episode_0064

The math trip is over. Now it’s late autumn at the academy.

On the rooftop, alone.

Carlyle Schultz remained deep in thought.

-Look at me, Bianca.

-… Sorry, I have nothing to say.

What happened just a moment ago.

It’s already been two days, so it’s not the first time.

After the math trip, Bianca Shamal changed.

In an instant, the person changed.

Carlyle Schultz saw that the atmosphere had completely changed and that he barely spoke to his partner, Sasha.

-Hey, Bianca…

Even though Sasha tried to continue the conversation, Bianca, who was absent-minded, barely responded, and Carlyle saw that the conversation soon ended.

-Bianca, isn’t it strange?

-Yeah, something…

-Is something bad happening?

His expression is slumped, his lips are tightly shut, and for some reason his eyes look a little empty.

An atmosphere that makes it difficult to talk.

He also heard what other students in the class said about him being strange.

I’m really worried. Of course I was worried.

But Bianca kept pushing him away, and came out quite aggressively.

-This isn’t like you.

The reaction the other person showed when you said that.

-What is it, something that is like me…?

Carlyle Schultz couldn’t answer that question.

Well, let’s say.

A sense of danger that could shatter at any moment. Emotions that he doesn’t know about are swirling in his eyes.

I had a gut feeling that there was something Bianca couldn’t tell me. But I realized in a moment that it would be better not to do it than to try to touch her clumsily.

So Carlyle hesitated and missed his chance.

While he hesitated for a moment, Bianca Shamal had already passed him by.

Carlyle has already been rejected several times, but he still can’t figure out why.

So, why?

Why are you suddenly doing this? What’s the matter?

I just knew it would change.

Things have been pretty good between him and Bianca lately.

[I like you, Bianca.]

The other person’s reaction to the confession that created a certain atmosphere in the cabin.

That it will come over soon.

Frankly, Carlyle was so certain of that that he couldn’t understand the situation he was now facing.

What the heck.

I can’t figure out why, but my head is pounding and my chest feels tight.

For now, what’s the reason? Bianca Shamal is clearly pushing him away.

But, suddenly?

I just can’t understand how this can happen without any warning signs.

“ha-”

So, all that comes out of Carlyle Schultz’s mouth is a sigh.

I’ve already ruffled Amy’s hair with my hands several times.

Was it originally this difficult for a person to like someone?

I can’t know anything, and even if I try to find out, I don’t know, so I’m just frustrated.

What’s even stranger is that Bianca Shamal’s expression as she pushes herself away looks like she’s in pain.

‘Why, you…’

With that expression, with a look of pain in his eyes.

‘Are you pushing me away?’

You’ve always thought that the other person liked you too. Maybe you’re still convinced that they do.

But then why?

In this relationship, Carlyle himself was the weaker party. Bianca Shamal was the stronger party.

So, Carlyle just waited.

Let’s wait for a moment.

If that doesn’t work, then you should be more proactive in finding out the cause.

Yeah, that’s it.

Carlyle steeled his resolve and recharged his patience.

But after class and work, nothing changed.

I went to my opponent’s house.

Today is Friday. If things went on like this, he was planning on coming all the way through the weekend.

-I’m waiting, Bianca.

-I’m outside your house now.

Carlyle Schultz waited. He thought it was a good thing that it was raining just in time.

Swaaaah-

Bianca is a delicate woman. She might reply right away, just like last time.

Thinking so, Carlyle continued to wait silently.

Wait, wait. My shoulders and head are getting wet.

Thinking that Bianca Shamal would look back at him.

But unlike before, that day neither the window opened nor a reply came.

***

In the dark room, Vita was sitting with her head down, leaning against the window.

It was only after the shadow that had been standing on the street outside the window, under the streetlight, disappeared that I finally sat down.

‘… Sorry, Carlyle.’

Because I’m really sorry.

I’m sorry for pushing you away, but I can’t help it.

In fact, he kept watching. He even turned off the lights in the room in case his shadow was reflected beyond the curtains. In that state, Vita continued to look at the other person.

For some reason, I held my aching heart and held my breath.

Swaaaah-

The sound of rain comes through the closed window.

Even in this weather, Carlyle is out there. He’s waiting for you outside.

I felt uneasy not knowing it.

Maybe, already.

A state that goes far beyond mere discomfort.

My heart feels uneasy for no reason.

‘But, I…’

He has to push out Carlyle Schultz.

Because Vita had already made up her mind.

After the school trip, I sat on the bus and just thought about it. My classmate Shasha was talking to me, but I could barely hear her.

