episode_0084
by fnovelpiaYugram is smart.
In fact, it is questionable whether this simple expression of being smart can properly describe his abilities, but even so, it is true that he is smart. To be more specific, I would say that he is very quick-witted.
The total amount of knowledge he possesses is enormous, and he studies whenever he has time, and his brain works very quickly to utilize that knowledge. So, from my perspective, he is unavoidable. If there is something he doesn’t know, or if something is suspicious or something needs to be considered carefully, he asks Yugram everything and then acts, which has become a habit.
Because of that kind of Yugram, I knew that Yugram would always answer any question I asked right away, so seeing Yugram now not answering my question hastily and maintaining silence, I couldn’t help but feel uneasy.
As if I had just summoned up the courage to ask a question that I had always secretly thought about, that had been gnawing at me somewhere in the back of my mind.
Isn’t it true that Yugram has always thought this?
He thought it was a waste of time to waste on a royal failure who was only average in terms of ability and who wouldn’t be surprised if he collapsed and died at some point. He thought it would be good if he opposed the idea of leaving the palace and living together. Isn’t that what he thought?
I couldn’t help but think that way as I watched Yugram staring at me with a blank expression. I see. Yugram was thinking the same thing.
Otherwise, I would have already answered it. Just no. These four letters are enough to answer it.
The moment I realized that, my vision suddenly shook. I felt dizzy as if I was hearing ringing in my ears, and even though I was sitting in the chair, I had the illusion that the world was collapsing around me.
My nose was itchy. My eyes suddenly started to itch uncontrollably. I rubbed my eyes. My hands were wet. Why?
Yugram’s face suddenly began to distort. What on earth was going on? While I was surprised, something suddenly flowed down his face. Only then did I realize. I was crying.
As soon as I realized that, tears continued to pour down like a waterfall. From my only eye, over and over. I was just staring blankly at Yugram, and I saw Yugram, who had been standing there watching me, running towards me.
“Princess!”
Oh, even Yugram makes mistakes sometimes. You should call her Miss, not Princess.
I was trying to say something teasingly, but even when I opened my mouth, no sound came out properly. Only a moan, a sound that was not complete as a word, came out. Yugram hugged me.
Yugram walked briskly and carefully laid me down on the bed. However, I did not let go of Yugram’s sleeve that I was holding onto. Yugram awkwardly leaned against the bed.
“Princess, what’s the problem..”
“..Answer..quickly.”
My face was soaked with tears, and I couldn’t even utter a proper voice because I was sobbing, but I continued to demand answers from Yugram.
Otherwise, I really don’t think I’ll be able to hold back these tears.
But what if I really hear his true feelings?
I want to know, but I don’t want to hear.
But answer me.
“..From the beginning, it was my will that I followed the princess. I have no regrets about the decision I made on my own judgment.”
“Really..?”
What kind of face am I making right now? Is my face, hidden behind the waves of tears, expressionless as usual, or is it expressing some kind of emotion?
I had that thought as I looked at Yugram’s face. There was a puzzled expression on his face.
“Yes. I have never regretted being by the princess’ side.”
“Thank goodness..”
I felt a great sense of relief when Yugram looked into my eyes and said this. I wasn’t the obstacle holding Yugram back.
“..Yugram.”
“Yes, Princess.”
“Don’t leave my side.”
“Don’t worry.”
“Yugram.”
“Yes.”
“..Thank you.”
This is probably the best I can do for now.
I thanked Yugram.
Perhaps with a smiling face.
.
.
.
After confirming that Leah was asleep, Yugram left the room. Even so, he didn’t go far. He just left the room to collect his thoughts for a moment. Yugram’s head was complicated as he stood in the dormitory hallway.
Leah’s mental state was extremely unstable today. Of course, it is common knowledge that women of this age are emotionally weak, and Yugram was also fully aware of this fact.
Moreover, since he lives in the same space and is also her attending physician, it is something that Yoo Gram could not help but know, but the fact that it is a period that only exists for women may have also played a part in it.
‘But so what..?’
Women are naturally emotionally unstable, and this is especially true on days when their magical power is unstable. Given these prerequisites, can we say that Yugram is not responsible for what just happened? Yugram was not a man who set such lenient standards for himself.
─Do you regret following me, Yugram?
Yes. That was the word. Yugram stared into the empty space. That was the word. The moment she hesitated to answer that word, Leah’s emotions changed drastically. Why was it, it was difficult for Yugram to realize the reason because he was very far from understanding his own emotions, let alone others’ emotions.
As he continued to examine the situation, Yugram recalled Leah’s last face. A faint smile. How long had it been since he had seen Leah’s smile? Yugram’s memory went back in time. Leah, who always wore a mask called expressionless… What if that mask wasn’t there?
Leah is crying, covered in blood. She clenches her fists so hard that her nails dig into her palms, and blood flows from her mouth, where she bit into the blanket to keep herself from screaming. But the pain does not go away.
Yugram, who was about to administer narcotic painkillers because he couldn’t stand it anymore, was stopped by a small hand that was raised. He said that it was okay because he had to get used to it. It was a memory of seeing Leah when she wasn’t used to enduring pain like she is now.
..Come to think of it, Leah hasn’t laughed even once since she left the palace. Did Leah laugh at her own answer? With just one answer that she wouldn’t leave his side?
‘..You were anxious.’
From what? From himself, who could be said to be the person who knows all the circumstances. From himself, who could be said to be the last link to the king. From himself, who was like proof that there was a family he could not meet, so he was afraid that he would be abandoned.
That’s right. Yugram muttered bitterly. The princess is only 15 years old now. No, to be exact, 10 years old.. It would be okay to say that she has lived a life where she cannot meet her family ever since she was cursed. No matter how you look at it, it is not a normal life. It is true that Yugram herself does not have a family.. But didn’t she grow up receiving love called trust from her master, the queen?
‘If only I had answered the princess’s question in a hurry, the whole problem would have been solved. I guess it was my fault.’
Yugram concluded that it was because the various emotions and longing for her family that Leah had been suppressing had burst out because she thought that he might leave her. It was a bit of a leap of thought, but he understood that it was a completely possible worry. However, as he was thinking that way, Yugram suddenly had a strange thought.
‘In the first place… why couldn’t I answer the princess’s questions properly?’
Leah’s question of whether he regretted his choice to follow her? It wasn’t worth thinking about. It was exactly as he had answered Leah. Yugram had never regretted his choice so far. So he simply had to answer. I don’t regret it. Then, wouldn’t Leah have asked back? Why? Why..
‘..reason?’
Only then did Yugram realize.
There were many reasons to tell Leah. As her tutor, as her doctor, and under orders from the queen to protect her… there were countless reasons to follow Leah. However, Yugram did not want to tell Leah those reasons.
‘Why on earth?’
─It was my will to follow the princess.
The words he had said to Leah echoed in his head. It was my will. It was my will. It was my will…
Of course, this is true. It is said that various circumstances encouraged Yugram’s choice, but it is true that Yugram chose it of his own free will. But why did he tell Leah about it? What is the significance of the fact that he acted without any particular background, without being swayed by duty or purpose, and just following his heart?
‘But why did I say it so casually as if it were important?’
If Leah was afraid that she would leave, why didn’t she just mention the Queen, whom Leah trusted more than anyone else? She would continue to follow her mother’s orders as long as she did. Why did she give up such an easy path and say that it was the path she wanted?
Yugram had no idea what choice he had made. Some kind of fascination and incomprehensible emotions were growing in his heart, confusing him.
The night was passing by.
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