episode_0048
by fnovelpia“Hehehe….”
Opening the front door, she lay down on the floor right after taking off her shoes.
Home is the best.
Looking at her phone filled with photos, she can see how much time she spent playing, listed hour by hour.
“Good job.”
“Ugh… Don’t smell it, please.”
Her brother takes off his shoes and tries to take off hers too.
“Hehe, I don’t want to.”
“Eugh…!”
When he tries to touch her shoes, she evades.
Not this time. She’s soaked in sweat.
“I got you.”
“Oh… Please don’t regret it.”
She may not like his words, but she can’t help but feel grateful.
“Hmph… It doesn’t really smell bad, just a nice fragrance.”
“…Ah! Why are you smelling it!”
“Eugh?”
She pulls her bewildered brother out.
“You’re really a fool.”
He doesn’t understand women’s hearts.
“Yes. I’m a fool.”
“Ouch!”
Her brother grabs her foot and smells it.
“Nice. I like it.”
“Oppa!”
She hits his back hard.
“Hey! Why are you doing that!”
“Huh, eugh?”
He didn’t seem hurt.
It’s just me who’s hurting.
…Why am I getting angry?
I didn’t want to get angry.
“…I’m sorry. I must be stressed; my head isn’t right. Sorry. I’ll shower first.”
She gets up as if fleeing, goes into the bedroom, quickly grabs some clothes, and enters the shower room.
She lets the water run over her body.
1 second. 10 seconds. 48 seconds.
*Sigh*… Ugh….
And then she says to herself.
I’m a fool.
“Fool.”
I don’t want to fight.
Because I like my brother.
Because I love him. But that’s not right.
The water is warm.
The water droplets splashing against the wall have already cooled down, becoming endlessly cold.
“Ugh.”
She feels slightly dizzy.
Has a lot of time passed?
She wrings out her wet hair.
Today, she remembered to bring a hairdryer.
An extra one for emergencies.
Pink isn’t exactly her style, but her sister just bought it for her, saying it’s the best if girls recommend it…
I have nothing to say.
Because I’m a girl….
If I were really a girl….
“Ugh….”
There’s no point in hoping for something with an extremely low probability.
It was just that I was sensitive.
She dries herself off and puts on her plain ivory pajamas without feeling any interest.
“……”
“…I’m sorry.”
Her brother was sitting quietly on the bed.
He must have finished showering before me, lifting the damp strands of hair with his hand.
His face full of apologies. My heart aches for his slumped shoulders.
I’m even sorrier for brushing off his joke.
I approach him and hug him.
“I’m sorry. We agreed not to do this. If you say that, I feel even more sorry. It’s my fault too.”
I pat his back, comforting my faultless brother.
“Playing around… I should’ve accepted it… Maybe it was because of what was coming that day. Or maybe I was really struggling, so I acted that way. I don’t want to blame you for this.”
He shakes his head slightly.
“No… No… It’s true. It was wrong to play around when you were tired and in pain. It was a very annoying joke. I told you not to do it, but I did it.”
He blames himself and looks despondent.
This won’t do.
He’ll only get sadder.
A small rift might form between us.
A rift slowly builds up, creating a small gap, a difficult wall to cross, and later on, a truly massive wall might emerge.
I… I don’t want that.
“Oppa, I don’t want to have that kind of relationship.”
“Just forget our memories for a moment?”
She just pulled him in and laid Oppa down.
I hope his heart is at ease.
I wish I could hear nothing but the sound of my heartbeat as I hold my chest up high, not thinking about anything during this time.
“Jihye…”
“No. We were just pretending to be in love. It was just a brief lover’s quarrel. Understand?”
“Oh….”
He buries his face.
Oppa, whom I embraced, entrusts himself to me.
“Shall we lie down properly now…?”
“Mm-hmm….”
With a quiet whisper, I guide Oppa.
Slowly, Oppa and I slip under the covers.
“You like my chest. Right?”
“Yeah… but…”
“Shh. Let’s not talk about other things.”
“Mm-hmm….”
For now, this seems to be the only way for me…
But later on, definitely.
We must face each other properly.
*
“Hmm….”
This week, I’ll be the first one to wake up.
“Mm-hmm….”
Oppa is sleeping comfortably with my chest as his pillow.
