episode_0069
by fnovelpiaEpisode 68: When I sensed regret, it was already too late.
My body trembled unsteadily.
My breath came out irregularly.
Above all, tears flowed down my cheeks, surprising even myself.
[Are you okay?]
‘…Shut up.’
“Cough, cough. Sob…”
It was strange.
Tears kept flowing.
My body kept trembling.
Should I call it rape?
It was something I had thought about before, something I had prepared for.
[Current points: 153,200p]
Certainly.
I should have been happy looking at the accumulated points, but the body I had newly acquired with the values of my past life felt too unfamiliar.
“Cough, cough, cough…”
My body shivered.
It was just a simple recollection.
The overly sensitive body transmitted pleasure to the point of danger.
Instinctual fear and dread were engraved.
I was so afraid and scared that I felt like I would forget everything in the pleasure.
It sounds absurd, but I felt like I was losing myself.
Tremble.
“Ugh…”
I heard Jeong Ah-young’s mumble.
Every time her voice and warmth passed by, my body trembled.
Unconscious fear?
I’m not sure.
What’s certain is that she was too terrifying on the bed.
In my past life, I would have just thought of her as an assertive and slightly cold woman.
But.
With the reduced body and physique, and the absolute difference in strength.
No matter what reaction I had, or what plea I made.
I realized that all decisions were up to her.
I cried without realizing it.
Because it was a sensation I had never known before.
My body, uncontrollable by reason, felt too unfamiliar.
I tried to hold my breath as much as possible and tried to sleep, but my body didn’t listen.
In the end, until she woke up.
***
Like pouring cold water, my passion cooled down.
Jeong Ah-young suddenly sat up.
Han Se-in was still shedding tears.
Tears were welling up between his raised head and his gaze.
Desire disappeared, leaving behind a heart filled with guilt.
It wasn’t just a common mistake.
What she did was dating violence.
Even if she couldn’t do it, it was an action that carried a prison sentence of over 10 years.
Ignoring the words of her beloved boyfriend.
Acting according to her instincts, driven by sexual desire.
“Cough, cough, sob… sob…”
Thump, thump, thump.
As his crying echoed.
The pain of a nail being driven into my heart grew.
Even this pain felt like a luxury.
“Sorry…”
“….”
She apologized.
But there was no response.
It was expected and not the reaction she hoped for.
She slowly got up.
At that moment.
-Tremble.
His body trembled.
The actions that had seemed cute when he was captivated by lust.
Now he looked like a terrified man.
It was just a slight touch of the arm.
Just a slight warmth.
But.
Her boyfriend’s eyes trembled.
Fear seeped in, his lips tightly sealed.
Irregular breathing coming out of tightly closed lips.
It was a clear cry, a plea.
She slowly knelt down.
Without a single feather on her.
It was an instinctive action to have raped her boyfriend.
She raised her head slowly.
Without even the right to do so, she apologized.
Because otherwise, she would truly become trash.
It was clear that the relationship would be ruined.
“Sorry… I’m sorry, Se-in.”
“….”
Jung A-young’s mouth slowly opened.
The apple she had been holding back didn’t come out properly.
It felt like a bigger mistake than all the mistakes she had made so far.
I’m sorry. I was wrong.
Should I just say the same thing I said before?
Her heart tightened.
The eye contact didn’t last long.
Her trembling eyes turned elsewhere.
They fell deeper than she did.
It was a gaze she knew better than anyone else.
It was a gesture she knew better than anyone else.
It was an emotion she knew better than anyone else.
Fear.
Yes, it was fear.
It was an emotion Jung A-young had felt so far.
An emotion she had overcome thanks to Han Se-in.
But.
She planted that emotion in the boyfriend who helped her overcome it.
“I’m sorry, sniff. I’m sorry…”
“……”
It didn’t stop at kneeling.
It was more appropriate to say she moved involuntarily.
And that’s exactly what happened.
If she didn’t do this, she felt like she would collapse.
She was desperate.
Her fleeting desire turned her eyes, making her feel like she would miss a man she had never had in her life.
So, it didn’t stop at kneeling.
She slowly lay down.
Pressing her hands against her forehead.
A ritual, a holiday.
An action used for many reasons.
But in this situation, it was used for apology.
“I was wrong… I, I was wrong.”
“……”
She desperately prostrated herself.
She desperately pleaded.
