episode_0084

[Episode 84] – The word love

‘…Did I tease you too much?’

I glanced down and looked down at Titania, who was pouting with a sullen expression. I thought it was so adorable to see her jealous that I just teased her a little, but Titania didn’t seem to like it at all and didn’t try to look at me after that.

When I first saw Titania’s jealousy, it was so crazy and adorable that I couldn’t help but laugh. To be honest, I tried not to make fun of him, but I had no choice but to make fun of him when he showed me that way. Until now, Titania has never shown jealousy or anything like that.

It was not easy to see a daughter anxious and jealous, fearing that her mother would be taken away from her. So I just wanted to tease her a little, but seeing Titania’s reaction, I started to worry that I might have poured fuel on a fire.

Anyway, there was nothing I could do about the oil that had already been poured, so the only way was to gently soothe it. I’ve already seen him cute enough, and if I tease him any more, I think Titania will scold him. I gently lowered my head and whispered softly in Titania’s ear.

“I’m sorry, I teased you too much, right? I just-”

“are you okay. “I wasn’t really angry.”

“Yeah, really? If that’s the case, I’m glad…”

Why is my daughter making such a sulky face when she says she isn’t angry? As I was sighing in frustration, the second song started playing again. As a familiar song sounded in my ears, I smiled, held Titania’s hand, and headed to the dance floor.

The next song was not Marzooka, but a song that Titania used to practice with me when she was young. A song that is monotonous but has a lively feel. A circle dance usually performed by men and women in a circle. The 3/4 time signature perfectly engraved on the body of titania.

I grinned and looked at Titania being dragged out by my hand.

“Certainly, this song isn’t just danced roughly like Marzooka, is it? “Then you might be a little disappointed.”

“…That can’t be possible, right? I don’t dance roughly to this song. “It’s the first song I danced with someone.”

Titania laughed at my provocation and quickly walked next to me. As we took our seats on the dance floor, we held each other’s hands and placed the other hand on Titania’s back.

To be honest, I’m confessing it now, but the dance I did for Titania’s 6th birthday wasn’t a dance, it was more like me dancing like a puppet. Because the height wasn’t right to begin with.

But, it was different now. Titania has grown to the height of my shoulders and is now tall enough to dance properly with me. I was happy that I had grown up really well, but I was also a little disappointed.

As I was looking at Titania with such complicated feelings, the orchestra started playing a cheerful song. A song that six-year-old Titania practiced until her feet bled.

If you miss it, you miss it, and if you get tired of it, it was a boring ‘waltz’.

*

Titania honestly didn’t have time to focus on the waltz.

Until now, I have been going to the dance every year and dancing with many people, but I have never once been conscious of the other person. For Titania, dancing was just one of those annoying chores. Because of my position as a princess, I had no choice but to dance, so I roughly grabbed my partner and danced roughly.

But, it was different now.

‘Something… I’m really embarrassed.’

Where on earth should I put my eyes while dancing, how should I make my facial expressions, whether the hands that I hold with my mother are sweaty, why are the palms on my back so hot, and how do they lightly touch each time I breathe? Why do I care so much about my stomach?

I was worried about everything that had to do with my mother.

Titania was confused, not knowing why she should even care about this. The reason why I became concerned about my mother like this must have been from the moment I discovered that my mother was jealous of her being close to another lady.

‘Why on earth? You just got caught for being jealous, right? Was I this foolish?’

It was true that Titania had a really good relationship with her mother, but she never thought that she would be so foolish that she would even be jealous of the daughters who were close to her mother.

No, my mother’s ‘behavior’ was more problematic than being close.

What was the mother thinking when she kissed the back of another young lady’s hand? If it was to ask for a dance without speaking, it was clear that ‘pretending’ to kiss the lips would have been enough.

However, the mother actually kissed the backs of the other ladies’ hands. Gloves or bare skin. As if it didn’t matter. When she thought of that image again, Titania felt moved again.

‘I don’t even kiss my mother often these days…!’

Startle.

Titania lost a beat for a moment, startled by her own thoughts.

It was clearly me who had been avoiding my mother’s kisses these days. He said he was all grown up now, and that he was past the age to kiss his mom. So we were embarrassed to sleep together, so we decided to share separate rooms.

‘But why? ‘Why am I angry because my mother kissed someone else?’

Titania tried to burst out laughing at her duplicity, but held it back and continued walking.

A childish heart that hates the fact that his mother does not give affection to others and walks away from him.

He wants his mother to recognize him as an adult instead of treating him like a child.

Titania had no idea what she was hoping for.

How on earth do you want your mother to treat you? Do you want her to stay away from you a little, or do you want her to not leave your side?

My mind was complicated and dizzy, and there was little I could know, but this much was certain.

He was annoyed because his mother was showing affection to the young lady.

That he was jealous because he was afraid that his mother would be taken away by someone else.

He was afraid that if his mother was taken away by someone else, he would be left alone again like before.

Titania suddenly remembered what Viola had told her last night. Love requires obsession and jealousy. That there is such love.

“Well, the book says this is obsession or jealousy, but I don’t think love exists without obsession and jealousy. Aren’t you jealous and obsessed because you love each other? ”

Clearly, Titania was jealous because she ‘loved’ her mother. However, if you ask me if this love for my mother is the love of ‘lovers’ like the protagonists of romance novels, I think it is not true.

