episode_0045

“Eric. Do you really have no intention of forgiving us?”

I’ve lost count of how many times they’ve asked this question, even though the answer has long been decided.

“Yeah. So give up. You should live your own lives. Find better bonds than someone like me, grow stronger than I ever was, and save the world in style!”

Bang!

Chris kicked her chair back and stood up.

“The people whose lives you saved—how could they ever abandon you?! I’ve… I’ve been holding back too!”

“Why do you keep trying to act so noble? You don’t have to hold back.”

“You’re wrong! That’s not it!”

“Act selfishly. I don’t care. You’ve ignored everything I’ve said and done fine on your own until now, so why start caring all of a sudden?”

I tried to gently stroke Chris’s head to calm her down.

“You don’t have to force yourself to act for my sake, you know?”

“We know we’re shameless. But—”

“Ah, feeling guilty? Then should I make it a request? Please, stop worrying about me. Use me if you can. Would that make you feel better?”

“No. It’s not hypocrisy… We… We—!”

“Shh.”

I raised a finger to my lips, signaling silence.

The room was soundproof, but if we were too loud, it might leak outside—and that would be the end.

“There’s only one thing you can do for me. Ignore me. You were good at that, weren’t you? Just keep doing what you’ve always done.”

“……”

“Answer me.”

“Grr…”

Chris didn’t seem convinced, but in the end, she had no choice but to sit back down.

“Good. Now that we’ve said what needed to be said, let’s talk about the future. You can’t stay trapped in the failures of the past forever.”

“Fine.”

“First, let’s go over who to avoid.”

“Who to avoid?”

“You know my memories. You know my trials. But I’m not too worried. I doubt you’d use that to kill me. However—”

“There’s someone who would. Is that what you’re saying?”

“Bingo. And you already know who that is, don’t you?”

“You’re talking about Elia, right?”

“Lucella isn’t an exception either.”

“Correct. Didn’t expect you to guess it right away.”

The pool of candidates was small, but even so, they pointed out their most precious comrades without hesitation. Impressive, in a way.

“How many people even know you have memories of past loops?”

“Honestly? I’m relieved it was just you two who found out.”

Not that it changes the fact that my situation is miserable.

Still, I can’t help but think—thank goodness it wasn’t Elia.

She’s that dangerous. That unpredictable.

“Seriously, for someone called the Empress, she’s the most unrestrained…”

“It’s not that she’s unrestrained. More like… arrogant?”

Yes. Chris’s words were painfully accurate.

“The Empress already has her eyes on me. She won’t back down easily.”

“If that’s the case, shouldn’t you be more worried about Lucella than the Empress? Out of all of us, the one most likely to act recklessly isn’t Her Majesty—it’s our self-proclaimed ‘hero.’”

“Lucella isn’t a concern right now.”

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“That ‘hero’ you speak of is more cautious than anyone. Unless she’s absolutely certain she can capture me, she won’t make a move.”

Of course, once you’re caught in her plans, escaping is nearly impossible.

Lucella is the embodiment of a rigid, honest warrior—but precisely because of that, once she fixates on something, no one can predict her.

If she were to set her sights not on defeating the Demon King, but on me alone…

I shuddered slightly.

“Anyway, don’t worry about Lucella for now. If she does act, it’ll be after getting closer to me. She won’t move yet. That’s why I deliberately agreed to personal training.”

“So you’re using those few weeks to find a way out? Isn’t that too reckless?”

“First, we need to finish Cecilia’s plan. Neither Elia nor Lucella would apologize to me as I am now.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“They’re fair. Apologizing to me—who has no memories—would be meaningless. So they’ll either find a way to restore my memories or create a situation where I naturally ‘confess.’”

“C-Confess?! No way!”

“Exactly. That kind of thing—”

“Won’t happen. I know. Confessions aren’t easy, especially for people in their positions.”

I know my place.

No matter how guilty they feel, I’m not naïve enough to believe that guilt would turn into love.

What do I even have to offer?

But Chris and Cecilia just sighed, looking exasperated.

“Right. This is just like you.”

“Let’s focus on the plan. Assuming we exclude those two, what’s next?”

“First, I have a question. What do you want to do about the Church? I know it’s beyond repair, but there were still good people in it, right?”

“First, I’ll meet them… and persuade them to abandon the Church and follow the true will of God. If that fails, I’ll use the Saintess’s power to force compliance.”

“And if they still refuse?”

“I’ll neutralize them. If that’s not possible, then…”

“Even if it’s someone specific?”

“…I will cut down Jade Rastall for the sake of the world. Is that answer sufficient?”

“I’m sorry.”

I bowed my head to Cecilia.

“Huh?”

“I might not look it, but I’m a coward. Even now, I keep testing you. I did the same with Chris earlier.”

I lightly cleared my throat.

“That’s enough. Even I wouldn’t ask you to commit something as inhumane as killing your own father for the world’s sake. There’s no need.”

I spread my arms and declared boldly:

“I will awaken Fairchild.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not? There’s no better way to expose the Church’s corruption. Once it’s revealed, everyone will curse the Pope.”

“It’s too dangerous! What if you die before that even happens?!”

“Well, yeah. I’m weak, unlike you.”

“And you still—!”

“That’s why you’ll have to do it right. I trust you. If I die, so be it.”

Whether I die there or to the Demon King, it’s the same in the end.

I don’t want a meaningless death, but I’d rather resist to the last than grovel for a few more years of life.

“……”

“……”

Chris and Cecilia fell silent, deep in thought after hearing my resolve.

“Seems like you have a lot to think about. Take your time. I’ll explain things to the others. Let’s go, Chris.”

“Huh? Wha—?”

“Don’t ‘huh’ me. Who’s going to listen to me without you?”

“Fine. Then, unnie, we’ll be—”

“Wait.”

Cecilia looked up at me.

“Can I talk to Chris alone for a moment? Eric, you can head back and rest if you’d like.”

“Hmm… Alright.”

If they want to talk, it’s less work for me. Even better.

——

Thud—!

The moment the door closed and Eric left, Chris spoke sharply.

“What’s on your mind? Why pull me aside?”

“If we leave him like this, Eric will definitely awaken Fairchild.”

“I couldn’t ask properly earlier, but Fairchild—it’s that thing, right? The giant, crawling insect-like monster.”

“Yes. A pitiful child… but also a being that shouldn’t exist in this world.”

“So, what are you suggesting? That we kill it first?”

“Yes.”

“Huh?”

“Eric—why drag him into this? You don’t want that either, do you? This dangerous task… Shouldn’t it fall to those of us who are already prepared to die?”

“Eric would hate that. He’d rather do it himself than let someone else take the risk. And the current Eric would never forgive us.”

“But Eric just said—”

“He acknowledged us. He never said he forgave us. Those are two different things.”

Chris spoke quietly but firmly.

“The only thing Eric believes in is our potential strength—not us as people. Look at yourself. You’re already proving his point. You’re planning to deceive him again.”

“I’m only doing this for Eric’s sake—!”

“Even in the previous world, all our excuses were ‘for his sake.’ Remember? ‘He’s weak, he’s useless, so it’s fine to trample over him.’ Sounds noble, but how is this any different from back then?”

“……”

“To Eric, we’re just ticking time bombs. If a bomb suddenly said, ‘I’m sorry, I’ll live for you,’ do you think he’d accept that?”