episode_0082

082

“Uh, ah, ugh?”

Jin Soyeon blinked her eyes wide open, stuttering.

She felt her heart beating uncontrollably, unable to calm her bewildered mind properly.

Was this what it felt like to have your blood run dry?

Confusion lingered in her beautiful golden eyes, and Jin Soyeon’s mind was adrift like a refugee ship lost at sea.

“What did Jinhyuk say?”

Could it be that Jinhyuk had already sensed her true feelings?

Or perhaps it was just another one of those silly jokes they used to play on each other in the past.

But the atmosphere was different this time.

Very different.

Jin Soyeon clenched her teeth tightly with a cloudy expression, biting her lower lip lightly. She was at a loss on how to react, hesitating without knowing what to do.

“Uh, well, that… ”

Swallowing hard, Jin Soyeon tried to force a smile to soothe her stiff face.

But all she could manage with her tense facial muscles was an awkward and unnatural half-smile.

“Oh, what are you saying again?”

“It’s not funny as a joke, Jinhyuk. Haha.”

“Oh, haha, ha… ha.”

The forced laughter eventually died down.

Trying to cover up the awkwardness with a smile, Jin Soyeon finally lowered her head slightly and let out a sigh.

She had initially tried to brush it off like a joke, but it seemed like it wasn’t the right mood for playful banter after all.

Jin Soyeon raised her flushed face.

She glanced at Jinhyuk discreetly, but he just shook a beer can lightly and looked at her blankly.

His inscrutable gaze fixed on her face, making her tense up and clench and unclench her fists repeatedly.

After a moment of silence, Jin Soyeon opened her lips slightly with a trembling voice.

She couldn’t brush it off like a joke anymore.

“…A bit shameless, don’t you think?”

With a bitter expression and a wry smile, Jin Soyeon finally met his gaze and spoke softly.

It was a voice tinged with disappointment and self-deprecation.

“I know too. It’s selfish of me to harbor these feelings now.”

“Soyeon.”

Jin Soyeon lightly clenched her fist.

“I’ve done a lot of things to you, like the fake relationship.”

Asking her childhood friend to pretend to be in a fake relationship because she was tired of dealing with guys had been a mistake.

She regretted how much Jinhyuk had suffered because of her foolish request.

“I didn’t know. I thought… having many opposite-sex friends around… would feel like this.”

Jin Soyeon gripped her chest tightly.

She hadn’t realized that just seeing the person she liked with other girls would cause her heart to crumble like this.

It had only been a few weeks since she had come to terms with her feelings for Jinhyuk, but every time he laughed and joked with other girls, a part of her heart ached.

It felt like being pricked with needles, feeling pain and even experiencing unwarranted jealousy that he might be interested in someone else.

She had no right to be jealous.

“I… I made you feel this pain for years… without knowing… and now, to say these things… it’s truly shameless, isn’t it?”

The golden eyes, now filled with moisture, gazed quietly at Lee Jinhyuk. The trembling pupils conveyed feelings of guilt and sorrow.

“Well… from your perspective, I’ve been carelessly hanging out with other guys without any serious thoughts… so saying this now… it might make you feel uncomfortable…”

Even if forgiveness was granted, the fact remained that the wounds inflicted over the years had not changed.

It could be said that revealing such emotions on such a topic was truly embarrassing.

However, when Jin Soyeon mistakenly thought that Lee Jinhyuk had died, she realized something.

That Lee Jinhyuk was more than just a childhood friend.

The reason they could spend over 10 years together was not just from the emotion of friendship, but from the emotion of love.

Having experienced the loss once before, she knew that maintaining a superficial relationship as childhood friends would not be enough to stay together in the future.

Therefore, Jin Soyeon made up her mind.

Even if it seemed shameless and selfish, she decided to go all the way this time.

Regretting without doing anything, regretting after losing Lee Jinhyuk, once was enough.

“I… I think I’ve liked you since I was young. I know I realize it quite late.”

Jin Soyeon hesitated as she spoke slowly, her lips trembling.

“Oh, no, let me be clear. I like you.”

“…”

“I… I like… you. Yeah, that’s right, yeah.”

“…”

“I actually planned to tell you later, but… considering the current situation, I felt like I shouldn’t be too relaxed.”

“…”

Although she had received countless confessions before, confessing directly to someone was a first for her.

Confessing was nerve-wracking and difficult.

Jin Soyeon glanced at Lee Jinhyuk sneakily.

Lee Jinhyuk, without saying a word, simply gazed at Jin Soyeon’s face.

