episode_0049
by fnovelpia“Oppa, don’t be nervous. I’m shaking too.”
“Shouldn’t there be some level of appropriate tension…?”
Even I can feel the vibration of what’s considered appropriate to Oppa.
“We know we’re dating and marriage is almost approved, so there’s no need to be so nervous, right?”
“Well… um.”
“Are you scared of Dad?”
“Um… no?”
Doesn’t seem like it at all.
Perhaps it’s due to his quiet nature, unsmiling face, and somewhat intimidating appearance and stature that could be perceived as scary.
Well… I like it; he’s reliable and cool.
“For now… well. Your clothes are neat, your posture is good, and… your face is still handsome.”
“Is that so…?”
“Hehe. I’m serious.”
Oppa wore a suit while I, without one, dressed in the cutest outfit possible.
There wasn’t really anything formal to wear.
So, with a slightly mischievous thought of dressing in pretty clothes, perhaps Dad will overlook it.
I ease his tension by tapping Oppa’s back.
“It’s okay. Don’t be nervous. Just listen to Oppa. Okay?”
“…I’ll make sure to get his approval.”
It’s a conclusion stemming from meeting Dad and securing a promise of marriage.
I want to get married quickly.
Though I briefly wondered how things might change after marriage… still, I want to get married.
I want to do it willingly.
Rather than whine about wanting it, I might provoke Dad’s resentment by seeming to enter into a wrong marriage.
I’ll quietly support Oppa in front of Dad.
“Cheer up. Dad probably won’t oppose, but honestly… I want to see Oppa speak confidently.”
Slowly opening the door.
I made the call in the morning.
Yeah. It was a simple “Got it” that ended the call, yet I felt inexplicably nervous.
Continuing to reassure Oppa, time passed, and it was already past lunch when we arrived.
“Dad, I’m here.”
“So, you’re here.”
Taking off our shoes and entering, Dad was sitting on the couch watching TV.
He glanced at me briefly, then turned his head back to the TV before turning it again.
“Oh, hello!”
“Dad, I came because I have something to say.”
Permission granted.
I’m not the type to marry without telling Dad.
It’s a matter of respect towards Dad.
It feels like the most important ritual to me.
Avoiding love’s escape… I dislike that.
Building relationships with loved ones and giving up everything for a lover.
The conclusion seems strange, and my situation isn’t like that either.
“…Alright.”
Dad slowly gets up, turns off the TV, and sits on the floor.
Oppa takes off his coat and sits down. His posture is so refined that the word “gentleman” automatically comes to mind.
To appear modest, I silently kneel down.
“……”
“……”
Only the sounds of daily life fill the room.
Dad, silent, seems to contemplate whether he should speak first or wait, while Oppa’s hands tremble slightly.
“Dad.”
This is where I need to step in.
“I… want to get married.”
A familiar yet ominous feeling lingers somewhere.
End of conversation.
That person who wasn’t the one also got married.
I don’t know how they’re living, but I still want to remain forever ignorant.
I hope they never come looking for me or approach me.
Because I want to keep feeling happy.
Romance movies are like that too.
They intensify love by subjecting the protagonists to various situations and hardships.
Romance isn’t fantasy.
It’s everyday life.
“He’s a good person… I truly love him.”
So, I’ll seek out the ordinary.
I’ll find happiness.
“Father. I want to marry Jihye!”
My older brother showed a firm resolve.
Just as I thought.
More stylish than anyone in this world.
“…Sigh.”
Dad let out a deep sigh.
“Jihye.”
“Yes, yes!”
If she were to reject me…
I feel like I would want to cry a lot. How should I hold it back?
“You said he’s a good person…”
“W-Well, yes. He said my cooking is the best in the world, takes great care of me, and… um… that’s why… please love me!”
I blurted out incoherently.
Not only my brother but I was also nervous.
“Alright. Permission granted.”
“Gasp…”
My heart clenched.
Unable to speak, I closed my mouth.
“Only.”
“…Yes, Hye?”
I bit my tongue, but it wasn’t something to worry about.
I focused on Dad’s words.
‘Only.’
Dad looked at me.
“…Oh.”
A precious expression towards me.
A new expression appeared on Dad’s face.
“Jihye is my precious daughter. Don’t make her cry. Don’t use violence, don’t hurt her.”
“I will definitely keep that in mind.”
Dad looked at me again, then at my brother.
“…I entrust her to you.”
“Yes!”
“Dad…”
He gave his permission.
As a father, his words made me so happy that tears could fall.
“…Come home anytime.”
His face remained the same, but his words were warm.
