episode_0045

One.

The human memory system is more crude than we think. No matter how painful the process is, it is easily forgotten or glorified as long as it follows a happy conclusion.

For example, the memories of training camp that most men in Korea experience. The small amount of happiness given after hard training goes beyond physical freedom and takes away the freedom to remember pain.

I remember people grinning like idiots at the few monshells given to them after a march. Those who had been swearing and cursing the country and the military became quiet with only a few hundred won worth of snacks in their mouths.

But the same goes for Hyunwoo. Even though I was filled with dissatisfaction as to why I had to do something like this, the sight of Monshell going over to Mokuldae was too sweet to resist.

At that time, Hyunwoo vaguely realized that he too was nothing more than an animal, and how weak the human spirit can be when it has reached its physical limits.

And Hyeji will be no exception to this. The pain she has experienced and the deficiencies she has are by no means inferior to others.

That’s why I think about ways to color her memories in the color I want. I carefully choose the ‘Monshell’ I will give to her.

“I can’t express in words how thankful and sorry I am right now. Thank you for understanding… I’m sorry for giving you so much trouble.”

First, start off lightly with an apology and words of gratitude. He comforts her warmly, as if he were a wife who gave birth to her first child after a long labor.

However, Hyeji, who was held in his arms, still did not show the slightest movement and only whimpered.

Well, if you’ve been treated so badly and hope to regain your energy with just a few words, you’re no different from a thief.

Hyunwoo thought while stroking Hyeji’s long hair. What should I do to say goodbye to a woman who has become as frozen as ice? For a moment, the corners of his mouth rose as he felt like he was playing games with her heart.

If saying sorry or thank you doesn’t have much effect, the next thing to say is, of course, I love you.

Now that I can spit out lines that will melt her heart as naturally as breathing, acting out love is a breeze.

Hyeon-woo said sweet words that Hye-ji could never refuse and waited for her to get bogged down.

“I felt completely confident today. I guess I must have had such a hard time just to meet you. Others may point at me and say I’m crazy, but I’m the only person who can understand me. So let’s be together for the rest of our lives. I will love you until I die.”

Hyun-woo’s love for Hye-ji is evident in his words. The intention was to pour love back into her devastated heart in the bathroom that had dried her out.

Yes, in a way, the current lovers’ game is also a part of teaching. The more love flutters in her heart, the more power and control she will gain, and it’s all just a pretense for later pleasure.

With that thought in mind, Hyunwoo did not hesitate at all to say unfamiliar things that he would normally have avoided.

He gently curves his good eyes and creates a smile that will fool her. The two eyes that look at her are filled with sparkling love.

A handsome face that cannot be easily imagined by just looking at its ugly insides. And the vivid love portrayed with that face was so sweet that even Hyeji’s soul was intoxicated. There is no way that the poor soul that was pleading for love could refuse this.

Hyunwoo chuckled to himself as he felt her trembling subside little by little. I feel like it’s still not enough, but this is more than enough for first aid.

Just pat her for a little while longer so that she can calm down and listen to what you are about to say.

Eventually, when the tremors completely stopped, Hyeonwoo stood her up and approached her right in front of her.

I stared into the eyes that met my eyes and slowly opened my mouth. Now that the torn hearts had been put back together, it was time to indoctrinate them.

“This is the first time in my life that I have been this happy. Thanks to meeting you… the best day of my life has come. I’ve been hiding my desires and suppressing them all by myself, but now I feel like my heart is finally being relieved.”

The point of this brainwashing is to instill in her how good she was and how happy and excited she was because of her efforts. To achieve this, as soon as Hyeji comes to her senses, he first praises her for her hard work.

“It’s probably because he gave up that much strength. Will you continue to love me… just like today? If you don’t change, I will never change. For the rest of my life… I will only look at myself for the rest of my life.”

And as a ‘reward’ for the sacrifice she made, he promises unchanging, eternal love. It reminds her that her suffering was not in vain. Pain must be followed by compensation for memories to be easily glorified.

“Ugh… black…”

She, who had been breathing irregularly and weakly, gradually returned to breathing properly. Even without looking into his thoughts, he could guess that his words were working.

Hyunwoo smiled and continued speaking again.

