episode_0063

We sat down with our backs turned to each other.

Both of us were too embarrassed to make eye contact, so we couldn’t look at each other until we got into the tub.

No, there was no way we could look at each other. Even if I had become a villain, I still had a conscience.

The tub we entered was quite high. It was lower than a drum, if you compare it to something… What do you call it? A rubber container used to ferment cabbage in large quantities during kimchi-making, soaked in salt.

As Ha-yoon said, the amount of water inside increased when two people entered. This analogy may be a bit off, but it’s like stuffing a brick or a full plastic bottle into a toilet tank.

…I should’ve just said we were getting into the tub. It seems like my negative thoughts keep creeping in these days, leading me to make analogies like this.

I got into the tub and submerged my body in the water, using my hands to splash water over myself. I honestly couldn’t tell if I was washing well or not. There wasn’t any body wash or soap either.

I’m so stupid. I managed to take care of everything else, but I didn’t even think about washing.

…But at least the water was warm, so I felt good after a long time.

“….”

We stayed awkwardly silent for a while.

If only we had towels to cover ourselves, it wouldn’t be this awkward. Of course, it wouldn’t be ‘this’ awkward, but the fact that it was awkward wouldn’t change. I still couldn’t look directly at Ha-yoon.

Since this was a rural house, there was a door leading outside in the kitchen. Fortunately, the glass on this door was semi-transparent, so even if someone was outside, they wouldn’t be able to see inside.

…No, would someone pass by? I hope not. If someone suddenly opened the door and came in—

—The other girls would come out and subdue them.

“….”

I didn’t want to feel relieved. I didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that I was actually getting help from the magical girls.

But damn it, the things I had been agonizing over for over a week, the magical girls had solved them all in just one day.

I could definitely use magic and manipulate mana, but all I could do was smash someone’s head with a hammer.

Ouch.

The mana circuit on my wrist suddenly turned cold.

James said it was fine to wear it while bathing. Maybe it’s telling me to generate energy even while I’m bathing.

It’s strange that it’s not waterproof. If it doesn’t have waterproofing, it means I can’t fight on rainy days. Resistance to shock goes without saying.

Sitting awkwardly in the tub, staring gloomily at the circuit, Ha-yoon spoke up.

“What kind of energy is this circuit running on? Can I ask?”

Her voice was very cautious. It sounded like it was coming from a completely different direction than my face. Ha-yoon, like me, was sitting with her back turned.

No, it would be awkward if we didn’t. It was already embarrassing enough in this state, I didn’t want it to get any more embarrassing here.

“No.”

And I answered bluntly.

I didn’t want to talk about it.

I know this is a bit too stubborn. No matter how you look at the situation, we’re already on the same boat. Cooperation will be helpful in any way, and it’s better not to have any secrets between us.

But… I was already resigned.

I had already revealed everything I didn’t want to be caught. Even the parts that were once new secrets were all exposed, and even those secrets were being resolved by the magical girls.

Even though I knew it was an unnecessary emotion, I hated admitting it.

I didn’t want to think that I was even slightly relieved.

That’s why my voice was a bit cold.

“Ah….”

Ha-yoon’s voice sounded a little melancholic.

Somewhere deep inside my heart, there was a slight ache.

“You say you don’t want to hurt me? You say you don’t want to cause me pain?”

I whispered quietly to the painful place within me.

“You say you like Ha-yoon? You say she’s your friend? Then why are you acting so coldly?”

My nose tingled slightly, and my vision blurred. It was a relief that we were both too embarrassed to face each other.

And it was also a relief that Ha-yoon didn’t press further.

What if she had asked more deeply? I probably would have snapped at her to stop bothering me.

Ha-yoon is worried about me.

Is it because of that emotion?

I felt a sense of defeat deep in my chest.

The complex I had carried since I was very young didn’t just disappear easily with age.

With my lips sealed shut, I simply kept my gaze fixed ahead.

Being robbed of my body by the self-pity I had created.

*

Was it wrong to ask what shouldn’t be asked?

When Ji-eun didn’t respond, Ha-yoon grew a little impatient.

The atmosphere was noticeably different from Ji-eun’s attitude in the past.

Even after not seeing each other for a long time, Ji-eun was still Ji-eun.

In this situation, she didn’t ask for anything. She didn’t ask for help or say she would go with her.

Perhaps it was a situation where she should be grateful that she wasn’t driven away.

“….”

Did Ha-yoon become tired of her? Did she become annoying?

Ha-yoon thought Ji-eun was a true friend because she didn’t demand anything from her.

But now, she wondered if even that was Ha-yoon’s way of cutting Ji-eun off.

Ji-eun, without asking for anything—

—Even if it was difficult and painful, even if she didn’t ask for anything, she was there as a friend, but Ha-yoon wanted too much.

What was the reason for not expressing the source of energy in her emotions?

