episode_0047

There was no conversation after the awkward greeting. Hayun, who felt awkward after what happened earlier, took a seat on the sofa with a shy expression on her face. However, contrary to the awkward Hayun, Hansol calmly drank the water as if nothing had happened.

Hansol gulped down the water and wondered if it felt refreshing. He let out an exclamation and glanced at Hayun. Hayun glanced at Hansol after what happened earlier, and Hansol, who felt her gaze, reacted calmly, pretending not to notice even though he noticed it.

Hansol, who naturally leaned back on the sofa, glanced at Hayun next to him and took a deep breath.

What would my sister think? Hansol, who had been waiting for a while to see what his older sister would do, let out a sigh when his older sister just stared at him and did nothing.

Hansol, whose patience had reached its limit, stared at Hayun and cautiously opened his mouth.

“Sister, aren’t you hungry?”

Hansol was about to say something when his sister was watching him, but he held back and said something else. It was to act as if nothing had happened, thinking that there was no need for him to act rashly in this situation where his sister was upset.

Hansol, who remembered that he had not eaten anything at lunch, put his hand on his chin and spoke to Hayun. Then, I tilted my upper body and leaned against the back of the sofa.

Hansol’s question broke the silence, but the answer was not immediately returned. After hearing the answer, Hayun tilted her head and thought about it. Hayun, who was overcome with depression and bitterness, had not felt hunger yet and was trying hard to find that hunger.

However, even though she tried to look for it, Hayoon couldn’t feel the hunger that Hansol asked about, so Hayun, who had a perplexed expression on her face, tilted her head and continued talking.

“No, I think it’s okay.”

After hearing Hayun’s answer, Hansol sighed and said to Hayoon, as if Hayun had made a mistake.

“Then I have to eat alone.”

As Hansol sighed, Hayun’s shoulders trembled. I also noticed that Hansol, who never sighed much, seemed to be sighing more often these days.

The question she had this time was: Was I not considerate enough? It was. However, he tried to calm himself down for a moment, thinking that he might be too sensitive.

However, despite her efforts to calm herself down, Hansol secretly blamed Hayun.

“I didn’t eat a single meal in the morning because I was waiting for my sister, so why not eat lunch?”

Instead of worrying about Hayun, who hadn’t eaten a single meal until lunch today, Hansol blamed Hayun, saying, “It’s because of my older sister.” However, Hayun, who had already lost confidence and was hesitating about what to do, had no intention of refuting it.

You can just eat it alone. It was a situation where I could say, Why is it my fault? It was a situation where people could get angry. Hansol’s expression was expressionless right now, but his voice was clearly irritated.

Nevertheless, Hayoon did not do that. Her actions were very cautious, mixed with anxiety and hesitation due to the fact that her relationship did not have much time left. Could it be that I am making the wrong choice? The hesitation lingered in my mind, and the anxiety that I was wondering if I might be too sensitive, think in leaps and bounds, and try to get angry in the wrong place.

So, even after hearing those words, Hayun remained blank and only responded with a bitter smile.

“Well, shall we eat something then? They say that there are times when you are so hungry that you don’t even feel hungry.”

Hayun put into her mouth the words she had picked up from somewhere and changed her words as if making excuses. Then Hansol smiled and tilted his upper body forward, as if he was finally satisfied. Then, I took out my smartphone from my pocket and turned the screen on.

Hayun, relieved that the irritated atmosphere had disappeared, let out a sigh of relief so quietly that no one could hear it.

And soon after, Hansol, who was looking through the app, asked Hayoon a question, pointing his finger as if to choose a menu.

“Then what do you want to eat?”

“Do you have snacks?”

“Tteokbokki?”

“Yes.”

After a short question and answer, Hansol said, “Hmm,” and didn’t take his eyes off his smartphone, as if he was thinking about something. He seemed to be thinking about something, then shook his head slightly and spoke.

“No. Let’s order something different today.”

“… … Really?”

Hayun agreed without thinking and waited quietly to see what Hansol would choose. If what he proposed was rejected, Hansol would decide between what he wanted to eat. That’s what I was thinking, so I glanced at Hansol’s profile as he searched for the menu.

How many minutes passed like that, and Hansol, who was busy moving his fingers, made a groaning sound and leaned his upper body to rest on the sofa.

Hansol, whose body was limp and helpless, looked at Hayun who was quietly looking at him and groaned, then asked carefully.

“Sister, what do you like? There is Korean food, Chinese food, Japanese food, and Western food.”

“Hmm. Japanese food this time?”

Hayun, who was pondering Hansol’s question for a moment, thought that she had only been eating food outside lately, so she thought maybe she should eat something else. With that in mind, I decided to change my diet and chose Japanese food.

Hearing those words, Hansol nodded and stared at the smartphone screen again before carefully making another suggestion.

“Rosé pasta is popular here. What do you think?”

“… … .”

Hayun tilted her head for a moment. Is he really that sensitive as he remains silent in response to Hansol’s words? He started thinking.

The reason I declined the first offer was simply because I didn’t want to eat that food. I thought so because it could be true. However, since they were asking questions as if they were going to choose among the questions and then talking about something else again, Hayun couldn’t shake off the feeling of frustration as she kept getting caught in something.

After Hansol’s question, there was silence.

And after that, Hayun opened her lips with difficulty as if she had made up her mind and answered Hansol as if she were protesting.

