episode_0065
by adminShe’s dead. That thought alone makes everything I have meaningless. They had meaning because she was there.
How indifferent I have been in my life. Strictly speaking, most white tigers originally have the nature of a child. They are indifferent to everything because they are not interested in anything.
The thing that I have affection for, the thing that I love, and the thing that I cherish becomes my companion.
All the other gods are like that, but originally Baekho was particularly bad at it.
Literally, a careless cat. Baekho’s original personality was that of a cat that didn’t care about anything. Instead, he was the type that had to make sure that he did what he did.
For us, the people we love were the ones who turned our world upside down. It is no wonder that there are even records of people locking their lovers away.
We were the ones who were so blind and weak in love that we would lock up our lovers.
I created a situation where she might die.
“Haaa… .”
I couldn’t even eat properly.
The cooling rice appeared before my eyes.
At the very least, he had to find a way to save her. He had to find it. He couldn’t let the king hear that she was gone.
The moment he made the first move, the moment he found her first, she would die. The thought that it was all because of what I had done, it was eating me away.
At least if we found her first, we could have made an excuse that we were traveling with the child.
“Please, Knights… .”
Wherever you go, it doesn’t matter. Wherever you search, just find her quickly. Otherwise, I don’t think I can stand it.
*
-Thump thump.
The sound of footsteps echoed widely throughout the forest. I had just passed halfway through the forest. It was a path I had always walked, but it felt really wide.
The reason I often went this route was because the knights who had finished fighting were passing through in case there was any slight contamination left.
There were also things like psychiatrists in the main cast. If there were people who showed signs of something bad due to battle, they would be excluded from the next battle until they got better… There were also rules like that.
More than that, it seemed like they were slowly going to start tracking him down within the family.
They will feel the same sense of alarm that we are gone.
‘I don’t think that’ll be the case for Hani though….’
I knew it wasn’t my husband. Let’s think about what happened after I stepped into his shoes. What happened?
That day, I saw Yeon-i being held by that guy and trying not to let go. It wasn’t to that extent, but it reminded me of how she tried to follow me wherever I went.
‘Like father, like son.’
Yeon-i seemed particularly bad at it, but it was understandable because the child had never opened up to anyone before.
However, what I don’t understand now is….
‘His pupils are dilated as if he’s going hunting…’
Whether it was because he was expecting something or the opposite, the child’s pupils continued to dilate.
It was said that white tigers, before they became adults, had many cat-like characteristics. No matter how divine they were, they were not the original divine beasts.
I can’t stop a child who looks so happy and excited. I’m worried about what to do with his pupils that are getting bigger and bigger…
“Madam.”
“Huh?”
The child called me for the first time. I didn’t really know why. It was the first time the child had called me.
“Why are we going where we are going?”
I felt like it was a pure question. If there had been some impure intention, it would have been evident in the tone of voice, eyes, and facial expression. Because he was a child who had not learned the art of living.
“Ah. That’s… .”
If the order was to look around the world, there were many other places I could have visited. However, the village I was going to now was the farthest village within the Jujak Estate, a village where there were commoners.
If your purpose is to travel around the world, it would be quickest and easiest to just stop by the village on the farthest outskirts of Baekho Territory.
I had to use my head.
‘Think – think.’
The child thought about how he had lived up to now and tried his best to make up words. It was not clear whether the child would understand all of those words or not, but he continued talking for now.
“It’s training!”
“… Yes?”
At the word training, the child looked a little dazed. His pupils, which had been dilated, also dilated, and he looked back at me. He was so cute. I didn’t know whose son he was, but I wanted to bite his cheek.
“You’ve never been on a march, right?”
“… Yes. That’s right.”
What does a child have to do with marching? Even to himself, it was an absurd thing to say. It was something that any child who had been in the military would have definitely experienced, but this was not the case for a child.
“You are a servant, but you work like a knight, right? But since you are a servant, I didn’t think there was any need to march… . You are a child with outstanding abilities as a white tiger, and a child like that will definitely participate in battle.”
I had to convince the child even if I had to make up a story. Originally, a lie meant that only part of the truth had to be told.
The child sometimes works like a knight, and sometimes like a servant. The proof of this is that he takes care of Han-i as a guard. But the child has never marched against my will.
Of course, as a direct descendant of Baekho, he knew better than anyone that the child would not tire during such a march. However, it was true that training was necessary. He also had to learn how important it was to adapt to everyone.
… . It seemed like the child had already learned the method while living. But I was that anxious.
“Marching is like doing something like what you did yesterday. You kind of got the concept, right?”
“Yes, that’s right. I’ve already learned how to pitch a tent and things like that.”
“Yes. Yeon-ah. This is called a mission, but it’s actually training. Of course! It’s also somewhat of a mission. It’s about finding out what other territories are like and what their specialties are, and making deals.”
“… .”
Even though I said it, it’s unreasonable. The Sashinsu family, who have been in contact for a long time, could not have not known about such things. However, the child does not know such things. How deep is the history, how old is the family.
To a child who didn’t know this, this was just a simple excuse, and when I said it, he had no choice but to believe it.
“Yeon-ah.”
“Yes.”
“I don’t want you to die on a battlefield like that.”
“… .”
The child looked a little unfamiliar at those words. It seemed as if he didn’t know why I was saying that. To the child, I was nothing more or less than a foster mother. No, it might just be that it didn’t matter.
But to me, to me only, it was family.
It is not our place to say anything about what other families say about their children. If they send their children away to some ridiculous order of servants or knights at a young age, that is their own business.
Unless a child belonging to that family appeals to us directly, there is no reason, justification, or purpose for us to step forward. Most nobles have already lived that way. Even before the divine descended.
Changing that custom would mean denying what the Sashinsu family was doing, and since no one thought that was a problem, they didn’t change it.
But, this child was my child.
It’s not okay because it’s my child? That’s not true. I didn’t want to raise my child that way. What parent would want to raise their child that way? They have their own circumstances. That’s why I don’t interfere.
The same goes for other children. Originally, I wanted to prevent them from working at a young age. That’s why I don’t let children into the main mansion. I assign young children jobs that they can play with, not hard work.
… Baekhan told Yeon-i that she couldn’t do that, but…
I still don’t know why I stopped.
So Baek-han and I fought like that. He should be raised normally, no. Of course, whether that was true or not, Baek-han mostly ignored what I said.
In the end, that’s why I took the child out like this.
As I walk, I pat the head of the child who has become silent again. Even if the child does not pay attention to me, I like the child.
I decided to quietly watch from behind. That was it.
Although it was very faint, I also had the illusion of hearing a rumbling sound.
‘Ah. There might still be a chance.’
That thought crossed my mind.
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