episode_0058

[Sian. It’s good that you’re blaming yourself. It means you know your sins.]

She said with blue eyes.

I tried to open my mouth quietly, but was cut off.

[There are too many people in the world who don’t know their own sins and blame others. Me too, Enoch too. But you are different.]

She said, her yellow hair shining brighter than gold.

Every word she uttered radiated divinity.

Perhaps because of the influence of divinity, I found myself constantly wanting to avoid my sins.

[Because you are aware of the wrongdoings of your actions, you are repenting for them, and at the same time you are not blaming anyone else.]

She said, with a light like the sun.

Her light was so bright that it dazzled my eyes.

But that doesn’t mean he became a real person.

The depth of sin was so deep that even if light reached it, it could not reach it properly.

[Have you ever wondered why other people can’t do what you do?]

My god said.

She asked why people can’t blame themselves.

Ironically, I thought that there was no one who could answer that question without reproaching himself.

Because I thought it was not that people couldn’t blame themselves, but that they didn’t do it or didn’t want to do it.

But I listened to the words of my god without letting that thought out loud.

[The reason is that these days people are busy blaming others. Of course, there are some people who blame themselves like you, but they are only a minority. They are definitely not the majority.]

The tyrant said.

I felt like refuting the tyrant’s words again, but I couldn’t.

Because the tyrant’s words were absolute to me.

[Then why aren’t there many? I think it’s because people are afraid to face their own sins. Otherwise, they wouldn’t blame others for their sins. If they weren’t afraid, they could face it themselves and not pass it on to others.]

The Holy Spirit said.

I remained silent at the Constellation’s words.

Because some of what he said was true.

[Yes. In fact, there is no one who has never blamed others or blamed themselves in their lives. But that doesn’t mean you can do it every day. If you do that every day, you can’t be yourself, so who would blame others and blame yourself every day? Don’t you think so, Sian?]

My role model said.

The role model was talking about self-reproach and blaming others.

But it didn’t really hit me.

Not yet.

[Just as angels and devils are only a palm’s difference, blaming others and blaming ourselves are only a palm’s difference. But the difference between those palms is ours. We live our lives, either dying or killing, depending on the palm of our hands. Who wouldn’t be distressed?]

The being that was the strongest incarnation spoke.

The being said that suffering is one’s own choice.

I couldn’t believe it.

If my suffering now is my choice, then the question is who would choose suffering?

[Self-blame and blaming others are like that. It’s about choosing who to cause suffering to. If you choose self-blame, you are causing suffering to yourself, and if you choose blaming others, you are causing suffering to others. So, stop blaming yourself. If you continue blaming yourself, you won’t be able to endure it.]

She said that she decided everything for me.

Stop blaming yourself, or I won’t be able to bear the pain.

I thought slowly about her words and looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.

An appearance no different from that of a corpse or a ruined person.

A butterfly insect with blood flowing from its entire body and torn wings and antennae visible.

Its eyes were dead, and it continued to scratch itself, longing for death, even as I watched.

[Wake up, Cyan. If you treat your body like this, the people around you will worry about you. Me, Enoch, and the constellations of North Pole. So, if you truly want to repent for your sins, don’t run away by dying, but live and repay with your actions. Got it?]

“… … .”

A pair of torn wings.

A pair of torn antennae.

A worm born from a butterfly.

That’s me.

When a butterfly is young, it lives its life as a caterpillar.

Then it becomes a pupa and transforms into a butterfly.

And the butterfly, realizing that its life is coming to an end, returns to being a caterpillar and lives out the rest of its life.

‘I am a butterfly that returned to being a caterpillar.’

A caterpillar that has already finished its life as a butterfly and can no longer become a butterfly.

That was me.

[I think the exclusive trait, ‘Unforgivable Self-Regret’, exists.]

Once upon a time, there was a butterfly.

The butterfly fell because it was not forgiven by the star.

A pair of wings and antennae were torn off.

The one who tore off the wings and antennae was a butterfly.

The butterfly tore them all apart because it no longer wanted to fly in the sky.

