episode_0048

048.

The dim night sky covered the world like a massive curtain, as if representing Jin Soyeon’s heart.

Thick clouds devoured the moonlight, casting a pitch-black darkness over the surroundings.

The mysterious darkness that filled Jin Soyeon’s room in the absence of any light was unsettling.

There was no shy smile from the moonlight peeking through the window as usual, no faint starlight sprinkling gentle glimmers.

While the dazzling cityscape pushed back the darkness, Jin Soyeon’s residential area seemed strangely subdued tonight.

Is it already night…?

After finishing everything and returning home, Jin Soyeon peacefully gazed out the window before collapsing onto the bed.

The soft touch of the plush bed comforted Jin Soyeon’s weary mind.

“Sigh…”

Closing her eyelids quietly in the dim shadows without turning on the lights, memories of the recent events replayed vividly in her mind.

“Siwoon didn’t say anything.”

When she foolishly asked herself if he cared about her, Siwoon chose to remain silent.

He seemed to want to say something, hesitatingly moving his lips a few times, but ultimately maintained his silence.

For a brief moment, an awkward silence settled between them.

Sometimes, silence conveyed more than ten words, and Jin Soyeon tried to evade the awkward situation by awkwardly laughing it off as a joke or a mere attempt.

Creating an escape route for Siwoon to avoid further embarrassment.

She didn’t want to put him in a difficult position by waiting for a response.

At the same time, it revealed Jin Soyeon’s cowardice.

Avoiding a direct response was a psychological defense mechanism, allowing room for doubt.

It was a way to convince herself that it was just a misunderstanding.

Although she knew he wouldn’t respond that way, the difference between a 0% possibility and a 1% possibility was like night and day.

Just like a student hoping against hope for a different outcome before checking the answer key.

“I’m really cowardly.”

Yes.

She was cowardly.

She had asked the question herself and foolishly ran away from it.

What was Siwoon thinking at that moment when faced with Jin Soyeon’s sudden question? The memory of his expression still lingered, causing her to feel guilty. She hadn’t intended to ask such a question in the first place.

“I thought he would deny it.”

Jin Soyeon let out a deep sigh.

Feeling suffocated and frustrated, she couldn’t help but release the burning heat within her.

“Why did it have to turn out like this again?”

Since middle school, they had gotten along well enough to be just friends, not involved romantically. Especially since Siwoon was handsome, wealthy, talented, and not from a wealthy family, Jin Soyeon assumed he wouldn’t have any romantic interest in her.

To put it bluntly, Jin Soyeon was just a plain, average girl from a working-class background.

Up until now, Lee Siwoon had never shown any romantic interest in girls, which made it even more intriguing.

“Rumors about how Siwoon sees me have been circulating, but I just ignored them as mere gossip.”

Jin Soyeon, who had suffered from all sorts of rumors, believed anything she hadn’t experienced firsthand.

And now, Jin Soyeon’s habit was getting in the way.

Because of this, Jin Soyeon couldn’t predict how Siwoon was looking at her…

– You really didn’t know?

In an instant.

– Actually, you had some idea, didn’t you?

Another thought and voice that were gradually spreading from deep within her mind shook her head.

– Asking Siwoon if he was interested in you was a deliberate act, wasn’t it?

Jin Soyeon’s other voice, which revealed raw emotions without hiding anything, pounded in her ears.

– You knew that Siwoon wouldn’t just nod in agreement to your question, especially when you were already struggling because of someone like Choi Changwon.

No, I…

– You wanted to use a direct refusal from Siwoon as a psychological barrier, didn’t you? You also wanted to subtly make a mark on Siwoon. By making him say he doesn’t like you.

Was Jin Soyeon unconsciously thinking like that?

No way.

Absolutely not.

– You know, it was a bit annoying when other guys liked you, right?

It was more embarrassing than annoying.

Jin Soyeon just wanted to help people and make friends, regardless of gender.

In the process, there were times when some guys blushed and showed their affection for Jin Soyeon, which made her feel a bit uneasy.

Because Jin Soyeon believed that friendship could be enough between a man and a woman.

