episode_0090

Shihyuk’s eyes, looking at the backs of the two craftsmen, became slightly hazy. This was because he saw himself and Baekhyunman reflected in the backs of the teacher and student moving away.

“… … .”

Longing suddenly came and soaked his heart, and he felt a little sad. … You will do well. Please, try your best, but unlike me, please take your teacher’s advice and teachings to heart and do not regret anything. Shihyuk prayed so earnestly to his father-in-law who was still immature.

“Uh… .”

A hesitating sound woke him from his thoughts.

When I looked back, Park Gwang-deok was standing there, having just finished packing up the cart. He rubbed his palms on the hem of his pants and hesitated for some reason, then finally closed his eyes tightly and looked at Si-hyuk, bowing his head slightly.

“I’m sorry, teacher. You even bought me the stuff, but I don’t think we’ll have much time to sit down and talk. Hanbyeol will be home from kindergarten soon. Um, I have to go pick her up… .”

“… I see.”

The poor have no luxury. This doesn’t just apply to material goods.

Park Gwang-deok was so caught up in life that he couldn’t even waste a moment of time. Even as he confessed his situation to Si-hyeok, who had been kind to him, he felt ashamed, as if he was looking around with his eyebrows furrowed, and his shabby appearance made him look very pitiful.

Sihyuk rested his chin on his hand and thought for a moment.

I understood his hardships well. I had even visited a house that was almost falling apart. I had no intention of taking up much time in the first place. Well, I could have postponed it until tomorrow…

“Then how about doing it like this?”

He made a nonchalant suggestion to the busy father.

“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to accompany you on your way home. Just walking and chatting for a while is enough.”

=====

The way back from the Awakened Entrance was relatively quiet.

Perhaps because it was Monday, there were fewer tourists than on the weekend. Unlike the day before, there were fewer stalls outside. Now that it was almost dinnertime, the remaining merchants were closing up shop one by one and preparing to leave. As a result, the Donggureung area was much quieter than it had been yesterday, and it was much easier to move around since there weren’t too many people.

Two people were walking, brushing past the few pedestrians.

It was Sihyuk and Park Gwangdeok.

“… … .”

“… … .”

Shihyuk, who said he had something to ask, hasn’t said much up until now.

Just keeping pace with his silent companion, Park Gwang-deok also kept his mouth shut. Because he kept talking about his own circumstances, he became cautious about taking action. It would have been nice if they had said something to each other, but if there was someone watching them, the strange and uncomfortable atmosphere continued to the point where their bodies would curl up, and only a long silence formed between them.

“… Mr. Park Gwang-deok.”

“Yes, sir.”

The eyes peeking out from between the bushy bangs, and the low, serious voice blew away everything lighter than me and took up the space instead.

Park Gwang-deok, who had been hesitating to speak first because he couldn’t stand the uncomfortable atmosphere and the growing tension, answered as if he had been waiting for his name to be called softly.

“… … .”

Si-hyuk hesitated for a moment, then pulled himself together and opened his mouth to Park Gwang-deok.

“In fact, while Mr. Park Gwang-deok was at the gate, I was able to overhear a few of the people who came to get their equipment repaired talking about you.”

“… Yes?”

That was also an unexpected story. Without even being able to express his embarrassment, Sihyuk continued speaking.

“I never thought you would say something like that in my absence… . I have such a keen ear for a craftsman that I ended up overhearing a lot of things without even thinking about it.”

“Ahh… .”

Park Gwang-deok was finally able to understand the meaning of the long silence as he watched Si-hyuk pressing his forehead with his palm as if his head was in pain.

At first, I thought it was a feeling of discomfort or displeasure toward myself for frequently asking for understanding. But it wasn’t. It was the awkwardness of unintentionally listening to someone’s gossip and the hesitation to confess it in front of them that made it hard for me to speak out.

Not all production and labor workers are quiet and good at their jobs. There are some who can’t control their mouths. They probably have something to chew on while waiting in long lines. Gossiping about others is a good topic to kill time.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it, teacher.”

Park Gwang-deok thought to himself, looking at Si-hyuk, who was biting his lip with an ambiguous expression. He looked like a robot, emotionless and just tough, but he protected his daughter, whom he had never met, and his consideration for others was reflected in every single part of his body.

“Rather, I am the one who feels sorry.”

Park Gwang-deok also had a keen eye.

The crowd of people, the attitude of the tinker, the unusual sound of the hammer. I don’t know the details, but he could easily infer that the man I called teacher was a great craftsman. I don’t know why, but I was grateful that such a great person was interested in me, someone so insignificant, and cared about me.

“That wasn’t a very pleasant story to hear, was it? My story.”