But the butterfly thought and regretted as it crawled on the ground.

‘I wanted to fly again. I could fly.’

A butterfly that had its wings torn off could no longer fly.

That was the case unless I was born again.

[Exclusive trait, ‘Unforgivable Self-Regret’ closes your eyes.]

[Trait, ‘Self-Reproach’ returns.]

Swish swish swish swishㅡ.

The wingless butterfly dreamed of becoming a caterpillar and then transforming into a butterfly again.

I don’t know why the butterfly tore off its own wing.

That would have been the best choice for the butterfly.

[Trait, ‘Self-Reproach’ enters the pupa state.]

[Incarnation, ‘Cyan’ enters the pupa state.]

Swish swish swish swishㅡ.

A real cocoon was growing around Xi’an.

The fix was being made from her life force.

Cyan consumed his life force and entered a state of trance.

***

Cian, who was naked, suddenly started spewing thread from her body and went into a cocoon.

If there had been a goblin mask, I would have known in detail why it had come in, but since there wasn’t, I didn’t touch it carelessly.

Still, I thought this situation wasn’t so bad.

‘It’s not a bad thing for a butterfly to enter a cocoon.’

[Constellation, ‘The Corpse of the Falling World’ entrusts the Cyan to the constellations of North Pole.]

[Recover the holy relic, ‘Clone Body’.]

Lisa returned to the sanctuary and thought about the treatment of Cian, who had become a gochi.

But nothing came to mind and I said, “Blame!”

So for now, I decided to just contact Grigori.

[Incarnation, would you like to change the screen that was shining on ‘Cyan’ to Iris?]

“Uh.”

[Incarnation, the screen that was shining on ‘Cyan’ changes to Iris.]

[Constellation, ‘The Corpse of the Falling World’ looks at Iris.]

Crackling crackling.

Once again there was noise on the screen and then the screen changed.

In this screen, Iris was playing a racing game with Grigori.

The sight of the two of them looking so peaceful made my forehead hurt.

But, seeing the two of them laughing happily together makes me feel bad about disturbing them…

‘I’m not losing..’

[Sponsoring the Holy Relic, ‘Clone Body’.]

“Okay, player’s entrance. So please stop playing the game for a moment and focus on me~?”

dump.

He put his arm on the shoulders of the two who were sitting on the sofa playing a game.

Grigori paused the game at that action and gave me a sharp look as if telling me to just say what I wanted to say and leave.

Iris, on the other hand, smiled happily as if she was glad that I came.

As expected, since she is the youngest of my incarnations, it felt like I had a younger sister and her reactions were cute.

“Welcome, Constellation! Do you want to play a game together?”

“Games are great, but I’m here to deliver bad news and good news. What news would you like to hear first, ladies?”

“Oh my. What are you talking about again? I worked hard to get what you asked me to get before, and you want to take advantage of me again? Just tell me what you need and get out. Don’t bother me playing games. ”

” Really? Well, let me start with the bad news. The bad news is that my third incarnation, Cian, suddenly created a cocoon and went in, and the good news is that our Enoch looks cute in women’s clothing. I have pictures, do you want to see them?”

“You crazy bitch.”

I showed Enoch in women’s clothing through a photo album.

The appearance was exactly the same as the one on the ID card that Grigori had made, but it felt similar to cosplay in that a real person was walking around in this state.

But it was so natural that it didn’t feel like cosplay at all, so Grigori looked surprised.

‘Then! Of course I should be surprised! Whose younger sibling is he!’

I puffed out my chest with pride in Enoch.

Then, as if it was a burden, Grigori waved his hand as if telling me to get out of the way.

It seemed as if she was jealous of the fact that she didn’t eat well and had a small chest.

“I’m really falling behind.”

“It doesn’t matter. Anyway, you can’t kill me unless you’re above the constellation.”

“Really, is it trash?”

“Anyway, that was the good news, so why don’t we talk about the bad news? It’s a bit urgent for me?”

“Okay. I’ll find out what it is. Tell me.”

