episode_0051

I don’t even know the children’s names. I don’t even know the children’s homes. I don’t even know where the children meet the priest.

“If I had asked yesterday, would it have been different…?”

I despise myself. I deny myself. Because I tried to abandon myself, the Clown characteristic slowly consumed me.

Thump, thump, thump.

The only way for me, who didn’t even know the children’s names, to find them was to search the entire alleyway. The alleyway was too wide for me to search alone, so I went around asking the people there.

“Do you know where the little children are?”

My tone was polite and courteous, but my actions were not. I grabbed passersby and pushed them against the wall as I spoke.

I asked quite a few people in the alleyway, but no one knew anything about the children. For people busy living day to day, interest in others was a luxury.

Thump-thump-thump.

“Pant… pant…”

My running speed slowed, and my breathing grew ragged. Several hours had passed since I started looking for the children. But my body didn’t stop.

Then a voice came from behind me. “Masked… Oppa…”

It was a familiar voice. It was the voice that always conveyed gratitude with a bright smile. I turned my head in the direction of the voice and looked. There, a little girl with a large hole in her chest was staggering towards me.

My body immediately ran towards the girl and hugged her cold form. Just as I was about to ask what was happening.

“A groan.”

Someone was walking towards me with a strange sound. My body, smelling the thick scent of blood, drew my sword.

Shing!

“No… don’t.”

The girl blocked my sword-wielding hand with her entire body. I didn’t understand why.

“A groan.”

When I saw what was making that strange sound, I understood why.

Thud.

The sword I was holding clattered to the floor.

“Ah…”

A boy was walking towards me, his eyes unfocused. The sword he usually carried was stained with blood. It was the old sword he carried to protect the girl that had stabbed her.

No life force could be felt from the boy. The boy was already dead.

In this world, there were people who could move the dead. Necromancers. Usually, the corpses necromancers controlled were made of bone, because it was easier to control them that way. But the boy was different. He looked as if he were still alive. A corpse with flesh attached, not just bones. Among necromancers, there was only one person who used such a technique.

“Mordor!!”

My body screamed the name of the necromancer who had made the boy like that.

The necromancer’s criteria for choosing corpses were simple: stronger corpses, because stronger corpses yielded greater power. But Mordor had clearly used the corpses of weak children, purely for fun.

My body hugged the girl’s form with trembling hands. That meticulous bastard wouldn’t have let the girl slip away. He had deliberately let her go for fun, to watch the older brother kill his younger sibling.

Seeing me trembling and unable to do anything, the girl’s lips parted.

“Masked Oppa, please kill us…”

“What…?”

“If I stay like this, I’ll die by your hand.”

“…Why would you die…”

The girl’s body grew colder and colder. If there were a priest nearby, she could be saved. But this was an alleyway. If I had a potion, she could be saved. But I had no potions.

“Oppa pretended not to have a dream, but I know the truth. You wanted to become a knight who protected countless people.”

Blood gushed from the girl’s mouth with every word she spoke.

“If you’re left in this state, you’ll surely end up killing other people.”

The warmth gradually faded from the girl’s body.

“If I die in this state, Oppa will surely think he killed me and grieve in heaven.”

“So,” the girl said, squeezing out every last bit of strength to utter her final words. “So, Masked Oppa, please. Please kill us.”

In my hand was a dagger I had bought to give to the boy as a gift.

The child’s breathing grew shallower and shallower, as if urging me to make a quick decision.

My body pulled out a cloak from the sub-space and spread it on the ground, carefully laying the child on top.

Trembling.

My body brought the dagger to the child’s heart with trembling hands.

Plunge.

The dagger plunged into the child’s chest. The thought “I must kill the child quickly to ease their suffering” came to mind, but my emotions screamed at me not to kill the child.

“….A choked gasp.”

Flinch.

When I heard the child’s pained sound, my body plunged the knife deeper into the child’s heart.

“I promise… I will definitely kill the one who did this to you.”

