episode_0086

I had an idea of what the letters written on the paper I received were trying to convey.

That’s why it was difficult to accept the paper.

Still, I accepted the paper because I didn’t have to turn down the sincerity and effort that went into filling up this one sheet.

Because there was no longer any wedding ceremony or noble family ties to bind us.

It was different that day, and I started reading what I had written on paper with the respect and admiration I couldn’t have given that day.

And I wanted to convey that if you read through what I have written without missing a single thing, there is nothing to apologize for or feel sorry about.

As always, I made up my mind.

I tried to ease her burden by telling her that she had no reason or right to receive an apology.

Because now it’s all in the past.

Clearly, that was the intention.

If my vision hadn’t wavered as I read and my nose hadn’t started to feel tingly, I would have tried to comfort myself by smiling comfortably and telling myself that I didn’t have to be tied down by those days anymore, that the catastrophe wasn’t caused by anyone’s fault.

《That day, when you declared your abstention, I honestly didn’t believe you. Rather, I doubted you. I thought you knew who I was and were running away… I’m sorry. Really.》

The more I read the densely packed things, the more I realized that I had no right to receive an apology, let alone offer consolation.

Even in the original setting, the female protagonist, who was said to have cool judgment and high insight, lost her reason and became ruined by the escape declaration of a regrettable character. It was only later that I realized that it was natural and inevitable.

《Even though I had a watcher attached to me and heard that your changes were consistent, I denied even that.. And then I did something terrible to you.. I still vividly remember the feeling of my palm hitting your cheek. But thanks to that feeling, I haven’t forgotten that time. I thought that if I didn’t forget, I would be able to apologize someday..》

When I think about it, I’ve done terrible things to Lumiang.

He only blamed himself for being unfairly treated, and said he would not suffer the injustice of his past life, ignoring the humiliation and injustice that Lumiang would feel.

Just so that I wouldn’t feel wronged, I erased the feelings of wrongdoing that others might feel, and I ignored Lumiang’s pain and enjoyed the revenge she wanted to take, making fun of her.

Because they turned the monsters that should be painful into gourmet events, and the hunting competitions that should be feared into a game of fantasy.

I don’t know why I only realize now the reckless actions I didn’t realize back then, but one thing is clear.

The words written on this thin piece of paper were taking us back to that day, and it was I, not Le Miang, who had to make the apology that I couldn’t deliver that day.

Lumiang, who was tied up alone in the past that had been passed over as nothing special, and had simply escaped and been sent to the other side of memory, felt that he should not apologize, but accept it.

《I didn’t listen to what I heard and didn’t see what I saw because I couldn’t believe it. I was foolishly stubborn in the belief that human nature doesn’t change.》

Human nature does not change.

I was thinking the same thing too.

I used to think that nature was something you were born with, something you endured rather than something you could change.

I thought that just like a smoker who puts in a tremendous amount of effort to change his ego eventually gives up smoking, nature is something that endures for a long time to make it seem like something has changed.

Elden Raphelion.

It may have been a prank by a free divine being, or a confusion caused by a dimensional rift, but even if that evil character had been possessed by another person, in Lumiang’s eyes, he just seemed like a villain who was ‘pretending to change’, and he had foolishly realized this only now.

No matter what you do or what you say.

It seemed as if all the unconditional desire for understanding without knowing it, and the pretense of understanding what I didn’t understand, were being exposed piece by piece by the sincerity and sincerity contained in this one piece of paper.

I was embarrassed.

I was the only one who didn’t want to suffer any unfair damage, so I turned a blind eye to the damage she suffered.

Because of that single-mindedness, I felt ashamed of myself for pretending not to know the danger that would befall her at the end of the Great Battle of Engagement and leaving her with only a pitiful prayer.

since.

Lumiang suffered a harsher fate because of Deron’s actions, becoming so devastated and broken that he extinguished the spark of life himself.

Even though he knew it could be dangerous, he ran away, wishing for happiness, and even though he knew it could be dangerous, he left recklessly and indifferently, like Elden during his time at the Academy.

《I denied it until the end. I thought you wouldn’t change. I thought you couldn’t change. I thought that if you changed, all the violence and pain I had suffered would disappear. That’s why I denied it so viciously. I didn’t want you to change in the first place, because I wanted revenge. Then, after getting slapped by Lord Gelwood, I came to my senses.》

One night.

I remembered Lumiang standing alone on the road, reaching out to the sky with his swollen face and unfocused eyes.

Red, swollen cheeks and cloudy eyes.

That night, all I could do was give her some ointment.

《Even after that day, I heard that you personally saved a hat from violence on the day of the wedding festival, but honestly, I didn’t believe it. I was such an idiot. Looking at you today, you’ve been changing steadily since you declared your abstention..》

Suddenly, that thought occurred to me.

If the noose of the Great Wedding had not tightened around my neck, would ointment have been all I could give to Lumiang that night?

Rather than giving her the ointment, wasn’t it because he wanted to completely relieve himself of guilt with that small act of kindness?

and.