When a guy who was just a close friend until yesterday suddenly confessed or expressed his feelings the next day?

It was quite, very, extremely awkward.

As Jin Soyeon, she had no choice but to express her rejection.

The guys who were rejected after confessing just awkwardly laughed, saying let’s just be friends, and eventually the relationship would end.

There were quite a few friends whose relationships ended like that.

Whenever she saw the faces of those friends smiling bitterly as they turned away, Jin Soyeon felt quite uncomfortable with such situations.

Why did such awkward situations have to repeat when neither the guy nor Jin Soyeon did anything wrong?

That’s why Jin Soyeon…

– You asked Jinhyuk to pretend to be in a fake relationship to prevent guys from confessing, right?

After becoming fake lovers with Lee Jinhyuk, the number of guys who revealed their feelings or confessed significantly decreased.

Most guys maintained a certain boundary just by knowing that she had a partner.

Whether they were satisfied with just being friends or waiting for a chance in the future, it was hard to tell.

Of course, there were still some close guy friends who confessed, but confessing to someone who already had a partner was simply absurd, wasn’t it?

Since there were many cases where guys confessed while belittling the already fake relationship with Lee Jinhyuk, Jin Soyeon could express her rejection without feeling too uncomfortable.

– And pretending not to know was also a good move, right?

It wasn’t pretending not to know.

I really didn’t know.

How could I know what all the other guys were thinking?

Also, Jin Soyeon made an effort to maintain her composure.

She didn’t get too close to friends who subtly showed romantic interest.

If there were any room for doubt, it would not be ideal.

However, there were several situations that put Jin Soyeon in a difficult position.

When she suspected that some of her male friends, with whom she had already built a strong friendship, might actually like her as a woman.

In such cases, it was difficult to distance herself casually, and pretending not to know was also quite awkward.

Because there was a risk that their current relationship could be ruined if she made a mistake.

And just being aware of this fact caused Jin Soyeon a considerable amount of stress.

– So, you didn’t deliberately try to think that he couldn’t possibly like you, that it was just a misunderstanding?

No, that’s not it.

– Thinking firmly that he doesn’t like you by coming up with various reasons could ironically mean that you have somewhat realized that he does like you, right?

That’s a ridiculous thing to say.

– Really? Can you confidently say that close friends like Ishiwoon or Jinhuk never knew that they liked you? Without deliberately pretending not to know?

Yes, I didn’t know, I really didn’t.

– Logically speaking, you must have heard rumors and seen the reactions of other students, so you really didn’t know the truth, right…?

Jin Soyeon wanted to block her ears.

– You didn’t want to know? And you had to not know.

But the voice that originated from her subconscious continued to echo incessantly in her mind.

– Pretending not to know and pretending to be ignorant actually made you feel somewhat comfortable, right? Because if something goes wrong later, you can just say you didn’t know~

Unconscious emotions and thoughts that were not consciously packaged swirled in her mind.

The more she tried not to think about it, the deeper she fell into a pit.

– You’re just someone who is afraid of many things and has a lot of greed.

Slowly, very slowly.

– It’s scary when close friends who were just friends confess their feelings, and it’s scary when the relationship breaks off after rejecting the confession.

A voice gently brushed against her ear like a snake.

– But you don’t want to give up the hero play and friend play, do you?

Eventually, the voice…

– Seriously…

Resounded clearly in Jin Soyeon’s ear.

“…Are you an ambitious person?”

“Huh, what?”

When a sudden voice echoed through the empty house, Jin Soyeon was taken aback.

What, who is it?!

She thought a burglar might have broken in, but when she saw the face sitting on the chair at the desk, she couldn’t help but feel perplexed.

The person staring back at her was someone Jin Soyeon knew well.

‘It’s me, isn’t it?’

It was Jin Soyeon herself.

With a blank face, the woman who was staring back at her was none other than Jin Soyeon herself.

“Wait, what is going on…?”

“Soyeon, Jin Soyeon.”

Before she could sort out her confused thoughts, another Jin Soyeon approached quietly.

As she looked at the face of the other Jin Soyeon staring silently with an expressionless face, a lump of dry saliva went down her throat.