‘In the end, it turned out like this.’

Lee Jinhyuk sighed quietly to himself.

He had expected it, but he didn’t expect Jin Soyeon to go this far.

‘I didn’t expect her to confess for real.’

He had mentioned it directly to see Jin Soyeon’s reaction, but unexpectedly, Jin Soyeon didn’t avoid it and instead confessed seriously.

If it were the usual Jin Soyeon, she would have dismissed it as nonsense.

But today’s Jin Soyeon was different.

She chose to break through head-on.

‘I thought Soyeon might like me, but…’

It wasn’t just because of Jin Soyeon’s character setting.

Since Jin Soyeon opened her eyes in the hospital, her gaze, words, and attitude towards Lee Jinhyuk had changed significantly.

She would watch Lee Jinhyuk with a keen interest whenever he interacted with other girls, and when their eyes met, she would awkwardly smile and avoid it, and she didn’t get along with other boys as much as before.

Was she subtly checking on Lee Jinhyuk?

Her behavior was very similar to that of a young teenage girl who had just realized the feeling of love for the first time and didn’t know what to do with her emotions.

Jin Soyeon was exactly like that.

If it were another girl instead of Jin Soyeon, they might not have noticed the change.

But Lee Jinhyuk and Jin Soyeon had been together for over 10 years.

Even if it was such a significant change, Lee Jinhyuk, being who he was, could easily notice it.

Moreover, wasn’t Lee Jinhyuk carefully observing Jin Soyeon’s changes as a precaution for any unforeseen circumstances?

With Jin Soyeon clearly showing different behavior lately, he had no choice but to notice.

In the first place, well…

Jinhyuk knew that he liked Soyeon in the setup, he knew that he realized his feelings after her death, and Soyeon had been asking who he liked all along.

“Even today, Soyeon’s reaction was so different from usual.”

He thought it was screwed when he got drunk.

Considering Soyeon’s usual personality, it was obvious that she would nag for a long time. However, Soyeon took a deep breath and let it go without much concern.

Up to this point, it could be understandable, but when Soyeon suddenly said she wanted to drink, it was a situation where he had to admit it was unexpected.

In this situation, it seemed strange not to know.

He wasn’t a clueless character A that seemed to come out only in some subculture genre.

Well, judging by his usual behavior, he seemed clueless, but…

“This is… ”

Jinhyuk honestly felt a bit awkward after Soyeon confessed to him.

He definitely didn’t dislike her, but it was a bit ambiguous to say he liked her romantically.

It seemed like he had harbored feelings of kindness when he was young.

However, since the memories of his past life resurfaced, Soyeon had become his favorite character and childhood friend in a very strong sense.

No, even excluding these reasons, he had no intention of accepting her confession.

Because he was planning to confront the Rebellion members head-on from now on, and he couldn’t afford to have conflicts with someone like Ishiwoon with a strong background.

When Soyeon was kidnapped, she received great help from Ishiwoon’s bodyguards.

He clearly realized that Ishiwoon’s background would be very helpful in restraining and dealing with the Rebellion members.

If he were to establish a relationship beyond what was necessary with Soyeon now, he was sure to clash with Ishiwoon.

Jinhyuk was not in a relaxed enough situation to unnecessarily resent the male lead.

Soyeon hoped to get along with Ishiwoon and other powerful figures as much as possible.

“Seems like she’s still not getting along with Kangdaehan. But it’s surprising. I thought she would get along with Kangdaehan quickly.”

Since there was a setting that Kangdaehan quite liked Soyeon when she was young, they quickly became close in the game.

Maybe Soyeon didn’t realize that she was the girl he met when she was young.

Anyway, Kangdaehan seemed to be clueless too.

“Soyeon.”

“Uh… ”

Breaking the silence, he called out Soyeon’s name.

Soyeon just weakly answered with her eyes downcast. It was instinctual. He knew what Jinhyuk was going to say.

“Thank you for thinking well of me, but I’m sorry.”

“Uh… ”

For a moment, Soyeon’s eyes teared up.

But soon after, she made a bitter expression as if saying it was okay.

“Well, yeah, that’s how it is… It’s okay, uh… I expected it enough…”

Yes, she expected it.

She knew Jinhyuk would reject her.

She wasn’t shocked now because she had already confessed under the assumption that he would reject her.

What else could she be shocked about like a fool?

Just by confessing, she had already achieved her goal.

Whether Jinhyuk liked it or not, he would be conscious of it.

But…

A little, really just a little, it’s sad.

