episode_0058

Her voice was as fragile as a dying candle, but it was filled with utmost sincerity.

Pure white snow fell from the sky. The snowflakes continued to fall on Rudel’s head, but she did not take a single step back.

John was speechless for a moment. Her trembling voice and shaking eyes were clearly etched into his mind.

Although embarrassed, she carefully put the umbrella over him. Rudella looked at Johan quietly without saying anything.

“How long have you been doing this?”

“…From the time the sun sets.”

I guess we’ve been out in this bitter cold for quite some time…

“No, if you came here, you could have said something…”

John sighed and looked at her. The way she stood firm in the bitter wind was foolishly stubborn.

“If you came to see me, couldn’t you have just come into the office and called me? If you wanted to talk, you could have just sent me a letter…”

John clenched his fingers. The cold air penetrated deep into his lungs, but what shook him even more were the eyes of Rudela.

“I thought you might hate it…”

Rudel, with her head bowed, clenched her fists. Her shoulders trembled slightly. Her ears were red. It couldn’t just be because of the cold.

“…I told you not to call me again, that I wouldn’t come to see you, but I thought that if I came to see you like this, it would be a burden to you, and you would hate me even more than you already do…”

It snowed. The snowflakes fell quietly in the darkness, coldly covering the empty streets. The faint moonlight hit the snowfield and spread out faintly.

“If you hate me more than you do now, I really can’t stand it… I couldn’t call you easily.”

A cold wind blew from somewhere and shook the hem of the coat. The streets without a single footstep were quiet as if time had stopped.

“…You don’t hate me?”

John, who had been out of breath, tried not to show his emotions and continued speaking.

“I said such harsh words at the end and ignored your feelings.”

Rudel, her nose reddened, smiled lightly. Her silver hair covered in snowflakes sparkled softly in the moonlight.

“Why would I hate you?”

Her sky-blue eyes sparkled. Perhaps because it was a dark, snowy night, her gaze was particularly hazy.

“You were the first to tell me to live for myself.”

For 20 years, he had been living as a puppet of the family, but he was truly concerned about Rudela and gave her direction in life.

“You made me feel desire for the first time, even though I had no feelings for you.”

He gave her what she wanted, something she never wanted before.

“You showed me what longing was, even though I didn’t believe in anything or expect anything.”

For her, who had simply gone with the flow and lived as her family told her to, this was the first time she had been given what she desperately wanted.

“…Why would I hate someone like that?”

It taught me how to look at a star shining in the distance and made me feel the urge to hold that star in my hand.

“Why would I hate a man I’ve truly fallen in love with for the first time in my life?”

…John was not in a good mood. He had only hurt her, but Rudella still had feelings for him.

“I apologize for what happened before. I never intended to insult you. I’m not good at expressing my feelings like this…”

John did not answer, but slowly reached out his hand toward Rudela. Her pale, frozen cheek was cold.

“…It’s cold.”

He breathed warmth into Ludella’s skin, which he could feel through his fingertips. The pure magic slowly spread to her, melting her cold, frozen skin.

“Why are you laughing?”

As Rudella smiled slightly, Johan asked with a hardened expression. Is it okay to laugh in this situation?… He still couldn’t read her intentions.

“Because I like your touch.”

The snowflakes falling between the branches were as soft and delicate as breath. The world inside the snowfield was blurry yet clear.

“I like it when you worry about me.”

Johan felt his stomach churn as he met Rudella’s eyes, who was looking at him with a blush on her face.

“…I understand Lady Bismark’s feelings, but I cannot repay you even if you come out like this.”

As John spoke firmly, Rudel, who had been smiling slightly, slowly shook her head.

“I didn’t come here to expect anything in return. Right now, I just… wish I could see you…”

Rudella didn’t come to him because she wanted something in return. She came to him sincerely and purely because she wanted to see John.

I feel like if I continue to ignore this and turn away from my desires and longings, I will end up seriously rotting away.

Because I was so deeply addicted to the poisonous fog, I felt like I would be completely destroyed.

“Ha…”

John took a deep breath. Honestly… his heart was greatly moved. If it weren’t for Francia, he might have just gone over to Rudella.

“…What should I do with you?”

John, unable to hide his embarrassment, swept back his bangs.

The corners of Rudel’s mouth slightly rose.

“I’m in such a difficult situation, can you laugh…?”

“I like it when you worry because of me.”

She stroked his wrist, maintaining a small smile.

“You don’t have to force yourself to accept my feelings. You can reject me like last time. But… please don’t hate me.”

There was silence. A cold wind blew across their skin, but they didn’t feel cold.

“As you said, I intend to give up my position as crown princess. I will sever ties with the family, break off the engagement… and live as Rudela, not Rudela Bismark.”