Just like he did on the bed.
It was a sense of helplessness that came from an overwhelming difference.
If there was a difference.
On the bed, it was Jung A-young’s power.
In the relationship, it was Han Se-in’s dominance.
A moment of silence.
Jung A-young bit her lips tightly.
Even though she couldn’t look at him.
She could feel his breath, his emotions.
The stifled breath, the sobbing sound, and the sniffles revealed the flowing tears.
“Don’t… say that…”
“……”
Jung A-young’s breath was cut off.
She didn’t say anything.
No, she couldn’t.
Her voice, full of moisture, settled down.
It didn’t flow smoothly, it was sporadic.
“I told you. Clearly, don’t… say that…”
“……”
Her words gradually became dry.
Even in the moment of silence, there was a sob.
“Stop, please… I asked you.”
“……”
What excuse could she come up with?
It was desire, instinct.
No matter what she said, they were rationalized and ignored.
It meant sin.
It was a crime that couldn’t be allowed in a relationship like lovers.
It was deception towards a loved one.
“I’m sorry… It’s too much…”
“……”
How could she respond to that sobbing?
How could she wipe away the tears that flowed endlessly in sadness?
5 minutes.
In the longest 5 minutes in the world, Han Se-in sobbed.
Without saying a word.
Just looking at his girlfriend who was prostrating herself and apologizing.
He sobbed, pouring out all his emotions.
The sobbing gradually decreased.
His voice, choked with moisture, echoed dimly.
“…Do you… love me?”
“……”
“Answer me.”
“Uh… I love you. I’m, I’m sorry…”
“……”
Her mouth that had been closed for a moment.
Was it a farewell?
Her trembling hand that touched the ground trembled.
“…Let’s meet on Monday, I’ll leave first.”
Hastily.
He got up, put on his clothes, and left.
It wasn’t a breakup.
But it wasn’t forgiveness either.
He just left after saying let’s meet on Monday.
Only after he left, hastily fixing his clothes, could she come to her senses.
Relief?
The overwhelming guilt that weighed on her chest made her unable to feel even that emotion.
An empty house.
The only thing left in the room was silence and stillness.
“……”
Twist.
Jeong Ayoung staggered as she got up.
The responsibility was inescapable, without even a chance to turn her head.
Another responsibility, another confrontation.
“Ah…”
Her mouth opened slightly, and a sigh of guilt escaped.
The bed in front of her was a complete mess.
Traces of fluids, whether saliva or semen, and all sorts of writhing marks.
It was clear how forcefully she had acted.
“Kkuk, hweut, haa, haa…”
Breathing was difficult, and finding balance was hard.
A wave of pain that was hard to endure swept over her.
All she could do was.
Roll up the bedsheet.
To avoid the mental anguish.
Moving her body to do something.
Faced with the harsh reality with no escape.
It was a responsibility she had to fully accept.
The rolled-up bedsheet filled her hands.
The empty pillow far away from the bed frame.
She slowly made her way to the laundry room.
Despite the cold air circulating on the balcony.
The floor tiles were cold.
She could have worn the slippers used in the bathroom.
But there was no room for such leisure.
She opened the washing machine, put in the bedsheet, and added a spoonful of detergent.
-Beep, beep beep.
With a simple switch operation, the washing machine started running.
Water flowed out, and the machine started spinning.
And Jeong Ayoung’s body began to collapse.
-Woong, chik. Wheeing, chik.
As the water flowed out and the washing machine started spinning.
Jeong Ayoung completely collapsed and sat on the cold floor tiles.
She could feel the cold chill of her body trembling involuntarily.
The sound of the washing machine reverberated in the silence.
Jeong Ayoung’s mouth slowly opened with a blank expression.
After he left.
After clearing away the traces of their time together.
She could fully face the reality of having raped her beloved boyfriend.
“Ah, aaaa… kkeu, aaaa!”
A lamenting voice flowed from her open mouth.
It sounded like a pitiful cry, like an animal’s sound.
But one thing was certain.
That voice contained the emotion of regret.
The washing machine ran for 40 minutes.
And so did the time for Jeong Ayoung’s tears and cries to flow.
***
“Wow, damn. Where should I use the points?”
[We recommend taking a shower. The smell of lust on your body is too…]
“Shut up. We’re almost home anyway.”
[Yes…]
It was a good day.
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