episode_0060
by fnovelpiaRattling. Rattling.
The scenery outside the train changed in real time. I stared blankly at it, then slowly closed my eyes.
My head felt like it was throbbing. My face felt a little hot.
It must be because I didn’t get enough sleep. I was feeling extremely tired right now. It was understandable since I didn’t get enough rest even on the weekend.
No. Being tired is a problem, but the bigger problem is… .
“Then, suddenly, a cat’s cry was heard from outside, ‘Meow! Meow!’”
“That, so…?”
“So, I looked out the window. And then… .”
Daniel was telling a scary story with an extremely serious expression. Vivian was consistently expressionless, but Elin, Chloe, and Deacon Sophia were listening to the story with extremely serious expressions.
“A woman with disheveled hair, with empty eyes, standing under the window… . Meow… ! Meow… !”
“Ugh… !”
Chloe shivered as she listened to the story. Was that really scary?
I don’t know. It’s a scary story and I was just trying to get some sleep. The interior of the room was like this, so it was hard to relax.
“I’ll be out for a moment. Deacon Sophia, I’ll leave the students in charge for a moment.”
“Oh, yes! Have a nice day!”
After seeing off Deacon Sophia, I left the room and found myself in a long hallway.
I should have a cigarette. That’s what I thought.
“Huh? Aren’t you Professor Antonelli?”
Just as I was about to head to the smoking room, someone called my name from behind. I turned my head slightly.
“Professor Armstrong.”
“As expected, Professor Antonelli is right.”
It was Professor Sylvester Armstrong, a middle-aged man whose muscular body was clearly visible even though he was wearing a shirt.
He approached me slowly, frowned at the cigarette in my mouth.
“Professor Antonelli. Do you smoke?”
“Yes. I was just about to go to the smoking room.”
“Hey, I wonder what kind of taste they have when they smoke cigarettes that are bad for your health… .”
I smiled bitterly and nodded. He was right. I used to think that way too.
Professor Armstrong, although he looked not too pleased with the idea, obediently accompanied me to the smoking room.
Although I had never asked him to accompany me, he seemed to be following me around as if he had something to say to me.
“Hmm… I thought I was going into a raccoon hole because they said it was a smoking room, but the air is fine.”
As I was riding a fairly expensive train, the smoking room was also of a fairly good standard. Not only was it well-ventilated, but the ashtrays were also cleaned frequently.
I headed toward the open window like a balcony, took a match out of my bosom, and lit a cigarette. The cigarette began to burn slowly.
Just like that, I take a deep breath into my lungs and exhale the smoke, enjoying the hit of the minty scent hitting my chest and throat.
“Hoo… .”
Professor Armstrong’s face twisted again, then he sniffed the cigarette and looked surprised.
“It smells good.”
“Is that so?”
“Hmm. Professor Underwood smokes a lot, but Professor Antonelli doesn’t. I guess it depends on the person’s personality. That woman has a dirty personality. Hahaha!”
Following Professor Armstrong’s hearty laugh, I smiled awkwardly. Even so, it was only a forced smile that lifted the corners of my lips.
“Haa… . By the way, did Professor Antonelli just come out to smoke a cigarette?”
“Yes. That too, and a little bit… .”
I take another sip and exhale the smoke out the window, this time carefully making sure it doesn’t go in Professor Armstrong’s direction.
“A little?”
“I feel a little… . My chest feels heavy. So I came out for a bit. To change my mood… .”
“Um… .”
Professor Armstrong had a complicated expression on his face. He closed his mouth for a moment, pondering, and then he put his wooden arm on the railing and said.
“Well, lately, I’ve been feeling suffocated sometimes.”
“Is that so?”
“That’s right. No matter how much I am a country, I have at least one thing to worry about in my heart.”
His expression looked a little lonely. His beard and wide-open eyes, which had been stretched out like a ferocious beast, seemed like a docile lamb at this moment. I flicked the ash from my cigarette into the ashtray and asked cautiously.
“Is that because of Professor Underwood?”
“… Well, that’s right. It’s because of that woman.”
“What happened?”
Professor Armstrong looked around for a moment, then realized that we were the only ones in the smoking room and lowered his head.
“Professor Antonelli may not know, but Professor Underwood and I are actually candidates for the next president.”
“I know.”
“Then the story will be fast. Actually, I wasn’t aiming for the president position so viciously. I used to be a person with no greed.”
“… I didn’t know that.”
“I can’t help but know. To elaborate, I used to be on pretty good terms with Professor Underwood. We helped each other out when we needed to, and we would look out for each other when things got tough. No matter what anyone says, that woman and I were classmates at Chaldea Imperial Academy.”
Professor Armstrong, who had been talking, made a face as if he was tired of something. I nodded, blowing out smoke from my cigarette.
“But then, suddenly, a strange rumor started to spread that I was aiming for the position of president of the Academy several years ago. And Professor Underwood, who was in the midst of being a candidate for the next president, happened to hear the rumor.”
“You must have had a headache.”
“I have a headache. If I say more, wouldn’t it be nagging? It would be a death sentence. I’ve never thought of that… . It’s not that I never thought of it, but if it were Professor Underwood, I would have been more than willing to give up my seat.”