Her voice was firm, but her eyes were filled with sadness. For Rudela, life as a nobleman was not simply a life of luxury.

It was everything to her, and at the same time, it was the chain that bound her.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. Can I really throw all this away? Is this really the right choice?”

Rudel looked up at the sky. The white snowflakes falling down touched her face and quickly melted away.

“But I met you and realized. I don’t want to live like a doll anymore.”

It was a decision made after much deliberation. I would be giving up the life of a nobleman, but I would never be able to live a life of luxury again.

It didn’t matter.

Because the freedom of poverty was more valuable than the freedom of rich dolls.

“Even so, I…”

“I know.”

“Did you make that decision knowingly?”

“That’s right. That’s not important.”

Rudel looked at John with a light smile.

“This is my choice. For my life, I made the decision. You just have to watch my choice.”

John’s expression was quite complex. Many emotions and thoughts clashed, and his reasoning blocked his way, making him even more confused.

“I don’t expect much from you. Just… meeting me and talking to me sometimes is enough.”

Rudel knew from the beginning that this love could not come true. That is why she did not expect it. She desperately hoped for it, but she did not wait.

Although she had previously been driven by momentary impulses and acted greedily… that moment allowed her to grow.

“…Will you grant my last wish?”

Rudel slowly raised her head and met Johan’s gaze. Her sky-blue eyes were trembling slightly. Her hands clenched and unclenched repeatedly, expressing her anxiety.

“That’s entirely possible, but…”

John felt a sense of discomfort in his heart. It was true that he wanted her to live her own life, but he shouldn’t be the reason and center of it.

Rudel said she made that decision for the sake of her life and her future, but honestly, Johan’s influence was probably much greater.

“Your expression is full of worry.”

The corners of her mouth slightly rose. Her eyes, which had never met his, were looking straight at John.

“You have nothing to worry about. This is my life, my life that I have decided to live.”

The cold air seeped deep into my lungs. Every time I exhaled, the white vapor that rose up filled my vision clearly.

“Of course, things won’t go that well. I know many secrets of His Highness the Crown Prince, and I know things I shouldn’t know. But, that’s something I have to handle.”

Rudella was gambling for her freedom, knowing that it would put her at risk. This was… quite difficult.

“…I can’t just ignore that when I hear that.”

“Then what shall I do? Will you accept my heart and protect it?”

She asked, tilting her head slightly. Her long silver hair flowed down over her shoulders.

“If you accept my heart. I don’t mind being second. Even if I become the next princess of Pervace, I won’t be ugly and jealous or envious.”

Johan took a deep breath and looked into Rudela’s eyes. Her stubborn gaze did not seem like a joke.

“There’s no way that’s possible…”

“It’s possible.”

Rudel smiled and slowly closed her eyes.

“Because even Princess Pervace has such a strong hand that she can’t possibly refuse my offer.”

The fact that Crown Prince Fedelian shows great interest and affection for Princess Perbace is a famous gossip in high society.

Although she was ignored by the House of Bismarck, the Senate pushed for her to be the next crown princess.

Princess Pervace must be quite annoyed. She has a lover and is being forced to be with him even though she doesn’t want to.

But what if Rudella had a plan to completely destroy Crown Prince Fedelian, the biggest troublemaker in the current situation?

Even Princess Pervace would not be able to easily shake off temptation.

“What do you think? If you accept my heart, if you give me your love a second time, I will do my best to persuade Princess Perbache.”

“… … .”

John pursed his lips. If things continued this way, it was obvious that Rudella would be in danger. There was no way the Crown Prince would leave her alone.

He was the one who tried to deal with her at the same time through an attack, even though they were engaged. If it weren’t for the Bismarck family and the future crown princess, he would have disappeared without a sound.

If she doesn’t help, she’ll have to handle all this on her own.

And the ending… could be a tragedy where Rudel’s life ends before she can gain freedom.

I felt like if I just stood by and watched, I would regret it for the rest of my life.

“…If I don’t protect you, no one will.”

John took a deep breath. Was this the right decision to make?

Although his heart was still with Francia, it was difficult to turn away from Rudela.

“If I changed your life, I am responsible for it.”

I couldn’t just sit by and watch her go into the fire pit.

“You’ve decided to live your own life, so I’ll help you make that choice.”

This was the only decision he could make right away. John took a deep breath. White breath escaped and obscured his eyes.

“Accepting my heart… I honestly don’t know right now. Even if you like me, I still don’t know.”

I needed time to gather my thoughts.

“… Feel free to persuade me.”

Rudelha nodded and smiled.

“I will do as you wish.”

The snow that had piled up on her shoulders slowly fell and crumbled under her feet. In the dim moonlight, her shadow was cast long.

“Right now, just the fact that you look at me like this is enough for me.”

Rudel’s voice was calm, but there was a faint light in her sky-blue eyes.