episode_0056

Is that my fault? I couldn’t answer that question. Of course, Hayun knew. No matter what those around you say, the results are due to your own actions.

He ordered it in the first place. That’s what he said. Who would listen to that? Rather, it was something that might end up looking down on that person.

Hayoon remembered that thought and swallowed a groan.

However, Hansol did not miss the moment when Hayun lowered her head in despair and slowly tried to get angry. Like a car gradually speeding up, Hansol’s voice seemed to get louder and faster.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

At first, it seemed like a throwing tone. However, Hayun, who knew that something she said out of anger was the trigger, did nothing to shake her shoulders as if surprised when she heard those words.

And Hansol growled angrily and pointed. Naturally, the end pointed to Hayun, and at the same time, Hansol’s voice was bursting out with force.

“I told you. It’s not a bad idea to go there once. If something happens today, you can quit, otherwise you can keep going.”

Hansol said sharply.

Raise your voice as if you are angry and speak quickly. In that case, it was natural for a dispirited Hayun to not be able to shout and cut off the conversation, and then Hansol could continue to hold the right to speak.

The right to speak was used by Hansol to trample on Hayoon.

It disrupted Hayoon’s judgment, made her emotional, and at the same time made it difficult for her to make rational decisions. But it was so elaborate that it was too late for the victim to notice.

Hayoon, who already knew that she was the cause of this situation, could do nothing but keep her mouth shut and quietly listen to what Hansol said.

“If not, shouldn’t I just quit and take a leave of absence or try to transfer? What did I say? Did you say you can go unconditionally?”

“Oh, no… ”

“Because my sister can’t come to a conclusion on her own, I added a piece of advice and I will definitely do it. I didn’t even say it, so why are you saying it as if it’s my fault?”

Hansol started to get irritated, and Hayun, embarrassed, opened her mouth to defend herself.

However, Hansol did not give Hayoon a chance to speak, as if he would not let that happen.

Every time Hansol fired back and said something, Hayun just lowered her head, closed her mouth, and trembled.

Hansol, who was looking at that scene, turned his head and spat out words, as if he was desperate and would no longer pay attention.

“That’s it. It would be better not to talk to my sister anymore. In the first place, all you do to me these days is sex appeal, right?”

“No, when did I… !”

Hayun, who was offended by the remark, raised her head and looked at Hansol and tried to refute, but Hansol’s next words blocked Hayun’s words.

“Didn’t you? You did it. Other than that, you don’t talk to me. It doesn’t help. Helpful.”

“… Well, I’m not in a relationship because I need help… ”

It doesn’t help. Hayoon, who heard those words, tried to somehow retract Hansol’s words with a trembling voice. Naturally, the relationship between siblings was not based on help.

None of them were born to help, and none of them were born to receive help. However, at this moment, Hansol tried to break off the relationship by considering Hayun’s need for help.

In fact, if it were a relationship between different siblings, then why would I act regretfully because I was lacking something? It was something I wanted to do. Hayun was different. This was the only healthy relationship Hayun had left.

My parents often left home for long periods of time, and I couldn’t even think of going to school anymore. Since I couldn’t form proper relationships with my parents or friends, my obsession naturally turned towards my younger brother, Hansol.

“Well, so… !”

“So what? My sister repeatedly begged me to help her. Don’t you remember?”

Hansol ignored his sister’s earnest voice and continued talking.

“So I kept answering? But I ignored that and asked again, and again, and again!” I kept asking, so what should I do? Is it because of you that I reluctantly go? If that’s the case, I shouldn’t have it. Even if I went, I should have just gone to the administrative office and took leave of absence procedures.“

Hayoon, who heard those words, naturally couldn’t say anything. And finally, a cold dagger fell on Hayun, who was speechless.

”True. Did you beg like this to blame someone else? That sucks.“

For the first time, Hansol spit out a cold curse at Hayun. Hayun, who heard the sound of clicking her tongue, opened her eyes wide in embarrassment and looked at Hansol.

Hansol got irritated, as if he would no longer pay any attention to Hayun’s appearance like that, and turned around to go back to his room, scratching his head.

Hayoon stopped trying to cook and just grabbed the doorknob of her room. Thinking that she shouldn’t just send him back to his room, Hayun rushed over and grabbed the hem of Hansol’s clothes.

”… sorry. Sorry. I’ve been out of my mind lately… “

Hayoon continued speaking, suppressing a trembling voice as if she didn’t know what to do. Then Hansol sighed and Hayun urged him.

”If you’re telling me that you’re out of your mind, if you thought I’d just get away with it, then I guess I’m just being easy on you.“

”No… ! It’s not easy.“

Hayun, swayed by Hansol’s arbitrary way of pointing and talking, lowered her head and shouted in an attempt to deny it. Still, it didn’t matter.

There was no way to beat Hansol, who spoke as if his thoughts were right and that what he felt was everything. So all Hayun had to do was to deny what he said and express her own thoughts.

And if a mistake was made, all you had to do was admit it and say you were wrong.

”I did it because I was thinking too much. I’m really sorry. I’m serious about this. I didn’t mean to ignore you… I didn’t mean to blame others… I just did it because I was scared.“

I knew very well how scary it would be to have all the relationships I was holding on to fall apart. So, I tried my best not to miss the rest.

There’s only one left anyway, so I wonder if I can’t keep it. He continued speaking as if he was scolding himself for making arbitrary judgments.

”So, just once… Can’t you just take a look at it once? I will make sure nothing like this happens in the future.“

Hansol sighed at the earnest voice and relaxed his grip on the doorknob. Then, he relaxed his arm as if dropping his hand and turned his head.

Hayun then noticed this and quickly raised her head and glanced into Hansol’s eyes.

