episode_0070

After breaking up with Sasha.

Is it because the emotional drain is so great?

When Vita returned home, she fell asleep right away. Of course, she didn’t forget to take her pills.

And then I woke up again to a peaceful Saturday morning.

Today, Vita plans to stay home all day. To be honest, this week’s school felt particularly tough.

Vita lay blankly on the bed, thinking about many things.

Now there are two pills. One if you take today out.

So, really.

Something that is right before your eyes.

There was a reason I cried and cried while saying goodbye to Sasha yesterday.

Vita felt sad for some reason, and her mood sank. She ended up laughing in vain.

‘That’s funny, I… ‘

I don’t know why I keep feeling so depressed, even though I’m not the heroine of some tragic story like in a movie or an animation.

“Ugh-!”

So Vita got up from bed and went to the window. She wanted to change her mood by looking at the scenery outside.

Looking out the window, I see leaves falling one by one. When they all fall, winter will come.

‘It’s already come to this…?’

Time really flies. I remember clearly the first time I was late because I hesitated for a long time because I really didn’t want to wear a skirt.

I remember running down the hallway with a piece of bread in my mouth and bumping into that unlucky Carlyle guy.

[Why are you such a bad girl?]

The words I heard at that time also come to mind.

Vita stuck out her lips.

“… Now that I think about it, he was a really funny guy.”

What, girl?

Looking back, I realized I was being gaslighted from then on.

Girl, girl.

That Carlyle guy was a really meticulous guy.

I don’t know if he’s been brainwashing me into thinking I’m a girl since then.

While blaming others like that.

Vita thinks of Carlyle and finds herself smiling.

The smile quickly disappeared from Vita’s lips after he realized that he was smiling.

Vita shook her head.

‘Yeah, that’s right.’

It’s not your fault at all. I know that, actually.

However, I wasn’t originally a woman, I was a man from the beginning.

You said that because you didn’t know the facts.

‘Even if you say that…’

No matter how much the other person defines themselves as a ‘girl’.

Because tomorrow, he will return to the way he was before.

‘Because that’s all there is to it.’

After gathering her thoughts, Vita stretched.

Actually, what should I say? I feel better now that it’s right before my eyes.

So, I really felt a little better. So I changed my mind.

‘Don’t just stay at home, why don’t you go out for a while?’

After making up her mind, Vita searched through her closet one by one and realized one thing.

‘… Oh, I see.’

I had already packed all the women’s clothes I had. So what caught my eye were the clothes from my men’s days. The clothes I had taken out in advance to wear to my parents’ house.

If I wear these clothes now, I’m sure I’ll look weird, right?

Even though she knew it was ugly, she soon found herself awkwardly wearing those clothes.

Suddenly, the beginning came to mind.

So, before the start of this semester, in a landscape colored in autumn leaves.

There were freshmen being guided by a guide.

[The academy is really big, isn’t it?]

[Yes, senior-!]

[It’s good that your voice is loud. This Antiope Academy is being generously invested by many prestigious institutions…]

What were you like back then?

‘It’s a good time, really.’

I thought that to myself and moved around in a suspicious manner.

She wore black sunglasses and clothes that were obviously too big for Bianca Shamal’s body, and she moved around in a slouchy manner.

‘… Yeah, that’s what happened.’

Thinking about it, Vita can’t help but smile faintly. Somehow, thinking about it now, it feels like a memory.

When she first became a woman, she walked the streets like that, so Vita is doing it again this time, impulsively.

‘As a woman, the last.’

Let’s decorate this last one like the first one. It’s like organizing it.

The hood I’m wearing feels too big and doesn’t fit my body. On top of that, the black sunglasses cover my eyes.

A suspicious appearance to anyone who looks at it.

Vita left the house with such a suspicious appearance.

***

Pants that drag on your shoes, and a big hood.

Even black sunglasses.

A suspicious appearance to anyone who looks at it.

But she is a cute and pretty school girl who dresses like that. Even if you can’t see her eyes, she catches people’s attention because she is so pretty.

