episode_0070

Meanwhile, at the same time, at the filming location.

“Isn’t that __-ssi…?”

“Oh my, it is, isn’t it?”

“Wow, that __-ssi….”

People enjoying the company dinner occasionally stopped in their tracks. They were facing a surprisingly unexpected sight. Even Seo Yeon-joo’s eyes widened.

‘…What’s with him?’

That __-ssi was sitting on a chair, leaning his head back and sleeping.

He had always been seen as someone who didn’t have any vulnerabilities, so everyone was shocked, but they soon understood. These days, the filming schedule was incredibly tough. It was actually amazing he’d lasted this long.

However, __-ssi wasn’t sleeping because he was physically tired.

It was simply that, finally, the obstacle in his heart had disappeared.

So, he was finally able to rest.

.

.

.

.

.

Whoooosh─

And now, __-ssi was dreaming.

Whoooosh─

‘…This place again.’

__-ssi’s first impression was calm.

The wind was biting and sharp, and heavy snow was falling from the sky, piling up on the road. Before he knew it, he was standing there again. At the entrance to the abandoned bathhouse.

“It’s because of you! Mom’s not coming because of you!”

“….”

“It’s because of you, I said!”

His past self was the same as always.

The siblings were still arguing.

No, the oppa was unilaterally venting his anger. He was terrified that their mom wasn’t coming.

But.

Then, something unexpected happened.

“…Huh?”

The siblings had discovered __-ssi.

__-ssi finally noticed the difference from the last dream. This time, the siblings could also recognize __-ssi’s presence.

The siblings looked up at __-ssi with wide eyes.

“Wh-what? When did you appear?”

“Who are you…?”

Slightly frightened faces. It was understandable. To begin with, the height difference was enormous, and __-ssi was well aware that his impression was quite sharp.

“I’m….”

__-ssi was about to introduce himself, but suddenly stopped talking.

He almost told them that their mother would never return, but he stopped. Because he had another thought.

‘Wait, if this is a dream…’

Wasn’t he omnipotent and capable of anything?

As soon as he realized that, he had something he really wanted to do.

The current __-ssi was in a state where he could think of things he wanted to do, and the place was a dream. A place where he could do whatever he set his mind to.

‘Should I let these kids meet their mom?’

No, he quickly shook his head.

That wasn’t the right answer. And it wasn’t what he wanted to do.

From the beginning, he didn’t want to give the siblings fake happiness.

As expected, he felt like he had to do the thing that was in his heart. Because he only had to do that one thing.

Therefore, __-ssi began to speak like this.

“Are you waiting for your parents?”

Then the children nodded.

“You must be cold. And lonely. And scared.”

“….”

The children nodded again. Purely.

“It’s cold here. How about waiting inside the bathhouse?”

“No. Mom’s coming soon….”

This time, the children shook their heads.

__-ssi thought for a moment about whether there was a way, and then came up with a good idea. A moment later, he was holding hot packs in both hands. It happened just because he thought he wanted hot packs.

__-ssi put them in the children’s hands.

“Then hold onto these, at least. Your hands must be freezing.”

“Uh…?”

The children looked surprised, but they didn’t refuse. The cold was too, too fierce to refuse the kindness of a stranger without any thought. It was unbearable.

How much time had passed since then?

__-ssi had handed the children hot packs several times, and even created a hat like a roasted chestnut seller’s and put it on them. Of course, even then, their mother never appeared.

Time passed again.

Suddenly, the siblings asked __-ssi.

“Excuse me….”

“Yeah. Need a hot pack?”

“No. Not that….”

The younger self hesitated and opened his mouth.

“…Why are you still here?”

A question asked because he was grateful that __-ssi was staying with them, but on the other hand, his voice was full of anxiety.

__-ssi read the intention behind the question very clearly.

The younger self felt sorry and wanted to let __-ssi go, but he kept hesitating for realistic reasons. Because the moment __-ssi left, he wouldn’t be able to receive hot packs or snacks.

Therefore.

__-ssi quietly created some bungeoppang.

“I’m waiting for something too.”

“Ah, that’s what it was…!”

Then the siblings’ expressions definitely brightened.

Children are this simple.

If they thought he was with them because of them, their hearts would be endlessly heavy, but when they thought __-ssi had his own business, they felt relieved.

Even after that, a lot of time passed.

Unlike in the past, the siblings were able to endure for a much longer period of time because they waited with __-ssi. There were warm things, there were things to eat, and even __-ssi gave them a tent to sleep in.

After that, it was only natural that they became close.

