episode_0086
by fnovelpiaI woke up on a cheap bed.
The yellow ceiling greeted me warmly. As I looked at it, I suddenly remembered what Cesar had said to me yesterday.
– You’re right. If you’re going to smoke like this in the house, at least ventilate the room before you smoke. The wallpaper is yellowing, right? You’ll have to ask the landlord for all that later…
Come to think of it, I don’t have any money. I laughed in vain.
“… Oh my.”
While I was serving as a military chaplain, I received a monthly stipend. I have yet to spend any of it.
I was afraid to spend that money. Because I thought it was money earned by killing people, because I thought it was blood money.
I rummaged through my pockets. I found an empty pack of cigarettes and an old, worn-out wallet. When I opened the wallet, there was not a single coin.
I slowly got out of bed. As I went out to the living room, I saw the paper that Cesar had left behind. I picked it up.
[ In front of the central square. 331-2. 3rd floor. ]
There is an unfamiliar address written on the paper. A place I don’t know, an area I don’t know. And, probably, people I don’t know.
I looked at the paper with the address on it for a moment, then put it away in my bosom. I glanced around the living room where the paper had disappeared.
The paper was smaller than the palm of my hand. But, when the paper disappeared, the living room came into view at a glance.
Empty cigarette packs rolling around here and there, ashtrays overflowing with cigarette butts piled up like a mountain, and the front of the balcony where rain poured in because I slept with the windows open.
“… … .”
I didn’t think about anything. But my body moved on its own.
I cleared away the cigarette packs scattered on the floor and emptied the ashtray full of cigarette butts.
I sweep the floor covered in cigarette ash and wipe it with a mop. While I’m at it, I also wipe the moisture in front of the balcony.
The living room, which had been a mess, was slowly regaining its original appearance. I looked at the clock hanging on one side of the living room.
The clock hands were pointing to ten o’clock in the morning. Since the clock had not been maintained for a long time, it was impossible to tell if it was the correct time.
I turned my gaze back to the living room. I saw that it was much neater than before. I stared at it blankly.
It was cleaned up, but there was nothing I could do about the yellowing of the wallpaper and ceiling.
“… Huh.”
Suddenly, the absurdity disappeared. That’s why I laughed.
It was going to be a pigsty again in a week anyway. It was funny how I was making a fuss about cleaning for no reason. I turned my gaze away from the living room and headed toward the kitchen.
Since I hadn’t eaten much food in a while, there was almost nothing to wash. I opened the cupboard to find a cup to drink water from.
– Bam.
As I opened the cupboard, something fell in front of me. I looked at it carefully.
It was a tea bag of cheap black tea. It was such a cheap item that I couldn’t even remember when I bought it. I looked at it, then took out a teacup and a teapot from the cupboard.
It’s been a while since I’ve brewed black tea. Since I brewed it with a tea bag, it would be more accurate to say that I’m boiling water rather than brewing black tea.
There was no sugar in the kitchen. I was going to put in sugar cubes out of habit, but then I remembered that fact and stopped looking for sugar.
The water in the kettle began to boil. I put the tea bag in a neat teacup and slowly poured boiling water into it.
Although it was a cheap tea bag, it still couldn’t hide the fragrant scent of black tea. The scent of black tea that I hadn’t smelled in a long time tickled my nose.
I put my teacup down on the old table in the kitchen, pulled out a chair, and sat down. I waited for the tea bag to steep sufficiently.
The house was enveloped in silence.
I stopped staring at the warm steam rising from the black tea and looked out over the balcony. The dark clouds were still moving busily.
It wasn’t raining, but it looked like it might pour down at any moment. I lifted my cup of black tea.
– Slurp.
It was bitter. I only took a sip, but an unpleasant bitterness with a faint hint of black tea lingered in my mouth. It tasted like cheap black tea.
It was a familiar taste that I had been drinking until I was sick of it, and it wasn’t a taste I liked. I put down the teacup.
There were two chairs, but I was the only one sitting at the table. I cast my gaze across the table.
“… … .”
As if there was someone there. No, as if I hoped there was someone. I stared blankly at the empty space in front of me for a long time.
The tea was getting colder. Helena didn’t like drinking hot tea straight away. She was a cat’s tongue.
I gently pushed the teacup filled with moderately cooled black tea. The teacup sat on the seat opposite me, which was consumed by emptiness.
A bitter, lukewarm black tea without sugar. I pushed the cup to the empty table opposite, as if I had given it to someone who particularly liked it. That was all.
As if someone was sitting there.
“… Okay, drink.”
He muttered and stood up from his chair.
I was going to meet Cesar. I was looking for an umbrella, but when I realized that I didn’t have one at home, I gave up on that too. If it rains, I’ll just have to get wet.
I looked back at the table, thinking of the paper I had put in my bosom, and left the house.
I hoped that the black tea left alone on the table wouldn’t just go cold.
* * * * *
The streets of the city were deserted. This was partly because it was a weekday and partly because of the gloomy weather that made one feel depressed just by looking at it.
The only people walking down the street in the rain are probably people who are working hard despite the bad weather or losers who are drowning in extreme depression.
I was the latter. I wasn’t just wandering around aimlessly, but I didn’t really have a plan either.
– Gulp… .
