episode_0047

[Episode 47] – Feelings like mud

It was about a few days after Vivian told Titania that she might see a ‘confrontation’. Titania puffed out her cheeks in uncontrollable frustration and asked Ellie, who was fixing her hair.

“Ellie, what is confrontation?”

“yes? Ah…meeting someone who might soon get married…? Should I say that?”

“Hmm-”

Titania rested her chin, narrowed her eyes, and sighed softly, saying that it was no different from what she knew. Then he sat down on the chair and started shaking the foot he couldn’t reach, as if he was annoyed.

Match and get married.

It was a story I had heard countless times from the Marchioness when I was young, that I should become a princess without shame for the husband I would marry one day, and that it would be too late to prepare even now.

I just tried to escape reality, wondering if I was mistaken or if my mother had said something wrong. Titania also knew the meaning of those words better than anyone else.

Looking at Titania, unable to control her boiling frustration and stamping her feet on the chair as if kicking the air, Ellie smiled bitterly and asked Titania.

“Aren’t you going to see Her Majesty the Queen today?”

“…huh. “I’ll just stay in my room.”

Ellie sighed so softly that Titania couldn’t hear, bowed her head and left Titania’s room. He left a message telling him to call me if anything happens.

When Titania also saw Ellie go out of the room and she was left alone in the room, she sighed and threw herself on the bed and covered her head with the blanket.

Titania’s small secret base is under the blanket she has been covered in from a young age. Titania was lost in thought, rolling around in her blanket as if it didn’t matter what happened to her hair that she had just straightened.

In fact, I felt like I wanted to run to my mother and apologize right away, but every time I did that, I remembered my mother’s expression saying that she had a confrontation with me, and something surged inside me.

‘Titania, there may be a confrontation soon. It might be too early to meet at the age of ten… but how about meeting him once? ‘He might be a pretty good opponent.’

‘Are you…?’

‘Yeah, right. The third prince of a neighboring country is coming with a delegation that will arrive soon. I would like to meet you then… And, the reviews were quite favorable. Although he is only eight years old, he is handsome… and has a gentle personality, so he is loved by the country…’

‘Mother… do you want me to marry that person?’

Yes, a smiling expression as if giving up on something. The moment she saw her mother’s expression, Titania frowned and looked at her mother with an emotion she had never felt before.

‘Even if we don’t get married… wouldn’t it be nice if we could get engaged?’

It seemed like ‘herself’ was included in that abandonment, and every time Titania thought of that expression, a certain kind of emotion filled her like boiling mud.

For some reason, the only word that comes out of my mouth is ‘liar.’

A hot and squishy unfamiliar feeling, as if something was rising from deep within my heart. Titania didn’t know what to do because of this feeling she felt every time she saw Vivian’s face.

Titania, who had been tossing and turning with her face buried in a pillow, poked her head out of the blanket and tapped the surface of the mirror necklace around her neck twice.

The surface of the mirror shuddered, and Ainsel lowered the corners of his eyes as if he were worried and looked at Titania. After hesitating for a moment, Ainsel raised his head and asked Titania.

-Princess… Are you not going to leave your room again today? But that doesn’t mean you can stay away…? Vivian and the others are sad…

“It’s not like that! More than that… what is your mother doing now?”

-Vivian is now… Wait a minute, I’ll show you.

The surface of the mirror shimmered again, and Vivian’s image began to be reflected in the mirror as if it were right in front of her. Vivian sitting in her office talking seriously with Bang Chaut.

A side that you don’t normally show to yourself. Titania smiled brightly at the serious yet wonderful appearance of her mother. It doesn’t matter if you look at it from this distance…

When she actually encountered or talked to her mother in person, Titania would unconsciously shake her head and act angry, as if she were immersed in the emotions boiling inside her.

‘Actually, that’s not the case… I want to reconcile right away and be with my mother…’

Titania looked at her mother’s reflection in the mirror blankly, as if she was sad that she couldn’t control her emotions. As he continued to look at his mother like that, Ainsel whispered softly.

-It looks like things are coming to an end soon… How about visiting right now? I’m sure Vivian will also be happy if the princess comes to visit.

