episode_0059

When did I begin to exist in this world?

There are two perspectives to consider carefully.

One is the moment of first consciousness, and the other is the oldest memory.

In the case of a fetus, it is said that they already possess consciousness in the mother’s womb.

Some people jokingly claim to retain memories from that time, while

newborn babies who have retained the sensation of living in amniotic fluid are surprisingly good swimmers.

However, at that stage, their thinking is not sufficiently mature to properly realize their existence.

This is why most memories, even if retained, remain vague.

The time when an intelligent being becomes self-aware is ultimately a continuous stream of memories.

In a human brain, the equation “oldest time = oldest memory” holds true.

The first step in becoming conscious of one’s existence is that memory.

Like thin cellophane sheets layered to create new colors,

memories and scenes experienced while living in the world accumulate, forming one’s unique self.

We call this existence.

Spirits are not much different.

Lower spirits are not devoid of consciousness.

Rather, their wisp stage, where they are highly sensitive to stimuli and react simply yet distinctly, is consciousness itself.

But they lack a self.

As an example, think of an extremely basic algorithm?

A one-to-one correspondence function where inputting 1 yields 2, and 2 yields 3; they merely react mechanically.

If cold, they shiver; if hot, they droop.

If you reach out your hand, they’ll play with your fingers, and if you tickle them gently, they’ll roll over.

They simply react directly, like a child.

Of course, just as faint memories of their fetal days remain, higher-level spirits sometimes recall their wisp stage.

It’s less a memory, and more a sensation left like a mark on their soul?

Muscle memory—or perhaps soul memory.

The difference between humans and spirits is that spirits don’t have a definitively set lifespan.

This doesn’t mean immortality.

Unlike regular life forms with physical bodies, the meaning of the death of their existence is not significant.

In other words, the boundary between life and death is quite ambiguous.

This is especially true for lower and mid-level spirits, who are still merely conscious mana clusters.

Since their state is ambiguous even as being alive, they repeatedly coalesce and disperse depending on the flow of mana emanating from the Lake of Life.

Even high-level spirits can lose their self and return to their original form if that mana is disrupted.

Countless hours spent as a soul, undergoing a series of processes to become a truly unique, high-level spirit.

Their uniqueness is indescribable.

It’s something humans can scarcely imagine.

The sensation of having no hands or feet, or rather, no physical body at all.

The terrifying feeling of waiting for the death of the soul, unsure when one’s self or consciousness will vanish.

Wandering between the primal world and the material world, slowly wearing away, until the moment you stand on your own two feet in this world.

The moment when a high-level spirit gains a physical body and first sees, hears, and touches something.

Nix felt a genuine shiver when she first stepped on grass outside her resting place.

She etched the image of Nari, who stood before her, into her cornea.

Until the core settled within, she continued to doubt.

Whether, truly, this human would give her core.

Whether there was some ulterior motive.

It was a habit from her hundreds of years spent navigating the waves of knowledge as a researcher.

She believed that incessantly questioning every fact and phenomenon was the approach to truth.

But while reading Nari’s memories, she realized something.

That this human was just like her.

Actually, she’d known from the start.

An existence containing an extraordinary amount of information—impossible for an ordinary human.

Her overflowing curiosity eventually overcame her, and she directly infiltrated her body, using the unique magic “[Mind Control].”

Inside, she saw the waves of knowledge itself.

An overwhelming deluge of memories that left her unable to contain her excitement.

That figure, cowering in the darkness, waiting for the light, was so beautiful.

The spirit of darkness thought.

Simply, she wanted to know more.

A seasoned scholar who sincerely believed that “knowledge” illuminated life.

She witnessed someone who knew far more than herself, perhaps the most knowledgeable being in the world.

The most beautiful being in the world.

The moment she saw, smelled, and felt it, common sense turned upside down.

Nix redefined that moment as the point of her own existence’s birth.

. . .

The Mirewood is a barrier that prevents entry.

It doesn’t hold those who leave.

Therefore, the return path wasn’t a dense forest, but more like an open road.

“You don’t seem very surprised…”

“What’s there to be surprised about now.”

It was peculiar how Nari didn’t seem surprised at all, considering it was clearly her first time on this path.

She boldly raced ahead, occasionally glancing back at Nix, who followed.

“Is the pace alright? Tell me if anything feels uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s perfect! Hmm… my body still feels a little unfamiliar.”

“You’ll get used to it soon. Let’s go.”

It was appreciated that she was concerned about her state, but Nix still didn’t know many things.

Where they were going, why they were hurrying.

Most of the memories she selected from the whirlwind were about Nari’s past life.

