episode_0077

077.

“Ah.”

Jin Soyeon carefully floated along the stream of consciousness.

Beyond the fragments of memories swirling around her, Jin Soyeon slowly reached out her hand.

As she cautiously retraced the footsteps of her first memories, she eventually arrived at her childhood memories.

Was it during her time in kindergarten?

Back then, Jin Soyeon wasn’t as cheerful as she is now, nor was she selfless. She always had a sharp gaze, a cold expression, and tended to reject approaching children.

Her demeanor reminded one of a hedgehog with its sharp thorns raised, trying to protect itself.

“It was a long time ago…”

Jin Soyeon grew up in what is commonly known as a stepmother household. Her mother raised her alone at a young age, as her father was absent.

However, her mother was busy with work on weekdays, coming home late and often napping out of exhaustion on weekends. It was a challenging environment where giving a lot of attention and love to a child was difficult.

Moreover, being in a stepmother household was a significant vulnerability for Jin Soyeon. To the kindergarten children, she was nothing more than a tempting target. Young children can be cruel in their innocence.

Instinctively, Jin Soyeon realized that she was a vulnerable person who couldn’t receive proper protection from adults.

The boys would tease and bother Jin Soyeon, feeling awkward about their budding feelings towards a beautiful girl they had never seen before. The girls, on the other hand, would ostracize Jin Soyeon out of jealousy for her appearance.

A few boys who secretly liked her would play pranks on her, irritating her. Even when handsome boys approached her, she would reject them as if they were bothersome, making the girls dislike her even more.

They thought she was just showing off because of her looks, but that was all they thought.

“It must have been tough.”

The children bothered Jin Soyeon for various reasons. Whether mixed with kindness or malice, harassment was still harassment.

As a result, Jin Soyeon couldn’t help but develop a strong aversion to interacting with children. While she didn’t start with a cold attitude from the beginning, the children’s harassment significantly influenced her behavior and attitude over time.

Due to the resentment that grew in the children towards Jin Soyeon, she often reacted more harshly than necessary and sometimes even got into fights out of anger.

As a result, Jin Soyeon found herself isolated in kindergarten. Being bullied at school and neglected at home, her thought patterns and behavior gradually took a negative turn.

Environment played a crucial role in shaping the children’s personalities and temperaments, and Jin Soyeon’s negative experiences in her chaotic world only reinforced this negative direction.

While her mother did care, her busy work schedule made it practically impossible to take care of Jin Soyeon meticulously. Jin Soyeon also didn’t disclose everything that happened at kindergarten, and the kindergarten staff tried to downplay the incidents to avoid making a big deal out of them.

Since the children didn’t openly harass Jin Soyeon, the teachers often brushed off the incidents as minor conflicts between children.

In truth, through years of experience, I realized that helping a child without a father rarely brings much in return.

It was ultimately a vicious cycle.

Slowly but surely, malice was seeping into Jinsuyeon’s heart.

Instinctively, she felt the sticky, murky emotions taking root in the depths of her heart.

Lost in the grip of malice.

One day.

A boy transferred to the kindergarten.

The boy named Lee Jinhyuk quickly integrated himself among the children shortly after transferring.

With his warm and altruistic personality, he gained some popularity among the children.

Unlike Jinsuyeon.

“When I first met Jinhyuk, he was, well, a bit like that.”

At that time, Jinsuyeon didn’t particularly like Lee Jinhyuk.

She didn’t like how he would smile and act friendly towards her for no reason.

Despite her repeated refusals, he would persistently offer help with a smile on his face.

Normally, one would get angry or give up, but Lee Jinhyuk never gave up.

Even when faced with insults, he would shrug his shoulders as if it didn’t bother him and would reach out to help Jinsuyeon whenever she needed it.

Whether it was finding lost indoor shoes due to the girls’ pranks, sharing his belongings when she forgot hers, or running to her defense when she was teased, Lee Jinhyuk not only helped Jinsuyeon but also made efforts to improve her relationships with the kindergarten children.

With a boy entering Jinsuyeon’s closed-off world, many things began to change gradually.

The kindergarten, once a place of torment and hardship, and the lonely and dark household.

These two places were Jinsuyeon’s entire world and everything at the same time.

But the gloomy kindergarten life became quite enjoyable with the boy’s presence, and whenever she was alone in the dark household, the boy would come and brighten her days.

Isn’t it amazing how a dark world can be brightened just by being together?

Lee Jinhyuk invited her to his home, calling her a neighbor, and there, she experienced the warmth of a normal family home.

His parents treated Jinsuyeon as if she were their own child, giving her the love and attention she never received from her own mother.

From Lee Jinhyuk, she learned how people interact and form relationships. Sometimes they may fight, but they always make up in the end. She learned to play, laugh, and chat with friends. She learned how to smile kindly instead of frowning. She learned that helping those in need is a good thing.

Jinsuyeon had watched Lee Jinhyuk grow up by her side since they were young.

For a chick who hadn’t learned much from her mother who worked alone, Lee Jinhyuk was a kind of guide and benchmark.

He became a standard by which she judged right and wrong, good and evil, and what should and shouldn’t be done.