Ah, it’s expected, after all.

I didn’t expect it, but now that I’ve experienced it firsthand, it feels different.

Thinking about it now, Soyeon was just standing in a position to be rejected by someone.

So this rejection experience was truly a first-time experience, quite different. Yes, different.

I wonder if everyone felt this way when they were rejected by Soyeon?

If so, I’m a little sorry.

This feeling of heartache…

“Soyeon, maybe your feelings are just a temporary effect of the adrenaline rush from the dangerous situation. You helped in a risky situation, so it could be a temporary illusion…”

“It’s not an illusion.”

Suddenly meeting eyes with firm determination, Jin Soyeon spoke in a resolute voice.

“It’s not an illusion… so please don’t say that, Jinhyeok.”

“Okay, sorry.”

“No need to apologize…”

No, it was only right to apologize for uttering nonsense that insulted her feelings, knowing clearly what was in Jin Soyeon’s heart.

In an effort to dispel the tense atmosphere, Jin Soyeon forced a faint smile.

“Ah, haha, I think I said something silly after drinking.”

“…”

“Well, what I wanted to say was, um…”

Seemingly hesitating for a moment, Jin Soyeon soon raised her voice.

“…I wanted to say that I like you. Oh, um, is it awkward?”

“Soyeon. I already told you that I like someone else.”

“I know… but hearing it directly still hurts a bit. Well, it’s my own fault, I guess.”

Knowing that the person you like likes someone else was indeed a painful thing.

But confessing wasn’t about giving up on such matters.

For Jin Soyeon, today’s confession was not an end but rather a beginning. Yes, a declaration to Lee Jinhyeok.

It was Jin Soyeon’s outcry, made only after fearing rejection.

“…I don’t know who you like, but we’re not dating or anything yet, right?”

So maybe there’s still a chance until then?

“So until then, can I like you?”

“Well, it’ll only make things difficult for you, so let’s not do that and just…”

“Oh, I can’t hear you~.”

Jin Soyeon playfully covered her ears and hummed.

“You know, I’m a bit stubborn.”

Even about my feelings for you.

“So I’ll just like you… um, was that too bold? Oh, haha.”

“Jin Soyeon.”

“Don’t make it too awkward just because I said I like you. You like me too. So, we shouldn’t avoid each other on Monday, right?”

Regaining her usual demeanor, Jin Soyeon quickly expressed her thoughts and then got up from her seat.

No, she didn’t regain her usual demeanor.

She was just pretending.

“It’s getting late, so I’ll go in first. See you later, Jinhyeok.”

“Where are you going after drinking?”

Unable to continue the conversation with Jinhyeok, Jin Soyeon waved her hand with a forced smile.

“I’m already awake~.”

“Hey, Jin Soyeon, wait!”

Without looking back, Jin Soyeon quickly walked away.

Jinhyeok just let out a deep sigh.

“I don’t think she’ll easily give up if I tell her. It might be awkward for Lee Siwoon to see her like that.”

So maybe since it turned out like this, should I really try dating someone else?

Well, as much as Jinhyeok wasn’t trash to date someone else just to make Jin Soyeon give up, it was just a frustrating thought.

***

“Ah, I messed up, I messed up.”

Back in her room, Jin Soyeon lay on her bed, staring blankly at the ceiling while hugging a penguin plushie tightly.

“It’s not working out. It was obvious, but I still had a glimmer of hope.”

Jin Soyeon looked at herself in the full-length mirror.

A beautiful face reflected back at her, but a girl with a hint of embarrassment and loneliness was staring back.

Sniff.

“Oh.”

A single tear rolled down her cheek.

Taken aback by the sudden tears, Jin Soyeon was flustered.

“T-This is embarrassing, embarrassing. Crying over something like this…”

It’s too pathetic, coming home and crying like this.

It feels like a real breakup, even more so.

“I look pathetic, I… feel like a fool…”

Jinhyuk already knew that his heart had moved on.

He knew that he liked someone else.

It was truly pitiful and shameful to cling on like this, but even so, he didn’t want to give up.

No, he couldn’t give up.

“…But if Jinhyuk really starts dating someone else, then I…”

Jinhyuk dating someone else?

A fleeting, unpleasant thought crossed Soyeon’s mind.

It was such a bad thought that Soyeon herself was startled and quickly shook her head back and forth.

W-What are you thinking, Soyeon?

No matter what, let’s not entertain such strange thoughts.

“…”

Soyeon absentmindedly gazed out the window.

The moonlight, as always, scattered its mysterious glow all around.