episode_0067

“… It’s been a really long time.”

I tapped the crow’s beak and spoke words of affection. I guess that’s how people who are close communicate. Unfortunately, I never had the chance to share these things with my friends because I always interacted with them by clashing weapons.

“How have you been in the capital?”

“Yeah. It was hard, but… I broke what needed to be broken. There’s no point in holding on to old, rusty chains.”

It was cut off. She is no longer my mother. She probably didn’t want to give birth to me. And I didn’t want to be born under her either.

Isn’t it a good thing for both of us? We can just cut off the causal relationship that we didn’t want. The bond between parents and children was nonexistent compared to the malice he showed me.

If there is no love in the first place, what meaning can a parent-child relationship have? If there is no affection in a relationship that can be proven as affection, then what kind of relationship is it?

If I had more time, it would have been an interesting consideration, but I didn’t have time for that. I don’t have time to think about such useless things anymore.

“When you break a chain, everything connected to it falls apart in an instant.”

From the beginning, they were looking in different directions, but since the chain was broken, it was a foregone conclusion that they would drift apart. They should have done it this way from the beginning. Rather than becoming each other’s restraints and tormenting each other, they should have broken that rusty chain as soon as possible.

We should have found the ideal path for each other a little sooner.

If that were the case, we wouldn’t have come this far.

“Hey, why are you trying to be gloomy again? Did someone else tell you to do it? Why are you gloomy again after you hung up?”

“It’s not exactly gloomy… It’s just that it’s refreshing and at the same time, the refreshing feels a little cold. It’s like when you get rid of ugly furniture and the empty space feels a little empty… That’s exactly how it feels.”

I tried to relieve my little boredom by teasing the crows that were eating the raisins I gave them with my fingertips.

I tried tapping the bridge of the nose, pinching the beak, and stroking the wing tips.

“Ugh…”

“I hope it doesn’t hurt.”

“That’s not the problem, you…”

“…?”

“Anyway, you don’t even touch a dog while it’s eating. Don’t touch it. It bothers people.”

“You are neither a dog nor a human, but a crow. In the general social conventions, a dog is better than a crow…”

Then the crow started pecking at my finger as if it was angry.

“… It’s hot.”

“I’m tickling you because you’re hot. Would I tickle you because you’re hot?”

“It seems more ferocious than any demon. It has a personality that reminds me of my dead friend.”

“… My dead friend.”

The crow suddenly flew up and landed on my head. It felt as if it didn’t want to show its face.

“What was that friend to you?”

“Regret.”

“What…?”

“She is my regret. Not being able to say I love you sooner, not being able to protect her, regretting that someone like me became a demigod, and all the reflections of the past. Because all my misery leads to her.”

I thought that what I was receiving was a light punishment compared to the sin of not being able to protect her.

That’s why I endured it. But any punishment must stop just before death.

At least for the last time, I wanted to die in the pain caused by her and in my longing for her.

“I should have told you I love you… I…”

My throat started to clog up again. Something hot was trying to come up. My voice was not coming out properly. My rational thinking was slowly starting to become clouded by the hot steam.

“I…”

The hottest liquid in the world began to gather towards my face.

“Really…”

But at that moment, cold reason returned with a loud crash.

“What the fuck!”

“… That’s the sound of Betty and Kyle fighting.”

“Fuck, you’re spoiling the meal that’s already been cooked… That little kid Kyle…”

“Did I ever tell you about Kyle?”

“That… You were talking about that last time when you were drunk? You said that he’s not a bad guy because he’s good at both public and private affairs, even though he’s a grumbler.”

I don’t remember it well, but it was the same when I was drunk. Since we had something in common, I just tried to let it go.

“Anyway, the kids are really.”

Something felt off. Kyle was about five years younger than me, but he was still an adult. He wasn’t old enough to be called a brat.

The only people who would call Kyle a brat were me and my friends.

The day we inspected the ruined village, the kid who tried to get a non-consensual donation from our pockets was none other than Kyle. Of course, my friends were sensitive to manners, so I taught Kyle not to do that. If it weren’t for me, that sermon would have continued until now.

“… Why are you calling Kyle a brat too?”

“Yeah, you said you told me last time when you were drunk.”