Was it a much deeper and darker emotion than Ha-yoon thought? Even now, the sound of the circuit running in Ji-eun’s wrist could be heard.

Even in moments alone with Ha-yoon.

…Perhaps, it was the same even in ordinary times.

The dark emotion of unknown origin, Ji-eun might have felt it every time she met Ha-yoon. Ha-yoon just didn’t notice it because the circuit wasn’t there at the time.

Enduring all the jealousy of every child in front of Ha-yoon.

Enduring the malice, could she have not been tired of it?

Perhaps, it was because Ha-yoon felt even darker emotions due to following other magical girls.

Even the auxiliary circuit on Ha-yoon’s wrist was resonating with Ji-eun’s energy.

Ha-yoon bit her lip.

She wanted to restore their relationship.

But, that relationship was already broken.

Perhaps it was because of Ha-yoon’s fist.

When she struck several times with her pink wand under the name of justice, along with Ji-eun’s broken bones, split lips, and flowing blood.

Perhaps even the feelings Ha-yoon had for Ji-eun were shattered, broken, and bleeding.

The heavy and humid air pressed down on Ha-yoon’s shoulders.

Thud.

The level of water that had risen up to Ha-yoon’s chest suddenly dropped.

It was because Ji-eun, who had been soaking in the water, stood up.

“…Did you wash up?”

“…Yeah. Just needed to clean up for a moment.”

There was no hint of annoyance in Ji-eun’s response.

The sound of cloth brushing against skin was heard.

Suddenly, Ha-yoon wanted to turn around.

The reason was unknown to herself.

Perhaps she was just a little annoyed. After all, Ha-yoon had emotions too.

There is nothing to say about the mistake. I understand why the author would think that way. Hayoon made a lot of mistakes, and as a result, Jieun suffered immeasurable damage.

But still.

But… they were so close.

To Jieun, Hayoon was an irreplaceable friend.

Of course, she was close with the other magical girls as well. Unlike the other kids at school who used to torment Jieun for hiding her dark side and for that reason, Hayoon and the magical girls were on equal terms.

But even so, the thought of Jieun being as precious as she was did not occur to her. They could risk their lives for each other in battle, but the feelings Jieun had for her were different from that.

It was not just a give-and-take, but something more.

Perhaps it was only natural that Hayoon couldn’t bear that impulse.

Despite knowing each other for so long, Hayoon didn’t really know much about Jieun. She could understand why Jieun had hidden everything, but she couldn’t understand it emotionally.

She didn’t even realize she was blushing at being so close like this.

So, impulsively, Hayoon turned around.

And swallowed hard.

Was it because the pure white skin was as beautiful as she imagined? Maybe that was the case.

If it weren’t for the fresh blue bruise engraved on her back.

If it weren’t for the vivid red mark on her shoulder.

If her body wasn’t so thin that even her ribs were visible from behind.

She would have been beautiful even with all those things. Maybe a bad personality would stand out more, making her seem more pitiful, someone might have said.

But what Hayoon felt was shock.

She knew that bruise couldn’t have been left by her. It must have been from the recent battle. No, it might have been an older injury than that. Just over a week ago, Jieun had fought countless monsters.

But even so.

Hayoon must have left such a bruise on Jieun’s body.

No, it would have been a bigger bruise. Bones don’t just break. When a bone breaks, it scrapes against the muscles and blood vessels inside. Inevitably, there would be much larger bruises and swelling around it.

Even if she went to a professional clinic for treatment…

…Come to think of it, Jieun had been shot before. She had managed to block it with magic to some extent, but she still bled.

There would be no penetrating traces, and even if there were wounds on the skin, if magic flowed through the body, they could heal without leaving a scar.

But it would have been much more painful than going to a professional clinic.

When was the last time Jieun had gone to a clinic?

Bruises can last quite a while without any treatment. Depending on the severity, it could take 2 to 3 weeks, which is quite common.

But usually, if healed with magic, it would only take a few minutes. Considering that Jieun was not very skilled at using magic, it might have taken about a week.

And yet, if it still remained so vivid…

…Jieun hadn’t been hit by such a big attack in the last battle.

Her body trembled.

It wasn’t because the hot water level had dropped and her skin was exposed to the air. The coldness was due to fear.

Even now, Jieun was in pain. She was enduring the pain in her body in a place like this.

There was only one person around to talk to, the bad-tempered Jikjik.

With no one to comfort her, no one to help her, she was essentially alone, with nothing to eat—

Feeling something strange, Hayoon quickly shook her body as she saw Jieun turn her head. The lowered water splashed heavily.

Did Jieun notice? Did she realize that I was staring blankly at her back?

My shoulders shook.

“….Are you cold?”

Fortunately, the question that came back was just that.

Hwayoon shivered again at the voice that seemed to have no suspicion that Jieun would have seen her body.

“I wiped myself off. I’ll go in first and put on some clothes.”

It seemed that Jieun thought that was the reason for the cold.