“Thank you…”
The role of a father.
The responsibility under the name of a father remains strong even after the child becomes an adult.
I haven’t done much for my dad.
There isn’t much in terms of filial piety either.
I should have searched a little more.
I vaguely remembered my music teacher from middle school.
I remember his age at the time being slightly over 50.
He seemed to prefer talking over music and often shared personal stories.
I can’t recall much now, but it was fun.
And there was one thing that stuck in my memory.
He said his mother passed away and he hardly shed a tear.
He said that a filial child doesn’t cry, while an unfilial child makes the world cry.
It seemed somewhat proud to declare himself a filial child, but it stuck in my mind as if it were engraved.
Can I say I am a filial daughter?
I hugged my dad, shedding tears and pondering such thoughts.
*
“First… hm. I’ll tidy up the room a bit. I’ll make a lot this time. Be sure to eat it. If it falls, I’ll come right back, so don’t add water or anything.”
“Got it.”
I took off my clothes and put on an apron.
The inside is a t-shirt, so it’s fine.
I chose my favorite outfit, but I didn’t want it to get wet or smell bad right away.
“Is there anything I can help with?”
“Um… just stay with Dad. I can’t ask my brother to clean, especially since it’s not his house.”
“…I’ll clean.”
“Are you still scared of Dad?”
“N-No, it’s not that. I’m just grateful. Thank you for everything.”
“Next time, okay?”
Next time refers to my brother’s parents.
We need their approval.
“Oh. Let’s just take a break tomorrow. Later. Please do it when I call you. I’ll wait.”
There are many obstacles.
There is still much to do.
As determined. I must go all the way.
I’ve only received permission from Dad so far.
After getting approval from my brother’s parents, we’ll meet again and talk.
Then prepare for the wedding.
Get married.
Surely choosing a difficult path will bring relief.
Some people find it fun to live as they please.
But there is no clear purpose in that.
Running away to get married, marrying in secret.
I don’t want that.
I haven’t done anything wrong.
[Only the sin of loving my brother.]
“Can you check on Oppa for me?”
“Hmm? Oh, sure.”
Because I love my brother.
“How is it?”
“Well… It’s delicious.”
“I’m glad.”
Because I love my brother, I will live for him.
“Hmm. If we make something like this, it would be good to keep and eat later.”
I felt better.
A feeling that things are falling into place as they should.
“Oh.”
“Yeah?”
Dad was watching.
“Um… Why don’t you go clean up quickly.”
“…? Okay?”
It seems inappropriate to show affection towards each other in front of Dad.
He treats me like a precious daughter, but it feels like he only has eyes for my brother.
It’s true, but…
Of course, Dad loves me too…!
Another obstacle has arisen.
I probably won’t be able to answer.
If someone were to ask if I prefer Dad or my brother… I might just sit there and cry.
“Sigh…!”
“Good job.”
“Ahem. If you’re bored, would you like to see my room?”
“Oh… Sure.”
“There’s nothing special, but… I want to see it again.”
My room next to Maljong’s room.
When I opened the door, it was still dusty, maintaining its old appearance.
It looks more like a boy’s room than a girl’s room no matter how you look at it.
It used to be my room when I was a boy.
“Sigh… Ha… My old scent is still fragrant. Like a girl’s scent.”
“You didn’t use a diffuser?”
“No, I didn’t use anything like that.”
It might be fabric softener scent, but it doesn’t seem like that either.
The same scent was on my padded jacket hanging in the closet.
“Well… There’s nothing to see here.”
I feel a sense of alienation.
Even the bed, its sheets, and pillows.
The computer and the books lined up next to it.
Covered in navy blue, with doodles visible in several places and torn so that the background is only visible around the ceiling.
This is how I used to be.
“Isn’t it strange even to ask now… Have I ever thought strangely about liking my brother?”
A man liking another man.
Just because I’ve become a woman.
“Honestly… Tell me. I’m not talking about now, I’m talking about the past. Just curious… So please be honest.”
A completely changed appearance, an immature voice that captivates people.
The determination to change personality, way of speaking, and address.
“…Back then, um…”
Oppa hesitates.
It’s been a few months, but it must feel like a long time for him.
“Well… You know.”
“Yes.”
“When you first called me Oppa… I felt happiest. Really. When I felt that you liked me, it was just… nice.”
“Oh… Would you like to come here?”
His face turns red as if replaying memories or happening in real-time.
It’s inevitable because it’s cute.
“Just one kiss, for 10 seconds.”
“Okay…”
We lay down on the old bed.
In a place filled with the scent of the past, we continued from where we left off.
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