episode_0065

How long can we maintain this kind of relationship?

I couldn’t understand it at all. Rather, can this kind of relationship continue?

A lot of worries crossed my mind.

I know very well that this relationship itself is distorted, but that’s it.

I didn’t think I could go further than that and do anything.

It cost me too much emotion to continue this relationship in depth, and I was too weak to push it away.

Maybe he was afraid of even breaking off the relationship after defeating his younger brother like this.

Maybe that’s me.

My parents shouldn’t have known, and neither should my friends, and by extension, my younger brother’s friends.

When I think about it, I could say that this relationship itself made no sense from the beginning. A relationship that started out of curiosity should have been rationally judged and broken, but now I just say that I don’t know.

There were several times I tried to push it away.

But Hansol kept hugging me, and I refused.

No, to be exact, I was trying to reject it, but I wasn’t even rejecting it right now.

I tried to control my dazed mind because I was worried that I might have gone crazy because I couldn’t act like a sister properly to my older sister.

But even that.

“… Do you like your sister or your girlfriend?”

To me, who had no one to lean on, that question seemed like a somewhat cruel choice.

I just felt resentful of myself for unknowingly worrying about who I could lean on.

Actually, I might be stupid.

The days when I couldn’t choose a single task properly and had to rely on Hansol lingered in my head.

It felt like they were pointing at me, calling me an idiot.

hotel.

It’s a bit of an awkward place for siblings to come together.

There may be siblings who come just to sleep, but it is a place where they do not mix.

At this moment, in this place, can I become your ‘older sister’?

As I groaned and lowered my head in response to Hansol’s question, Hansol’s voice urged me to answer.

“If you become my girlfriend, I can continue to help you in the future. Because I like my sister.”

“… If you were my sister, wouldn’t you help me?”

“I can help you as an older sister, but I won’t help you with things that are too big.”

“Why?”

“When it comes to siblings, my sister and I have a strong impression of independence.”

“… … How does that happen?”

“View from outside.”

“… … .”

I wondered what he was saying, but I kept my mouth shut, thinking that was what he was talking about.

After the action was over, Hansol took a deep breath as if his strength was running low.

The trusty hand passed over my back and came up to the other shoulder.

Hansol opened his eyes wide, feeling a heavy weight, and continued speaking cautiously.

“You know. If it’s my girlfriend, I don’t mind doing anything, but if it’s my sister, no matter what I do for her, people look at me strangely.”

“… Everyone, what will you do if you find out?”

“It’s okay. Because you shouldn’t do that in front of people you know.”

Am I being weird about a solution that is so obvious? I also heard that feeling.

Or maybe I’m not the only one who’s thought about this relationship again and again.

“Even if you don’t say it in front of me… ”

“I don’t like it? If you don’t like it, tell me.”

“No, it’s not that I don’t like it… ”

“I’m saying this because I keep saying it in circles, so it only sounds like I don’t like it.”

I guess I spoke for a long time because I was worried without realizing it.

At Hansol’s words, I thought, “Oops,” but groaned and narrowed my eyes, but Hansol didn’t press me and just swept his hand from my shoulder to my forearm.

The voice was a little soft, which made me feel at ease, but it was difficult because I couldn’t put my mind at ease about the content of the conversation.

The feeling of sorry for Hansol did not disappear at all.

I remembered what happened the day before yesterday when I said something when it wasn’t Hansol’s fault. But more important than that was the desolation of yesterday.

The quiet atmosphere of the house, which I had not noticed when I was in school, and the feeling that all my studies had stopped because I was taking a leave of absence, made me feel desperately lonely.

If I become a sister and have to stand alone again, will I be able to endure that position?

Isn’t it possible that my relationship with Hansol is growing distant, without being able to correct everything I yelled at him?

scary.

It was a strangely scary feeling.

I hesitated for a while, thinking that relationships were originally difficult to maintain and easy to break off.

And after hanging up like that, I bit my lip, wondering if it was normal to be immersed in loneliness and not be able to do anything.