Lee Jinhyuk firmly established himself as a reference point in Jinsuyeon’s heart.

Suddenly, Jinsuyeon thought to herself.

She wanted to be like Lee Jinhyuk.

And so, Jinsuyeon began to mimic Lee Jinhyuk.

When he helped others, she also offered her help.

When he dreamed of being a hero, she also dreamed of being a hero.

When he set his sights on the Union, she also set her sights on the Union.

Jinhyuk was not only Jinsoyeon’s family, friend, but also an object of admiration, so she wanted to look at the same things he looked at and walk where he walked.

She always wanted to be someone who could laugh brightly, get along well with others, and help when needed.

Just like what he did for Jinsoyeon.

She wanted to live a heroic life with Jinhyuk and help others.

But when she thought Jinhyuk was dead.

Jinsoyeon could understand.

She couldn’t help but realize the sense of loss of not being able to see Jinhyuk again, the fear that Jinhyuk had fallen with blood flowing, the guilt that Jinhyuk had come to save her and faced death.

The desire to be like him did not simply stem from admiration, affection, and gratitude.

The feeling of wanting to resemble him, walk with him, and be with him was too big to be confined within the framework of childhood friends.

The kindness and fondness towards him were not just as a childhood friend.

At that moment, Jinsoyeon felt as if the world was crumbling.

Everything she had built up until now collapsed into a mess that she couldn’t even recognize.

She couldn’t talk to Jinhyuk anymore, laugh and joke around, or share silly jokes.

She had never imagined a life without him by her side.

Jinhyuk was always there by her side.

It was natural and should have been.

But if Jinhyuk died?

Never talk again?

Not by my side?

Thinking like that made her head spin and her mind couldn’t even breathe properly because of her trembling heart and shaking arms and legs.

It was difficult to control her body because of her pounding heart and trembling limbs.

Her mind was half-dazed, and she felt like she might have acid reflux due to the sense of loss and guilt.

When she lost him, she finally realized.

Jinhyuk was not only a necessary presence that had to be by Jinsoyeon’s side but also a much more precious existence than Jinsoyeon thought.

Beyond family, friends, and admiration, he held feelings that were more than that.

He was an existence that should never be lost.

Jinsoyeon clearly realized that.

He was Jinsoyeon’s family, friend, mentor, and at the same time, a person she loved.

He was half of Jinsoyeon’s life and a companion she had to be with in the future.

‘Ah, I…’

The affectionate feelings that she had deeply hidden in her heart until now.

No, this feeling that she thought was affection was not affection at all.

Calling it affection was too tender, calling it kindness was too gentle… Jinsoyeon had been hiding this feeling under the name of friendship, but now she would reveal it openly.

She decided to be honest about the true identity of the feelings she had harbored for Jinhyuk for a long time.

Because she didn’t want to regret anymore.

Because she didn’t want to lose it.

Because she wanted to be together.

Therefore, Jinsoyeon decided to be honest about her feelings that she had been glimpsing deep in her heart.

That she liked Jinhyuk.

No, that she loved him.

‘I miss you.’

The moment she thought that.

Finally, Jinsoyeon could open her eyes.

Beyond the remnants of consciousness, she was able to meet Jinhyuk again.

***

“Huh?”

“Jin, Hyuk?”

“So, Soyeon! Are you awake now?!”

As she slowly opened her heavy eyelids, she could see Jinhyuk’s face through the blurry vision.

“Jinhyuk, where am I?”

“At the hospital! How long have you been unconscious?”

Jinhyuk looked surprised.

“Wait, wait. Let me call the doctor and nurse first.”

Staring intently at Lee Jinhyuk, who hurriedly pressed the doorbell, I could sense a strange warmth on his face, perhaps due to the long-awaited sight of Jinhyuk’s face.

Thump!

“Huh, huh?”

Thump thump!

“What, what’s going on? Why is my heart racing like this?”

Why is my heart acting up?!

Why am I trembling like this? What is this? Did something break down somewhere?

Realizing what it means to like someone, and even to love them, my foolish heart was trembling uncontrollably.

Having vividly experienced the emotion of love for the first time in her life, Soyeon couldn’t adapt and blamed her fluttering heart for no reason.

“Soyeon? Are you okay? Are you hurt somewhere?”

“Oh, no, I’m fine!”

Stupid me, I bit my tongue!

Soyeon, you fool! Why do you keep doing this?

It’s Jinhyuk, Jinhyuk! …Let’s not make a big deal out of it. Stay calm, like usual, stay calm.

But wait, did I just wake up after a long time?

What if my face looks weird?

Is there a mirror around here?

…No, no! Wait!

Why am I thinking about that again!

Let’s just act normal, like usual!

“Since I called the doctor and nurse, just hold on a little longer, okay?”

“Uh, okay, I got it…”

As her face slightly brightened just by looking at him, Soyeon swallowed dryly and shyly turned her head away.

“If I had woken up a little earlier, I could have seen Yuseolhyun too, it’s a bit disappointing.”

“…Yuseolhyun?”

In an instant.

The heart that was beating happily started to tighten and constrict.