Hansol, whose eyes briefly met, turned around and shook off Hayun’s hand. When Hayun’s hands were hovering in the air, having nowhere to go, Hansol looked down at Hayun and asked stiffly:

”What is this?“

When I apologized for my mistake, it was an annoying question that my girlfriend would often ask, ‘What was your fault?’ It was a question aimed at further irritating the other person and maximizing their sense of guilt.

A rather vicious question. The question of whether you knew your mistake was always extremely annoying. That’s not it. Especially to the person who is thinking of digging further by asking.

But Hansol had one purpose.

At this moment, I knew that getting angry, pretending not to notice, and trying to shake off my sister were all just a show.

Hayun followed Hansol’s wishes and tried to find her fault. The gaze that had been following the empty space to find fault suddenly stopped and went back to Hansol’s eyes.

”… … It was your fault.“

The words I barely got out. Since people are not inherently immune to dwelling on their own mistakes, Hayun’s expression as she recited her mistakes was not very good.

Hansol, who was staring at that scene, shook his head slightly as if that was not the case. Then Hayun, embarrassed, rolled her eyes again.

He was desperate to find his fault quickly so that the situation would not get any more serious. And then I found another mistake again.

Hayoon, who remembered finding another mistake in a short period of time, opened her mouth, thinking that she was afraid to even guess how many strange things she was doing.

I looked up at Hansol with an expression that seemed like I wanted it to end here.

”… Did you keep asking the same questions?“

Hansol heard those words and nodded cautiously. Then, upon seeing that, Hayun sighed in relief, as if she was glad.

Unlike before, Hansol continued speaking in a soft voice as if he was comforting Hayun.

”I felt like my sister didn’t trust me. It hurts me more than blaming myself.“

”… … .“

Hayun, who heard those words, kept her mouth shut as if she felt like a criminal. Blaming someone was a matter of clearing up a misunderstanding. All you had to do was deny it and give a reason.

But the question of whether to believe or not to believe was a separate issue. Trust is not something that can be said to be done by someone; it is something that comes from mutual actions and relationships.

That’s why it didn’t hurt that much if someone close to me said they didn’t trust me. And when Hansol said that he was feeling that emotion, Hayun’s lips trembled.

”I’m sorry.“

Hayun, who barely opened her mouth, couldn’t say anything else and just apologized.

”I think I will become less and less able to trust my sister. Sister, you only show me this side of yourself these days.“

Rather than saying anything, Hansol coldly chose to let Hayoon feel his feelings directly.

”… … That is.“

”If you’re going to come to me and vent your anger about something that happened at school, it’s better to say it in a quick way. Then you will be listening without thinking. Instead, I won’t say anything. Because I’m tired too.“

Hayun swallowed her saliva when she heard those words. I felt not only hesitation but also fear because my actions seemed like they were trying to ruin my relationships with other people and even my relationship with my younger brother, Hansol.

Feeling nervous, I opened my mouth to say something, but my mouth opened meaninglessly and closed again.

The brief silence, this silence that felt so heavy, was aggravating the guilt more than the awkward atmosphere. Hayun could not overcome the heaviness and barely opened her mouth.

”… … Sorry. I don’t know what to do. No matter what I do, I feel like I’m ruining everything and I’m scared because I feel like I’m ruining everything. Because I yelled at school the other day, there were rumors… Even now… !“

For the first time, Hayun’s anxiety flowed through her mouth. Unlike back then, when he tried to erase his anxious feelings through actions and words, he revealed his honest feelings.

Hansol, who heard Hayun’s true feelings, saw Hayun’s weak appearance, sighed, and hugged Hayun tightly.

Hayun, who was hugged by Hansol, was embarrassed and lowered her trembling gaze. Can I take this to mean that Hansol has forgiven me? Hesitation was also reflected in his eyes.

Hansol, who felt the warmth for a moment, quietly spoke in a whisper.

”I was upset because everything I did didn’t work out.“

Hansol couldn’t control everything. However, the miserable environment given to Hayoon and the secretly disturbed emotions worked to Hansol’s advantage.

Hansol delved into Hayun’s weakened heart and spoke warmly and gently.

When people show their weakness, they tend to give their hearts and lean on those who accept them. Hansol took aim at that and continued talking to Hayun.

”Then, what should we do? I can’t live life for you. To be honest, this time too, every time I spoke, I thought it wasn’t my sister, so I kept asking.“

It wasn’t a urging voice like before. Nevertheless, I said the same thing as before.

The change in tone meant that the intention was different from before. Hayun thought about those words for a moment and then carefully asked Hansol as he intended.

”… It’s better to listen to what you say… Is it good?“

Hansol fell silent for a moment.

”Well… . Doesn’t the fact that my sister is subjective even though she doesn’t know what is right and what is wrong just mean that she is stubborn?“

”Well, that will happen.“

”Then would you like to believe me?“

”What do you mean?“

”If anything happens, please let me know. I’ll tell you.“

What he meant was that Hayoon was to report to him all the personal things that happened, all things that could be called privacy. However, for Hayun, who was already relying on Hansol and sending her feelings, it was like a grateful offer.

Because it was about making judgments on your behalf so that you can prevent things you might do wrong.

And Hansol continued speaking to Hayun as if he were hammering a nail into his head. The voice gave off a nuance as if he was doing a favor.

”My sister doesn’t know much, so I’m doing it for her. Until you know, I will be the standard for what is right and what is wrong.“

Hayoon, who heard those words, felt deeply grateful inside. Hayun, who was in Hansol’s arms, closed her eyes and opened her mouth, thanking Hansol for his consideration.

”Thank you.“

”It’s no big deal.“

Hansol maintained his attitude of being considerate and generous until the end.