episode_0057

I visited the bank after a long time. To check how much my salary had accumulated. No matter what anyone says, saving money is enjoyable. However—.

“Carnoy? Why are you sitting here?”

I was surprised to see a familiar face at the bank counter. The drummer of 「E&S」. It was Carnoy, the nymph who loved to beat things fiercely. Carnoy suddenly threw her hands up.

“This Carnoy doesn’t know what’s what, but if I just sit here quietly, people keep giving me money…! Joynoi should sit here too…! Money comes out…!”

A sign was attached to the front of Carnoy’s desk. It read as follows:

「This is a nymph employee hired under the Nymph Quota System.」 「Please treat them kindly.」 「If you utter abusive language to a nymph employee, you will be in violation of the ‘Nymph Hate Crime Act’ and receive severe punishment.」

…The Nymph Quota System! They were words that truly made my head spin. Because whenever I looked at those words, I had to bring up a painful part of my life.

‘To think the Nymph Quota System would actually be implemented. This is just ridiculous….’

Of course, it was only a one-week trial operation. Once a week passed, everyone would surely realize how foolish this 「Nymph Quota System」 was. Then I wouldn’t be able to escape the responsibility, would I?!

Just then, the bank doors opened and ghost employees surged in. —Phew, phew…! —Phew-hoo-hoo…! —Phew-phew…!

Puffy and round. The ghost employees always look cute, no matter when I see them. They’re one of my few sources of healing, you know. However, the bank employees were engulfed in panic.

“Today, too, the ghost employees have swarmed in!” “Activate the translation system!” “Where are the employees who are well-versed in ghost language?!” “Ugh! The line is pushing back wildly! Is it overtime again today?!”

Have I ever mentioned that more than half of the population of this 「Soul Society」 are those round ghosts? Honestly, it might even be more than half. Because all souls were eventually destined to become ghosts. The problem was that communicating with those numerous ghosts was difficult. It’s no problem for me since I know ghost language, but for ordinary employees, it must be as confusing as a group of unfamiliar foreign tourists suddenly appearing. The line grew longer, and visitors’ complaints piled up wildly…. It was at that very moment.

“This Carnoy doesn’t know what’s what, but these ghosts are saying they want to learn about regular deposit products…!” “Whoa! Carnoy!” “We’re counting on you!” “This Carnoy doesn’t know what’s what, but it seems that if you subscribe to the newly created 「0.4444 Product」, you can achieve long-term deposit profits while also securing a stable lump sum…!”

The situation was that the ghost employees were leaving the bank, each with a satisfied expression. Even on the faces of the bank employees, smiles bloomed widely.

“Carnoy, the new dark horse of our customer service team!” “Nymph Quota System, the besttt!” “O-our general affairs department also, please assign nymphs!” “To our loan team as well!”

What is this? What in the world is this?

I turned my head-spinning steps and exited the bank. A bizarre sight visible to my eyes.

“Mwahaha, this nymph Doctor-Noy, who works with medicine, says making bug spray is the most enjoyable thing in the world…! If you spray this special insecticide, the Hell Roaches will die easily…!” Chiii, Chiiiiik—. It was a nymph wearing a crow-beak shaped mask, spraying disinfectant wildly across the streets. On her chest was also attached a sign that read, 「This is a Nymph Quota System employee.」 and so on. Flap—. Just then, a newspaper caught under my foot. As I unfolded it, heartbreaking articles pierced my mind.

「One Day After the Implementation of the Nymph Quota System, What Are the Results?」 「Stock prices, which had fallen due to the rebels’ uprising, also recovered in just one day!」 「A situation where efficiency in each department has increased, even allowing predictions of new record highs!」

That this is reality, I cannot accept it. Why on earth would stock prices recover in just one day? A chill ran down my spine from behind me. As I turned my head, a man with purple glowing eyes, wearing a skull like a helmet or crown, was approaching me.

“You are….”

【Mediator】 【Last Interviewer for Incompetent Idiots】 【God of Ruin and Fate – Morose】

Morose! He was a terrifying god of fate. He seemed to approach so closely that his breath touched me, then looked down at me with fearsome glowing eyes.

“Until now, the main tasks of this Soul Society were 「Translating Ghost Languages」 and 「Chasing Away Hell Roaches」. Every department was in a situation where they couldn’t undertake other work due to these two tasks.”

What on earth is he trying to say? Since it must be the god of ruinous fate speaking, it will surely be a ruinous story. It was a moment when I wanted to cover my ears.

“However, through the 「Nymph Quota System」, those two tasks were resolved in one day. Just one day! Who would have dared to predict it? To think that nymphs were the solution.” Clack—. Morose nim placed his hand on my shoulder.

“How could anyone have known that such possibilities lay with a ridiculous race? Everyone laughed, you know. But I will praise you for having the courage to brave that ridicule. Of course, the detailed results will only be known after observing further.” Clack—. Morose nim took out sunglasses from his suit pocket on his chest and put them on. They suited him very well.

“Therefore, Joy, from now on, I will personally watch over you.”

Morose nim was an executive in charge of employee disciplinary actions and dismissals. This means he was an existence feared by all employees. For such a person to watch over me would be a very harsh ordeal. But? Conversely, it also meant that I could always live with dismissal looming.