“… … .”

Shihyuk kept his mouth shut. It was good to be sparing with words, but silence was soon an affirmation.

The tinker thought of Park Gwang-deok, who worked hard, as special and thought of him as special, but that was Heo Yong-tae’s personal story. No matter where you go in society, an ugly duckling who plays alone is not welcomed. Park Gwang-deok knows that. In their eyes, he must not have been so desirable, as he was no different from them, but only tried to live diligently and honestly.

“I often hear that I’m stupid and stubborn.”

“… Is that so?”

Park Gwang-deok pretended to be cheerful and smiled coquettishly. Si-hyuk, who was watching him shrug his shoulders, opened his mouth.

“… Isn’t it hard?”

“… … .”

Park Gwang-deok’s steps stopped for a moment at the question that contained so much meaning.

“That’s not to say it’s bad. But is there a reason why you insist on doing the right thing?”

“… … .”

How could it not be difficult?

The intention may be noble, but being right is not all that fun.

What, there are many easier paths if you let go. Didn’t Park Gwang-deok himself experience it well? He made money by working as a conman that would have taken several days of hardship. It’s all the same, so why bother walking the tiring and difficult path?

It is the home of newbies, and at the same time, the graveyard of the broken. In a situation where you have given up and stopped anyway, living day to day, what is the point of trying to live so righteously? Nothing will change no matter how hard you try, so why are you trying so hard? You can have fun, play around for money, and take advantage of tourists.

What if I become a little shameless? If I lick my lips once, blush once, and bow my head a few times, I might be able to live a little more comfortably. Even if I work hard, I can barely make ends meet. What if I earn a little unfairly and fill my stomach? What’s the big deal about fairness and honor? My conscience won’t feed me.

Above all, no matter what, to the eyes of onlookers from the outside, they all just look like monkeys in cages.

but….

Park Gwang-deok recalled the young man with yellow hair he had seen during the day.

But I don’t have time to worry about my appearance or to feel conscious of other people’s gaze.

I don’t have the time or the means to socialize or enjoy leisure activities.

“… I feel comfortable with this.”

He couldn’t put it down till the end.

My way of life, my conscience.

“I did that to my teacher once, and, oh, my heart raced so much that I couldn’t do it again. I guess I’m a bit weak.”

Pride.

Park Gwang-deok, who had paused for a moment, started to move his feet again. He opened his mouth as he caught up with Si-hyeok, who was a little further away.

“… Teacher.”

“Yes.”

“I know my subject well.”

“… … .”

Yeah, I knew it better than anyone else.

He was not particularly outstanding or talented compared to others. He just happened to have awakened Mana by luck and opened the [Status Window]. Since he had nothing else to do or could do, Park Gwang-deok made a living by attacking the gate.

A level of growth that can’t even surpass the threshold of a B-class, let alone a [title].

C-class strategy series awakener. After all, that was Park Gwang-deok’s limit. He wasn’t particularly angry or resentful. He didn’t want to become [Chungmugong] or [Neulhaerang]. He was just satisfied with his position.

“I don’t have anything that I can really put forward as a goal in life, and I haven’t really tried to achieve self-actualization… . If there’s one thing I wish for… .”

“-I wanted a happy family.”

It was a very modest goal, but it was a fervent dream for Park Gwang-deok.

When he was young, his parents died in an accident before he could become independent, and Park Gwang-deok had to live by moving from relatives’ house to relative’s house, eating food that was not worth eating. When he finally stood on his own, he missed the warmth of people. The nights he spent alone were lonely and desolate.

Then, Park Gwang-deok coincidentally met a female attacker who was attacking the same gate.

Coincidentally, he fell in love with her at first sight as she was in a similar situation.

“If there’s one lucky thing in my life, it was meeting that person.”

It’s hard to put a name to it, but that’s what love was.

Even though we had little money, we had to order a cup of coffee at a cafe and share it while chatting. Instead of banknotes, we had to keep our old wallets filled with thick letters filled with our hearts. We couldn’t have any special events, so on midsummer nights, we had to look at the starless moonlight in our small attic and sing old pop songs that we only remembered the lyrics to. In winter, we couldn’t turn off the boiler, so we had to share body heat by leaning against each other’s shoulders and lending our arms to lonely people.

It taught me that even if you don’t have anything, your heart can be filled instead of your hungry stomach.

When we confessed our feelings and started living together. When we had a small, candlelit ceremony just for the two of us.

The newlywed life that began in a small one-room apartment was not luxurious, but it was warm. There was not much space to properly rest, but that meant they could lean on each other.

Park Gwang-deok was happy enough with that alone.

“I lived diligently in my own way. I still don’t regret it.”

