episode_0077
by adminI quietly watch my child meditate.
To be honest, the reason I made my child meditate was not for anything else.
I wanted to see for myself what kind of condition this young god was in. Anyway, it was morning. There was still time until lunch at the earliest.
As I watch my child meditate, I feel my abilities being called upon. My child’s abilities are trying to correspond to my abilities.
… You must know the ability. You know that this is not normal.
“Hoo… .”
I let out a small sigh. The child seemed to be in deep meditation, almost asleep.
-Seuseuseut… .
The child’s abilities seem to be developing, but they seem to be blocked in the middle.
… From my perspective, knowing to some extent what the child was afraid of, I couldn’t help but frown when I saw that.
I admit that I was afraid of running wild, but I never expected it would get to the point where I would reject what was inside me.
It was absurd to leave that state alone. What kind of trick is it to control and purify the mind?
“Tsk.”
-Crack.
My teeth were chattering. I was angry at myself. Thinking that I couldn’t delay any longer, I began to enter the child’s mind.
…
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Bogurruk.
I opened my eyes to the sound of water drops rising. It was strange.
This is the inside of the child’s mind. There was definitely no such thing as water before.
Why? I didn’t understand. How can one person’s heart change so drastically?
Or maybe what I went into last time wasn’t that deep in my heart?
I hear something sniffling. As if it’s always been like this… .
The light seemed to be hovering over it, trying to do something, but the child did not listen.
That’s it, boy. That’s ability.
“Yeon-ah- Yeon-ah, please… .”
I watch the child quietly as he does this. I hear a rattling sound like metal.
It sounds like someone is chopping something up.
… Wait, really?
“Stop it!”
“… ?”
The child looked at me without even a hint of embarrassment. … I finally realized what it was. What the child was doing was killing his emotions.
First, I held the child in my arms.
“… . Warm… .”
The child instinctively sought warmth and lay quietly in my arms. I looked at him quietly, wondering if it was because of Baekho’s ability, but he shook his head.
… Is it because I have never experienced this kind of warmth before?
I looked around once more.
I could instinctively tell that this was how things got to this point because all the emotions were killed indiscriminately.
The child was younger inside than I had seen him from outside. No, he had to be young. It was also something that had to be done to him.
… Also, such impulsive behavior was definitely something that only a child could do.
“Dang-You, the modern version of the kid’s favorite joke? Bu-Please! Please, Yeon-i won’t listen to me… . So… !”
“First, calm down and talk slowly. What on earth is going on?”
“That- That’s… .”
… . Baekho’s ability. I could hear the words of this power that was almost like the main body descending.
“… . Was it something like that?”
There is no one a child can trust. There is only someone he wants to protect.
I know that what the child is doing is wrong, and the child also knows that ability. In most cases, ability does not have self-awareness.
The ability knows that he had to avoid what the child wanted to prevent from happening.
But the child doesn’t know. Baekho doesn’t know how that event was depicted in the child’s memory.
“In that case, just look through this fire.”
When the child is completely consumed by poison. If that is the starting point, then it is enough to look back from that point.
The darkness in the child’s memory, as seen in this way, was not at the level of ability that could be described.
“… . This is.”
It was despair. It was a level of darkness that made me question whether I could have gotten out of it by relying on my own light.
“… … . Baby… .”
My heart ached. I understood why the child was having such a hard time. Ability couldn’t come to his senses at the sight of the child like that. No, it was as if he wanted to believe that it couldn’t be true.
“No, I-”
Leaving the negativity aside, he asked the child.
“Why do you kill your emotions?”
“I’m afraid of that time.”
“When then?”
“When I tried to kill my father… .”
A voice that was even more childish, like a child’s. Even though it was devoid of emotion, I frowned at the faint hint of childish innocence in it.
It was a pity. What I saw in the child was not anger. How many innocent, pure children are there?
Despite being so strong and capable of self-restraint, they raised this child like this. No, it’s a characteristic of the white tiger to begin with, so there’s nothing to say about that part.