Can ‘jealousy’ be included in family love? Even if the mother gave affection to another daughter, is it right for a daughter to be ‘jealous’ of the daughter? Titania had no idea.

I love my mother, but that’s because I love her as a family. Titania wasn’t sure about her complicated feelings yet, but she was sure of this much.

‘…I hate it when my mother smiles at other people. I just hate it. ‘I hate it so much that it makes me irritated.’

A sense of selfishness and jealousy so extreme that it makes you laugh bitterly.

While dancing, Titania raised her head and looked at her mother. I wanted to immediately take off the mask covering my lips and wipe it off with a handkerchief. I was annoyed that traces of another daughter remained on my mother’s body.

As Titania was staring intently at the wolf mask that completely covered Vivian’s face, Vivian lowered her head and whispered softly to Titania.

“Whew… When we get back to the castle, let’s call the dance teacher again. “What on earth are you thinking, why do you keep getting off beat?”

“Well, that’s…”

Titania turned her head to avoid Vivian’s gaze. I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now, so how can I answer the question of what I was thinking? At a time when she was wondering what to say, Titania unconsciously blurted out what she had said last night.

“Uh, mother, what do you think love is?”

“love…? Have you read another strange novel…? “Like last time, I kissed your lips and you lost your virginity- huh?!”

Quack!

How long are you going to keep talking about when you were 10? Titania was so upset that her dark history was revealed that she stepped on Vivian’s instep with her shoe. Then, as if to quickly answer a question, he puffed out his cheeks and glared at Vivian.

“Love… love… I think love is difficult to express in words. “There are many things within the word love – love between family members, love between lovers, etc.”

Vivian continued to waltz with her numb feet and began to think about how to respond to Titania. It occurred to me that the love that Titania was asking about was not something like family love or friendship, but ‘love.’

That’s right, he can be proud that he generously gave Titania his love as a family. There seemed to be no need to explain familial love again to Titania, who clearly knew it well.

And, the reason Titania asked Vivian this was mostly because of the romance novels she was reading with Viola. Even when I was 10, I thought about chastity because it was a book I read with Viola.

From then on, the royal castle did not allow Titania to read romance novels, but allowed her to play with Viola. Well, I thought I could have that level of hobby.

So, the question you are asking now, ‘What is love?’ must have been asked because of the book I read with Viola last night. Vivian sighed, wondering if Viola should not be allowed to read books like this from now on.

“The love I think of is…”

Vivian lowered her head and looked at Titania.

To be honest, Vivian also didn’t know much about love. Because you have to have experienced such a thing as a lover in the first place to know. Therefore, Vivian could only provide information based on the meager knowledge she gained from novels she had read in the past, the Internet, and other such sources.

Is Titania now at an age where she begins to worry about ‘love’? Who is the opponent? Still, I think it’s still too early to realize my love…

Still, I felt like I had to tell you now.

“Love is the desire to want the other person.”

“Greed…?”

“Yes, greed. “You want to know everything about the other person, or you’re jealous that the other person is approaching other people of the opposite sex.”

The moment she heard Vivian’s explanation, Titania felt the hairs on her entire body stand on end. I felt ashamed as if my mother’s words were revealing my entire heart.

“When you love someone, you want to hug them or kiss them on the lips. “He selfishly wants everything from that person to be directed only to himself.”

Titania nodded slightly at Vivian’s words. Because I wanted to hug my mother, and I wanted her affection to be directed only to me. I still don’t know if I want to kiss our lips, but…

When my mother’s lips touched the back of my hand earlier, it honestly felt good. Even though it felt like my heart was being squeezed, I couldn’t stop laughing. Is this what it feels like?

“But you shouldn’t go too far with those feelings. You shouldn’t forcefully steal the other person’s lips. “You know best, right?”

Titania puffed out her cheeks at the sound of Vivian’s giggling and mischievous smile. Again, I just hated my mother for talking about when I was 10 years old, but I didn’t hate her that much.

As the song came to an end, my mother spun around and took the final pose. I was so lost in thought that I couldn’t remember how I danced. It was as if I had completely entrusted myself to my mother.

When the song ended, applause was heard from all around. The moment I was about to come off the dance floor-

“That’s what I think the love of ‘lovers’ is. If you find someone you love in the future, be sure to let me know. got it? Also, if you are already caught in an act of affection with your partner, know that you will be scolded.”

Suddenly, Titania came down from the dance floor and stopped. Then, my face started to turn bright red as the heat began to rise from my toes.

‘So, what I agree with your mother’s words until now is the love of ‘lovers’? I feel this way towards my ‘mother’?’

The moment you think of that –

Titania’s face turned red as if it were going to explode.

When Titania didn’t come down from the dance floor, Vivian looked up at her as if asking what was going on. Titania took a moment to catch her breath and looked down at her mother.

When Titania’s eyes met the green eyes seen through the small eye sockets of her mother’s wolf mask, Titania’s breath seemed to stop.

My mother said-

The emotions you feel are romantic feelings.

And that person is my beloved mother.

The feeling of becoming aware of emotions is just…

“Uh, uh…?”

I was so embarrassed that my whole body felt like it was going to explode.