“But…”

Wouldn’t he be angry if I actually went to see him? I was the one who had been angrily avoiding him until now, but I had no idea what kind of face I should look at my mother.

As I was thinking about it, my mother’s image was reflected in the mirror, raising her arms and stretching them high in the sky, as if she was done. At that sight, Ainsel called out to Titania as if urging her.

-I think now is your chance! It’s not too far from the office… so go quickly!

“Uh, uh…?”

-Quickly!

When Ainsel urged her loudly, Titania jumped up from the bed. As I was about to run out of the room, I saw my hair scattered, so I straightened it out with my hands and ran out the door in a huff.

What should I say first when we meet?

Should I say sorry first?

Are you sorry for constantly avoiding me without saying a word?

Titania, who was out of breath from running all the way to the office, caught her breath and stuck her head out through the slightly open office door. Then, I saw my mother sitting on a chair, drinking tea and resting for a while.

The moment I faced him like that, I felt a feeling like mud clutching my heart again. It wasn’t just a feeling of dislike. A strange feeling of anxiety made my heart pound.

What exactly is this feeling I feel every time I see my mother?

Titania didn’t even know her name and didn’t know what to do. One thing was certain: Titania did not like that ‘smile’ that kept coming to mind every time she looked at her mother’s face.

Titania walked away from the office door, turned her head, and headed back to her room. The angel hanging around his neck asked Titania, not knowing what to do.

-Is it okay if I don’t come visit you…? You’ve come this far, right…?

“…no.”

-But…

Titania no longer responded to Ainsel’s words and quietly headed to her room. Every time I take a step, I feel as if the slushy mud is grabbing my ankles.

*

After that it was just repetition.

Titania, swayed by Ainsel’s persuasion, circles around Vivian, returns to the room, and repeatedly becomes depressed. Titania hovered around Vivian up to three times a day.

Titania, exhausted by her desire to apologize and the mud-like emotions boiling inside her, continued to worry, not knowing what to do.

As she continued to circle around Vivian, Titania suddenly had this thought. If you can’t apologize in person, you can ask someone else to apologize on your behalf.

The person who came to Titania’s mind was none other than her grandmother. It was delivered to the Queen Mother. Titania, believing that her grandmother would definitely speak well to her mother, knocked on the Queen Mother’s office.

“Grandma… I’m Titania… Can I come in?”

“…come in.”

When permission was given to come in, Titania opened the door and walked quickly to the Queen Mother’s side. Titania quietly watched the Queen Mother, who was still at work, writing down something diligently.

“So, why did our granddaughter suddenly come to visit this grandmother?”

“Uh… that’s…”

When I tried to speak, my lips wouldn’t move. The Queen Mother, who was looking at Titania who was hesitant about what to say, sighed softly and lifted Titania up and sat her on her lap.

“There are widespread rumors that you had a fight with the queen. Is that why?”

“We didn’t fight…”

When asked if they had fought, Titania pursed her lips and lowered her head. The Queen Mother, who was looking at this scene, gently stroked Titania’s head and asked Titania as if she were guessing.

“You said you cut down on snacks. Is that why you’re upset?”

“That too…but…”

“Or is it because I’ve been busy lately and haven’t paid any attention to you?”

“Well, that’s…”

Every time she asked, Titania’s cheeks began to swell more and more, as if she was remembering more and more of her disappointment. The Queen Mother, who was looking down at the scene, smiled and gently massaged her swollen cheeks.

“Or is it because of the upcoming ‘confrontation’?”

Titania nodded slightly when she heard the words “confrontation.” The Queen Mother, who was looking at this scene, sighed quietly and gently stroked Titania’s head.

“Do you hate seeing confrontation so much?”

Titania shook her head. It wasn’t that I particularly disliked seeing the confrontation itself. It’s not that I don’t like having to face someone I don’t even know…

Drop, drop. As she tried to speak her thoughts out loud, tears welled up at the corners of Titania’s eyes. Seeing her shaking her shoulders and swallowing tears, the Queen Mother gently patted her on the back.

“Speak slowly. What do you not like so much? “Won’t you have to talk to find out?”