The siblings chattered to __-ssi. Nonstop. __-ssi didn’t dislike it, so they had many conversations.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah.”

“What kind of person are you, hyung?”

“I’m an actor. An actor who acts in front of a camera.”

“Oh…!”

The siblings’ eyes sparkled at the same time. Well, an actor is a fascinating being even to a grown adult. It must be even more fascinating to young children.

But that was then.

“Then what kind of person are you, hyung?”

The following question was surprisingly sharp. That’s how a young child’s questions are. They seem like very pure and irrelevant words, but there are definitely sharp aspects that adults can hear.

“What kind of person am I…”

The past __-ssi would not have been able to answer such a question.

He would have ignored it, saying it wasn’t a question worth answering, or he would have tried to correct it, saying that the question itself was wrong.

But the current __-ssi could answer without difficulty.

“I’m a very pitiful guy. A pathetic guy.”

“A pitiful guy…? A pathetic guy…?”

The siblings tilted their heads as if they had a hard time understanding.

“It’s true. A lot of bad things have happened in my life.”

“I see….”

Young children are surprisingly perceptive. They didn’t ask __-ssi for more details. Of course, the younger sister looked curious, but the younger self blocked her mouth and stopped her.

Had about a week passed like that?

“Excuse me, hyung.”

One day.

The younger self called __-ssi in a serious voice. The younger sister was sound asleep by his side, oblivious to the world.

“Yeah. What’s wrong?”

“Well…. It seems….”

The younger self hesitated for a long time before saying.

“…Mom seems to have abandoned us….”

__-ssi felt a sense of dread sinking in his chest.

It was a strange thing. It was something he had already experienced and become numb to, but it was so vivid. No, no. This wasn’t something he had experienced. It was definitely a case he was seeing for the first time.

So, __-ssi didn’t feel good either. It wasn’t easy to face the young fear and despair on the younger self’s face.

He wanted to create a mom for this child right away.

Because this was a dream, he just wanted to create the shape of a mom and make the siblings’ reunion with their parents come true. Then the siblings would be very happy. They would go home with the happiest faces in the world.

But no.

He shouldn’t do that.

So, he had to endure it.

__-ssi felt like his heart was being torn to shreds by thorns, but he overcame it and slowly asked.

“…Really?”

“Yes. It’s already been several days and she hasn’t come.”

Unexpectedly, the younger self was soon able to continue speaking.

“Looking back, there were many strange things. This is a bathhouse in an area we’ve never been to before. And mom told us to wash and come out for as long as possible.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And she hasn’t come until now. It seems that mom abandoned us. Now that I think about it, mom sometimes looked at us with tired eyes. I thought I couldn’t tell what kind of expression it was, but now I can understand what it means.”

“I see.”

__-ssi quietly listened to the younger self’s story.

And asked.

“Is there anything I can help you with?”

“…No.”

The younger self shook his head.

“Hyung has helped us as much as he could. And hyung said that he was waiting for something too. It’s okay now. From now on, I’m going to wander around here and there with my younger sister.”

“From now on? With your younger sister?”

“Yes. After waiting quietly, I realized that nothing would change if I stayed like this. I’m going to try to do something myself.”

It was an excellent judgment. But at the same time, it also meant that a road to hell was unfolding before the siblings.

What could these young siblings do? They would realize every day that the world was sharp. They would get hurt a lot, both physically and mentally. They would even think about dying.

But there was something the siblings didn’t know.

That __-ssi had been waiting for these words. __-ssi quietly grabbed the younger self’s shoulder.

Because there was something he really wanted to say to the younger self.

Yes, that’s why he hadn’t created their mother and had been waiting, only for a conversation with himself.

“That’s a good idea. But it won’t be easy.”

“Even so.”

“Even so?”

“Yes. My younger sister believes in me. So.”

“I see….”

__-ssi nodded.

It felt strange to hear these words from himself. But he had to harden his heart. There were still words that __-ssi had to say to himself.

At that moment, the younger self asked.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah.”

“Hyung is amazing.”

“Why?”

“You said you were a pitiful and pathetic person, but I don’t see you that way. I don’t know for sure, but I think hyung is a very great person. And above all….”

“Above all?”

“…You look happy.”

Happy.

The younger self looked at __-ssi and said that.

“So, hyung, I’m curious.”

“Ask me.”

“Will I ever be happy? It’s a secret from my younger sister, but I’m so scared and tired right now. I think I’ve become the pitiful guy that hyung talked about. What if I’m unhappy forever?”