“I never thought you’d reveal that much.”

I think I should cut down on drinking alcohol from now on. To begin with, gulping down tasteless rum and such doesn’t suit my personality.

“By the way, why are those kids fighting?”

“They said there was a cooking competition.”

“If you’re going to eat the heat, eat only the heat. Did those crazy people fry mushrooms and eat them in the heat?”

“When Kyle said he would be in charge of the cooking from now on, Betty felt a sense of crisis and applied for a cooking competition. Since Kyle is not the type to avoid competition, this happened.”

I advised him several times to change his personality, but he was not the kind of person to listen to me.

On the contrary, he even asked me back, saying that even if people around me told me a hundred times to change my speaking style and personality, I still couldn’t.

“It seems like it’s going up quickly.”

Then they burst open the door to my office carrying a plate full of food with a loud clatter.

As soon as the door slammed open without even knocking, the crow almost fell backwards in surprise, despite being a bird.

“Fuck, I thought I was going to fall…”

Then Kyle, who had brought the duck meat pie, asked curiously.

“Who is that voice now, Raul?”

“Voice?”

“I’m sure I’ve heard it somewhere…”

Then my gaze and mine began to turn towards the crow.

“Kka, kka, kaaah~~?”

It was a sound that sounded like someone was forcibly squeezing his throat, but Kyle seemed to have dispelled his suspicions just from that.

“I guess I misheard. There’s only Raul here.”

“… Besides, with Raul’s way of speaking, it’s impossible to seduce a proper woman and hide her in this room.”

It was a remark that felt somewhat disloyal, but I decided to let it go.

Because it was an indisputable fact that I had no talent for getting along with women.

Of course, I’m human too, so I did penalize Kyle’s decision a little bit.

After finishing the dinner that was noisy and noisy, I finally got some sleep on time and stroked the crow’s head once again.

“I just met you on my way back from her grave… but I think it’s okay to call you a friend now.”

We haven’t had that many deep conversations. We haven’t done anything meaningful together either. We’ve even been far apart recently.

Still, as I touched and talked to this crow, I felt a little bit of comfort.

As if we had known each other for a long time.

“Should I give it a name?”

Since they just called it a crow, it felt somewhat stiff.

“No. It’s just right now. There’s no need to name it. It’s just right now, no more, no less. If anything, it might change if I name it. That’s usually how fate is.”

“It’s an incomprehensible story, but if that’s what you’re saying, then that’s what it must be.”

“There is no need to add any additional seasoning to the finished dish.”

“That’s an easy expression to understand.”

I cut the jerky into very small pieces and put it in the crow’s beak.

“I guess I’ll have to live like that from tomorrow. Even if it’s far from noble, I’ll try to be a person who’s easy to understand. Even if it’s difficult, I’ll try.”

“I’ll cheer you on. Of course, given your personality, I think it’ll make the story more complicated the more I do it.”

“It seems like our relationship is still vague. Even if you don’t know me, you don’t know me at all. I’ve never made a story complicated.”

Then the crow started pecking my finger again.

“Let’s answer with our hands on our conscience.”

“I don’t know where it is, so it might be difficult.”

“Of course. There was no such thing in the first place.”

It was somewhat of a sad thing to say, but I responded by poking the crow in the chest.

“Then it wouldn’t be bad if you were my conscience.”

“Why me?”

“Unlike me who is stupid, you will be able to hold on to my reins until the end.”

I was so stupid that I couldn’t overcome the loss of Leila and slaughtered countless giants.

I was just that great of a person.

“… Let’s go to sleep. I want to close my eyes with this pleasant sleep.”

How many hours did you sleep like that?

A cold wind began to blow in through the open window, along with the moonlight. My cheeks began to grow cold due to the chill that occasionally flowed in.

Even though I could have moved my body to close the window, I couldn’t move because of the pleasant sleepiness and fatigue.

“Sigh…”

In an instant, the cold wind stopped.

I was too tired to open my eyes, but it was clear that someone had closed the window.

“Idiot…”

And then he warmly caressed my cold cheek.

I couldn’t tell who it was, but I felt like I was feeling an inexplicable sense of mystery. It was like being immersed in perfume.