episode_0076

“Where on earth are you working so hard….”

As I looked down again, my thin pajamas were caught on something and sticking out awkwardly.

Thanks to the time I spent getting to know my own body in detail, it took me less than a second to figure out what it was.

My hand that had suddenly stuck out hit Siwoo’s forehead squarely.

“D-Don’t look!!”

Siwoo, who was hit on the forehead, almost fell over along with the chair. He barely regained his balance and sat up, glaring at me.

“Did you forget? I’m still recovering?”

“Hey, even so, what? Is it okay to look at me so blatantly…?!”

“Oh…. Did it show?”

Oh my goodness. Isn’t he embarrassed at all?

Does he know that he’s the same as me and act like that on purpose?

“I told you not to use me as a target for your desires.”

“That, that was an accident.”

“But still! Don’t look at me like I’m some object of desire!”

Even though his gaze was suspicious, it was too suspicious.

It was definitely the gaze of a beast eyeing its prey.

“I didn’t mean that. I just saw it and… well….”

Is it because I’m a woman?

If I were a man, I would have reacted very sensitively to trivial things.

What’s even more surprising is that even after witnessing the incident just now, Chaewon is just happy.

‘Isn’t she enjoying this too much…?!’

If there were no shield for minors, and if this weren’t our house.

It could have been a situation where she could have been taken advantage of. Do you realize that, Min Chaewon?

If I hadn’t pushed him away just now, it would have been dangerous. He seems like a naive girl who doesn’t know anything about this man.

‘…Ah. Do you really understand? Is it really you?’

Isn’t it Min Chaewon, who secretly liked me for 14 years?

No matter how pure she is, as she grows older, she naturally experiences fluctuations in her feelings.

Yes. Min Chaewon wants to be with Siwoo.

It’s embarrassing, but that’s a fact.

However, what you mean by ‘understanding’ and what I mean by ‘understanding’ are worlds apart. Chaewon is only seeing the surface of Siwoo. She doesn’t know about the dark intentions hidden deep inside.

“If you’re uncomfortable, you can leave.”

Siwoo, trying to leave out of guilt. Good. Go back quickly. I need time to recover too.

…It’s scary to think about it.

“Wait a minute!”

The gunpowder depot was filled in an instant.

Now I understood.

Why the speed at which explosives were being loaded was increasing as I moved further away.

It was all because of Siwoo.

As I move away from him, the explosives pile up faster.

The sense of security felt when he is by my side turns into regret when he is far away.

‘There is a proper distance.’

But if we get too close, it becomes a problem.

“Don’t force yourself to get up, just lie down.”

The speed at which explosives are piled up proportionally to the distance when he is in contact with my body rises so steeply that it cannot be measured.

If the speed at which the explosives are piled up can be handled by throwing them into a pit, it’s fortunate. If the speed exceeds that, the gunpowder depot reaches a critical state where it can explode at any moment.

Releasing Siwoo’s wrist that I was holding onto, I stepped back and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Uh, yeah. Go.”

Siwoo put the bag he had placed on the table chair on his back.

“There’s one thing I want to make clear.”

And then he suddenly started talking seriously.

“Don’t you think it’s too much to tell me not to use you as a target for my desires when you know our situation?”

Whether I widened my eyes or not, he blurted out words that only we could understand.

“Don’t you think so?”

Is he some kind of savior from Hanyedae University?

Is it a rule that only those who have never harbored ill feelings towards Min Chaewon can speak?

If I were to scrutinize every detail, I must have made many mistakes. Even though I never clearly expressed it outwardly, my body must have reacted when I met Chaewon. But still…

“And, I actually think it’s safer to write it down.”

“…What do you mean?”

“Look closely.”

The person who approached me step by step whispered in my ear.

“I’ve been holding back, but I also have limits.”

That’s true. It’s not just Min Chaewon who has a gunpowder keg in her body. Jung Siwoo has one too. It’s just that the rate of accumulation and the rate of discharge are different.

But listening to it makes me angry. This guy is threatening to crush me right now.

“W-what? Are you really going to devour me?”

“I could.”

“W-what do you mean?!”

“That’s what I mean.”

As he tapped my shoulder, Siwoo shrugged.

“Control yourself. Honestly, I don’t dislike you being affectionate. It feels good, of course. But the more you do it, the harder it is for me to endure.”

The hand that was touching my shoulder now reached for my forehead, smoothing out my messy hair.

It tickled, and my body involuntarily shrank.

“But I know you don’t like me touching you like this. So, I’m confused about what to do.”

Chaewon raised her voice.