“Eat what you want.”

No matter what I say I want to eat or what type I want to eat, they just skip to the western food anyway, so what does my opinion matter? Hayun wanted to say that, but couldn’t, so she expressed her irritation in a trivial way.

Then Hansol, who heard those words and opened his eyes wide, glanced at Hayun. However, Hansol did not get angry at his sister.

I just mumbled my words just enough to make Hayun worry. It was an effective move because Hayun would not have been able to ignore it if she heard Hansol’s voice mixed with complaints.

“Why are you so annoyed? It’s not like you have to keep what you say.”

The words, thrown out indifferently, entered Hayun’s ears and settled in her heart like a lump. After hearing those words, Hayun looked straight ahead and trembled.

Hayun lowered her shaking pupils to the floor, lowered her head, and groaned.

Wasn’t it time to get annoyed? Was it a sensitive reaction? After thinking that way, Hayoon’s anxiety grew.

But Hayun couldn’t apologize for those words, and she couldn’t just open up and move on. Hayun thought it was pointless to just mumble and reply to what had been said, but the unresolved pain only grew inside her.

Hansol, who was quietly looking at Hayun’s slumped shoulders from behind, clicked his tongue and tapped his hand.

“Then let’s just eat Japanese food. Sushi is okay, right?”

Then, he sighed as if he had decided on something and asked Hayun to confirm. But Hayun shook her head weakly and answered.

“No, let’s eat rose pasta.”

“What, it was like this and that.”

Did I hurt Hansol’s feelings? Hayun, who quickly became depressed thinking about this, said this with the intention of following Hansol’s suggestion, but Hansol spoke in a sharp tone, as if asking why he was changing his words again.

Hansol’s reaction was a little cold, and Hayun herself made Hansol angry. It was enough to bring about this thought. As a result, Hayun, who was shrinking, looked at Hansol and looked at the atmosphere.

“Didn’t you want to eat that?”

“I said that because I was thinking of my sister, she likes pasta with cream.”

And Hansol did not miss the timing and appealed, ‘I thought this much about my sister when I spoke.’ In that way, no matter what she actually felt from Hansol, what Hayoon felt was an overreaction, and Hayoon’s irritation went too far. It made me think.

Hayun said she said that because she was thinking of herself, but she sighed in self-reproach, saying that it was her fault for getting annoyed.

Hayun, who was lost in thought for a moment after Hansol’s words, wondered how she should respond to those words, and had not yet been able to apologize for my annoyance. I felt sick thinking this.

And at the same time, apart from their ‘special relationship’, is this the original distance between siblings? I also thought so. I bit my lip, thinking that just in case, if that were really the case, I might be a little reluctant to find the original brother-sister relationship.

As Hayun remained silent and lowered her head, Hansol, who had been waiting for Hayun’s answer behind her, leaned forward and glanced at Hayun’s profile as if he was frustrated.

Then, seeing Hayun looking like she was struggling with something, she smiled, patted Hayun on the back to lighten her mood, and spoke.

But the content was quite self-deprecating.

“Sorry, I guess I was too sensitive. I guess it’s because I’m so distraught these days… I try hard not to hurt my sister, but it doesn’t work. Well, let’s order sushi and soba and share it.”

Hansol, who had eased the situation that was about to turn violent by blaming himself, tapped the screen of his smartphone again to move on as if nothing had happened.

My fingers were busy ordering something and kept changing the screen.

And next to Hansol, there was Hayun, who just couldn’t ignore those words and thought, ‘Yes, it’s your fault.’ Rather, if Hansol came out like that, Hayun’s guilt only became heavier.

The guilt, which was already too much to bear, was further aggravated and weighed down on her. Recently, Hansol realized the true nature of the relationship he had regretted losing and was so distressed that he even considered suicide.

That feeling must have come from self-reproach, but I couldn’t help but think that it was a really big mistake for Hayun to put more guilt on her younger brother. And that fact entered her mind without hesitation, and he added to her guilt by saying that it was your fault.

What have I done? Hesitation and regret appeared in Hayoon’s eyes as she thought about this.

After that, didn’t his mistake already ruin his relationship at school? Thinking about this, I cursed and put myself down, asking myself how I could be so stupid to repeat the same mistake.

But those words and emotions did not come out. It was just a disturbing feeling hidden behind her innocent expression.

So Hansol didn’t know what Hayun was worried about. I didn’t even think about it in the first place. What Hansol wanted was not to see Hayoon so worried, but to see how she would react.

No matter what his sister was worried about, there was no problem as long as she followed his instructions in the end. So, Hansol paid no attention to what Hayun was going through right now and was just waiting to see what Hayun’s reaction would be.

This was something that Hansol did unconsciously and consciously because he wanted his older sister to lead him where he wanted to go.

Because I had a desire, I consciously did that to my sister, and because it was a desire, I unconsciously treated her like that without even realizing it.

Whether it was intentional or not, Hayun was confused by Hansol’s behavior, and it got to the point where she couldn’t be sure whether the choice she made was right or wrong.

Hayun moved her mouth, thinking that it was for Hansol’s sake who thought of her, and that Hansol should not blame himself because of her.

“No. I suddenly wanted to eat rose pasta. Let’s eat that later.”

Hayun, who shook her head in response to Hansol’s words, was defending herself without realizing it.

He said it was okay since he actually likes pasta.