The gloomy sky was heaving as if it would pour down rain at any moment. A cold wind blew, which was unbelievable for August weather.
I walked helplessly. Although Cesar had left the address of his office, the geography of the island was not very familiar to me, having lived in a rural village before the war.
I could have gotten there quickly by asking passersby for directions, but I couldn’t. After visiting the Holy Land, I became afraid of even the gazes of ordinary people walking down the street.
Suddenly, I felt extremely depressed. I suddenly felt like crying. I bit my lip, swallowed my depressed feelings, and continued walking.
A wind so cold that you wouldn’t think it was blowing in August. The sky was so gloomy that it looked like it might rain at any moment. Dark clouds drifted by, blocking the sun.
The smell of something burning came to me on the wind. I frowned as I smelled the faint scent of coal.
Because it brought back memories of the battlefield. The thick smoke and smell of gunpowder covering the sky. The trenches turning into mud as rain poured down.
And, within it, the shape had changed to the point where it was difficult to recognize it… .
The weather that day was similar to today. Maybe even more gloomy than today.
“Did you hear? There was a fire nearby… .”
“I thought I smelled something burning earlier, was it a fire?”
The pedestrians walking in front of me approached me, chatting away. They had gloomy expressions on their faces, just like the gloomy weather.
“Where did the fire start?”
“They say there was a fire on the street in front of the central square. There are buildings crowded together, so I don’t know if the firefighting efforts will go well.”
“Huh… . It’s already so windy, this is a big problem.”
I listened in with one ear and out the other to the conversations of the passersby, and put my hand into my bosom and rummaged through it. I found the toothpaste that Cesar had given me.
[ In front of the central square. 331-2. 3rd floor. ]
Central Square. I think I should head there first. I continued walking.
Even if you weren’t familiar with the geography of the island, you vaguely knew about large, prominent places like the central square.
As I continued to walk, the smell of burning became stronger. My steps became a little faster.
– They say there was a fire on the street in front of the central square. There are buildings crowded together, so I don’t know if the firefighting efforts will go well.
“… … .”
– I know, damn it. It’s not just us who thinks this, it seems like we’ve been followed around lately.
The pace became a little faster. The pace that had been slow like a snail’s was now a brisk walk. The pace that had been a brisk walk soon became a running pace.
“Gasp… ! Huh… !”
Fuck. Shit.
Please, I hope not. I hope I’m wrong.
Annoyingly, the closer I got to the square, the more intense the smell of coal became. I shook my head desperately to shake off my anxiety.
The number of pedestrians on the street has increased significantly, as if they are looking for something to see.
I ran with all my might, pushing through the gaps between people. It seemed like the pedestrians I was pushing through were shouting something, but I didn’t have time to look back.
How far had I run? The black smoke rising through the gloomy gray sky was now in my sight. There was only one corner left until I reached the central square.
My heart pounded so hard that it felt like it was going to burst, along with my ragged breathing. My blood flow increased so rapidly that my body started to feel hot. I turned the corner without losing speed.
“Connect the hose! Connect more hoses! Damn it! Aim the magic!”
“It’s the 3rd floor! Aim for the 3rd floor!”
“Move to another building! Don’t deploy yet!”
A square in chaos. A fire is raging through the building, engulfing the windows. Firefighters and wizards are struggling to put it out.
And I. I just stood there blankly.
Looking at it.
I looked back and forth between the paper in my hand and the burning building.
Finally realizing that the address of the building where the fire broke out and the address written on the paper matched.
“… Ah.”
I’m under the curse of cognition.
Human beings are sometimes held back by the curse of cognition.
It is terrifying. In the footsteps of mankind, where knowledge is power, the curse of cognition has continued its tenacious life endlessly.
From generation to generation, the sins that originated from the first humans have become a chronic problem for the human race, like a curse passed down through generations.
“Damn it! The flames are too strong! We need more elemental wizards! Water type!”
“I’ve scraped together as much as I can! Anything more than this requires support from other organizations!”
“Contact the Tower! Or, ask for support from a nearby academy!”
A chain of curses that can never be broken. It applies to the kings who ruled this land long ago, to the lords who supported them, and to the other privileged classes and intellectuals.
A curse that even permeates the simple farmers of rural villages who pursue a pastoral life.
It was so contagious. It ate away at the heart of the wounded.
It could be me, it could be you from yesterday, it could be you from tomorrow.
“Survivor! Survivor!”
“Where!”
“I just leaned out the window!”
The curse of cognition. It is a curse where cognition itself literally becomes a sin.
So, information you shouldn’t know. Things you shouldn’t see. Words you shouldn’t hear.
If you get caught with it, you probably won’t be able to live a normal life. It’ll take a long time to get back to being a normal person. No, you might never be able to get back.
– Kkaaah—!!! It’s hot!!
I shouldn’t have known that. I shouldn’t have heard it. I shouldn’t have seen it. No, I shouldn’t have been there.
It is so clear when, how, and why it happened. That is why it is even more painful.
Through the window with flames rising, I heard Cesar’s desperate screams, which were briefly visible.
– Save me! Please—!!
… was cursed with cognition.
And then I realized.
I will probably live with this curse until I die.
It was a day that looked like it was going to rain, just like the day Helena died.
In the end, it didn’t rain.
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