“No, this is… It’s not that I dislike it.”

“Then what is it? Do you like it too much?”

If I answer, will I be able to handle what happens next?

… I can’t.

It doesn’t seem like the Siwoo I knew.

Just like myself, who is becoming Min Chaewon. Even the me from three years ago feels like I’m not in my right mind.

Being so aggressive and assertive? Is that really me?

“It’s only been a month since you became this body. I know you’re confused. So, I’m not going to force you to make a decision quickly.”

“So what I’m saying is. I confessed the day before yesterday. It’s okay if you don’t hear my answer. Just think of it as a rejection. Nothing will change if you reject me. We’ll just continue as we are now.”

“But just accept it.”

When Siwoo, who had only his chin resting on my shoulder, wrapped his arms around me slightly, my body didn’t flinch like it was trapped in an iron maiden.

“Then, I’ll definitely treat you as my girlfriend, Min Chaewon. I’ll forcibly forget any facts that interfere with our relationship.”

When I pushed him away with all my strength, thankfully, the arms that had confined me were released.

I slowly retreated to the bed. Siwoo, who looked at me with fear, retreated with a sad expression.

“I don’t like being confused. You agree with that, right?”

Because I don’t like being confused about who I am, I stood in front of the mirror and forced myself to see myself as a woman. Siwoo, who is looking at me, would probably feel the same way.

He says he can love me as Min Chaewon, whether I’m split in two or have a split personality. Whether it’s to relieve my mental burden or for his own selfish reasons, I don’t know.

“We have a long way to go. We have many goals to achieve.”

I clenched my trembling hands and bowed my head.

“Let’s go.”

As Siwoo opened the door and left, I could only watch the bed without saying a word.

It feels like I’ve suddenly become someone else.

The man who just left is indeed Jung Siwoo.

Who can deny that when he acknowledges himself?

‘Why are you… growing up so fast?’

The way I confidently handle Chaewon, without any hesitation, reminds me of the me three years later who acted coldly towards any woman after being rejected by Yoon Jiyu. Even though the current me, who has become Chaewon, actively takes care of Siwoo, it’s still the same. This is an unbelievable rate of growth.

After suffering for three years in agony, the guy who suddenly woke up in a month, grew up receiving Min Chaewon’s attention and love.

“If you accept my confession, I will love you as Min Chaewon herself.”

What on earth does that mean, as if it doesn’t matter who’s inside.

When Jung Siwoo says that, I feel even more strange trying to distinguish myself.

Really, it can’t be anything other than a paradox like Theseus’ ship or a heap of sand.

I may look like Min Chaewon on the outside, but inside, I am Siwoo. If I am currently identifying myself as a woman, am I Jung Siwoo, or Min Chaewon, or a completely different being?

Little by little every day. If a part of me becomes immersed in Chaewon, then after three years, am I Min Chaewon or Jung Siwoo?

If that’s me, and I allow Siwoo to have my body. What the heck…

“Ah. Stop. Stop thinking.”

Is there any reason for a modern person who is busy looking at realistic problems in front of them to spend time worrying about this?

Let’s talk about only what is certain.

I, Siwoo, and we both dislike confusion. We like things that are clearly defined.

Siwoo acknowledged me as Min Chaewon.

“Then, Chaewon, do you acknowledge me as being the same as you?”

The answer is yes. She clearly stated that she had thought that way since the moment I took over this body.

So, I don’t object and follow both of their opinions.

Siwoo is me, and Chaewon is the person I love.

If that’s the case, then it’s fine for us to date.

Right now, Siwoo and Min Chaewon can be connected.

Even though we came out of one self, now it’s Siwoo and Min Chaewon.

“…Yes.”

Min Chaewon’s voice says.

That’s right.

There’s no need to hesitate.

###

Yesterday morning, Siwoo visited a psychiatrist.

The main reason was the embarrassment and regret that rushed in after confessing abruptly without being able to control his love. It was confusing whether to push her away when Min Chaewon twisted her body and looked flustered.

“So, there’s a woman you feel like yourself, and you’re confused because you like her so much, right?”

“…Yes. You almost completely understand.”

“Do you share any genetic similarities with her?”

“Not at all. None.”

“But in conversation, both of you and Siwoo feel like you’re the same person to each other.”

“Yes.”

It could have been dismissed as a joke, but the doctor kindly responded to Siwoo’s question.

“If you two really are the same person with the same memories and experiences, breaking through the odds of billions to one… I sincerely want to congratulate you. I envy you!”

Surprisingly, it started with a heartfelt congratulatory message.