《You were really cool today. That’s why I’m even more sorry. I told you to trust me, but you didn’t. Instead, I slapped you in the face. Please… If it’s not too late, can you forgive me?》

How can someone who has suffered three years of brutal violence and abuse, and has been humiliated and ridiculed by someone who just stood by and watched, ask for forgiveness?

Even if it’s swapped, wouldn’t it be that something has been swapped incorrectly for a long time?

Lumiang did nothing wrong.

At least for me.

It may have been wrong to try to use the sacred wedding ceremony for personal gain, but it was not a wrong done to me.

It would have been wrong to hit him in the face and cause injury, but considering the things the original Elden had done, it was just a justified, if not an inadequate, venting of anger.

Nevertheless, Lumiang reflects and asks for forgiveness.

Even though to me it is just a memory of days gone by, even though it is now just forgotten days with no feelings left, she asks for my forgiveness, not forgetting the feeling left on my palm.

I’m sorry you didn’t believe me.

I’m sorry for hitting you in the face.

In the original Elden, she suffered even worse things than that.

Is it because that sincerity feels sacred?

Is it because that sincerity seems beautiful?

Thud.

Something indescribable falls like drops of water onto the paper.

Come to think of it, I never gave her a sincere apology.

Just because it wasn’t his fault and just because it was absurd to be possessed by an evil character, he completely ignored Lumiang’s feelings and pain and just gave a formal apology with his head held high.

if.

If, instead of blaming herself for being possessed by an evil character, she had accepted it as karma and humbly given it to the master of her body, and if she had conveyed the heartfelt repentance she wanted to hear in the end, wouldn’t the future of the female protagonist, which should have been bright, not be overshadowed?

Could it be that you just avoided it without even trying?

In that one attempt, perhaps Lumiang did not consider forgiveness and reconciliation with difficulty.

If that were the case.

If that were the case.

Lumiang wouldn’t have had to lose his precious person, his voice, or die alone in an abandoned mansion where death had solidified.

Rather than a superficial apology to avoid being criticized, if he had shown tears just once, I wonder if Lumiang would have chosen tolerance instead of suspicion.

In fact, it is not that Elden has changed, but rather that Lee Jun-woo in Elden has realized his ideals, but Lumiang’s pure apology makes us wonder if perhaps there might have been a better choice for us.

About the irreversible.

“Eh, eh… duh? Uh… uh… huh… ?”

It was selfish.

It was hypocritical.

Even though I knew the pain the heroine had suffered for three years because I still had the original Elden’s memories, I was too busy looking for my own comfort to ignore the memories. I was wrong.

Whether I was possessed or not, I now realize that Elden and Lee Jun-woo are me, and it was really foolish of me to think that Le Miang and I were the ‘same’ victims.

Because Lumiang and I, who suffered three years of brutal abuse and failed to even have a chance to erase the stain on our lives caused by those three years, were by no means the same victims.

Now that I realize how arrogant and miscalculated such thinking was, what I should do was not to accept an apology, but to give it.

dump.

I ended up kneeling before I could read the last line.

If I was going to kneel for this piece of paper, I should have knelt down long ago. If I was going to shed tears for this piece of paper, I should have shed them long ago.

“, Ed is…?!”

《Please… If it’s not too late, can you forgive me?》

Lumiang didn’t write that much.

It seemed to me now that it was I, not her, who should have said that.

In place of the scoundrel Elden.

On behalf of the bystander Elden.

Rather than whining like a child about being possessed by an evil character, I felt like it was the right thing to do to accept responsibility and apologize on his behalf.

and.

It seemed that the ‘change’ he had promised her was not simply a pledge to live as Lee Jun-woo, but rather began with accepting Elden Raphelion.

Because simply denying the essence would be no different from a child throwing a tantrum.

That’s why I’ve decided to embrace my shell now.

“I apologize for torturing and exploiting the Grand Duchess for three years. I will gladly accept whatever punishment is given.”

Unlike in the past, I do not add insult to injury, I do not seek pardon, and I do not deny myself.

Unlike the past.

I do not turn away from Lumiang’s pain.

It’s a belated apology, and a faded apology.

I bowed my head deeply and gave her an apology that was not embarrassing for the sincerity and sincerity she had shown me.

“Please… If it’s not too late, I would like to ask for your forgiveness. Your Highness.”

The mistake didn’t matter.

It was important to give the apology to the person who deserved it.

It would be nice if you could accept it, but if you don’t accept it and don’t give it, then you’re once again breaking the change you promised.

With his head bowed like that, he waited for the answer that Lumiang would write down.

Whatever it is, I promise to treat it sweetly.

of course.

My firm resolve melted away like snow in the warmth that embraced me.

“… .”

“… .”

Lumiang’s arms embrace me, Lumiang’s hands comfort me, and Lumiang’s tears wet me.

Thin, trembling breaths, silent, caressing hands.

It hurts my heart more than any answer.

perhaps.

My heart aches at the thought that if I had acknowledged my true nature earlier, this moment might have come six months earlier, but I find healing in the warm embrace of Lumiang.

At least now.

I am glad that I can apologize to her on behalf of the disappeared villain.

Pat.

Pat.

The hand that had hit my cheek, Lumiang, continued to caress my back warmly for a long time.