Because I’m not in my right mind at all.

‘I, I…’

What should I do now?

‘How do I…’

Almost out of my mind.

[You, a man… why do you like Carlisle…? No, that’s right. It’s strange that you like Carlisle, a man, and it doesn’t seem right…]

Because those words from that person won’t leave my head.

Those were the words of Emily Swan, the woman he had a crush on.

It was no one’s fault that Vita was so shocked by those words. In a way, they hit the nail on the head.

-Sorry, Bianca. No, Vita.

-I made a mistake…

Emily kept apologizing the next day, but Vita wouldn’t accept it.

-Yeah, it’s okay.

He said that, but to be honest, he didn’t really take it seriously.

Because it wasn’t okay at all. Emily sent a text message as if she knew it, but Vita didn’t look at it.

But, right now. I don’t want to see it.

Actually, everything Emily said is true.

[I don’t think I like Carlyle.]

Looking back, it was a lie.

Only after hearing Emily’s words, only after hearing her slip of the tongue, did Vita realize.

[You, a man… why are you with Carlyle…?]

Emily’s words clearly show that even after hearing the whole story, she still assumed that ‘Bianca Shamal’ loved Carlyle Schultz.

So Vita eventually realized it too. She was shocked.

Everyone realized why he was so shocked by what he said. Why he had told Emily the truth so casually.

[Don’t try to run away.]

Because, as Emily said, I like Carlyle Schultz.

Because if you admit that feeling, everything becomes strange.

He was trying to run away.

‘Bianca Shamal’ revealed the truth that she was originally ‘Vita Shamal’ to Emily, but hid it from Carlisle.

No matter what the circumstances are.

The fact that a man has turned into a woman is perhaps clearly a flaw.

The truth he wouldn’t have been able to reveal if he still liked Emily.

‘On the other hand, Carlyle…’

I couldn’t speak. I didn’t want to be caught.

After realizing it.

Vita realized that she no longer trembled in front of Emily Swan. She realized that too.

‘ah…’

Only then.

I, myself.

You like Carlyle.

That’s why I’m so shocked by Emily’s words.

This is strange.

That’s impossible.

I have been denying the strange facts as much as I knew about them, but this is what has happened in the end. I have to hear the truth from someone else.

Vita Shamal was so shocked that she still hasn’t recovered from it.

***

“How did I end up like this… ”

In the darkness, Vita continued to mutter like that, ignoring all the messages that filled her phone.

Yeah, maybe.

I think it was from then.

[I like you, Bianca.]

Before that one word, there was a long, long confession.

A confession that was more honest and plain-spoken than ever.

As he heard that confession, Vita felt something inside him change.

‘When we’re together, I feel supported, comfortable, and just having fun no matter what I do.’

Because I realized anew who that opponent is.

If the other person likes you for those reasons.

Certainly, myself too.

Even Vita Shamal herself couldn’t deny that she liked Carlyle Schultz.

Before I knew it, I was getting wet in a drizzle.

Man to woman.

Carlyle changed ‘Vita Shamal’ to ‘Bianca Shamal’.

Bianca, Bianca.

Another name for himself.

‘But… it was good.’

The low voice of the person calling that name, a slight trembling echo.

It’s not that I hate Vita. Rather, I like it a little.

So, the other person’s sincerity, their attitude towards me, and even their unexpectedly sincere side or affectionate and delicate side.

I like everything about it, even the occasional show of consideration.

‘I… Carlyle… ‘

I’ve come to like it.

It’s ridiculous, but that’s how it turned out.

That’s why my heart was so heavy right now.

“Sorry, sorry… ”

I feel sorry for Carlyle.

My chest hurts for no reason. I think my heart hurts.

Knock- knock-

So Vita hit my chest with her fist. She felt like she would die if she didn’t do it.

“Why, of all people… ”

Is this how it ended up like this?

I just feel suffocated. My heart keeps feeling suffocated, like a lump has formed in it.

It’s ironic, though.

The moment Vita acknowledged her feelings, she realized it at the same time.

This is strange, it makes no sense.

Leaving those facts aside, the most obvious fact is-

‘It doesn’t… make any sense.’

This mind that I have just realized cannot have meaning.

There is no answer in Carlyle Schultz’s mind.

Because I am originally a man. I will go back.

It doesn’t mean anything.

Even if I close my eyes and give up on turning into a man, that won’t happen.

He had been deceiving Carlyle Schultz all along. That must be why Carlyle likes him.

‘Carlyle… I… ‘

Because I have no idea that Bianca Shamal was originally a man. But that doesn’t mean I have the confidence to reveal the truth.