Was it a good thing or a bad thing? Hwayoon couldn’t tell.

If she had seen her body, would she not think it strange?

If she thought it was natural for her body with injuries…—

Even after Jieun’s sound of putting on clothes, Hwayoon couldn’t get up from her spot for a while.

As Jieun said, it was cold.

But the cause of that coldness was not just the temperature.

*

Still, it’s fortunate that I brought a towel. It’s a necessity for living outside, so at least I have that.

…Maybe I should lend underwear or clothes to the kids. Fortunately, it seems there are no kids who are overwhelmingly tall or have gained a lot of weight. Even though my clothes were loose on me, it was fortunate that they fit.

Is it fortunate? Well, I’m not sure.

Because of my reckless exit from the bathtub, Hwayoon’s body was clearly exposed.

Unconsciously, I turned my eyes away and quickly turned my head when I saw Hwayoon’s trembling white back.

I quickly dried myself, put on underwear.

Even though I only washed with water, after soaking in warm water for a long time, my body felt quite good. To be honest, I felt a bit refreshed.

Although I still felt sore here and there, maybe because I was in a good mood, I felt a little better.

And the room was warm—

“….”

—No, not really.

I quickly shook my head.

Although it’s helping, I’ve decided not to acknowledge that fact clumsily. So, I’m not going to worry about my life getting better.

I have this and that.

I think I can do enough if it’s a trade. The energy I’m using here is coming from my circuits, and these kids only have one ragged piece of clothing. Although I’m also ragged, I have ‘extras.’ At least I brought various underwear.

And there’s canned food too.

….

The more I think about each item in the trade, the worse I feel.

In the middle of the room, the kids were huddled together.

Since there were no blankets, we filled a plastic bag with leaves and tied the ends. But Iris made a stove, and the night is not as cold as winter, so it might be okay—

Thud.

Lost in my thoughts, the door opened, and Hwayoon came in.

Her face was full of concern.

Maybe it’s because she didn’t properly wash herself. Maybe it was a bit awkward just washing with water.

Really, should I go somewhere and buy something next time if I’m going to go out and defeat a monster?

Is there a chance for that?

“I washed up.”

When our eyes met, Hwayoon quickly said that.

Her gloomy expression quickly became okay.

It’s probably because of me. I… I abruptly ended the conversation a while ago.

In that atmosphere, I felt a little guilty again.

Come to think of it, Hwayoon probably did all the cleaning up alone. Draining the cold water from the temporary bathtub and refilling it with a bucket. The cauldron was right next to it, but since there was no running water, it was obvious that it was a laborious task.

I felt a tightness in my chest.

“Okay, then next time, it’ll be me and Iris.”

Rose got up with a pale face. Iris, with a look of reluctance, alternated between looking at Ha-yoon and then got up a bit late from her seat.

The two of them headed to the kitchen, and we went to where Delphinium and Dahlia were waiting.

Delphinium and Dahlia exchanged glances.

Even though there was only one person who didn’t contribute today, they didn’t immediately improve the food situation.

I stood there for a moment, clenching my fist, then took a deep breath.

And then I turned towards the tent right away.

Entering the tent, I unzipped the large hiking bag.

I looked at the food inside quietly, then gritted my teeth and took out a can of Spam and two cans of tuna.

Yes, it’s not enough for everyone to eat. There are six teenage girls here who need to eat.

But maybe if combined with other food items, it could provide some essential nutrients.

I came out with the food and roughly threw it in front of the kids.

“…Today’s rations.”

The kids looked at the food, then back at me.

At first, I thought they might be giving me a reproachful look.

Most of what I offered was dried fruits and energy bars. I thought they might be annoyed if I had hidden these canned goods.

But there was only one emotion I could read from the kids’ faces.

“Are you okay?”

Or was I mistaken? Was I just feeling insecure and overthinking it?

Whichever it was, it was a moment where I felt endlessly pathetic.

“…When the kids come… after everyone here washes up, we’ll share it.”

Eating like this, the rations might not last a few days.

But still.

Still, I didn’t want to just receive.

So,

I didn’t want to lose.

I didn’t want to give up my last remaining dignity.

“Ah.”

And James, who was watching me, made an interesting sound.

Ignoring the kids’ gaze and James’s voice, I turned around.

I walked quickly back home.

The full moon was in the sky. In the bright moonlight, I could see the field Delphinium and Dahlia had planted. As they said, the sprouts were already growing healthy.

Unable to express the emotions, I couldn’t go back inside for a while.

Until the remaining two also finished washing up.

And even when I went back in, the kids hadn’t touched the canned food or rations. They seemed to have been waiting for me to come back and sit together.

No matter how many times, no matter how many times, the indescribable emotion I felt after these kids arrived was something I couldn’t adapt to.

I didn’t want to adapt.

Even though I felt clumsy, I hated how relieved I was to have a meal together with everyone.