episode_0075
by adminAs soon as I opened my eyes from meditation, I saw a strange sight. I saw several people crying in front of me.
I didn’t know why. I couldn’t understand why they were doing that. The problem was that there was one person crying.
“… . Baby.”
“… Yes?”
One person’s eyes looking at me. That person was the one who made it possible for me to stay here for a day.
…but why is she here?
“Why on earth are you doing that?”
I couldn’t understand her question. How could she know what I did and ask such a thing?
Yes, I definitely felt it. It felt like the power of the spell was seeping into me.
But that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t know what I did.
“… What do you mean?”
I asked the question not out of genuine curiosity or interest, but out of curiosity, because I never really thought it would be a question about what I had done.
“Why did you throw away all your feelings, baby? ”
“… .”
How did you figure it out? If I had feelings, I would have felt something like confusion and wonder, but that wasn’t the case for me now.
I just had one thought.
‘how?’
That was just one word. However, even though I thought that, there was nothing I could do.
It would be better to just find out what the cause is quickly. It would be bad to be stagnant and dull.
That kind of thing is bound to lead to death, whether on the battlefield or in nature.
I started to roughly analyze the cause. What factors would make sense?
‘Is the only thing that makes sense the power of a trickster?’
The ability came in twice.
One is the familiar warm sunlight, the other is a bit unfamiliar sunlight.
It was already clear to whom the familiar sunlight belonged.
‘No matter how much I think about it, it must belong to the young master.’
Then, that unfamiliar light must be Jujak’s. I knew that the strength of each ability could vary from person to person… .
The only thing that’s reasonable is that her abilities have different characteristics from the young master.
If that’s the case, it would be reasonable to know what happened to my emotions because of it.
“I won’t ask how you knew. Since you asked why, I will just answer the reason.”
The reason I erased my feelings. The reason was simple.
It was because people around me might die.
“Yes, what is the reason?”
“I saw the memory of when I was going wild.”
“When you go berserk? But, why does that have anything to do with erasing emotions? If you knew how to use your powers a little better… .”
Her words were a supposition of some time. However, there was a quickest and easiest way. Manipulate and eliminate the emotions themselves so that they do not run wild.
That was the quickest and most reasonable thing to do.
“That’s… not the way back.”
“What?”
She questioned me as if she couldn’t understand. Even if it was the way back, that was the best way to remain human and divine.
But I didn’t think so.
“If I had no emotions, no one would die an unjust death because of my power.”
“… . Did you kill all your emotions just because of that?”
“Yes.”
Emotions. That was the cause of the outburst. If that’s the case, then isn’t the quickest way to do it to eliminate that cause?
In the first place, there is no other way to stop the rampage that I know of.
If my emotions can become the fuel for rampage, then the path and method I have chosen is to protect everyone by eliminating those emotions themselves.
Perhaps she didn’t like my answer. She let out a little sigh.
The young geezer behind her was just listening to the story while shedding tears like chicken droppings.
“So you think that’s the right way?”
“Yes. I was taught not to have feelings.
And, I remembered the reason why I erased my emotions a while ago. ”
“Sigh… .”
He sighed as if something was bothering him. Why?
“Listen carefully, the reason why the divine powers are running wild is precisely because of ‘evil’.”
“Amount… Are you talking about that?”
Are you talking about that black energy that I once tamed?
Hmm. It felt better than I thought, but it turned out to be the cause of the final outburst. Interesting.
However, then I had a question. At the time of my first outburst, my liquid was very weak. Not enough to stimulate the things inside me.
And yet, I went on a rampage. So why?
“Then, is it possible to run wild with just a fingernail-sized amount of liquid?”
“Of course. Of course it is possible. Depending on how much turbid power your liquid has.”
“… I see.”
“You may not know it, but the act of suppressing, destroying, and abusing yourself like that can create evil.”
Hmm. Is that so? If that’s the case, then that must be why the evil spirit was born when I first used my powers as a child.
To some extent, the answer to the story has been established and established. However, if there is a problem… .
“Then why did I do that?”
I couldn’t understand this. Baekho wasn’t stupid, and he wouldn’t have put off such a thing. He would have fixed it quickly.
But why did he keep doing that?
“… . That’s because of the characteristics of the Baekho Shinsu. Ah… .”
The reaper really looked at me as if he felt sorry for me. But I didn’t feel anything. It was as if he was looking at my family.
“What are the characteristics of a white tiger that you are saying that?”
“… . If you don’t experience it once, you won’t change it.”
“… … .”
I see. It seems Baekho was more foolish than I thought.
“Why on earth did you make that choice, baby? If you had asked me, I would have helped you… .”
“… I did it because I was taught that it was the most correct way. I couldn’t even think of any other way.”
“… . That kind of thing- That kind of thing… … .”
The young geese behind him began to react as if they could no longer stand it anymore.
“Why is that…! Why on earth!! Look, look…! It’s what you liked…!”
She brought out many things to try to change my mind somehow.
Those flying fires, those feelings of not wanting to experience them anymore, didn’t come up even when I looked at them.
That’s it. I figured out a way to protect her.
“Yeon-ah… … !”
She was shedding tears as if she was very frustrated. Am I really that much of a problem? I didn’t understand. But what can I do?
I didn’t know anything else besides this.
*
When I opened the door and came in, what I encountered was something very disconcerting.
“… . Landlady.”
“Hello… I’m here to meet you… What’s going on?”
“… . Let’s talk privately for a moment.”
The fact that she called me aside meant that the issue was of a similar level to that time.
But if that’s the case… … .
“What on earth is going on?”
“That’s what I mean, mistress… . Don’t be surprised and listen.”
“… Is this a serious matter? What is so wrong that you are bringing me here… .”
I was scared. What if there was something wrong with the child or something like that?
“The child has completely killed his emotions.”
“… … . Yes?”
What I heard was something bigger. Something bigger than I wanted to imagine.
I couldn’t understand why the child had killed all of his emotions.
My head started hurting.
It was clear that stress was building.
I felt dizzy. I couldn’t understand what the hell was going on.
“I- Come out. I want to see the child.”
I wanted to meet the child and talk to the child directly. This was not it.
No matter how much, no matter how much we tell them that the only way to control their emotions is to do so, what on earth is the problem that makes children suppress their emotions like that?
“Calm down, ma’am… !”
The witch is stopping me. I resent her for stopping me. I had a child right now. I had to know why the child had become like this.
“I- I don’t understand, what the child is for… What the- Why the hell!!!!”
“Madam… .”
“Ugh… Ugh… Ugh… .”
Why did I take this child out? In the end, what was left was an injured child.
This is not what I wanted. My child laughing and talking with me… .
All I wanted was to live a life like Hani, and that’s why I brought the child with me… .
As if my hopes were in vain, as if he were denying it all… .
I started to hate this world that hurts me like this.
No, if I hadn’t loved him from the beginning…
That kind of assumption has been tormenting me from the inside out.
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