“But… . Ha… .”
But the thought that this wasn’t right kept on leaving my head. What on earth should I do with this harmless child?
It felt like tears were blocking my vision. It couldn’t even be expressed in one word, ‘sad’. It was like that… .
He was a child who could have grown up as a human being. We also acknowledge that it is difficult to understand and raise him because he cannot continue the direct lineage due to being a collateral line.
So, most families choose to hide it and treat it with extreme caution.
Still, the white tiger has remained in this strange form for hundreds of years. How on earth can it change this?
I know very well what children are afraid of. I know it best.
Because I can read this child’s memories.
I know how hard and harsh it is. That’s why it was even harder.
“… . Hoo… .”
What on earth should I do with this child? What on earth should I do with this little child?
What should I do with a child who is looking for his mother’s embrace, leaning forward as if he is happy to be held in this embrace? Even if I let him know that what he is afraid of may not happen…
Then he will ask himself why he has been suppressing his emotions.
“Ha.”
I feel overwhelmed. My emotions are running high. I look around, wondering if there is any way I can change this child’s emotions.
I look at where the child’s dead emotions go. I look at why the child’s insides are so full of water.
“… . This is.”
It was a sea of sorrow. Extreme depression that was created by simply enduring, containing, and tearing everything to death.
“Baby… .”
The torn emotions gather again, settle there as sediment, and transform into sadness. They transform into something suppressed.
It is the same now. When the child kills the sadness that has come up, it turns into suppressed sadness.
“Huh?”
At my call, the child raises his head again and looks at me.
“Yes. Why? Why is that? Your Majesty?”
The child asked innocently, without even knowing that I cared about him.
“… … Can’t you stop killing your emotions?”
“… I don’t like it. I don’t want to be dark like that again. I don’t like running at people as if I’m going to kill them. That’s too scary.”
“… … … .”
I had nothing to say.
I knew better than anyone what the child meant when he said that. The power that had been watching us from the side approached the child and said,
“Da- Never again, I won’t leave you alone. Okay? Please…! Stop it, please Yeon-ah…! Please…!”
At the sight of her running towards him, the child’s expression instantly became bleak. He simply turned his head away and said.
“Can’t I just kill them all?”
“… . What?”
“Emotions. Without them, it’s comfortable. There’s no need to run around or break anything.”
“… .”
I thought it was something that shouldn’t come out of a child’s mouth. No matter what the child thinks, it’s wrong and I need to confront him.
So what happens to this child?
I couldn’t touch it rashly.
This is the reason why most of the Baekho family’s illegitimate children were ruined, but Jujak couldn’t fix them.
Cover your face. I want to make this child better somehow, but I can’t think of a way.
Then, an idea flashed through my mind.
“Baby.”
“Yes?”
“If the baby suppresses his emotions, the joy he used to feel will no longer be there for him. Is that okay?”
“… … … .”
The child seemed troubled. Okay, just think about it a little longer. I know you treasured it, baby. So…
“I don’t like that… I don’t like it, but… .”
“If you don’t like it, you can just not do it, right? Think about it, do you like your house now or not?”
“… I hate home.”
“How was your trip?”
“It was good… .”
“Yeah, you can’t avoid everything. But, at least, you can avoid things you don’t want to do or be with, right?”
“… … . Hmm… But, the liquid is warm… .”
“… What?”
“If there is no emotion, the liquid is warm. You can sleep. In it.”
“Yeon-ah-ah… .”
The ability was called by a long name.
That was such a shocking statement. Liquid is actually warm. I can handle it.
“… . Yeon-ah, that’s… .”
It was bad. Why are humans human? Aren’t they human because they don’t feel emotions and act according to instinct?
That instinct is expressed in some kind of individuality, which makes us human.
However, the opposite is true, killing emotions and making liquids comfortable… .
The story was that this child was falling into something other than human.
… the situation was more serious than expected.
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