episode_0089

Unknown emotions swirled on both sides.

Although neither of them could name the emotion, they were well aware of its nature.

It was cold and rough like the waters of the North Pole. It was sharp and looked only ahead. At least that was how Ratri felt.

It was as still as stagnant water in a corner of the desert, and it seemed as if it would dry up at any moment. It was dull and looked back. At least that was how Raoul felt.

“……”

“……”

The two were silent, but they could read the emotions in each other’s eyes.

They couldn’t understand each other because they could read each other’s emotions.

Because they knew each other’s hearts well and at the same time did not know each other well, they could only grasp the form, but never reached the essence and cause.

“Do you blame me?”

“At first it was like that.”

Raoul fiddled with the jeweled part of his cane as if something was bothering him.

“Now, I feel like even that kind of time is a waste. Even if I spend my emotions on it, it won’t be solved. Being angry or resentful is clearly a waste of time and emotions.”

“You’re calling me a waste.”

“I’m sorry if it was uncomfortable to hear. I don’t have the talent to beat around the bush and say the uncomfortable truth.”

“Your talent for playing with your mouth has also become outstanding.”

“There is no way a mouth that can’t change the hearts of its own flesh and blood can have talent.”

The Arctic waters that were trying to seep in were dried up by the desert heat.

As always, the heat of the sun was stronger than the wind that pushed the waves away.

“I never thought I’d be hated this much. Even if I leave aside the anger I felt at the time, I was a little taken aback by this.”

When the story of that anger came up, Raoul touched the jewel on his staff again.

Because the feelings he had back then when he tried to strangle Ratri, who had cruelly cut off the only link he had trusted and relied on, had not completely cooled down.

It was just a temporary burying of the heat of that anger. Raoul was still immature and did not know how to completely kill that emotion.

“It’s not that I hate you.”

“I wonder what it means.”

“There’s just no reason to endure it anymore.”

The favor Raoul received from his father, or rather his predecessor, the Count, was by no means small.

I couldn’t forget the sweetness of the cookies that were secretly brought to me at night and shared with me.

Therefore, as small as the favor was and as sweet as the candy was, Ratri’s betrayal was fatal.

It was too much to bear and too big to kill.

“My feelings were probably like that originally. It was just the favor I received from the previous count that was weighing it down. Now that the pressure stones are gone, isn’t it natural that they would show their heads?”

Raoul was not originally a man of many words.

Even now, I am miraculously holding back on the things I want to say.

There’s no way the amount of pent-up emotions could be just this much.

“Yeah. It’s only natural that you hate me. I don’t deny that.”

Ratri knew that too.

She was also the main character in the memories that Raoul experienced. There was no way that someone who played the main role would not remember the content of the play.

And she, too, understood that resentment, having played the role of the protagonist with similar memories.

“I wasn’t much different from you. No, you had at least him. I didn’t have anything.”

Her childhood was not much different from Raoul’s.

The noble knight’s family was strict and cruel. The family had already decided the path she should follow, and if she failed to follow it, she would die.

She too knew the misery Raoul had suffered.

And that misery was not a tragedy of any special significance to her, but just ordinary growing pains.

“… I won’t say that I didn’t have any personal feelings about abusing you. I won’t lie that I didn’t vent my anger about what happened in the past. I won’t even pretend to do it for your sake.”

“It’s not very desirable to say something obvious.”

“Come back.”

“… I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what the Countess is saying right now.”

“He told me to come back. Not to this shabby coffin-like town, but to the place where you belong as the head of the household.”

The Berge family’s prestige was by no means ordinary. It was a prestigious family with a long history within the empire, and its poor finances were transformed into abundance thanks to Arthur Berge and Raoul Berge.

It was a position that could be said to be made of gold, coveted by all the people of the collateral line.

And Raoul was the owner of that golden throne.

“I will refuse. I will refuse and refuse again. I do not want to go back to that place. Also, I am not a person who fits in that place.”

But as gold is always, it was hard and cold.

The reason gold is favored as tableware is because it does not cause any chemical reactions. The taste of the food inside never changes and it even adds to its splendor.

Raoul was the same. He could not change in it and had to live forever repeating the same taste in the dishes that were only splendid.

That horrible golden hell could not have been pleasant.

Raoul never slept well. The hard golden throne was not suitable for sleeping.

Lauren had never had a comfortable meal. Eating a delicacy while sitting in such an uncomfortable seat would not be as good as eating ordinary barley porridge.