Whether it was bad news or good news, Grigori’s attitude of vaguely agreeing with it as if he was annoyed was playful.

It was urgent, but I thought it would be okay since it wouldn’t happen right away.

“First question, what is the name of my third incarnation?”

“It’s about the blueprint. It definitely looks like there’s a problem. Okay, next. ”

“Second question, what are the characteristics of the design?”

“Self-blame. One of the most negative traits. As you know, it makes you act emotionally rather than rationally. It makes you think that you are the cause of all the bad things, and 90% of those who have it become depressed and attempt suicide within a week. Self-blame is the trait. ”

I know more about Xi’an than you think.

Moreover, since you mentioned self-reproach among the countless other characteristics, it seems like you’ve done some research to help yourself.

There were many good things about having a close friend who was cold on the outside but warm on the inside, like a tsundere.

Okay, let’s stop joking and get to the point.

“Third question, did Xi’an’s suicide fail or succeed?”

“Of course it would have failed. You’re not the type to just let that happen.”

“Ding dong dang dong~! All correct! Then I will give you the authority to take care of the Cyan that went into the Gochi as a prize! ”

“… … You son of a bitch. You’re just going to use me again in the end. ”

“Hey~ Even if you reject me like that, I’ll do it, right? ”

“… … .”

“Okay, that’s it. Bye~!”

[Recover the holy relic, ‘Clone Body’.]

“Twin year.”

bean!

“No bad words!”

“Okay… … .”

Grigori who started swearing as soon as I left and Iris who scolded him for that.

It seems like their positions are opposite, but let’s just leave it because it looks good.

[Incarnation, would you like to change the screen that was showing ‘Iris’ to Genie?]

“ㅇ.”

[Incarnation, the screen that was showing ‘Iris’ changes to Genie.]

[Constellation, ‘The Corpse of the Falling World’ Stretches.]

Euaaa… … .

Stretching feels so good.

Of course, it wasn’t really a pin because I didn’t have a body, but I couldn’t help feeling cool.

“Sigh… … .”

But this makes things a little more complicated.

The reason was Cyan’s fault.

“If I had known it would be this serious, I would have gone and checked sooner. I was too lazy.”

I thought and reviewed to find a place where Enoch and I could live safely.

Suddenly Enoch lost his memory and started seeing me as his opposite sex, which caused me a lot of trouble.

But when I started thinking about how to treat Xi’an, my head started hurting.

“Oh really. Why am I so busy these days?”

ha.

Lisa sighed.

But I cheered up when I thought of Enoch.

“Yeah. Let’s cheer up. Isn’t this all just for us to eat and live?”

So that Enoch’s safety is completely guaranteed, and so that he can find a good partner other than me, get married, and spend the rest of his life happily.

As an older sister, I guess I should run around a little harder.

Even if there are some problems and differences in the process, for the sake of our dead constellation and our beloved Enoch.

Cheer up.

“… … Now that I think about it, the reason I came here today was to find a way to earn more points, but how did I end up here?”

‘Well, it doesn’t matter now since I have some points to spare?’

[achievements]

Exclusive trait awakening [N]

Become a caterpillar again[N]

Childhood regression [N]

Revert exclusive traits [N]

[see more]

[Current points: 19, 193, 391, 100]

And so, a new achievement was achieved.

After all, people have to take action themselves to achieve results.

Shh.

Lisa looked up at the points she had earned this time and her heart went up.

And thanks to that, the restrictions on Shavant’s curiosity research were lifted, and they were able to raise their voices together.

***

After Lisa left, Grigori habitually turned on his phone because it was already late.

Then, the notepad on the desktop caught my eye.

[Things to tell Lisa]

The title is [Things to Tell Lisa].

Simply put, it was a notepad filled with information that would be useful to Lisa.

But I missed the timing and couldn’t tell you.

“Well, I’ll get a chance later. It’s not important right now.”

Slurp.

Grigori put his cell phone aside, went into bed, and fell asleep.

Today was a busy day for her in many ways.