But Bianca Shamal, who will become ‘Vita Shamal’ again from tomorrow, walks with an upright attitude. Of course, even Vita knows that this appearance will look quite cute.

‘Well, what do you think?’

I walk down the street, humming a little song.

If there’s anything different from before, it’s that he’s more confident now than he was back then. Maybe it means he’s gotten used to women.

So, instead of hiding in a corner, Vita was walking confidently down the street.

Even in this state.

“Excuse me… ”

“I have a boyfriend.”

Vita answered quickly. It was a reaction that was almost a reflex by now.

Immediately afterwards, Vita stopped and hesitated.

‘Come to think of it, this excuse too…’

There’s no need to say more. Vita now realizes that she’s always been thinking of Carlyle when she says this.

“Oh, no. That’s not it at all… ”

But maybe I was mistaken?

“I, this… ”

Looking at the handed out business card, Vita’s face gradually turned red.

‘Entertainment agency business card…?!’

In an instant, Vita’s attitude quickly became polite. I’m so embarrassed.

“Ah, sorry… ”

I bow my head straight. I am so embarrassed that I made a mistake.

‘Ah, Axe Soldier…!’

There was this incident.

After that, Vita continued walking down the street, her slightly flushed face cooling down.

So naturally, you end up heading towards one place.

We arrive in front of the Bluebell, a pub located in the city center.

It wasn’t long after I turned into a woman that something happened here.

At that time, Vita met his otaku friends from when he was a boy. And he almost got hurt by a punk.

The street I walked with Carlyle after that. Somehow, Vita happened to be walking there. As if possessed, she ended up here.

‘Why, necessarily…’

Even with those thoughts, Vita just kept walking.

Under the crimson streetlights.

I just kept walking while looking at the other person’s back. I remember the path. As much as my head remembers, my body naturally follows.

Yeah, here.

Before Vita knew it, a park came into view.

Right here.

The Carlyle guy gave me a parfait.

[I didn’t know what you’d like, so I just bought them all.]

[…Why a parfait all of a sudden?]

I also remember the conversation at that time.

He looked puzzled and showed his intention to refuse.

[I hate parfait.]

Well, it’s just sweet. I don’t usually like sweet foods.

[Give it, give it…!]

Then, unable to ignore the other person’s sincerity, I took a bite and my eyes widened.

It was so much tastier than I thought. I remember stealing the rest of Carlyle’s parfaits too.

Wow, wow!

I ate like I was possessed. Carlyle just chuckled next to me.

It’s funny when I think about it now.

Vita was chuckling without realizing it. Just like Carlyle, with a small, low laugh.

Then, out of nowhere, I spot a bench in my field of vision. It’s the bench I was sitting on with that guy.

-Mom, let’s go together!

-Run slowly, kid.

Of course, the scenery is quite different now than it was then, right?

It was dark night then, and now it is broad daylight.

There were no people back then, but there are a lot of people now.

‘Yeah, back then…’

Carlyle was by his side, and now he was alone.

Still, Vita sat on the bench alone for no reason. As if reliving the feelings from back then. As if reminiscing about the past.

‘…’

however.

I don’t remember how I felt back then.

Because it’s peaceful, it’s also very boring.

Hahahoho laughter, cool midday sunlight. Of course, there are lots of people around because it’s the weekend.

But Vita was bored, and her mood was unexpectedly depressed. She ended up thinking about things she didn’t want to think about.

‘Tomorrow is confession day…’

It’s a famous anniversary that even I, a layperson, know about.

‘… Yeah, that’s it.’

I think I understand a little now.

That Carlyle guy is so skilled that he must have even considered the date of the match from the beginning.

[Just one month. Give me a chance.]

So that one month later, tomorrow, becomes ‘Confession Day’.

It’s only now, only now that I’ve come to realize it, that I can’t help but laugh in disbelief.

But now, that kind of thing, the confession itself.

Because it definitely won’t happen, because it won’t happen.