I get goosebumps all over my body.

That made me scared. I started to get scared.

Vita Shamal says.

‘I’m not a real woman. I’m… Bianca is… ‘

She’s not a real woman.

Right now, I am neither a man nor a woman.

But if you look closely, it’s clear that he was originally a man.

‘If Carlyle finds out…’

What kind of reaction will you show?

He might get angry, he might swear.

In the worst case scenario, you might just be looked down on. That’s what’s scary about Vita.

[You’re disgusting.]

If Carlyle was so open about despising you, then think about it.

I just can’t stand it.

Just imagining it makes my heart ache so much that I can barely breathe.

Gulp- Gulp-

Vita drank the cold water in her hand.

Just thinking about Carlyle being so cold and suffocating towards me made Vita feel suffocated.

[The thing that Carlyle hates the most is lies…]

Emily’s words still linger in my mind.

So Vita was scared.

‘Yeah, rather… ‘

So, it would be better for you.

First, I decided to cut off this relationship.

‘Let’s cut Carlyle off from my line right now.’

In any case, there is no way for the other person and yourself to be together. Such a future cannot possibly exist, and it should not exist.

Again, as a man.

That is to say, he will return to being a man again.

Vita decided to cut off Carlyle Schultz, telling herself that everything would be okay once she got back.

Rather, the other person’s heart is too heavy, so he can’t deceive them any longer.

I ended up thinking that way.

Gulp-

So, with great effort, Vita, left alone in the dark, took the red pill.

Now there are nine pills. Only nine left.

‘Seven after the weekend…’

Now I can go back next weekend. So, really.

You can go back again.

“Ugh, write… ”

The pills taste so bitter that my expression becomes distorted. Whenever this happens, my mother always tells me that it’s okay.

But why is that?

[It’s okay, now.]

Suddenly, that word came to mind. Other words came to mind too.

[I like you, Bianca.]

At that moment, the other person’s facial expression, affectionate gestures, and tone of voice all came to mind.

“… … ”

Even after swallowing the pill, Vita felt so depressed that she couldn’t move.

I thought it was fortunate that no tears came out, but I think I must have stayed like that for a long time.

***

Carlyle Schultz didn’t see Bianca over the weekend.

I contacted him for two days in a row, and after work ended, I waited outside, but there was no response.

Should I knock on the door and ask them to come in?

I thought about it for a long time, but it didn’t seem right. Carlyle’s fist was clenched tightly as he turned around.

Emily Swan continued to apologize over the weekend.

-He left the chat room…

-… Ah. Ahh.

Even Bianca Shamal left the group chat. Emily sent long texts and even called. But the contact never reached her.

The same goes for Sasha and Rudo. They both tried to contact Bianca Shamal in their own way, but received no response.

In fact, Lou did receive a reply. He was told that he was really fine and that everything would just go back to normal, so he shouldn’t worry about it.

“That’s not the problem… ”

Lou just sighed in regret.

In the midst of all this, another new week has dawned.

Since Monday, strange rumors have been circulating at the academy.

“Hey, did you hear that…? Carlyle Schultz, that guy… ”

As the rumor spreads, the students become more and more surprised.

“Really, that’s it?”

“If that’s true, then he really was a total bad guy.”

As rumors are rumors.

As I have a history of dating many different people.

Rumors spread quickly in the noisy crowd.

In fact, the person who started the rumor is Nathan, a delinquent from the next school.

I was scared of my opponent, but I didn’t have any means to do anything. But I also wanted to continue getting revenge.

My nose is still crooked from that time and hasn’t fully recovered. So I definitely want to get revenge on the other person.

‘How do I do this…?’

If you spread a rumor that Bianca Shamal, a school girl who is walking around normally, is actually a guy, you will only be treated like a crazy person, and no one will believe you.

‘Besides, it’s hard to mess with that family.’

Maximilian Shamal is quite a powerful businessman. Nathan is not stupid enough not to consider that.

To be honest, I was so drunk before that I almost touched him.

After much thought, I decided to take a timid revenge on this scandal. The more actions the opponent takes, the more suspicious he will be.

The huge scandal that occurred when Carlyle Schultz got his ex-girlfriend pregnant and then encouraged her to have an abortion.

‘You too, go through hardship. It’s karma, kid.’

In fact, the one who spread the scandal was Nathan, a punk from the next school.

But what really mattered to everyone was not who had spread these rumors.

“That’s quite enough.”

Carlyle Schultz has had many romantic relationships over the years, and for those who know him, this scandal has already become a matter of interest.