episode_0071

Hah.. hah.. Haaah..

How long has it been since I ran around like this directly on my own legs? Perhaps it’s the first time since I went on that practical training activity with him?

As I gasped for breath, that thought automatically came to mind.

The moment the doubt in my heart turned into certainty, I couldn’t possibly accept the reality before my eyes.

Just wanting to escape further from that reality, I was concentrating only on running.

Because I was usually clumsy, I couldn’t go far and was already out of breath, finding it hard to breathe.

However, this shortness of breath wasn’t just because I had moved my body roughly after a long time.

“Hah.. haah..! Haaah..!. Ro..Ropel…Ropeeel…haah…*sob*…*sniff*…”

No matter how far I run away and cover my eyes, cruel reality approaches.

Even if I escape that space, the reality I so desperately don’t want to believe will come to pass.

The person I love more than anyone else, Ropel Teufel, has already become the lover of another woman.

Although I don’t know the exact circumstances yet, it definitely looked like he and Lilith Tistina were in a relationship.

Their attitude towards each other, and the level of intimacy in their actions.

They were all actions that only a man and woman who have confirmed their feelings for each other can share.

…Is that how it is?

As expected… Did it end up like that?

Honestly, I thought this day would come eventually.

Ropel Teufel, he truly, truly is a very attractive man.

His face has a slightly dark feel, but fundamentally, he gives a strong impression of a handsome young man with refined features.

Moreover, because he laughs so easily, he casually shows a warm smile that pierces the heart at any time.

His build is reliable, well-trained through consistent exercise, resulting in firm, yet not grotesque, muscles.

He is like a modern sculpture full of masculine charm.

That’s not to say I’m merely praising his external appearance. Of course, that part is excellent, too.

He is truly kind and pure, which is rare in this day and age.

Equipped with basic consideration and goodwill towards others, he extends help first without considering his own loss.

He approaches even people who were cursing and hostile towards the world, covered in thorns, in an unguarded state, not caring if his own body gets pierced, and delivers warmth.

He respects any animosity directed towards him and does not deny opinions contrary to his own.

Despite being a noble, he shows not the slightest hint of arrogance; conversely, there are aspects where he acts by lowering himself too much.

That’s not to say he is taken advantage of like a pushover.

Basically, he is willing to endure any harm directed at himself, but if someone touches his people, it’s a different story.

Things like gender or how long they have been with him don’t matter.

If he simply considered them a friend and maintained even a slightly favorable relationship, he tries to keep that loyalty to the end.

Just like when that woman, Seraphina, had conflict with her household in the past, he bravely charges in without thinking about profit or loss.

He grits his teeth and tackles the incident head-on, taking responsibility until the end for matters he got involved in.

It’s a truly reckless action… but at the same time, it’s 멋있기까지 하다 (even cool).

He is an attractive man both externally and internally.

Perhaps it was audacious in the first place for me to hope to be connected with a man of such high value.

After all, I had received much more from him than I had given him before.

Born as the young lady of the Gremlina household, one of the Ducal families, I was always praised with the name ‘genius’.

My mind was quick and my knowledge acquisition rate was high, allowing me to conquer all sorts of books in a short time, but that was all.

My social skills were rock bottom, to the point where I couldn’t even look others in the eye, let alone converse.

As for my appearance… My face wasn’t ugly, but I had never properly styled myself or taken care of myself even once.

My body shape wasn’t that of a slender, smooth-skinned figure that ordinary men would like; rather, it was a physique with excess fat on my belly and hips, not quite obese, but the result of being cooped up in the laboratory all day.

…Perhaps it was a destined sequence of events for Ropel to be taken by someone else.

No, ‘taken’ is a poor expression. After all, he had never been in my hands in the first place.

To use a more appropriate expression… yes, I simply failed at unrequited love.

The first emotion I ever held since birth, the one mixed with love and friendship, I miserably failed at it.

“Ah.. Ropel.. As expected of you…”

Pointlessly, I stretched out my hand towards the distant sky.

Thinking about the content of his reply, he will likely marry Lilith as things are.

He was never mine originally, but now he will drift further away, his ownership becoming certain to someone else.