“Your childhood friend and the rich guy you’ve been close with for a long time actually have a crush on you, Soyeon… It’s like a situation that could come out of a women’s novel you read in the past. Isn’t it? You enjoyed reading that novel back then. You’ve imagined that kind of situation before.”

“What, what are you saying! Who are you!”

“Are you secretly enjoying this situation while pretending not to know?”

“Don’t be ridiculous!”

Eyes.

Her eyes met with the other Jin Soyeon’s.

The golden eyes that seemed to suck her in. Not as bright as usual, but with a heavy shadow cast over them.

Those eyes, for some reason, were terrifying.

Especially because they reminded her of her past self.

“Soyeon, let’s be a little more honest with ourselves.”

Eyes are the windows of the soul.

A window that opens up the heart.

Another Jinsuyeon is peeking through the window.

Her eyes seem to pierce through Jinsuyeon’s heart.

The reflection of Jinsuyeon’s face in her eyes is stiff like a stone, with her eyebrows trembling slightly.

“You know it, don’t you? How many people have been hurt by your selfish actions.”

“Oh, no, that’s not…”

“How many guys do you think can just be friends with a girl as beautiful as you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You knew it’s difficult for men and women to be friends. But you had to deny it. To fulfill your greed.”

“It’s not like that, I mean…”

Jinsuyeon shuddered between the windows.

“So, you made Jinhyuk your fake lover? To prevent guys from openly showing interest. There was no one else to ask for help, and Jinhyuk wouldn’t refuse, so you used him.”

“…Be quiet.”

“And you said you asked because you didn’t know if Jinhyuk liked you.”

“…I said be quiet.”

“Really? Have you never thought that Jinhyuk might like you? Really?”

She whispers softly in her ear.

“In fact, you kind of expected it… Ugh?!”

“I said be quiet!”

Unable to contain her anger any longer, Jinsuyeon started to rush towards her other self between the windows.

And.

***

“Hah! Hah! Huh…?!”

With a start!

Jinsuyeon sat up drenched in sweat.

Cold sweat was trickling down her neck.

Her heart was pounding.

She turned her head back and forth, gasping for breath.

She was alone in the room. There was no sign of her other self. No appearance, no voice. Just silence.

Looking at the clock, she realized it was already 4 a.m.

“Hah, ugh, what…?”

Could it be, could it be.

A dream?

A dream?

“It was like a nightmare, me…?”

She couldn’t tell when she had fallen asleep, but she had a really unpleasant dream.

Her other self came out and started babbling nonsense, leading to a fight. Even thinking about it now gives her chills.

“Hah… really. I must have been under a lot of stress to have such a nightmare.”

Jinsuyeon sighed deeply and slowly raised her head.

In the distance, she saw a full-length mirror.

The dim light made it hard to see clearly, but with her night vision being quite good, Jinsuyeon could see that her reflection in the mirror had a very cold expression.

With dark hair cascading down as if absorbing all the light, Jinsuyeon’s face was slightly tense.

She looked so cold that it was hard to believe it was the usual Jinsuyeon who always smiled brightly. When she grimaced or remained expressionless, she seemed even colder than Ishiwoon.

The reflection of Jinsuyeon in the mirror reminded her of her past self, filled with evil before meeting Lee Jinhyuk.

“….”

Jinsuyeon clenched her fist reflexively.

She knows, too.

That she can’t just avoid this.

That she can’t just be scared and stay still.

“….I’m afraid that our friendship will fall apart. That’s true. But.”

Jinsuyeon looked at the mirror and suddenly made up her mind.

“I still have to say it. Stop avoiding it.”

She’s truly sorry for asking for a fake relationship without Jinhyuk knowing she likes him.

And if Ishiwoon likes her, she’s truly sorry.

She’s going to speak up instead of pretending not to know.

Even if it ruins their current friendship.

Definitely.

“Really? Have you never even considered the possibility that Jinhyeok might like you? Seriously?”

Before lying back down on the bed.

Even though the words mentioned by her dream self brushed past her mind, Jisoyeon ignored them and went back to sleep.

Because she really didn’t know that fact.

…Really.