“For a woman like you, it wouldn’t be a waste to give my whole life to you. There is no other woman in this world who is this kind and works this hard for me… because she is the only one. babe. No, Hyeji. Today was really… the best.”

This time, he gives her an unfiltered taste of the joy of being recognized by his girlfriend by praising her for obeying his orders. Since she was a woman who was hungry for such things from the beginning, there was no doubt that she would take everything that was thrown at her.

However, this is not just a compliment either.

Praise now is a double-edged sword that will suffocate her in the future. As much as you are praised when you follow orders well, you will be afraid of the fallout when you refuse orders. The more you do that, the less likely you will be able to refuse orders.

It is truly a terrible brainwashing disguised as comfort. However, no matter how little comfort it was, it was enough to restore vitality to Hyeji’s eyes.

Hyeji was very unfamiliar with Hyunwoo’s warm appearance, but her exhausted body leaned against the warmth he gave her.

“Oppa…Brother… Ugh… Oppa… Really, you will love me for the rest of your life, right? Really?”

It felt unnatural to hear even simple words come to a halt, but finally a proper sentence came out of her mouth.

21 years old is still too young to know love. Hyeji was so pure that one love could become everything in the world, and her soul was that poor.

To her, Hyunwoo’s false love exerts a surprisingly frightening power. The abuse just now felt like a dream from last night, and then it dissipated like smoke exhaled from the core of my heart.

“Of course. No matter what others say, let’s have our own relationship. You and I are both people who have suffered more wounds than others. Because of that, it may be more creaky than others. Maybe it’ll be more difficult. Still, let’s write our own love while understanding and embracing each other.”

Hyunwoo answered her and added a lengthy sentence. He subtly overlays the trauma from the violence just now and adds what she wants to hear. The images of the cruel perpetrator and the loving boyfriend are separated in an instant.

“Sure… I’ll… I’ll try my best too. I love you.”

“I love you too. I had a hard time today. You really are… the best girlfriend. I will do better.”

Hyunwoo ends the situation with a deep kiss with her.

It seemed as if the wound had been sutured to some extent and the end of consolation had been reached.

I just thought it was like that.

2.

After washing up, the two lay down on the bed and hugged each other. Not only Hyeji, but also Hyunwoo was feeling quite tired, so the skinship in the bathroom ended with a kiss.

Above all, because it was well past dinner time, I was unbearably hungry.

“Baby, if you want something to eat, just tell me. I’ll do everything for you. pizza? Pork feet? Oh, there is also a pasta restaurant.”

Hyunwoo gently drooped the corners of his eyes and smiled gently.

Behavior that makes one confused as to whether he is the same as the perpetrator just now. He shouted loudly as if he would do anything for him and deliberately acted more friendly.

Because Hyeji coming out of the bathroom was a little strange. The girl who always behaved like a spoiled child rarely made eye contact and remained silent.

Hyunwoo asked her one more question to which she had no answer.

“Is there anything you’re attracted to?”

“Ah… blood… sleep?”

Hyeji stared blankly at the ceiling as if she had lost her mind and answered quietly. After taking a shower with warm water, my body was so tired that it felt like a return post.

“Well, he likes pizza the most. Then order pizza?”

“Ah… Yes.”

Hyunwoo finished ordering on the app and glanced sideways at her, who was still keeping her mouth shut.

You may be overreacting, but something is definitely off. There was a shadow on her face that couldn’t be explained by fatigue or hunger.

Even as she gets dressed to receive the pizza that will soon arrive, the shadow never fades from her face.

That sight is extremely annoying. There is no refreshing aftertaste in asking this question and moving on.

“Kuhm… Why are we so low-spirited?”

Before speaking, I get her attention with a light cough. He puts a wry smile on his face in case she looks at him. In that situation, I asked her a euphemism for her abnormal state.

“I guess it’s just that I’m really tired.”

The answer sounded a bit sour, perhaps due to exhaustion or lingering emotions. She has shown unprecedented progress so far. She used to be anxious because she couldn’t knead her body first after sex, but now she’s just sagging.

No, looking back, this only happened once. The first time we had an argument not long before we started dating.

I treated her pretty harshly, as if I were dealing with a meat toilet, and she burst into tears, asking if it was true that she loved me. The dejected figure I saw at that time came back to me like a déjà vu.