As I listened to the story and smoked a cigarette, the cigarette had already become a short butt. I put the butt out in the ashtray, took out a second cigarette, and lit it.
Professor Armstrong continued.
“Haa… . One time, President Damien and several professors gathered for a meeting, and that woman suddenly started to push me… . Before I knew it, I was in the position of aiming for the president’s position.”
“So, still… .”
“We’re still enemies. I still have the heart to compromise, but that woman keeps nagging at me whenever she sees me… Because of that, I’ve been feeling very suffocated lately.”
It was quite a twisted and convoluted story. And it was unexpected.
The fact that such a tough, macho man with such a rough and tough appearance is worried about something that requires such a detailed conversation.
I nodded, tasting the cigarette.
“If we have a sincere conversation, won’t it somehow be resolved? Professor Armstrong, it seems like we need a conversation first.”
“Um… .”
“The best way to resolve misunderstandings is through honest conversation, isn’t it?”
Professor Armstrong stroked his beard for a moment, then nodded and pulled away from the railing. His face seemed to brighten up a little.
“Thank you, Professor Antonelli. But it is definitely a relief to receive advice from a priest.”
“You are too kind.”
“I’m not lying. I really think so.”
Professor Armstrong seemed ready to leave, so I quickly took a deep drag on the cigarette I was smoking. As the cigarette burned quickly, my head felt a little dizzy.
“Then, it’s time to listen to Professor Antonelli’s concerns.”
That is, until Professor Armstrong leaned against the railing again. As soon as I heard his words, my dazed mind suddenly came back to me.
“My worries… . Are you talking?”
“That’s right. I heard from Professor Underwood before that smokers smoke cigarettes one after another when they have a really heavy worry. Didn’t Professor Antonelli have that kind of worry too?”
“… … .”
Actually, I didn’t really have any worries. I was so busy running around all day on the weekend that I didn’t get any rest, and I didn’t get any sleep at night, so I was just very tired.
As I recited this fact, Professor Armstrong folded his arms and fell into thought for a moment. I waited in silence for him to speak, blowing smoke out the window.
He continued to ponder with a serious expression, but soon opened his mouth and snapped his fingers loudly.
“After listening to Professor Antonelli’s story, I thought about it carefully… In my opinion, Professor Antonelli seems to be too relaxed.”
“Leisure… . Are you saying that?”
“That’s right. Leisure. How can a person only work and only consider efficiency? That’s not a person, that’s a machine. A machine.”
Machine. I have reflected on Professor Armstrong’s advice over and over again.
“What Professor Antonelli needs is not simply to distribute his time for rest. He just needs to have some mental space.”
Peace of mind. I pondered those words for a moment, then asked Professor Armstrong.
“How can I have that peace of mind?”
“Isn’t that easy? Just keep mumbling and it will happen on its own.”
I stared blankly at Professor Armstrong. I couldn’t understand what he was saying.
“If you mumble, does that make you feel more relaxed?”
“I’ve been a bit too concise, so let me explain it to you in a more understandable way. Are there any worries or useless concerns that are bothering Professor Antonelli’s mind?”
I nodded coolly. Seeing my reaction, Professor Armstrong continued speaking with a somewhat confident look.
“Whenever those things come to mind, I just lie down on the spot. And I think.”
Just give up worrying. I won’t do anything. Tomorrow’s me will take care of today’s work.
“That’s what I’m saying.”
It was a bit of absurd advice, so I couldn’t help but frown. It was partly because I was trying to interpret his words, and partly because I was so shocked.
Professor Armstrong looked at me like that and pointed to the space between my eyebrows.
“Look at this. Aren’t you still trying to interpret my words uselessly? Just accept it as it is.”
“But, you have to understand the intention behind what the other person is saying… .”
“That’s the problem, giving meaning to every little thing. That’s what I mean.”
– Don’t give meaning to trivial things.
Suddenly, Professor Moritz’s advice came to mind. I nodded without realizing it.
“Of course, if the thought is deep, it will be difficult to solve it in one breath. In that case, you can start with the easy things and take them one step at a time. First, like before, the habit of giving meaning to trivial things.”
“… … .”
“If you can sort out your distracting thoughts to some extent, then try to have an optimistic attitude.”
I smoked my cigarette in silence. I thought about his words carefully.
As I sat there silently smoking a cigarette, lost in thought, Professor Armstrong patted my shoulder and shook my hand.
“I should probably go back now. I’m worried about the students who are left without a teacher to guide them. Oh. Today’s conversation was fun.”
“… Yes. Go in.”
Even after Professor Armstrong’s large body left the smoking room door.
I stared at the place where he had disappeared.
“… Optimistic attitude.”
His words are to erase all worries from your mind and put everything down for a moment.
A phrase from a novel I had read before the ice rink suddenly came to mind.
– Tomorrow the sun will rise.
The last monologue of the main character in the world-famous novel, ‘Gone with the Wind’. I quietly recalled that line and extinguished the short cigarette butt by rubbing it in the ashtray.
“… Tomorrow’s sun.”
For some reason, I felt like I could sleep a little more comfortably tonight.
I felt that way.
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