__-ssi patted the younger self’s shoulder as if to say it was okay.

“I do know one way to get closer to happiness.”

“…Really? Could you tell me? Please.”

“Of course. That’s to live up to the name you were given.”

“…Live up to my name?”

The younger __-ssi immediately frowned. He had an expression as if he had heard a story he couldn’t understand at all.

“Kid. What’s your name?”

“Seon-il. Kim Seon-il.”

“Kim Seon-il….”

__-ssi muttered the name again.

Kim Seon-il (金善一).

Good Seon, One Il. The two hanja are attached to make Seon-il.

__-ssi didn’t know why his mother gave him this name. He probably thought it didn’t mean anything. His mother must have intended to abandon the siblings from the beginning.

Therefore.

What __-ssi wanted to say to himself.

What he wanted to do right now, what he had to do.

Was to redefine the meaning of his name.

So that he could be reborn.

“Seon-il-ah.”

“Yes, hyung.”

“Do you know a little bit about hanja?”

“…Just a little bit.”

__-ssi went outside the tent and wrote the name on the snowy ground with his index finger. Good Seon (善) and One Il (一).

“The first hanja means something good, and the second hanja means one. Do you understand that much?”

“I know these two hanja. I learned them. Doesn’t it mean to find the one thing you’re best at and keep doing it? I’ve been thinking of my name that way.”

The younger self thought for a moment and said.

“Ah, does it mean that if I find something I’m good at, I’ll be happy? Thinking about it that way, it seems right.”

“That’s not it.”

__-ssi shook his head.

His best thing was acting, and finding it and doing it didn’t make him happy. That’s not what’s important.

“The thing you like the most. So, Good Seon.”

“The thing I like?”

“Yeah. It means to do what you want to do. I know.”

Then the younger self seemed to be thinking about something intently. And then he tilted his head.

“Hyung. But it’s strange.”

“What is?”

“The things I like are always different.”

The younger self confidently continued to speak.

“Right now, I want to find Mom. When I’m hungry, I want to eat. So, a name that tells me to only do the thing I like the most is strange. Because I want to do different things at different times.”

“You thought so. It’s not like that.”

“Then?”

__-ssi held the younger self’s hand and brought his small index finger toward the One Il (一) character. And said.

“One by one.”

“One by one?”

“Yeah. It means to do the things you want to do one by one at different times. You can live like that from now on. According to your name.”

“Ah…?”

All words gain meaning when they have meaning, so __-ssi wanted to give that meaning to his name, which had been empty all along.

To find the things he wants to do and do them one by one.

The very small and precious meaning he had just realized.

“You know what? It’s harder than you think to only do what you want to do.”

“Really?”

The younger self made a face as if he couldn’t imagine it.

“Yeah. Trying to do what you want to do means you might experience setbacks. You’ll be very upset every time that happens. Because not everything in the world goes the way you want it to.”

“Ah, I understand what you mean. I don’t know if I can find Mom either. Honestly, I’m not confident.”

“It would be nice if you could find her, but if you can’t, find the next thing you want to do and do it. That’s enough.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

The younger self’s eyes sparkled, and he traced the hanja several times. He was struggling to remember the story __-ssi had told him.

Then suddenly.

At some point.

“Excuse me, hyung.”

“Yeah.”

“Could I ask you for your name?”

Then __-ssi released his arm that had been holding the younger self’s shoulder, got up from his seat, and looked up at the sky.

The still falling snow was covering the world all white.

“My name?”

Whitening.

Snow was erasing the world now.

His body was also being covered in white before he knew it.

But he knew for sure now.

That the realization in his heart would not be erased. That happiness is not clean, so it is buried, and it cannot be easily erased by any storm.

So, uttering his name had a great meaning for him too. Because it was a name that now had meaning.

“My name is….”

The young siblings who waited endlessly for their mom to return in front of the bathhouse. A waiting period of up to three days. Perhaps since that day, __-ssi’s time had been stopped all along.

His clock had been stopped all along, busy resenting his mom, suffering from the pressure of having to play the role of a parent to his younger sister, and chasing after success.

At the same time, he couldn’t forgive himself. Always.

And.

Finally.

The man reconciled with himself. By giving himself a name.

Therefore.

__-ssi opened his mouth.

“…Kim Seon-il! The same as you!”

Kim Seon-il, who had turned into the appearance of a young boy before he knew it, shouted with a bright smile.

Kim Seon-il’s Yeoncheon-gyeong, reconciliation.

The boy, who was finally on his 4th day, had finally gained a name. A name to cherish and keep for the rest of his life.