Raoul could never live as himself. What people saw was not himself, but the golden throne, and he was not Raoul Bergé, but the head of the Bergé family.

It was such a horrible hell that I would have taken my own life if I hadn’t had friends.

“I will not go back even if I die. If I do go back, it will only be as a corpse being carried in a coffin.”

“What…?”

Ratri couldn’t understand.

Raoul was an obedient child. Although he sometimes vented his emotions, he was essentially an obedient animal who followed orders obediently. He could not possibly disobey his parents as he had done.

But Raoul rebelled now. He ignored the words that were his orders and requests, even though it was clear that his emotions had cooled down compared to when he had been excited.

For a moment, Ratri thought of the faces of those who had done that to Raoul.

The military minister who turned an obedient sheep into a rabid raccoon and a tiger, Leila who was his first friend, the emperor who taught him all kinds of bad things, the empress who taught him how to speak badly,

And Kyle and Camilla, who were sticking close to Raul.

I thought all of that had ruined Raul.

“Those cheeky guys ruined you.”

Ratri himself had no such thing. That is why the variables in Raoul’s life were the evil and the stain that deserved to be resented.

If only there had been no that blemish, Raoul would have grown up just like himself.

If it weren’t for those variables, Raul would have obeyed the order to come back.

“… Please don’t curse them.”

But to Raoul, they were benefactors.

The Minister of War was certainly a filthy, filthy human being, but he was the one who perfected his own strength.

Leila was a treasure beyond words. You were my other half.

The Empress was a friend who always affirmed him. She told him that he was not wrong when he slaughtered the giants in anger over Leila’s death.

The Emperor was the first person to deny his obedience, even though he tried to teach him to drink and smoke. He was the one who suggested that he just eat shit and go to a medical institution.

Kyle was a loyal and good subordinate, always ready to run errands and prepare meals, and always accompanied me on any difficult journey.

And Camilla… I couldn’t figure it out. She was a good friend and best comrade, but lately she was the woman who made me feel a strange sense of elation.

“If you defile my treasure any further, I won’t tolerate it.”

“Just for that reason? I’m a little surprised that you dare to commit another crime.”

“I hope you remember first that no one will stop me today, Countess.”

Raoul held onto the jewel on his staff tightly and suppressed his impulses as best he could.

At the same time, I tried to cover up her rudeness by speaking as politely as possible.

Otherwise, it was obvious what he would do.

“Yeah. I know why you can’t come back. The biggest reason is Leila… The young lady you often hung out with must be the biggest reason. ”

“……. Please stop.”

Raoul desperately suppressed his impulse, gripping his cane with all his might.

“It certainly seems enough to capture a man’s heart. Yes. I don’t know much about men’s hearts, but I understand their desires.”

“No more than that, please…”

The moment Raoul defined his heart as desire, he almost reached out without realizing it.

“If you want, I’ll ask around and find some women who look similar to you. If you’re the head of a household, it wouldn’t be a big deal to have a few mistresses.”

“… What did you just say?”

“They say they can get you a substitute. A substitute that looks similar to that young lady named Leila.”

At that moment, Raoul could no longer hold back and tried to swing his cane.

But before Raoul’s cane could reach him, Camilla flew in like lightning, pushed Raoul aside, and slapped Ratri in the face.

“… Get out of here right now. Before I kill you.”

Raoul also froze as it was his first time seeing Camilla so angry.

Latri looked at Camilla, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

“What are you doing now?”

“I saved your life. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t want to save you. I just didn’t want to burden the heart of the person I love with a disgusting burden.”

Kyle and Liesel, who were watching the scene from afar, also froze at the bombshell statement.

“Your life was saved like that, so it’s mine. So please leave quickly.”

Camilla’s spear, encircled by lightning, began to glow blue.

“Before I rip that disgusting mouth off.”

“Camilla.”

Raoul thought this was his job and tried to push Camilla aside.

“… No, don’t respond.”

“But this is…”

“She’s not worth it.”

Raoul quietly nodded to Camilla’s words and then turned his back without a word.

“My intention is the same as Camilla’s.”

“Raul.”

“Please don’t come back again. Without knowing each other’s feelings, well-being, or life or death. That’s how I want to live from now on.”

Raoul returned to the village without giving a last glance.

When Latri first tasted her son’s adolescence, she could only stand there blankly and watch his footsteps.