It was tough then and it’s tough now, but it was still really good.

If someone asks what’s good, they just say it’s all good.

I liked the person next to me. Just walking together was fun. Her plain face without makeup was prettier than anything else. When we held hands, it was cute how she would tickle the back of his hand with her pinky finger. I was upset that my skin was getting sunburned, but there was nothing I could do about it, so I just bought her a sunscreen that didn’t have a brand name, but she smiled brightly and was so happy, it was dazzling.

When I finally graduated from the attic and moved into a villa, when I achieved something precious.

He even wondered if it was possible for him to be this happy.

So that must be why.

I guess I shouldn’t have dared to be happy.

“But I just didn’t know that all of that could go down the drain in an instant, regardless of my will.”

The world is sometimes terrible. It takes away the happiness we barely managed to obtain without a second thought.

Park Gwang-deok stretched out his remaining arm toward his empty right side. Naturally, there was nothing he could reach. He had lost it.

The arm, and the person who held that arm.

He became a father. He had a child and his mouth grew. So he had to work harder. The couple left their child, who was just learning to roll over, with a neighbor and set out to conquer the gate.

C-class gate, [Lion Dance].

What, it was a crack that I had always been able to break through easily. I could easily go around it three times every day.

Just because they were a little motivated, it doesn’t mean that the Park Kwang-deok couple were being too greedy or reckless. They simply put in a little more effort. As always, they were thoroughly prepared and placed the utmost importance on safety.

Just as no matter how carefully you drive, a drunk truck coming from the opposite direction could crash into the guardrail. Just as you can’t evacuate during a sudden earthquake.

That was the case with accidents and disasters. The problem was that no matter how careful an individual was, it meant nothing.

“It was just an accident. I was just unlucky.”

All the couple did was walk around the gate once, take a short break, and then go back in. That was it.

At that very moment, an Awakened being who had become disillusioned with the world and was about to take his life broke the unwritten rule between factions and gathered a large wave of monsters in order to attempt suicide, and in the process, he encountered Park Gwang-deok and his family.

What was unfortunate was that the two of them happened to be hunting a resurrected boss monster when they got caught up in the nuisance.

Additionally, unfortunately, there was no one nearby to help or ask for help, other than the couple and the Awakened One.

Misfortune after misfortune took away Park Gwang-deok’s loved one and one of his arms.

Unfortunately, there was no one to blame or find fault with.

The awakened man was already an alcoholic who had filed for bankruptcy long ago, and his relationships with his family had also been ruined for a long time. Above all, the man eventually succeeded in committing suicide.

The attack group is often injured, so insurance companies treat them worse than firefighters or soldiers. The insurance premiums are huge, and it is obvious that he and his wife, who are not well off, could not have signed up for insurance.

All he had left was a young daughter who had lost her mother and a small amount of consolation money from the state.

Happiness was shattered, family was ruined, the money he had saved up was all gone, and his debt from medical expenses was growing. His dreams were scattered in vain, and the resentment of having nowhere to go turned into despair and engulfed Park Gwang-deok.

“Honestly, at that time, I just wanted to die… .”

When he lost his meaning and motivation and his heart became empty, he was ready to turn his back on the world.

There was a small hand holding onto Park Gwang-deok like that.

The precious fruit he had achieved with his wife. That little precious treasure, barely able to crawl or talk, was looking at him, wriggling.

When I saw myself in those pure and transparent eyes.

When a very small and delicate force holds you tightly, so much so that you wouldn’t notice it unless you focused.

When her lovely cheeks turn red and puff up and she smiles brightly at you and babbles.

-Oh my!

Park Gwang-deok sobbed. He couldn’t bear to abandon himself.

“If I do that, what will happen to Hanbyeol? How can I close my eyes and leave that little one behind?”

I have to live.

I have to stay alive and take care of this child.

A sense of responsibility and duty that went beyond that despair brought Park Gwang-deok back to his feet.

The presence of his only remaining family, the presence of a child who relies on him, became his driving force and gave him another dream.

“Teacher, you asked me earlier why I insist on the right path?”

Park Gwang-deok literally worked like a madman.

I was successful in rehabilitation. I quit drinking. I was able to resume my life as an awakened person, although it was not as good as before. I quit smoking. I dyed my gear because I was afraid my young daughter would be scared. I tried to raise my child and maintain my life by cutting down on my sleep time.

The reason he was able to do that.

I have already lost a lot,

Although it was painful and difficult,

I was miserable and sometimes exhausted and wanted to collapse,

There were many times when I really wanted to give up.

… I may no longer be able to fulfill my dream of having a happy family.

