episode_0076

The little rascal does various things to me and tries to get me back in some way.

I didn’t feel anything about the thing itself. No, I couldn’t feel anything.

Because I had already killed the heart that existed inside him, everything that the little rascal did was meaningless to me. Every time that happened, the little rascal started to shed tears.

It was the first time.

It’s strange to see someone cry like this in front of me.

”Why on earth, why is that happening, why… “

I couldn’t understand why the little magpie was crying so much.

I just did this to protect her and others. Is that something to be criticized for?

If feelings are so important, why did you teach me to give up?

It wasn’t a feeling of hatred or anything like that. Rather, it was a feeling of doubt.

Does it mean that what’s important to them isn’t important to me?

I didn’t understand. I couldn’t understand. Aren’t they typical people who say that things that others do shouldn’t be done?

I didn’t feel angry. I was indifferent. It just didn’t make sense logically. What am I to them?

“… . Sigh… .”

Everything was starting to become a nuisance.

At my sigh, the girl who had been showing off her talents in front of me flinched a little. It seemed as if she thought she had offended me.

Of course, that wasn’t the case.

Meeting her was one of the more enjoyable things for me. To be honest, I still find it strange that those sparks still seem to be calling me.

“Yeo-yeon-ah… ?”

She shows tears at my reaction.

“… Sorry.”

“… ”

Was my reaction dry, or did she just not like my reaction?

Well, it was good either way.

Because all I was thinking about was getting out of this situation.

It wasn’t that big of a deal. It was just a matter of returning to my usual self.

“Do you have anything else to say?”

As I looked at the young magpie and asked, the young magpie in front of me started to cry even more.

… Is it that shocking?

“… You don’t know how serious this is.”

“Yes.”

At my words, she took a deep breath, seemingly trying to calm herself down.

“Killing your emotions, Yeon-ah. It’s killing you.”

I couldn’t understand what she was saying. Does it make sense that killing my emotions would kill me?

Aren’t emotions not people?

“Why do you think people feel emotions and live? Yeon-ah?”

She continued talking, as if to show me how big a deal I had done.

“… That’s because you are. Yeon-ah. The reason people feel emotions and live, the reason those emotions are precious!

That’s what makes you who you are, Yeon-ah… .“

She showed tears. It was the face of someone who was truly sorry.

However, my mind, which had killed off emotions, began to understand her words logically.

Was it because each person had a different way of accepting and processing those emotions?

If that’s what she meant, it makes sense that she would react this way.

Aren’t they saying that the individuality of a person is created by emotions?

If that’s the case, then it makes sense and makes sense that the ability was trying to stop me from continuing to cut off and exclude my emotions.

But if that was the case, then the question was even more, why did I have to live like this?

However, my doubts did not last long.

“Yeon-ah.”

Because the person I hate the most, the person in my family, came into this room.

*

Dry, tasteless, and cold words are exchanged.

It was the first time since the day we first met that Yeon-i had reacted like this to me.

I felt like all my efforts were going down the drain.

I heard to some extent why Yeon-i made that choice, but I didn’t understand it.

‘What, you don’t want the people around you to get hurt…?’

It was not a good thing to kill emotions. It was like killing the person’s very individuality.

And that was the exclusion of emotion due to repression.

Although Yeon-i knew that there was no other way, I was more afraid of what kind of hurt this would bring to Yeon-i.

Sacrificing yourself to save those around you. Then what about those around you who care about you?

It was a nonsensical story from the start.

So, I just hoped that it was a lie that Yeon-i had killed all of her emotions. I just hoped that Yeon-i’s emotions hadn’t completely disappeared.

However, my wish ended with the child sighing upon seeing the powers I wield.

‘They really killed them all… .’

There wasn’t even a rumbling sound.

If only I had heard that faint sound, there might have been a glimmer of hope.

But that wasn’t the case. That meant Yeon-i had really killed them all.

My heart was so sad.

*

“Yeon-ah.”

I watch them come in as the door opens again.

I clearly remember going to talk to the master.

I guess he was talking about my condition.

Because it seemed like Jujak understood why I became like this.

“Yes, ma’am.”

I felt her flinch, perhaps because of the difference in weight contained in the word ‘Madam.’

I was staring at her, thinking, “Is that how much I’ve changed?”

Then, she took a deep breath for a moment and began to speak to me.

“Today, I’m going to the town I used to live in. Is that okay?”

“Yes.”

Actually, there was no need to say anything. All I had to do was go out.

Anyway, I remember that the purpose of this trip was not to go here, but to go there and come back.

Besides, I remember that what the head of household ordered was to look around.

“Okay, then shall we go out now?”

At her words, Jujak stopped her and spoke.

“How about eating breakfast before you go out?”

“No, if you stay here, you know.”

It was a tricky task to figure out what she meant, but she still glanced at me and whispered something.

“… . If that’s the case, then yes. That’s fine.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

“No, I appreciate it more.”

I didn’t know what they were talking about, but I understood that they were going to stay here a little longer and then have some food before leaving.

“Baby.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Would you like to spend some time with me before you eat?”

“… . Yes.”

It seemed like he was going to do something again. I tried to think about what he was going to do this time, but wasn’t it my job to follow the above words?

When I think about it that way, I can understand to some extent why they told me to erase my emotions.

I now understand that my relationship with them was one of listening to orders, nothing more, nothing less.

‘So, I guess that’s why you maintained that position.’

So, I guess the madam didn’t like the way they treated me. To them.

How surprising that a bastard who is a piece of trash is favored by a nobleman.

Even an illegitimate child who has not even entered the natural world.

After I understood, I should have felt angry. That was the kind of story it was. But I didn’t feel that kind of boiling over.

Originally, there were things that could be felt, even if faintly, but now there was nothing like that.

As I quietly followed the lead of Jujak, I had to organize each and every thought that came to mind.

… . There was also a strange feeling that if I didn’t do it, it would explode again someday.

It was strange. I thought I had clearly killed him by taking away all his emotions.

Are there any survivors out there?

-“You don’t have to get rid of your feelings, Yeon-ah…! I’m this strong- If only I didn’t get involved, if only I didn’t…!”

Again, the voice of power echoed inside my head, but I learned that power cannot be killed.

I learned that without it you can’t fight a proper battle with the liquid.

I heard that the reason I learned how to handle my abilities was for the battle with the evil one that would come someday, so there was nothing I could do about it.

“Sigh… .”

It was hard. Seriously. I just wanted to disappear like this.

Whether he knew my feelings or not, Jujak looked back at me and said.

“You’ve arrived.”

What she arrived at was, surprisingly, a smokescreen full of dirt.

“… . Why are you here?”

“I came to meditate with you.”

“… Meditation?”

It was really a random question. Why would we meditate? There would be no reason for me and her to do something like that.

She smiled faintly at my question.

“Don’t erase your emotions, just meditate.”

“Just… ?”

Although I didn’t understand much, I nodded silently and sat down.

Soon, I felt her abilities shining through.

Still, I didn’t understand what was going on.