episode_0052

… … … … …

“You’re going to leave your sister and live with the help of those women? Are you serious?”

I was terrified at the sight of Seoyeon’s scary expression, as if she had broken the mask she had been wearing all along.

“Ah, no, that, that’s it… … .”

My whole body was shaking and I was out of breath. I wanted to apologize to my sister and tell her that I would go back to her house.

However, I had a feeling that was almost certain. If I backed down here, there would be no turning back. I would be stuck in Seoyeon’s comfortable cage for the rest of my life.

I took each step forward on trembling legs.

Seoyeon’s eyes, completely dark and lifeless as if the light in her pupils had gone out, were staring at me, but I mustered up the last of my courage and hugged her tightly.

“No, Noona! I’m really sorry. Was I too selfish?”

I desperately held back my trembling voice and hugged my sister tighter, as if I was afraid that the sister I knew would disappear.

“But please understand, Sister. My intentions won’t change.

I want to be independent. But it’s not because I hate my sister or because I want to meet other people. It’s because I want to face my sister when I grow up. ”

This was my true, unadorned heart. As I confessed the thoughts I had kept hidden deep in my heart, tears welled up in my eyes and my throat became slightly choked up for some reason.

“I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me. So now I want to live on my own. I want to be someone my sister can be proud of.”

After I finished speaking, a long silence followed. Sister Seoyeon’s soft body was now as hard as stone. I just hugged her and waited silently. My heart felt like it was going to burst.

Slowly, very slowly, the tension in Seoyeon’s body released. Her arms wrapped around me.

“I’m sorry, Autumn. I was too harsh.”

I looked up and looked at Seoyeon. Her voice had regained its softness, but her eyes were still cold and empty. There was still no light in her pupils, and those black eyes were staring at me.

“It’s okay, Autumn. If you want to be independent… … I will respect you.”

Her hand stroked my back. Her gentle touch felt somehow mechanical, like a robot moving according to its programming.

“But you have to promise me. I’ll contact you every day. And I’ll meet you at least once a week to spend time with you. Okay?”

Her voice was sharp as she spoke the terms of her independence. I could see the dangerous light in her eyes, so I swallowed and nodded.

“Yes, Sister. I promise. I will definitely keep it.”

The corners of Seoyeon’s mouth slightly rose at my answer. However, the smile did not reach her eyes.

“Yes, our Autumn. Sister… …I will trust you.”

Her hand stroked my head. It was clearly the gentle stroke of my favorite older sister, Seo-yeon, but when her hand brushed the back of my neck, a strange goosebumps ran down my spine.

“But remember. The other women, including Jinwolhee… … are different from you. You are the only one who truly cares about Gaeul.”

Even if the other person was my older sister who had changed, it was difficult to agree with those words. However, I was too scared to directly contradict my older sister, so I forced myself to smile.

Sister Seoyeon hugged me tighter. Her chest, burying my face in it, was very soft and her body temperature was hot, but in contrast, her embrace was suffocatingly strong.

It felt like she was trying to trap me in her arms forever, and it became hard to breathe.

“Who, okay… … Loosen up a little… … .”

“Oh, sorry. I just did it because… …you were too precious to me.”

Sister Seoyeon took a small step back, but her arms were still wrapped around my body.

In her embrace, I felt an anxiety I had never felt before.

When on earth did Sister Seoyeon start to become a little… strange? When she met Teacher Wolhee? When she returned from her mission to the dimensional gate?

Or maybe, my sister hadn’t changed since the first time I met her, and I was just slow to notice?

… … No, that won’t happen. My sister is just confused by the fact that I’m becoming independent, and after a little while, when she gets used to reality, she’ll go back to being the kind Seoyeon sister she used to be.

I don’t know what will happen until she adjusts, but I’m satisfied that I’ve at least convinced my sister somehow.

“Okay, let’s go now. We have to go through the discharge procedures at the Awakening Association.”

She held my hand tightly. From that touch, I could feel her love, and something… deeper and darker.

What that deep, dark thing was, I couldn’t tell exactly at the moment.

We left the hospital room together and boarded the elevator. I once again desperately hoped that my choice to be independent had been the right one.

The elevator doors closed, and we slowly descended. Finally, I was out of the hospital and heading into a new world, but at the same time, I was overcome by a strange feeling that I was falling deeper into darkness.

… … … … …

It had already been a few days since I had officially received permission from Sister Seoyeon to start living independently. When I realized it, time had really flown by.

What should I say? It had been almost a month since I had started living independently again, but now I felt more anxious than excited about freedom.

Every morning when I opened my eyes, I spent my days without finding an answer to the simple question, ‘What should I do today?’

It was a bit comforting that Mr. Ghost, who occasionally shows his presence (not Mr. Ghost the human, but Mr. Ghost the ghost), returned to my studio, but Mr. Ghost didn’t show as much activity(?) as before.

In conclusion, I was on the verge of drowning in anxiety about an uncertain future. I had no idea what to do or what kind of life to live.

Unlike the time when I vaguely waited for Sister Seo-yeon’s return, now that I think about being completely independent from her, things that I hadn’t thought of while under her protection started to come to mind one by one.

“Is it okay to live like this… …?”

I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. Then another thought crossed my mind.

It was a thought about the women I was close to. Sister Seo-yeon, Miss Ghost, Teacher Wol-hee, President Haneul, Miss Seo-ah… … . They all did something for me.

During my hospitalization, and even before, they helped me, cared for me, and sometimes even saved me from danger.

But what have I done in the meantime? I have given nothing in return.

Rather than doing anything helpful, you may have just caused them trouble and made them worry.

“Haaa… … … What should I do… … .”

Without finding an answer to my question, I sighed deeply again. I felt very grateful, but I didn’t know how to express it.

Would it be best to just live up to their expectations? But even then, as I was now, I didn’t even know how I could live up to their expectations.

In the end, I still couldn’t find the answer today, and I was tired of lying down and sighing, so I turned on the computer that I had received as a discharge gift from my older sister, Seoyeon.

Ring ring ring!

As I pressed the mushroom-shaped icon, the characteristic opening sound effect flowed through the speakers, and the now familiar game, Safely, was launched.

The game was called Safe World and it was an online game with cute graphics, and I was doing what was commonly called ‘rice eating’ in it. It was collecting game money and exchanging it for cash.

At first, I thought it was just a way to kill time, earning 5,000 won per hour, but it soon became a small source of income.

But the more I lived like this, the more I felt uneasy. Is this the independence I want? Is it okay to live like this?

“… … Ugh, I guess I can’t live like this… … .”

After much thought, I made up my mind. Something needed to change. I turned off the safe again and started thinking about something I could do right away.

At that moment, I suddenly thought of President Haneul. Although my time working at her store was short, I still received a lot of help and it was quite fun.

Although I didn’t really have much to do at the store, all I did was do some odd jobs and get some snacks.

But when I think back to that time, I feel guilty along with a longing for happy memories.

The reason is that I ran out of the store, ignoring the manager’s dissuasion, because he was being too kind to me. Thinking back now, it was such a cruel and rude thing to do. I remembered the face of the manager, who was desperately trying to hold on to me.

“I need to find the president. I need to make a proper apology… … .”

I decided to prepare a gift and go see the Heavenly President. Since I was going to give it to him, I wanted to convey my true feelings by giving him an expensive and good gift filled with my heart.