Vita just keeps coming back to me.

‘As expected, those two…’

I heard that Emily and Carlyle have become close recently.

‘If two people date…’

It will most likely be tomorrow, right? Not necessarily tomorrow, but at least the day after.

Emily will confess, and Carlisle will probably accept it.

I have a feeling that’s going to happen.

‘… Yeah, I guess so.’

I think it’s a good thing.

Vita thinks so.

Unlike her old memories, Vita raised her head and looked up at the sky while sitting alone on the bench.

‘Is it because it’s before I go back…?’

Now back to normal. Back to Carlyle Schultz and himself, unbeknownst to each other.

Because I have to go back.

Is it because it’s refreshing? Or maybe because it’s so cool?

The autumn sun is dazzling. If I hadn’t been wearing sunglasses, I would have been in a bit of a predicament.

So, really.

The sun was so bright, it was hot enough to pierce through sunglasses.

Vita Shamal thinks that her eyes are hot for no reason.

It’s strange, isn’t it?

The area around her eyes is too hot, and for some reason, her vision is blurry. Vita doesn’t know why.

So I intentionally keep my head up more stiffly. I feel like if I bend down, it will slip down.

‘… Take care, Carlyle.’

So, Vita prayed with all her heart.

It’s something I can only do when no one is watching.

The time I spent with you wasn’t that bad.

No, maybe. It might have been good.

Well, that’s what it is.

It was a little fun.

When Vita returned home, she took a pill and fell asleep. She didn’t want to think about anything, she just wanted to sleep.

So the fateful day, Saturday, came to an end.

***

You may know the depth of ten feet of water, but you cannot know the heart of one person.

That’s what Emily Swan’s mind has been like lately.

I made a big mistake. I know it.

But I have really liked Carlyle for a long time. So, in a way, this is an opportunity for me.

She actually tried to seize the opportunity. But the more she tried, the more Emily Swan realized.

It’s a dream that can’t be caught, a heart that can’t be achieved.

‘Already inside Carlyle…’

Only Bianca Shamal.

Emily had come to know it now. Even now that there was a rift between them, she had no room to criticize.

‘Then, me?’

Now, what should Emily do? Should she keep her unrequited feelings as if they were a needle in her bosom?

Wouldn’t it be better to just take the needle out of your heart? Emily Swan realized after thinking about it.

In conclusion, I, Emily Swan, have hurt someone deeply.

[My taste is a bit closer to a more masculine person…]

[No, that’s what I mean. It’s strange that a guy likes Carlyle, and it doesn’t seem right…]

That’s twice in a row. I hurt her with my fatal slip of the tongue. Honestly, Emily is reflecting on that.

Really, truly. I am reflecting on my actions.

‘Why did I say that… Why, I…’

Even if it’s hypocritical, there’s nothing I can really say. But I have no doubt that I feel sorry for Bianca Shamal, or more precisely, Vita Shamal.

Yeah, good.

Let’s say you confess to your childhood friend Carlyle. Emily Swan already knows the outcome of the confession.

‘Then… Vita?’

Emily has complicated feelings.

As a result, he only hurt her and achieved nothing. How pathetic and mean he was to the other person.

It wasn’t like this originally.

‘… I’m not like this.’

But Emily herself was helpless in the face of the emotion called ‘love’. She acted selfishly.

Of course, this does not mean that it was a good thing.

So what on earth did Vita Shamal do?

Rather, I gave up because I liked Carlyle.

Emily initially thought it was fatal that Bianca liked Carlisle Schultz, but didn’t admit it. She thought so a little.

But looking back, that was just a selfish thought.

Emily eventually discovered that her opponent liked Carlyle much more than she thought, and perhaps even more sincerely than she did.

Even Bianca Shamal, that is, Vita Shamal, was willing to give in. In the process of giving up her feelings for Carlyle, to Emily Swann herself.

I sincerely support you, and I hope you two do well together.

Emily tried, but realized that even the opportunities she had worked so hard to selfishly obtain were not working.