Something that you strive for and pursue. Something that you want to protect even to the point of getting down on your knees.

It’s just, as a father. As the eldest.

“There’s no particular reason. I’m not trying to change or be noble, teacher. It’s just that, as I said before, I always want to be a proud father in front of Hanbyeol.”

It wasn’t because Park Gwang-deok was some great or enlightened person that he could do that. He just wanted to be in front of his daughter without any shame.

When a person makes up their mind and resolves to do something, sometimes it is not their inner self but rather something else that influences them.

No. No need to explain at length.

That’s just how parents are. Their lives, their dreams, are all tied up in their children.

“… That’s all. I just don’t want to be a bad dad because I can’t be a good dad.”

“… Is that so?”

“But, it’s been a bit difficult lately. It’s not going as well as I thought.”

“… … .”

He looked at his remaining hand and smiled bitterly.

I want to fulfill my child’s wishes in the world, but the reality is that I can’t even hold my young daughter in my arms. I’m still far from being a good father.

Park Gwang-deok raised his head and looked up at the setting sky for a moment. The sky reflected in his eyes was a beautiful color, a mixture of the blue of the evening and the red of the sunset.

Si-hyuk nodded silently as he looked at Park Gwang-deok, who was raising his head and swallowing his tears.

=====

As they chattered, the two of them arrived near the villa, in the children’s safety zone. They heard the roar of a car engine, and soon a yellow van pulled up in front of them.

As the side door of the car opened, Park Gwang-deok’s small treasure was revealed.

“Oh my god!”

“Our Hanbyeol, how was your day?”

“Yeah!”

The child’s pigtails fluttered like a puppy’s tail as he smiled broadly and was hugged by Park Gwang-deok. His smile, revealing his missing front teeth, was very cute.

“Hanbyeol’s father, you’ve worked hard.”

“Oh, no. I’m sorry for always bothering you, teacher.”

As the passenger seat window opened and Park Gwang-deok stood talking to the kindergarten teacher for a moment, the child noticed Si-hyuk who was a little ways away and came running towards him.

“Hey uncle!”

“Long time no see.”

Sihyuk leaned towards me and placed his hand on the small head that was hovering around him, and smiled faintly for the first time in a long while. Hehe, the child who had been laughing cheerfully suddenly put his hand in his pocket and took something out rustling.

“Okay!”

“What is it?”

The cookie the child held out to him was famous for its advertisement for dipping it in milk. The contrast between the black cookie and the white marshmallow stood out.

“Hey, Dad! Hanbyeol didn’t eat it during snack time so she left it for Daddy! ”

It’s the favorite snack of kids that age. I’m sure I would have been dying to eat it too.

I vividly pictured a child swallowing his saliva on Shihyuk’s head while putting snacks in his pocket with a regretful expression on his face for his father. My heart was filled with joy at that special sight.

But you shouldn’t take away your father’s gift, he said, trying to convince the child in a vague and nonchalant manner.

“If you give this to me, your father won’t be able to eat it.”

“What the hell! Give what’s mine to your crush!”

The child searched through his other pocket and pulled out another identical candy. He looked proud, puffing out his chest and shrugging his shoulders.

“Hanbyeol got this as a reward for studying hard today!”

“I see. You’re great.”

“What do you mean by long?”

“Well done.”

“Hehehe, then give Hanbyeol a prize!”

The child was hanging on, holding on to the hem of his pants.

Sihyuk noticed what his friend, who was much older than him, wanted and gave a small wry smile before lifting the child up and placing him on his shoulder.

“Wow! That’s so tall!”

The child wiggled his buttocks at the sight that had suddenly become twice as high. Shihyuk held onto the child’s small, chubby calves to prevent him from getting hurt, and slowly walked in a circle.

“Hanbyeol-ah.”

“Huh?”

“Do you like your father?”

“Wow! I love it!”

“… Is that so.”

Si-hyuk, who had been keeping his mouth shut for a moment at that unhesitating answer, asked the child another question as he watched Park Gwang-deok return after finishing his conversation with the kindergarten teacher.

“I want to repay you for giving me the candy. Do you have any wishes?”

“That’s right! My uncle and I are friends!”

“No, just tell me one thing.”

“Uuuum… .”

The child’s eyes sparkled as he rested his chin on his head and thought quietly.

“Is this a secret that only Hanbyeol and Ajusshi know?”

And then, “Shhh,” she put her small hands together, brought them to her lips, and whispered into Sihyuk’s ear.

“I see.”

After listening to the child’s story, he nodded slightly.

“Okay, Hanbyeol will be as you wish.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

Shihyuk declared calmly, his indifferent eyes distorting into flames.

“Because I decided so.”