episode_0051
by adminLight a fire quietly.
I stare at the fire quietly. Normally, we should have been camping around this time of year, so there wasn’t much of a problem.
However, the problem was that if things continued as they were, they would not be able to arrive at the family home until tomorrow evening.
Besides, if that happens, how much of a fuss will there be in the family? Considering that… .
‘I guess I’ll just have to carry you and run from tomorrow.’
-“Mom!”
A smaller and younger version of himself runs to a red-haired woman whose face he cannot even see and hugs her.
The liquid running wild inside my body shows me the dreams I once had. The warm embrace I longed for when I was very young.
I always knew that it was something I didn’t have, so now I don’t even feel jealousy. I don’t even feel hatred.
It was an utter emptiness. I couldn’t feel anything for my family anymore.
I didn’t have any feelings for them, whether they were family or anything else. It wasn’t about that that was important, it was about what I was doing. If I was doing things just to avoid dying, then what was the problem?
‘It’s inconvenient to have that kind of thing because I’ve gained liquid, but I think I’ll survive because my ability is quiet.’
Recently, someone kept talking to me, asking for something. It was true that he was the one who had the greatest influence on my values, but that didn’t mean I liked him that much.
To me, this being was, in the end, the one who turned away from me and distanced himself when I was struggling and searching for light. He was no different from family.
My parents didn’t care how I lived, and my brother didn’t know what my life was like.
Since we don’t know each other, the answer is to live without knowing. I don’t want to bother arguing any longer.
Strictly speaking, it was giving up. No, it would be more correct to say that I could now give up. Because there was already someone else who could warm my arms.
… If it is contaminated with liquid, that person may come and meet me again. With that thought, I accepted the liquid without any particular feeling.
If Gaju or others heard it, they would be shocked, but so what? To me, the sun was not these people. It was they who shone on me.
-Tap tap tap.
I was quietly staring at the blazing fire. The conversation with the young master, who was already asleep, briefly crossed my mind.
“Brother, Brother-… Is there something you want to do?”
It was a sudden question that I heard while lighting the fire. I thought about how to answer that question. There was something I wanted to do. I wanted to leave this place right now and go to the house where Bongseonhwa lived. Or, even Cheongryong’s house would be good.
But that wasn’t a good thing. For them, the country couldn’t possibly like losing its huge power.
So, I just said I had nothing to do. I don’t know why, but I thought that would be the end of it and there would be no more questions.
But that wasn’t the case. He kept asking me questions. What do I want to eat, what do I like?
Those constant questions. I didn’t know what he wanted. There was no reason for him to ask me these questions.
There was no point in pondering something I didn’t understand. Even if he figured it out, I wouldn’t be impressed by it.
… Hurry up and see the masterpiece one more time.
The sun rose and the birds began to cry. I didn’t sleep because I knew that if I dreamed, I would have nightmares.
I slowly begin to wake up the young master who is sleeping soundly in front of me.
“Your Majesty, Your Majesty.”
“Ugh… . Yeah… . It’s morning already… ?”
“Yes.”
The clothes were soaked in blood, so it was clear that it didn’t look that good to him – but first, he carried him out after he woke up. Anyway, the blood would have dried by now. He was a little flustered.
“Brother? What-”
“Hold on tight.”
I had one arm missing. I couldn’t run properly.
“You can hug my neck, do whatever you want.”
I didn’t necessarily use my abilities. I didn’t want to believe in it.
-phut.
I ran in an instant. The forest passed by as if I was running along the ground. After running for a while, I saw the forest end before my eyes.
“… … Uh… .”
He was hanging on my shoulder and seemed to be slowly adjusting to the situation.
“Brother, let’s go a little slower.”
“… . May I ask why?”
If I went quickly, there were many things I could do. To begin with, my arm was already sore. The bleeding had stopped, but there wasn’t much I could do.
“I just want to go and talk to that hyung.”
I was a little embarrassed by such a trivial reason. If it were a story, wouldn’t there be a lot to talk about? Does that mean that what you usually do isn’t a conversation?
“… … Okay.”
But I was not powerful enough to reject the words of those above me.
It’s just that, it’s easy to be in a position to follow it.
After giving him that definitive answer, I quietly put him down. He looked down at his arms tied in cloth.
“… Doesn’t it hurt?”
An arm that was completely empty, just below the elbow. Those were the words he spoke as he looked down at that arm.
When I think about it, this much didn’t hurt that much. If the poison hurt last time, it would have hurt more. My organs and my whole body were burning, and I felt like I was falling into dark mud. I felt it all at once.
… I didn’t want to go into more detail. However, if I said that I didn’t feel any worse because of the poisoning, I knew what he would say.
“It’s okay.”
I deliberately told him that I was fine. In fact, I wasn’t in much pain. Then, a slight fog settled over his expression.
It was something I couldn’t understand. That’s not what I was supposed to do. It wasn’t about making the person above me uncomfortable by revealing my pain. It was my order to make him feel safe and do his job.
Still, I couldn’t understand why his expression was foggy.
“Later, when I get home- Let’s call the Blue Dragon one more time. … . Arm, he might be able to make it better.”
… . I know very well how absurd that statement is. I don’t know whether the water of the Blue Dragon can be used for that purpose or not.
However, I have never heard of anyone around me handling the water of the Blue Dragon in such a way. However, I had no reason to refuse.
‘… If I ever get to see my brother again.’
“Yes.”
I agreed and walked on. Then he continued to chatter.
“Brother, have you ever played?”
“… … None, except for playtime with the Crown Prince.”
It was a natural thing. Illegitimate children and commoners start farming when they are old enough. If not, they enter the government offices of each of the four families.
It wasn’t easy to get into that government office. It was mostly easy for the children of the rich. Education required money.
But I wasn’t like that. So I started learning martial arts and how to work. I’m still bad at writing, and I can barely read. Is there much I can do to have time to play?
That in itself was nonsense.
My words seemed to have been a bit of a shock to him.
It seemed that he had never once thought that anyone other than himself would be living such a busy life.
‘… . We always live fiercely, you know.’
I felt a little annoyed by that part. They always live fiercely and hard lives, so what’s the big deal about playing?
“… . Then, I said that the snack was shaved ice… .”
“Snacks are a luxury for people like us.”
It might be okay for the collateral line or the nobles, but for us, such things were a luxury. He bowed his head slightly at those words.
“Sorry. But, Mom, how many-”
“I can’t eat what the madam gave me.”
It was also true that he had brought me a lot. It was also true that he had wanted to somehow gain my time and make time to drink tea.
However, I was not a collateral line. Unlike the collateral line who were only knights, I was just a commoner who would be happy if I could fight.
There wasn’t much time, and as a result, the gifts she gave me were usually taken away when there was bullying.
After I learned that I couldn’t eat them, I didn’t consider them mine anymore.
That’s one of the reasons I hate this damn family. They bully me because I’m an illegitimate child.
-Cracked.
This is why emotions were bad. They made me feel things even when I didn’t want to. Now, I couldn’t express my anger even when I wanted to, looking at things that had no meaning in suppressing them.
The emotions that naturally arise have no way out except through those people.
“… I see.”
He didn’t bother to interpret the meaning of those words. When I said that, I just thought, “Oh, that’s how it is.” As for me, he was someone I didn’t want to get close to.
Anytime was fine, I wanted my time to pass quickly and get away from this damn family.
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