episode_0050

I couldn’t believe my ears for a moment because the words were full of tremors.

“What…?”

I asked again, wondering if I had misheard, but Elisias did not answer.

Elisias was holding the hem of my sleeve with trembling hands, as if she was very nervous, and was just waiting for my answer with bated breath.

That’s why I thought over the meaning of Elisias’ words alone in my head.

[What is my relationship with you?]

It was a short phrase that could be seen as light in some ways, but it seemed to be full of hundreds of meanings. Therefore, there was only one conclusion I could reach.

Why do you say that?

“What do you mean…?”

So I asked to know a little more about the true meaning of what he said. Then Elisias let go of the sleeve of my dress that he had been holding tightly, and now he held my wrist tightly and pulled me towards him.

As if telling me not to run away, or as if telling me to answer that question because I had the courage.

“The water is the same. I asked about our relationship. Are we just colleagues?”

Elisias looked at me with trembling eyes as if asking why he even said this. Those sparkling ruby-like eyes were just waiting for my answer.

“You just have to answer. Let me ask you a different question about our relationship… Do you just think of me as a colleague?”

The words are the same, but the form of the question has changed as if urging.

If you just asked whether our relationship was that of colleagues, this time the question was clearly intended to ask whether you thought of yourself only as colleagues.

Yes, it is clear that Elisias was just saying something like a kind of confession, asking what he thought of himself.

So how should I answer that question? It’s really funny, there was only one answer I could give.

There was no response right away, and I turned my head without budging, as if a shackle had been placed on my mouth.

“Why…are you not even giving me an answer?”

I couldn’t say anything to Elisias, who had a sad expression on his face as if he were about to cry.

It was so despicable that I couldn’t do anything other than keep my mouth shut.

“I’m sorry…”

The words he slowly opened his mouth to spit out were extremely evil words.

◈◈◈◈◈◈

“I’m sorry…”

Harry answered my question like this:

Sorry, what? Why if you haven’t done anything wrong?

Why is Harry making such a lonely expression?

I don’t know, I don’t understand… I don’t know what that answer means.

It was only then that I realized that my eyes were getting hot. It was so hot that clear water flowed from my eyes to cool down the heat.

Only when the clear water flowed under my heavy eyelids and moistened my cheeks did I understand what those words meant. Those must have been very cruel words.

The words “I’m sorry” were words that rejected the magic words taught by the teacher and Amy. It was like a kind of refusal, saying he couldn’t answer.

How are the words ‘sorry’ so sharp like a knife? Why do those knife-like words rip my heart apart and make me so miserable?

Have I…never been seen as a woman by this man?

◈◈◈◈◈◈

My heart aches when I see Elisias shedding tears. And this sore heart now turned into great pain and threatened to break my heart.

This thought occurred to me when I felt like my legs were tied to my head and my head was on the ground.

Am I worth enough to bring tears to that child’s eyes?

My mother said that she was an idiot for having such expectations of me. Yes, I am an asshole.

“Why…?”

As soon as the dry mouth fell, an ugly voice came out.

“Why do you take me so seriously…”

After hearing those words, he ran away from the scene and drove his mother to death. In the end, he was the one who tried to give up on himself.

I am a loser, a failure, I am that kind of person, so why are you shedding so many tears because of me?

“You…are the main character, right?”

No, stop, stop talking, stop here…don’t reveal any more ugliness.

“Even when adversity and failure come his way, he is such a cool protagonist who quickly gets up and moves towards his goal. You shouldn’t shed tears over something like this… No matter what happens, you never once shed a tear.”

know. I know very well that I look so dull right now… If someone sees me like this, they will definitely think I’m crazy.

Elisias gave no answer to my question. I was just crying bitterly and shedding tears. I didn’t even try to wipe away those tears.

I don’t even know what I’m going to say now. I don’t even know why I brought this up.

Only good things have happened so far, right? Everything is going well, you’ve been going so well that you can’t even remember what happened in the past. But why are you doing this all of a sudden?

Ah, I understand. I ended up being an asshole until here…

“I am not that kind of person!”

When I realized my situation and was suffocating myself with self-destruction, Elisias shouted.

“I said it last time, but why do you think I am the main character…”

Although she was crying, there was something clear in her voice. As if he was trying to scold me.