It was a completely new world, naturally more captivating than her current one.

There were many new things to learn, like various machines and people’s clothing, so it was certainly good.

However, she knew almost nothing about the person called ‘Nari’.

Only that she hid her identity for personal reasons and that she possessed immense power within her body.

She knew nothing about her daily life, the people she met, or the work she did.

She also didn’t know her feelings well.

Why she was being taken, what her mindset was when entering the forest.

Whether she had moved on from their first encounter, or if those feelings were still there.

How she felt about her physical form.

She didn’t know much about human beauty standards, but she considered this body quite neat and tidy.

Whether it appealed to her tastes.

Whether she, like Nix, found those before her beautiful.

Nix’s mind was entangled in a tangle of endless questions.

She could apply her usual knowledge to deduce other things to a degree, but knowing nothing about feelings made it too hard to answer.

Frustrating, ever so frustrating.

And what about the thumping of her heart…? Again, she couldn’t understand.

Upon reflection, Nix realized she didn’t even know her own body well.

Hairless, smooth, white skin, slender limbs that seemed about to snap.

Her lean build naturally made her sensitive in certain areas.

For example, her breasts, bearing the full force of the wind as she traversed the forest.

Or her buttocks, which pressed together with a soft squelch with every stride.

‘This…feels nice…’

The wind caressing her skin was refreshing and pleasant.

The feeling of it flowing over her back, sides, and navel was oddly pleasant.

Especially when a sharp gust grazed between her legs, she couldn’t help but shiver at the tingling sensation.

She’d bounce excitedly before regaining herself, only to notice she was bent at the waist.

‘Is a human body normally this sensitive…?’

This was a characteristic of a spirit’s body.

That other high-level spirits, upon gaining bodies, experienced extreme sensitivity and took time to gradually adapt.

Nix, unfortunately, didn’t know that.

Because she possessed no close senior spirit mentors.

So she waited for the people around her to leave.

After getting briefly caught up in the commotion at the Adventurer’s Guild and returning to the inn, Nari and her companions dispersed.

Only after Nari, the one with the necklace, threw herself onto the bed and quietly fell asleep.

Nix made a decision.

—Gulped.

Approaching the full-length mirror, she saw a girl with black hair reflected there.

A black background with red pupils flashing.

Slightly flushed cheeks.

Thin, full pink lips.

Her small face made her breasts appear exceptionally large—the size of her head.

A smoothly curving pelvis.

And her thin arms slowly exploring her body, her legs entwined.

Nix spread her arms and began untying her clothes.

Shhh—slither.

The complicated straps came undone, and the thin dress covering her body fell to the floor, thud.

After removing the thin stockings covering her legs,

only the milky white skin of her naked body was before the mirror.

“I- I look like this…”

The soft-looking breasts with their rosy nipples, standing proudly.

She carefully placed her hand on edge of one.

Squish.

“Uh—?!”

The sharp sensation that instantly engulfed her upper body.

She trembled again.

‘Wh-what… is… this…!’

A strange sensation, thrilling, warm, strange somehow.

Curious…！

It didn’t take long to grasp that nipple with her finger and gently rub it.

An intense pleasure.

Surely, breasts and nipples were simply for nursing offspring, yet… why did this feel so good?

I don’t know, but…

The more she touched it, the hotter and more pleasant her chest felt.

The reason the wind against her chest felt so good was because of her nipples.

Her heating body confirmed this.

“Hmm—”

Nix, now completely accustomed to the pleasure.

She no longer just touched her nipples, but grasped and kneaded her entire breast.

Each time her hand squeezed the fleshy mass, her nipples tightened with a jolt.

The feeling spread immediately throughout her body, becoming uncontrollable.

Her body was hot, her breath shallow.

“Haa— Haa—”

Unknowingly, her toes curled inward as tension built.

Once accustomed to the pleasure in her breasts, Nix’s hand sought out the next area, tracing her entire body.

‘Curious… where?… What should I touch to feel more…’

Her breasts, her sternum, her waist.

The wayward hand slowly descended her body, pausing below her navel.

Surely… down there was the uterus?

She suddenly realized that her legs had instinctively entwined.

Why was she rubbing her thighs together like this?

All information converged upon a single possibility.

As if entranced, Nix slowly spread her legs.

Chthut.

Then, a sticky liquid flowed from the gap between them.

…Here.

This is certainly the most pleasurable area.

Down there is the vulva.

The reproductive organ.

The moment her thoughts touched upon it, her gaze naturally fell between her legs.

The focus of all her senses followed.

The tingling sensation that echoed throughout her body collected in that cleft.

—Gulped.

Nix slowly extended a finger.