Normally, I would get up right away to prepare breakfast, but how can I leave when he’s sleeping so cutely like this?
And I end up getting up while preparing breakfast.
It’s cute how he immediately snuggles up to me with sleepy eyes, but this seems even cuter.
“Hmm…?”
“Are you awake?”
“Mm-hmm….”
“Oh, how adorable.”
If I were to kiss him, his eyes would surely widen, his breath would momentarily catch, and his tongue would tie up, making him lose his composure.
Just a simple peck on the forehead.
I want to keep seeing this sight.
“Mm-hmm… I like you…”
Oppa clings to me, making cute sounds.
Suppressing the desire to treat him like a baby, I also embrace Oppa.
I blend into Oppa’s warmth and the softness of the blanket.
It should be fine to enjoy this warmth and comfort for a while.
*
“…”
“Did you sleep well?”
Oppa was still quietly looking at me from my embrace.
“…I think I had a dream… Did I…?”
Seeing his cautious expression, I smiled.
“It was cute.”
“Oh.”
“Come here, my baby. I’ll accept everything.”
“Oh…”
Blushing, he accepts my touch.
If he forgets, it’s fine.
That’s all there is to it.
There’s no reason for us to fight yet.
Even if we erase the boundaries, it’s natural to maintain respect for each other.
There should be some subtle boundaries.
No violence.
No hurtful words.
Try not to hide secrets from each other as much as possible.
As it’s my first love and he’s my first love, I don’t want to hurt Oppa.
I won’t end my first love like this.
“…”
A grumbling sound emerged.
“Are you hungry?”
The source of the sound is Oppa.
I had completely forgotten about being hungry; my stomach is endlessly silent.
“Yeah…”
After a kiss, I got up.
“Huh?”
Oppa wraps his arms around my waist, trying to stop me from getting up.
“Don’t go…”
“We have to eat. There are things to do today.”
“Just a little longer. Let’s lie down a bit more…”
After eating and resting briefly, I was planning to meet Dad.
That might make me a little late.
Oppa hugs me tighter.
“If it’s just for a short while… it’s okay.”
I’ve never seen him like this before.
“Come here. You’re so cute today.”
My heart softened at his sad gaze.
If it’s just for a moment, of course, I wanted to do it, so I tried.
…I feel sorry now.
It’s only natural.
This was my wish, but it didn’t come true.
Oppa couldn’t possibly forget what happened yesterday.
“In the realm of oblivion, while I may forget what I ate for lunch a week ago, uncomfortable memories persist indefinitely.
What I can offer is simply to show you.
My heart, that is.
If possible, it’s the desire to love eternally that I speak of.
I retrieve the feelings I’ve harbored all along.
‘Anytime… such things could happen again.’
‘…Why.’
‘Because we’re human. No matter how well we fit together like clockwork, there comes a time when something breaks. No matter how well. Clocks are bound to malfunction at some point.’
Because we’re human. Yet, because we’re human, we think.
‘If things don’t improve between us…?’
‘That won’t happen. If that were the case, others would already be in different relationships or dislike being in one. It’s just a momentary misalignment. We can realign.’
I pat his back.
The trembling in my body intensifies the pain within me.
If he’s sad, then I am too.
If he’s hurt, I am hurt as well.
‘Don’t worry. If we make a mistake, we can make amends, right? We’ve just created a step called ‘yesterday’s mistake.”
I made the mistake, yet why is it him who feels sad?
‘Come on. Get up. Let’s go eat.’
‘Okay… Thank you. I love you.’
‘Me too. I love you too.’
If the clock hadn’t been precious.
If it hadn’t felt so valuable.
I would have likely discarded the broken clock to buy another.
For me, there is only one clock.
Even if the hands of the clock stop.
Even if it gets fixed, or if the glass shatters.
I won’t replace it. Even if there are times I don’t look at the time, I won’t discard it.
I’ll change the battery.
I’ll polish the shattered glass and make it new again.
But I don’t use the clock alone.
I’m not trying to gather the broken pieces by myself.
We use it together.
Not a wristwatch, but a large clock visible upon waking.
A precious clock that must not be replaced, indicating the time when both he and I must rise.
The unwavering determination to never change it is something both he and I understand well.
Fear transforms into strong endurance.
I am always prepared to support him.”
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