episode_0063
by adminThe night has come.
Still, the food Madame gave me was something scary to eat. Not all the food she gave me was bad for me, but it was true that it was accompanied by bad things.
‘You don’t think the lady likes you, do you?’
It was a story I heard back when she used to send me snacks all the time. Of course, I ate whatever she gave me anyway, but that kind of attention made me feel like I was getting too much attention.
‘It was so uncomfortable.’
Besides, there was even an incident similar to poisoning recently, so how could I eat it comfortably?
Of course, I ate because if I didn’t eat, I would have skipped dinner. And since I didn’t know how to cook, I ended up having to eat what she gave me.
‘…. Strangely, it was a taste that made me feel nostalgic.’
It wasn’t important. After all, dinner was over and she had gone to sleep after being urged to do so, and now I had to go on night duty.
Normally, the knights would come with me and take turns protecting the madam, but now there was no one to do that. If there was any consolation in not having to sleep in the same bed as her, then that was consolation.
In any case, this was a mission, and that meant there was no telling what kind of watchdogs might be assigned to me. I was an illegitimate child, and a man. Of course, I knew better than anyone that Madam had no such hobbies.
It’s been a year since I started living next to you. If I had such a hobby, I would have already laid hands on you.
However, that wasn’t the problem I was thinking of. If there were people around, they might report that an illegitimate child, who they saw as a piece of trash, was sleeping with a nobleman, and the result was obvious.
‘I would never take such a dangerous gamble.’
So I made a bedroom with my sleeping bag, and I’m currently watching the fire and taking a nap. In the first place, I’m used to sleeping while curled up still.
Now, he leans his scabbard against the part of his missing arm, closes his eyes slightly, and focuses on his surroundings. Only the sound of insects and grass rustling echoes inside.
Every time that happened, I really felt like I had escaped that damn house, and I felt a strange… a really strange sense of security.
‘Is it true that just the thought of leaving that place makes me feel this comfortable?’
I feel like I’m realizing once again how uncomfortable it was there.
If I just sleep a little bit like this… maybe. yes. someday.
I never knew that a day would come when things would get better.
I can hear the sound of daybreak.
The fire still crackles and maintains its appearance.
Dong-i, at that moment when she stabbed my eyes, I quietly turned off the light. I didn’t know when she would wake up, but I decided to prepare myself to do it slowly.
I quickly cleaned up the dishes I used yesterday. The stream seemed to be not far away.
This is something I learned yesterday while listening carefully. Perhaps, if I just take ten steps from here, I will get out in no time.
At that moment, as I was preparing to pack up the dishes and move to another place.
“Oh my, are you awake?”
“… Yes.”
She woke up. I was going to clean up first, but she saw the dishes I was holding and ran towards me.
“Hey! This is something you should ask an adult to do! But, how did you wake up so early? It hasn’t even opened yet.”
“… It usually opens when the sun comes out.”
It was true.
I trained myself to be able to wake up when the sunlight hits my eyes, and I was used to it. In fact, it would be more accurate to say that I lived a life where I had to wake up faster than the nobles, rather than training.
“… . Anyway! Give it to me!”
“… Oh, yes.”
The sad expression that had appeared on her face for a moment was erased by her as if it had never been there. Looking at her expression that had been so cleanly erased, I felt like I knew to some extent what she was worried about.
‘Do you wish for me to grow up like you, Master?’
But that was an impossible request. No illegitimate child ever did that. Even commoners were the same. Kings were the same.
Illegitimate children are untouchables. That was their rule.
But, when I saw someone who was supposed to be bound by those rules acting like this, I really couldn’t understand it.
That’s why she wasn’t ready to formally accept me as her son.
Of course, the fact that she gave me an audience with the crown prince, which was only possible if I was the official successor, showed how much she cared about me, but she hadn’t offered any fundamental solutions, and regardless, people would have ignored and looked down on me anyway.
Because where you come from is where you come from.
“읏차-”
She’s carrying the dishes and going somewhere. What is she going to do? Does she know where the stream is?
“Do you know the stream?”
“Huh? Then~ Um- No, don’t ignore this lady. No matter what, she used to come around here often.”
As she spoke, the madam left the room. She headed in the direction of the sound of water I had heard, and I quietly began to tidy up the tent.
To set off right away when she gets back.
-Dalgrak… .
I washed the dishes in the stream. I was sure I was doing that.
“You’re crazy, really! You’re crazy!!!”
Even if you feel better just being with your child, how can you openly tell your child that you are “Mom”?
The child will only think that his mother is dead!
“Ahhh!!!”
-Pavabak.
In a fit of anger, I grabbed my hair and tousled it. Since my hands were wet, my hair became a very messy mess.
-dump
“Haa… . Seriously, what is all this… .”
The child was definitely old enough to be able to eat on his own, even if he wasn’t yet able to fend for himself. That was a clear fact.
In that case, it might have been okay to send the child away alone, pretend to stay with the child, and pretend that the child had fainted.
Of course, one way or another, it is natural that one day you will be caught and either be flogged or beheaded…
“I decided to be thankful that it came out like this even now. Choi Jin-ah!”
-slap.
“Yeah, what’s the big deal about executions and punishments! When you fought the axe back then, you were always at risk of death! Don’t you think you’ll be at risk of death again!”
Thinking like that, I tried to pull myself together again. If I didn’t do that, I really felt like I would leave the child alone and go back to that house.
If that happened, I didn’t know what would happen to the child.
Or maybe I’ll get really angry and go around killing everyone and become a murderer, or something. Honestly, I think that’s ridiculous, too…
If not… . I would really get killed by someone. After all, no one knows when, where, or what will happen to a child without a guardian.
So, the most appropriate response you can give is to be there for them.
No, from the beginning, sending the child far, far away to someone I could trust would have been the best choice I could have made.
Of course, Han-i could be suspected because of her weak strength, but in the end, wasn’t that something you didn’t know until before the battle?
Either way, it was a risk I had to take. It was certain that I would die.
The only difference between doing it now and doing it then is whether the child receives treatment as an illegitimate child later or sooner.
Now, they are treated as illegitimate children more quickly, and the risk of taking them out has increased. That’s what I think, though.
The question still remains: If only we had moved a little faster, would the child really have been this badly damaged?
It was a story I didn’t know, but… the thought that if that had been the case, the child might not have been ruined never left my mind.
“Ah. I cleaned it all up… .”
As I was cleaning the bowl while thinking about this and that, before I knew it, it was shining and sparkling like a new bowl.
“… . Seriously, what are you doing… .”
After putting all the dishes away and heading back to where the child was, what I saw was the place where we used to sleep, which had been completely cleaned up.
“… . Sorry I’m late.”
“Oh, you’re here.”
The child who was sharpening his sword alone was so absorbed in it that he didn’t even notice me approaching.
… . I’ve seen such a sword before, but I’ve only seen it on one person.
I wonder if it’s that person’s blood. Seeing that the child had the same habit of sharpening his sword, I said while patting the child’s head.
“Let’s go.”
“Yes.”
There’s still a long way to go.
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