episode_0075

It was not Seoul, a city with a river in the middle. Since Busan was next to the sea, the feeling seemed very strange.

The morning is bright and I roughly open the curtains to look at the scenery beyond. Should I say that it looks hot since the morning? Still, I have to say that it looks cool because there is an ocean. A sight that is normally difficult to see came into view.

I thought I had found a good place, but I also felt very disappointed as I thought that it would soon end.

After all, it was just a short vacation to enjoy before the start of the semester, so I had to let it go after staying for about two days.

After spending one year in school, you must take a physical examination and choose an enlistment date.

After that, there was a short break, so I could take another break.

But what was unsettling was the question of what would happen if my sister really brought another man, despite what she said yesterday.

It may be okay now because I ruined her college life, but during the times when I can’t be by her side, my sister is definitely anxious about being alone like this, so let’s go to school or even try going back to school. I wondered if I would go back to thinking like that.

How can I keep my sister from paying attention to anyone else but me?

I thought about it and thought about it again. And the only conclusion I came to at the end was that I still don’t know.

It was also a natural statement.

No matter what I do now, the time I will be gone will be quite long anyway. You could go out for a short time or go on vacation, but other than that, it could be said to be a really long time.

Of course, since we are family, there is no such thing as becoming awkward or distant, but the problem was that I could not fill the loneliness of having no one by my side.

“… Sister.”

“Huh?”

After organizing my swimsuit, I quietly called my sister who was about to go in to wash.

And after that, he opened his mouth as if he was anxious.

“I don’t think I can do it without my sister.”

It was a random story, but I still hoped you would understand.

I want to have my sister rely on me and only look at me, but people can’t always do that, so if I let her know that I’m leaning on her a little this time, maybe she’ll look at me a little more.

“… Really?”

My sister answered in a shaky voice, and I just felt a little disappointed about it.

Honestly, I’m so lonely right now, and being alone is so lonely and lonely that I have a strong feeling of allowing myself, so I’m so sick of the idea that someone else might be able to take this place.

I don’t know what to do because I want to avoid relationships that seem to say that I don’t mind anyone who can fill my loneliness.

I just wanted to have my sister look at me and only me.

How do I get my sister to look at me? What should I do?

How to do it, how to do it, how to do it…

“Sister.”

“Yes.”

The answer comes quietly.

Even though I knew I was dirty, I just tried to find the answer and take that path.

“… I might die without my sister.”

“What… ?”

“Just like that. Now I can’t imagine life without my sister.”

He said while holding the blanket tightly.

It was no different from threatening me that I would die if I didn’t.

Without you I die. He said, drawing attention and making people unable to take their eyes off him. At the same time, what if I really die? It also made me worry.

He said it as if he were to pass the blame on to you if he died.

If you don’t see me, it makes you anxious. Can he endure the fact that he looked away leading to feelings of guilt?

Of course, if it’s someone I don’t care about at all, then what does that have to do with me or not? I guess I can pass it off as that. But my relationship with my sister was not like that.

My older sister could not bear the strange looks from those around her, and ended up being alone.

I became that pillar of support for my older sister. I tried to be a support. And I repeatedly offered to help, and in the end, my sister didn’t want to let me go because she thought that without me, she might continue to make poor judgment decisions.

But I figured that maybe it wouldn’t matter when the situation got better and I stopped feeling lonely, so in the end, I leaned in this time.

I can’t do it without you, I’ll die without you.

What an ugly and dirty feeling is the desire for exclusivity.

It was no different from an animal that used all its teeth and claws to hold on to it and not let go.

Even if it meant ruining my sister’s environment, her thoughts, and her life, I chose to have her.

That was all.

In the cold silence, my sister’s eyes returned.

It seemed like he couldn’t understand me why he was doing that.

“… Why?”

I had a doubt. Rather than saying that he wanted to meet another man, it felt like he was expressing doubt by saying that he would die without me.

“What did I say… ”

My sister mumbled and let out a voice without confidence.

Maybe it was because my self-esteem had dropped so much, or maybe there was nothing I could do about it, but I just noticed that I was just saying it like this.

“I just think I don’t need anyone else and everything is fine as long as I have my sister.”

“But you’re still saying things like that.”

“If I go to the military, my sister will meet someone else… ?”

When I sounded so sad, my sister’s eyes opened wide. It seemed like he was asking if that was the reason.

However, although my sister seemed embarrassed, she seemed to think that comforting me was the priority, so she calmed down her shocked heart and carefully told me.

“No. I’ll just wait. Because I can take a break from college… ”

“Really?”

“It’s true. I like having you too.”

My sister said that.

I felt like he chose me, who would always be by his side in times of loneliness and solitude.

Of course, even though I said this, I couldn’t shake off my anxiety because I don’t know when the human mind will change if I go to the military and start not seeing each other in 6 months or even a little more.

Even though my sister said such nice things, I couldn’t just smile innocently.

“Thank you. For saying that.”

“No… I really mean it.”

My sister said that early to reassure me until the end.

So I nodded and held my sister’s hand tightly.

My older sister, who had tidied up the swimsuit she wore yesterday, smiled bitterly and said she would go take a shower.

I smiled when I saw my sister like that.

*

Summer vacation went by really meaninglessly.

No, it is difficult to find any more meaning than this, so would it be correct to say that I just lived an ordinary life as I always did?

The end of the semester soon led to the beginning of the semester, and the salty summer waves were still being swept away and the season was slowly turning into a moist rainy season.

It’s still September, so it’s a long way from fall, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s going to be cooler, so I guess that’s a good thing.

After getting ready and roughly packing my laptop and notebook in my bag, I let out a sigh. I just thought that it would be nice if the weather where there were a lot of mosquitoes and it was impossible to live without air conditioning would go away.

“You’re leaving tomorrow?”

“… Well, I see. Ha, it’s annoying.”

As I was packing my bag and sighing, my older sister quietly came up from behind and looked at me quietly.

Now it was time to return to normal life. It’s just so that sex doesn’t ruin your sleep pattern or time allocation during the day.

After reducing the number of days we had sex, it changed to once a week or not. It was comfortable and good for me, and my sister nodded as if she liked it, so no one was dissatisfied with that opinion.

Instead, I expanded my life into other areas.

He doesn’t do anything dirty, but he holds hands or kisses once in a while. In that way, the time I spent with my sister gradually increased.

My sister used to depend on me, but I knew that wasn’t enough, so my actions were to show that I was also dependent on her.

I whisper that I love you.

He says he can’t do it without his sister.

I just said that it was only my sister and that I could only open my heart to my sister and not anyone else.

People’s desire to be exclusive was originally so strong that they would do anything.

I open my mouth to shake off the anxiety that my sister, who relies on me, will soon find someone else to rely on and leave me.

Just as my sister depends on me, I also depend on her. go.

If I do that, my sister will wait for me for over a year and a half. Because you won’t be fooled by strange people.

“Still, I have to go to school.”

“… What is your sister doing?”

“Well, I have a lot of housework to do.”

My sister opened her eyes and looked around at my question.

And it seemed like he was trying to let me know that there would be laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. after that.

Seeing that, I could only laugh along with my sister’s empty smile.

“That’s right, housework doesn’t just get done by just sitting still.”

“Hansol, I guess you have a lot to do when you go to school.”

“Don’t even talk. When I think about the piling up of assignments, I already have no answers.”

We talked peacefully like this before the semester started, but I was confident that it would be difficult to talk like this after the semester started.

But now I think this is a good thing.

My sister won’t go far anyway.

Anyway, my sister is mine.

So all I had to do was hold on and not let go.