I’ll confess tomorrow. Emily has already made up her mind.

But if I confess, I will definitely be rejected. On the contrary, it is confusing because I know that.

‘Is this right…?’

Emily’s eyes wavered.

Because I keep worrying about it, I can’t even understand it myself.

But I ended up making the decision somewhat impulsively.

Vita and Carlyle. Contacting both of them at the same time.

I don’t know if I’m being selfish until the very end. But I think that if I do this, my mind will at least feel a little better.

Very late on a Saturday night.

Emily simultaneously texted Vita Shamal and Carlyle Schultz.

***

Sunday, 10 o’clock.

And finally, ‘Confession Day’.

The morning of the anniversary dawned.

Emily met with Carlyle Schultz on Sunday morning. Carlyle said he was busy and asked to meet in the morning.

Emily woke up early in the morning and dressed up as pretty as she could.

And, for a moment.

Perhaps after thinking for a long time, he held something in his arms with his eyes wavering. Although he couldn’t understand himself like this.

Yeah, still.

Emily took care of it for now.

The blue chiffon dress suited her so well that every man passing by was stealing glances at it.

But the real goal is, there’s just one person who doesn’t seem to have any such feelings.

Carlyle Schultz always looked great to Emily. Today, for some reason, he was dressed up so formally that it caught her attention for a moment.

His face looked a little haggard, as if he hadn’t slept.

But the brown coat and the disheveled hair have a masculine charm.

Emily approached the other person with a trembling heart.

“Good morning, Carlyle.”

“Oh, Emily.”

So what’s the matter? Carlyle Schultz started to ask, but then kept his mouth shut.

To be honest, I already expected it to some extent.

While he was currently preoccupied with Bianca.

Last night he realized that he had never cared about his childhood friend Emily, or the feelings of Emily Swan.

-Do you want to meet tomorrow?

It was only after seeing Emily’s text that I realized it again.

My childhood friend, Emily, has feelings for me.

So, lately, Carlyle has been thinking that he may have hurt Emily Swann without realizing it.

He’s changed a little bit. Looking back on his past self, he’s started to consider the other person’s feelings.

Emily is a burden.

But, at the same time, perhaps Carlyle accepted the other person’s offer because he thought it would work out well.

Because we must make sure that everything is tied and disconnected.

The reason Emily came out like this, the reason she wanted to meet me today, was definitely to finally reach a conclusion in my heart.

Emily, who had actually approached, asked with a slight smile.

“Are you going to confess today too?”

I don’t know who you are talking about.

Carlyle nodded.

“… You are so strong too.”

A smile that looks empty.

After that, the two went into a cafe. There weren’t many people there, perhaps because it was early.

“… ”

however.

While they were drinking, there wasn’t much conversation between the two, although it was probably not a short time.

-Did you sleep well last night?

-Well, that’s right.

We only had a brief exchange of such simple conversations.

Yeah, maybe. Maybe they both had a premonition of what was about to happen.

“Shall we get out of here soon?”

After finishing her coffee, Emily woke up first.

“There happened to be a place nearby where I could get some fresh air.”

“… Okay, then.”

Carlyle agreed with that, and the two left the cafe together.

As we approached the park, it felt quite deserted.

Emily stops walking.

Stop-

Like that. As if the clock had stopped, as if it had broken.

He stands there for a moment, then turns towards Carlyle.

“Actually, Carlyle County… ”

A voice that hesitates for a moment. Eyes that shake anxiously.

“Hoo-”

But I take a quick deep breath and close my eyes.

Looks like he’s finally made up his mind.

Emily’s two blue eyes, resembling lakes, look at Carlisle.

“I have something to say to you.”

***

Sunday, 12 o’clock.

Vita sighed. She had just had lunch.

‘This is… the last.’

Yeah, really the last one.

Finally, again.

You can go back again.

I said goodbye and just went back to how it was.

Just one pill.

‘… … ‘

Vita stared at the pill for a while before finally putting it in her mouth.