“…Please, do watch over me!”

Fearing Morose nim’s mind might change, I bowed my head with all my sincerity. Flare—. Purple glowing eyes shining behind the sunglasses.

“You truly are a fearless fellow. That must be why you made such a daring presentation in front of the executives. This works out well. I had a matter to attend to on the surface for four days, and it’s precisely the moment I needed a guide. You do it.”

To the surface for about four days…?! The Surface! Four Days! What a thrilling and sweet resonance!

“However, accompanying me, the person in charge of dismissals, is something even other executives find difficult. Joy, do you have that courage? I won’t resent you even if you refuse.” “That role! Please entrust it to me!” “Then prepare for the business trip. I will personally inform the audit team that I will be borrowing you.”

# # #

“Honestly, Joy, I’m angry.” On a night when fake moonlight shone. As I was humming a tune while happily preparing for the business trip, Melinoye nim visited my house and abruptly said the above words.

“As a result of trialing your proposed 「Nymph Quota System」 for about a week, all executives unanimously agreed to extend the quota system. Your plan was a complete success.” Ugh—. My stomach churned. “The problem is this.” Swoosh—. Melinoye nim handed me a business card. The words written on it were surprising.

「NEO Melinoye」

Neo Melinoye? Does that mean a new version of Melinoye nim? No, that’s not it, it must mean this: Nymph Executive Officer. Chief Nymph Officer.

In other words, Melinoye nim had become an executive overseeing the numerous nymphs who had joined the Soul Society through the quota system. It was CEO, but only the ‘C’ changed to ‘N’. Since returning to headquarters, Melinoye nim had merely been an ‘executive’ without a proper position, but now she had gained a plausible title called 「NEO」.

“To make me in charge of loud and chattering nymphs. Joy, I know you did this for me, but honestly, I dislike nymphs.”

It seemed Melinoye nim was not pleased with her newly acquired nameplate. Her nature of disliking nymphs was something I’d known since before, so it was nothing new.

“Still, I admit that this Soul Society has become a much better place to live. And that nymphs have some useful aspects as well.”

Honestly, I also acknowledged that the achievements of this endeavor were remarkable. After the 「Nymph Quota System」 was implemented, the Hell Roaches’ presence significantly decreased. It has become better to live. If it keeps getting better to live like this, I’m even afraid that my desire to go to the surface might wane! Whenever such thoughts arose, I recalled Professor Jusu and my mother. I have to separate those two quickly, you know! As I was steeling my resolve with such thoughts, Melinoye nim asked.

“And Joy, you lied to me.” “A lie?” “The truth is, when you personally stepped forward at the extraordinary general meeting of shareholders to advocate for the 「Nymph Quota System」, it wasn’t to attract the executives’ attention, was it? It was precisely to discover their weaknesses and exploit them.”

What on earth is she saying? My mind simply became blank.

“An executive’s position is ultimately a game of musical chairs. If one person comes in, one person must leave. That I became 「NEO」 after Director Apate’s dismissal is for that very reason. In other words—.”

She means that if I were to become an executive, someone would have to step down from an executive position. Is that what Melinoye nim wants to say?

“In other words, Joy, you boldly participated in the extraordinary general meeting of shareholders to see if there were any executives whose chairs you could take. The 「Nymph Quota System」 was merely a pretext. That’s the lie you told me. My words are correct, aren’t they? My deductions never go wrong.” …You got it all wrong. You didn’t even get close to the target! But? My heart was unusually generous. Because I was soon to go on a four-day business trip to the surface with Morose nim. A business trip to the surface. Just imagining it fills my heart with ease, you know. Whoooosh—. Just then, my device buzzed loudly. It was Hector, the manager of Audit Team 1.

「Joy! There’s big trouble!」 「Prince Zagreus has started his sword dance!」 「It doesn’t have much to do with our audit team, but there’s a situation where we might accidentally suffer damage!」 「Stay quiet for the time being!」

What is this supposed to mean? Princess Melinoye slowly opened her slender eyes.

“It’s already begun. The fight for positions. Zagreus is never one to live defeated. He’s the type who retaliates as much as he’s been wronged. I smell fire and brimstone in the wind.”

What on earth could be happening? When I turned on the TV, a chaotic situation was broadcast in real time.

─Arrest Executive Morose! ─The rebels might try to make contact! Strengthen your defenses!

At this moment, I was horrified. Executive Morose, you say? Of all people? No, my ‘surface business trip’…. Four days of dream-like time! If Executive Morose is arrested like this, everything will fly away and be gone.

“Melinoye nim, do you know Executive Morose’s house?” “…Indeed. I knew you’d say something like that. It’s common sense that in big incidents, one can pick up big crumbs. Well then, hold onto me.”

Hold on, you say? Where am I allowed to hold on? For mortals like me, touching an executive’s body, especially a female executive’s body, is a definite no-go anywhere. But I was in no position to hesitate, thinking I might miss the business trip to the surface. With a feeling of ‘I don’t even know anymore,’ I grabbed Melinoye nim’s side with both hands. It was a waist as slender as pottery. Melinoye nim suddenly burst out laughing.

“Mwahaha…! No, ahem. Don’t grab there, grab a little lower. Of course, a perfect goddess like me doesn’t get ticklish, but…!”