Even though I narrowed my eyes and repeated my thoughts, I couldn’t get an answer, so Hansol grabbed my forearm and gently massaged my hand as if he was trying to make me feel comfortable.

“… Sister.”

“… … .”

“Don’t think it’s difficult.”

“… But it’s family. They’re brother and sister. Since that doesn’t change, it’s natural to worry.”

“Then I’m not taking it for granted?”

“That’s… !”

Of course. What you think is not natural.

The words fell silent. I killed myself because my feelings were screaming that I couldn’t go back if I said any more.

However, Hansol’s expression became a little cold at the answer revealed through his expression and mood.

I swallowed a groan at the range of emotions revealed to the extent that I could sense them.

“Sister.”

“… Yes.”

“Is it wrong to like my sister?”

“… … .”

“Do you really think so?”

I don’t know. Because having emotions is inherently selfish.

So I couldn’t easily answer that question.

My younger brother and Hansol already had those feelings for me, and I wasn’t ready to respond to those feelings.

But apart from not responding to my feelings, I was faced with a situation where I had to respond.

I hoped they would give me a little more time, but I groaned at the thought that even if I was given more time, my current situation would not change.

“… A little bit.”

Still, looking at it objectively, those words had no choice but to come out first.

As for the love between siblings, of course I wouldn’t call it love, but wouldn’t it make no sense for one side to harbor such feelings?

“Still, it doesn’t mean I can’t understand it completely… ”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Then is it the same thing that your sister came dressed like this yesterday?”

“… … .”

“You came dressed like a girlfriend and you didn’t even refute what I said, so it’s not like I don’t have feelings for you at all?”

It was really subtle to hear that.

Why did I dress like that? Since he brought an umbrella, there’s nothing else to say, but I think he just dressed it up nicely so that Hansol wouldn’t get discouraged.

The reason I didn’t refute it was because Hansol said it first, so I just kept quiet so I wouldn’t be embarrassed, but when I thought about it, did I really have those feelings? I thought about it again.

“What should I do… ”

“If you don’t like it, I don’t have any intention of ordering it.”

If you don’t like it, if you don’t have to do it, what happens after that?

I was a little afraid of the answer that would come after that question, so I groaned without realizing it.

So, what can I say?

There was no longer a place for me outside, and even at home, the dreary future of having to live alone with my younger brother seemed a bit vague.

Since parents are away for a long time, they often find themselves in situations they cannot help.

Now that I have quit studying and decided to take a short break from school, I may have made this choice in the end because it is almost impossible for me to spend time alone as I do not enjoy games and have never set foot in another culture.

It may be strange to say okay to your younger sibling’s expression of love because you’re lonely.

However, if everything my younger brother treats me right now is due to love, and if Hansol’s attitude will turn cold the moment I reject that love, can I reject that love?

It’s love.

I’m sure what I saw in the drama and what I picked up from my former friends didn’t seem to be this difficult.

It was sweet, yet somehow bitter, and yet there was a different compulsion than the inability to stop one’s heart from being drawn to it.

So, there was an irresistible feeling, but sweetness did not exist.

Yet, there was a person who could not give up.

Even if I can’t love, can I bear it a little by being loved?

Can you get through this moment?

Everything I do ends up going wrong, and every decision I make takes me down a strange path, but with Hansol’s help, I’ll be able to endure those things for a little while.

Unlike me, who flounders when I make a mistake, Hansol handles things resolutely, so I’m sure he will receive my support and if I get help, I might not fail.

So, even if I can’t love…

Anyway, since the body has given permission once, the next time is not difficult.

I’m afraid of entering into a deeper relationship between siblings, but I need Hansol.

The moment you let go like this, you might end up on a path of no return.

“No, girl, I like my girlfriend.”

Because I needed some time to sort things out.

I felt like our relationship couldn’t be further apart just yet.

“Really? Then kiss me.”

So I straightened my waist.