“Well, that is…”

“If you said that because I looked bright, then it’s the same for me too… Because you looked bright, I think of you as the main character…”

Do you think I shine? Because of what? Even if I ask myself questions, there is no answer.

“No…I…”

A voice similar to a moan that I couldn’t even believe was my own came out of my cracked mouth.

I didn’t want to show my now ugly side anymore, so I lowered my head and looked at the floor.

“You didn’t even say anything about my mistake when I first touched Mimic… In fact, if you hadn’t gone into the alley while drunk at that time… you might not have been involved in something related to such a weak drug… ”

Elisias poured out her feelings as if she was thinking that this had all happened because of her fault, and cried like a child and gasped as if it was difficult to speak.

“But you didn’t say anything. He didn’t blame me for making mistakes and bringing only the worst results. Rather, he tried to solve it.”

“Elysias…”

“You know… I am a fool who lacks understanding and common sense because I don’t know much about the world and I am fooled by what people say and spend money in vain… Even when adversity and failure come, I get up quickly and go towards my goal? Rather, don’t you think that they are trying hard to look like that?”

The words Elisias uttered were like words that completely denied the existence of Elisias, the main character I had been watching on the monitor and whom I knew well.

“Do you know that if you don’t look like that, you will disgrace your mom and dad, so you don’t give up even if you want to give up, and you act so as not to break down even if you want to break down!”

The tone of speech has completely changed. I’m sure I’ve heard that somewhere.

Ah, yes, when I first met Elisias, he mistakenly thought I was a seeker and told me he was a fan.

“When adversity comes, I’m also scared…If I fail, I hesitate to do the next thing…I’m Harry…the explorer, and I’m not the cool protagonist you say!”

Elisias cried out in response.

You said that you are not the main character I know, Eliias Louis bin Grindea. So who is the child in front of me?

The answer was simple. The child in front of me is not Elisias Louis Vin Grindea, the protagonist of Falling Princess, who moves forward even when faced with adversity, hardship, trials, and failure.

Just like an ordinary person, she was a girl named Elisias who hesitated when she failed and cried when she faced adversity, worrying that it might be her fault.

I ended up arbitrarily placing expectations on a girl who was a supporting character rather than a main character with a story that everyone would have.

Just for the sake of self-satisfaction, they are under the illusion that if they can reach a happy ending, they will be saved by not giving up this time.

“Even when adversity and failure come, you quickly get up and go towards your goal?”

Elisias stopped crying for a moment and looked at me.

“That goes for you too!”

The shout was like a shout. After hearing that shout, my vision, which had been blurred by the darkness, became clear, so I suddenly raised my head and looked at Elisias.

Look at me with clear eyes. It’s straight and doesn’t avoid eye contact, it just looks at me.

This girl, who I thought was the main character, is a supporting character and now sees me as the main character.

I slowly reached out to the girl, to Elisias, and caressed her cheek.

It looks so swollen from crying so much that it looks really cute.

“Actually? I’m not sure…”

I slowly opened my mouth, took out a handkerchief from my robe pocket, and carefully wiped away the tears that Elisias was shedding.

Fortunately, Elisias did not reject my touch and stayed still.

“You may understand because I told you about my past…but I have never liked anyone or been loved by anyone in my life…”

My mother, whom I loved, ran away to death, and I was left alone in a small, single-room studio to live an anxious life.

To me, that feeling was just a luxury. This is because the tomorrow that comes in my life, which is like a mayfly, is the same as today.

“Do you…remember me?”

I remembered the day when I told you that I would be able to forgive myself if I helped you reach a happy ending, and asked you to forgive me for arbitrarily expecting you to do so, and the day when I confessed my sin, saying that I needed you for self-satisfaction.

“I told you back then, actually, I was so jealous of you…”

Because you are literally the main character, you are the main character in this game.

“So, I thought maybe…I like your ideals and beliefs that do not give up, rather than the child named Elisias…”

Elisias looked at me with a puzzled expression, and I stood up and hugged Elisias in my arms.

Elisias was in a hurry, but eventually accepted my hug.

“So…”

“―I…”

As I was settling down for a while, someone spoke to me through a gap in my door.

“Shall I come back later…?”

The owner of that voice was Asha, who came to the room to give her daily report.

Also, there were more than one or two yellow and white tails fluttering.

“Unnie, what are you two doing?”

Asha pulls Lia, who sticks her head out through the crack in the door, and covers her eyes.

“Boss! Are you kissing???”