Hyeji used to get strangely quiet before she started pouting. If the same thing happens this time, the current silence is by no means a welcome sign.

During the previous fight, I deleted all of the woman’s contact information saved on my phone and clicked on it, but what should I do now?

I obviously comforted her a lot in the bathroom… but it seems like there was still a fire left that I couldn’t put out. Hyunwoo was annoyed by her capriciousness.

“Aren’t you misunderstanding again? I wondered if it was true that my brother loved me. You did it last time and you’re doing this again?”

After thinking for a moment, he brushed away the bangs that were stinging her eyes and spoke firmly. Since there is still no response, I try to defend myself one more time.

“Baby… If you hadn’t said that you would do anything, I wouldn’t have been so excited.”

But it seems like excuses don’t work that well. Watching Hyeji blinking with difficulty, he decides to change his route. Hyunwoo’s complexion darkened for an instant.

“I feel like I’m going crazy because I’m anxious because I’m not saying anything. You’re not disappointed in me, are you? Please don’t do this. Just a moment ago, you said you loved me. He said he would try harder.”

This time, he looks very worried. Instead of wearing the mask of a master who had wielded omnipotent power, he takes on the mask of an innocent young man who becomes timid in front of love.

If she is in this state, she knows that it is more effective to bow her head first rather than confronting her.

No matter how big a mistake she made, if she apologized profusely as if she had committed a mortal sin, the good girl would not know what to do. Of course, mistakes often go unnoticed.

“No! I wasn’t disappointed! Sorry… I’m sorry.”

Sure enough, Hye-ji looks at Hyeon-woo, who is depressed, and shouts urgently. Hyunwoo bowed closer as he watched her apologize in return.

“Then can you tell me honestly why you are doing this? You said that trust is important between us, that communication is important. What are you thinking about now?”

He urges her to answer by mentioning trust and conversation. At first glance, it may seem like a request, but in reality, it is no different from coercion.

If the water had already been spilled, I couldn’t pick it up now, but I couldn’t just ignore her emotional turmoil like this. Rather, I planned to appeal to sympathy and delve into the thoughts she was harboring.

When Hyeji seems to hesitate to answer, she quickly adds more.

“Baby… You don’t think I’m strange, do you? I told you I could definitely understand. Huh?”

Hyeji felt a pang in her stomach as Hyunwoo asked her questions as if she were passing along. I don’t know why, but I feel like I’ve hit the nail on the head.

Did you think your brother was… strange? no. My brother… is by no means a strange person. Yes, I never thought of my brother as a strange person.

… However, today’s situation is unfamiliar and strange.

In fact, she herself couldn’t properly explain how she felt right now. For some reason, my heart felt tight and pounding, but I couldn’t pinpoint the reason.

“No, I never… I never think you’re strange. Just… I was thinking about this and that.”

“What are your thoughts?”

“As I lie down like this… I don’t even realize what happened earlier… I wonder how it happened…”

Hyeji mutters with an expression of mixed emotions.

Even now, I am confused by the random thoughts that come to mind. Once she started speaking, her confusion was clearly visible on her face.

Hyunwoo looked at her and quietly sighed in relief. I was worried because I thought I had crossed the line, but fortunately, that didn’t seem to be the case.

She doesn’t look like an angry person. It just seems like he’s so confused that he can’t control it.

Once I felt somewhat at ease, a self-deprecating smile appeared. I did this because I was convinced that I was completely screwed, but as soon as I took a break, I thought back on what had just happened and showed enough composure to be confused.

I thought that she, who was blinded by love, would get over it this time too, but the human spirit is not as easy as I thought.

Is it because a day or two is too short for a person to be broken, or is it because they are still young? The mental cord, which has been stretched like a taffy stick, shows the elasticity to regain its original form.

That’s why it’s more fun. It may take longer than originally planned to destroy her to the target level, but increasing the difficulty is not a bad thing.

Hyunwoo shook his head and lowered his voice. If her mind is regaining its original form, all you have to do is twist it to the point where it won’t be able to do so.

If you were at the stage where you even doubted love, it would be a pain, but looking at you, you are just in a state of extreme confusion.

His tongue came up with a repertoire in an instant. It’s easy to play with a girl who has lost her way.