As the queen patted her back, tears welled up in Titania’s eyes and fell. Titania, sobbing and wiping away her tears, slowly opened her mouth and began to release what had accumulated inside her.

“Ha, does grandma want me to get engaged too…?”

“…I don’t think so.”

“Uh, I guess my mother wants me to get engaged… I hope I get engaged…”

Once the tears started flowing, they did not stop easily. The Queen Mother began to gently wipe Titania’s eyes with a handkerchief as tears began to flow.

“Uh, my mother seems to be bothered by me… I feel like she doesn’t want to see me… So every time I see her, I feel strange… She seems angry, but… she’s sad, almost like she’s about to cry. “I lose…”

“…there is no way your mother would abandon you. I don’t know why I feel anxious thinking like that. “Do you think your mother is someone who would bother you?”

Titania shook her head at those words. Titania also knew best that her mother couldn’t do that, but for some reason, her heart couldn’t help it.

I couldn’t help it because I was anxious, and I couldn’t stand it because I was anxious.

And, it was difficult to explain this feeling he was feeling with just anxiety and nervousness. In addition to the anxiety and nervousness that they were about to abandon me, a dark and soggy feeling was seething deep in my heart.

Titania couldn’t define that feeling ‘yet’.

I just think it’s something between anxiety and nervousness.

The Queen Mother, who was patting her back, sighed and looked at Titania. He consoled Titania by wiping her tear-soaked eyes with an already soaked handkerchief.

“Don’t be anxious even though you know so well. It seems to me that your mother is not bothered by you or has any intention of abandoning you. “When I said I wanted you to get engaged, I didn’t mean it for your future.”

“…keheung.”

“So, stop crying and go to your mother. “The queen must be distraught by now.”

The Queen Mother placed Titania, who was sitting on her lap, on the floor and waved her hand, urging her to leave quickly. Titania puffed out her cheeks and looked at the Queen Mother, but it was no use.

“I won’t let you come into my room until you two make up. “You may have been thinking of asking me to tell you something, but it is polite to say these things directly to the other person.”

Hot.

Titania, who had not said anything yet when her plan was discovered, shook her shoulders in shock. Then he pouted his lips and had no choice but to trudge out of the room.

So again and again.

Titania hovered around Vivian and tried to talk to her, but in the end, instead of talking to her until the day the delegation arrived, she even ignored Vivian’s suggestion to talk outside the door.

After that, it was repeat again.

Every day, he secretly looks at his mother through Ainsel, approaches her when he gets the chance, then wanders around and returns to his room feeling suffocated.

It was dozens or hundreds of repetitions.

*

After the delegation arrived, the royal palace became slightly disorganized due to the sudden incident. Usually, when royal family from another country visited the country, it was polite to prepare food that suited the royal family’s tastes as much as possible.

It was normal to know what food you like, what food you are allergic to, and prepare and serve it according to what the neighboring country informed you in advance…

Despite the preparations that had been made so far, the ‘third prince’ never visited the delegation.

At the party carefully prepared for the visit of the ‘Third Prince’, an uninvited ‘woman’ approached me, lifted her skirt gracefully, and bowed.

A woman with an elegant yet sophisticated atmosphere.

A woman with light brown hair and deep black eyes that could be mistaken for blonde when viewed under the sunlight looked at me and smiled with the corners of her eyes curved.

“I’m sorry for coming to you so unexpectedly. “My ‘younger brother’ suddenly contracted a stroke and I had no choice but to urgently come visit him.”

“Are you…?”

“My name is Fiona Silverworth. The ‘Second Princess’ of the Silverword Kingdom meets Her Royal Highness Queen Vivian Liliensol.”

Unlike before, names and faces without any expected fairy tales.

However, for some reason, when I looked at Fiona, I felt a great sense of discomfort pass through my body. The feeling of discomfort that passed by was enough to make the hair on my body stand on end.

‘what…?’

It was the first time since then that I felt a sense of ‘discomfort’ because the original had been changed like this.

Unlike the game, when you find out that the first queen ‘Aurora’ is alive.

Feeling uncomfortable for the first time since then, I unconsciously lifted my forearm.