“………………”

There was no reply. My body, with trembling hands, lifted the sword and looked at the boy walking towards me.

“Pant… pant…”

I watched myself despairing and despairing. Even though I knew I couldn’t escape the nightmare, I tried to somehow break free. But I couldn’t escape the nightmare after all. I was powerless. I was so powerless. Both the me in the dream and the me in reality were utterly powerless.

After that day, I had the same nightmare every day. At first, I thought I might be cursed. But Duke Adelian said there was no curse on me.

I was so powerless that I used medicine to avoid the nightmares. I was so weak that I used Yerika to ignore the nightmares.

‘I don’t know anything about your trauma. I also know that you don’t intend to talk about it. But taking medicine will never make it better. Ultimately, to escape the nightmare, you must accept it yourself.’

Duke Adelian said that my subconscious was making me dream nightmares. And he said that most people who have such dreams do so to change reality, even if only in their dreams.

‘Then why can’t I do anything?’ If I’m having such dreams to change reality, even in a dream, then why must I watch the situation unfold, unable to move or speak?

‘Ah.’ I realized why I couldn’t do anything in the nightmare. This wasn’t a nightmare to change reality, even in a dream.

‘This is a punishment I’m inflicting upon myself.’ It’s a punishment my subconscious is delivering to my useless self, who couldn’t do anything.

There is only one way to escape this punishment: to accept reality. If I accept reality, I won’t have nightmares anymore.

‘Accept reality?’ Accept the reality that not only did the children die because of my useless actions, but I also killed them with my own hands? I can never accept it. No, I won’t accept it.

I will never acknowledge the children’s deaths. I cannot accept that children with dreams, children with dreams for others, have died.

Even if I use medicine to avoid the nightmares. Even if I listen to Yerika’s voice to ignore the nightmares. Even if I have neither and dream the nightmares again, I will never accept reality.

. . . .

Johanna chased after Loki. Since she ran on the rooftops, there was no difficulty in pursuit.

Bang!

Loki went into a certain shop. Seeing that, Johanna also got down from the roof and entered the shop Loki had gone into.

It was a shop reeking of alcohol. Despite having quite a few people, it was quiet.

‘Loki is.’ Johanna tried to find Loki, and finding him was easy. Everyone in the shop was staring at Loki.

“Information Guild, hand over the information.” Loki was grabbing someone by the collar and speaking. The people who looked like mercenaries were trembling due to the murderous intent Loki was emitting.

‘The Information Guild, here?’ She knew about the Information Guild. A guild said to possess all sorts of information. But no one knew who its members were or where it was located.

“Customer, our shop is just a regular tavern, not the Information Guild…” “If you don’t spill the information right now, I’ll spread where the Information Guild is and who its members are throughout the Empire, no, throughout the entire continent.” Loki cut off the attendant’s words.

Footsteps.

“That’s enough.” An old man from the corner of the tavern walked over.

“I am the 33rd Eye. I don’t know what information you want, but acting so recklessly here…”

“Garam, that’s your name, isn’t it? I won’t talk long. Hand over the information right now.”

Bang.

Loki said, placing a pouch full of gold coins on the table.

The old man was surprised that Loki knew his name, and once again surprised by the amount of gold coins Loki had taken out.

“Hmm, if it’s this much money…” But he didn’t show it. Seeing someone pull out this much money so easily made him think he might be able to get more if he played his cards right.

“That’s enough.”

“……….!”

The moment the man in front of him opened his mouth, that thought vanished. From the moment he entered the shop, the man had been emitting murderous intent. Because of that murderous intent, the people hired as combatants by the Information Guild trembled. He had thought the man was intentionally emitting murderous intent from the moment he entered the shop. No, he was mistaken. The murderous intent he had felt until now was merely the murderous intent the man naturally emitted. Just for a moment, the man had emitted true murderous intent directly at him. This man could kill him right now. The only reason this man hadn’t killed him was because he needed information.

Cold sweat trickled down.

“What information do you desire?” He bowed his head.