And the distance between him and me will gradually widen, perhaps becoming a being I can never reach someday.

I will lose the existence of him, who I met at the academy and have been together with ever since.

…Pathetic.

The moment I saw the scene of him and Lilith starting their intimate relationship in earnest, I gave up even thinking anymore, no, terrified of reaching that conclusion, I bolted and left.

Unable to decide on any action, I chose the worst option: avoidance, running away.

Of course, there was nothing I could do right at that moment.

At best, all I could do was ask about their relationship.

Even the result of that action would be nothing more than personally putting an end to the cruel truth.

Drip. Drip.

Black droplets fall to the ground.

Their source is neither the sky nor a building, but my two eyes.

The face I had groomed since dawn with the help of a maid was soon erased and blurred by tears, turning hideous.

Like a painting of a screaming ghost, black tears like ink flowed down my cheeks, grotesquely staining the corners of my eyes.

Already in a grotesque state with a face flushed from tears and sadness, my appearance right now must be the epitome of ugliness.

There was no mirror anywhere, but I could be sure of that much.

Still, I didn’t care about my ugly appearance.

I failed at the one-sided feeling I held, felt betrayed alone, and grieved alone.

Rather, such an ugly appearance would be a fitting attire for me right now.

Now that I think about it, I seem to have lost the pottery at some point.

A precious item containing the desserts I baked in anticipation of our reunion.

…It’s an item containing memories with him, which we made together.

Thinking of that time, my hands cautiously clenched into fists.

I bring my hands to shape the clay rotating on the wheel.

And Ropel’s hands were placed over my hands, their body heat passing between us.

That also includes how he pressed himself close directly behind my back for this act.

To the point where I didn’t even care what shape the pottery was becoming, I was savoring the contact with him.

His rough yet soft touch felt on the back of my hands.

His sweet and fragrant breath resonating near my ears.

Even his firm yet warm chest.

It was a moment so ecstatic that I could feel all of it.

But as expected. I won’t be able to return to that moment now.

Touching and feeling him, his lover will monopolize that from now on.

His body, which I could barely reach by using base means like drugs, will be freely touched by her, Lilith, who has proudly become his lover.

…She surely won’t leave Ropel, her lover, alone.

Even before they became lovers, when she was just friends with Ropel, her actions bothered me.

She often clung to him, seduced him, and initiated physical contact.

Sometimes she would bring her lips so close that they seemed about to touch, and sometimes she would hold his hand and interlace their fingers.

When he was in an unguarded state, she had also secretly caressed his body as if fondling him.

Because Ropel was oblivious, nothing much happened until now, but from now on, it will be different.

She will be able to freely throw herself against his well-trained chest and enjoy his body heat and scent.

She can even taste his luscious lips, whose appearance alone brings a smile, whenever she wants.

She can slip her hand into his shirt or pants and playfully tease him.

Or perhaps conversely, she can offer him her own chest and buttocks.

Furthermore, when the sun sets and it becomes dark, she will not only get to see his most intimate area but even use it directly.

How happy and ecstatic she must be.

From waking up in bed with him to ending the day by mingling their bodies in one bed with him, every day will be happy.

Ah, it’s the worst.

Even in this situation, I was feeling not jealousy, but envy.

Towards that detestable woman who will soon freely take his body.

And I want to see him.

The one person I should no longer meet, Ropel Teufel.

“.I..I….w..what should I do..?”

Looking at the sky that had grown dark at some point, I asked into the empty air.

It wasn’t a question expecting an answer but a monologue echoing through the back alley.

…Only the sky, which looked like it would rain at any moment, answered with the first drops of water slowly starting to fall.

Yes, let it rain.

I thought it would be truly wonderful if the rainwater could just wash away everything in my heart like this.

Thinking that inwardly, I spread my arms and looked up at the sky with a resigned expression.

…?

Why?

Apart from the sound of the rain starting to pour, my body wasn’t getting wet.

I felt neither the chilling cold nor the wetness.

…Could it be… Though it’s a feeling of really, truly ‘could it be’…

Let’s cautiously open my eyes, holding onto a sliver of hope.

Even if it turns into deeper despair than anything else.