the battlefield.”

“… That’s right, Father. We can protect this empire and raise the prestige of our family…”

“You are the successor of this family. The next head of this Berger family… No, before such trivial matters!”

Arthur Bergé grabbed Raoul’s shoulder tightly.

“What kind of parents would allow their sons to go to war?”

“… I’m sorry. I’m stupid and I can’t understand what you’re saying. ”

“Sigh…”

Arthur Bergé saw Raoul’s eyes filled with the rationality instilled in him by Ratri.

At the same time, Arthur Bergé felt guilty, because the favor he had shown to Raoul, whether intentionally or not, had brought about Ratri’s rationalization.

Raoul’s personality, filled with that rationality, ended up resembling his master, Latri.

“…… What the hell am I doing.”

Arthur Berger had an intuition. He was now weak and could not stop Raoul’s decision.

At the same time, it was clear that suppressing a child’s decision to go to the battlefield would also be abuse.

He knew that he, being weak, could not bear to do that, so he had no choice but to send his child away with tears in his eyes.

“…… Raul.”

“I don’t understand the meaning of the apology.”

“I won’t stop you. I don’t think I have the right to do that.”

Arthur Bergé believed that his selfish desire to be a good person actually caused discord in his family.

If Raoul hadn’t been so protective of Raoul in order to become a good person, Ratri wouldn’t have forced Raoul to be rational.

So he made a cloak out of the coat he had worn when he was young and gave it to his son. It was the same coat he had given his beloved wife when he had saved her.

It was a coat that was a symbol of love and a proof of memories that warmed my heart whenever I thought of it.

And so winter came to his heart.

“It’s so cold. I’m not even worthy of that memory… I guess this cold is also my just punishment.”

He was wise.

But he foolishly wanted to blame everything on himself.

Not knowing that this would lead to a bigger conflict later on.

So I decided to walk the lonely, snowy path of self-reproach.

“How is it? This is the truth.”

Ratri, who saw the truth shown by the crow, could not deny that cruel truth.

Because it was so eerily similar to what he had seen, heard, and done.

How could she deny the path she had walked? How could she deny the traces of her beloved husband on that path?

If I hadn’t loved you, I would have been able to deny it easily.

“… you.”

Ratri started scratching my face and red blood flowed out.

The sight of the blood flowing was truly grotesque, like tears of blood.

“It wasn’t your fault… What you really did wrong… What you did most wrong was…”

“Be quiet. I told you there’s still a long way to go.”

“I’ll do whatever you tell me to do… Please… Don’t show me any more of the truth… No… Don’t bring up the things I’ve tried to bury, please…”

Despite Ratri’s pleas, the crow did not stop flapping its wings.

The black wind that reveals all the truth also did not stop.

As the war continued, the bureaucrats’ workload also increased.

Not only do they have to deal with the riots and discontents that are breaking out everywhere, but they also have to conscript the supplies and soldiers that need to be used in the war, manage the profligate emperor and second prince amidst the devastated finances, worry about the restoration of the affected areas, and even manage the epidemic that is showing signs of spreading in the border areas.

Arthur Bergé, who took charge of the work, was in worse health day by day. His already weak body became more emaciated day by day, he was bleeding more than he was eating, and he could only count on one hand the number of days he got a good night’s sleep.

“… Please get some rest.”

“My son is risking his life on the battlefield, so how can I, as a father, rest in peace?”

“That’s your son…!”

“It’s not just Raul. There are countless young people who are grinding their weapons on the battlefield, missing their parents right now. If a single document containing my hard work could save even one more of them…”

He did not put down his quill and papers, even though he felt dizzy.

As the war was in full swing, Arthur Bergé, who was too busy to even eat properly, eventually collapsed.

The sight was so gruesome that I could not bear to open my eyes. The bones were close together, the skin was pale, and the eyes had lost their former intelligence and liveliness.

The hard work and the path of self-reproach he had been walking finally took his life.

“Lisel…”

On his last day in life, he lay in his hospital bed and looked at his family.

“Yes, father…”

Lizel, who was shedding tears, grabbed his skinny hand.

“I couldn’t play with you often… I’m sorry… I guess I wasn’t a good father either… Really… I’m sorry…”

“No, father… It’s okay, please get better…”

“No… I think it’s too much… I’ve killed quite a few lives… It seems a little ugly to struggle and say I don’t want to die.”

He also regretted killing the savages to save Ratri.

“Raoul… Raoul… not yet…?”

“I sent someone to oppa… but I haven’t heard back yet…”

“Yeah… That must mean the battlefield is fierce… I’m worried…”

Arthur Bergé was worried about his son even as he vomited blood.

“How many young people are not buried properly even after they die… How many old people who didn’t even fight are dying peacefully in their hospital beds… I feel so sorry and ashamed that I can’t raise my head…”

He was a man who felt guilt even when he didn’t need to feel it.

“Madam… Will you please leave the people to me… I have something I want to say to you only… I have already written the will… I would like to have a final chat…”

As Ratri quietly gestured, the butler and Lisel, as well as the maids and other servants of the mansion, all left the room with tears in their eyes.

Their tears clearly showed what kind of person Arthur Bergé was.

“Madam…Madam…No…Latri Youngae…Poor woman I loved…”

He lifted his trembling hand and touched his wife’s cheek.

Although he could no longer see properly, he still clearly remembered the feel of his beloved wife’s touch.

“Thank you for marrying me… Thank you for being Lizel’s mother… Thank you for all the moments you gave me… My life was paved by my parents… But my engagement to you… was truly a happy path…”

“… Same goes for me.”

“That’s great… And…Lastly, I have one more thing to ask of you…”

“Anything I can do for you.”

“Someday, there will come a time when I will have to choose between my honor and Raoul… I wrote it in my will… But I will say it again… When that time comes, please choose Raoul over my honor…”

Ratri couldn’t bring herself to accept that request.

“It must be hard to accept… I understand… But just a little… Please just a little… Think about that child…”

“Why on earth do you care so much about that child…? Isn’t he even your biological child…?”

“How could I not love the son of the woman I loved?”

He finally mustered up all his strength and wiped away the tears streaming down his wife’s cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I also forced you to be a good mother without thinking about your wounds. That must have been selfish of mine. What the hell is this sage of the empire… I made the people around me like this because I wanted to be a good person. So… I will take it all on myself. Your sins… The sins Raul committed on the battlefield… All of them…”

“No, you… you… didn’t do anything wrong… you really did anything wrong…!”

“Lastly… I have to apologize to that kid…”

The hand that had been squeezed with all its strength ended up limp.

Even the guilt that is not yours

And the son never showed up until the end. The father regretted not being able to give his son a final apology until the end.

The man who worked hard for everyone, the father who devoted himself to everyone except himself, closed his eyes in regret.

Ratri, who was watching the vision, cried out in anger.

“That monster! He never showed his face to my husband who loved him until he died! My husband died regretting it because of him!!!”

“…….”

“If only I had shown my face! If only I had at least watched over my husband as he died! If only I hadn’t let him die in regret…! Me too… Me too…”

Ratri ended up shedding the tears she had been unable to shed at that time.

“I would have tried to love that child too…”

Even the crow did not dare to scold Ratri for shedding tears.

Just wait quietly until she stops crying.

Not a word of reproach or criticism was uttered.