episode_0044

Lonely.

It was the first emotion Beatrice felt upon opening her eyes in Beatrice’s body.

It was unbearably lonely.

From the moment of possession, she had wanted to scream in the large room where no sound could be heard.

She pretended to be okay, pretended to be calm, but the loneliness that had been building up until Theo opened the door was an emotion she had never experienced in over 20 years of life.

Thanks to Theo coming and you coming, I was able to endure.

The feeling of being alone never became familiar, so I pretended to be optimistic because I got scared if I let my guard down even a little. Now I can be honest. Even though I can’t say it out loud or show what’s inside me.

At least I can be honest with myself.

I was lonely.

But now…

“Yulia…?”

“Be-Beatrice…”

Looking at her trembling purple eyes, it seemed like she had already heard the answer.

“Hmm… How should I explain for you to understand….”

Matías, who was looking at us, said.

“Should I say it feels good? Like when you see a giggling baby, it makes you feel good too. No, like when you’re thirsty and you find water…? Not quite that either….”

He found the right words while flicking his clasped fingers.

“I, I…! No! It’s not what you think, Beatrice-”

“Oh!”

While Yulia was stammering, Matías came up with the right words as he snapped his fingers.

“Instinct.”

“Like a salmon risking death to return to its home river, serving the royal family is so natural to us that it doesn’t even raise doubt.”

I closed my eyes for a moment and nodded.

That meant I understood.

Yulia, who saw this, was on the verge of passing out. Her already pale face turned even paler. Confusion spread across her colorless face.

“Oh, no… I really, Miss…!”

She stumbled and couldn’t even speak a single sentence properly, as if something was broken.

She hesitated, reaching out to hold my hand, but then recoiled at the thought of daring to hold her owner’s hand. Her growing sense of confusion was evident.

“So that’s what happened… Well, there’s no such thing as a free-”

She couldn’t continue.

She couldn’t go on. Trying to say more made her throat tighten as if she were about to burst into tears.

“The maid by your side probably inherited the will of the former lady-in-waiting serving the royal family. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be possible for her to serve the princess at such a young age.”

“Oh, no…!!”

Yulia shouted.

It was the first time I had heard her raise her voice.

“…?”

“I, I…”

Two pairs of questioning eyes were fixed on Yulia.

Yulia was looking at only two of those pairs of eyes… They were mine.

I was curious about her answer.

I wanted to hear it directly from her, not from someone else. Yulia, who was looking into my eyes, soon averted her gaze. That would be the end of her response. There might have been something more to add, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it.

Swoosh-

“That’s enough.”

I gently wrapped my arms around Yulia, who was trembling slightly.

“You don’t have to try so hard. I’m okay.”

“….”

Whispering to Yulia, who still had her gaze downcast.

“Thank you for being by my side. For whatever reason.”

“…!!”

Yulia slowly raised her head and looked at me cautiously. Life was returning to her violet eyes. Her pallor was gradually receding.

Seeing that, she smiled broadly and looked back at Matthias across from her.

“You know more than I expected, don’t you?”

“I’m glad to be of help.”

“Then, has there been any case of betrayal within the royal family until now?”

It’s time to set aside all complicated emotions and face my duty. As a princess, I engaged in conversation again. I had to find out everything I could through Matthias.

“I don’t know anything. Living as a subject, I can’t even imagine betraying the royal family.”

“Is that so.”

I was in a position where I could only live hidden in the shadows of the empire. If someone betrays or pushes, it will have fatal consequences. I must be extremely cautious and only keep people I can truly trust around me.

In that sense, at least those called ‘members of the royal family’ seemed trustworthy. The loyalty shown by the Viscount, Blair, and Julia so far, and even Matthias’s words in front of me didn’t feel like lies.

Above all, as someone who deals with the power and magic of the nobility, I know Matthias’s words are plausible because of their astonishing and mysterious power. Most likely, the members of the royal family will not betray me. To them, I am a more precious existence than life itself.

But what about those who are not part of the family…?

Many people who may come to accept and grow their influence… Even if they have pledged allegiance, human cowardice can make them betray me at any time. There will be many who follow me not by force, like the family members, but out of an alignment of interests.

There is only one conclusion.

Hiding my identity is not a choice, but a necessity.

I hide my face behind the helmet of the Green Emperor.

As a mysterious noble, I have no choice but to lead people.

Princess Trixie Green knowing about Beatrice de Dalia of the Academy is enough for the members of the royal family. They are the only ones I can trust.

If my true identity is revealed.

I will have no choice but to kill.

To survive.

*

“Well then, please look around. Next time, please visit in the evening. I will introduce you to the back alleys of the commercial district for the Princess. It seems I have quite an influence here.”

“Indeed.”

Matthias saw us off, tipped his hat, and bid us farewell.

If my guess is correct, he’s not just influential in the back alleys; he’s likely a big shot there. He’s probably making money however he can and has no shortage of business ventures. As a member of the royal family dreaming of rebuilding, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do.

“Oh! Please make sure to use the letter I gave you as a gift. Thank you for understanding that I couldn’t prepare in advance, not knowing Her Highness’s taste.”

Instead of answering, I showed him the envelope he had handed me. It meant I would make good use of it. He seemed satisfied with my response, gently closing his eyes.

Clack clack – he walked through the commercial district with the sound of his military boots. He looked back at Yulia, who still seemed gloomy, and said, “We rarely come to the commercial district. Shall we go where that guy suggested, Yulia?”

“I, I… If Lady Beatrice wants-”

“No, I want to do what Yulia wants.”

At my firm words, Yulia hesitated for a moment. After much consideration, she cautiously nodded her head.

I grinned and took Yulia’s arm firmly. With a magic device in one hand, I opened the map.

“Well then, shall we go?”

“Yes…”

Looking at the map hovering above the glowing magic device, I led the way. I was so engrossed in the map that I didn’t pay attention to my surroundings.

Thud –

I bumped into a passerby. My shoulder collided with his chest, and his shoulder hit my forehead. In other words, he was a man with a head taller than mine.

“Ow…! S-sorry~”

He said, rubbing his forehead with his hand.

It was my fault for walking without looking ahead, so I apologized without hesitation. But there was no response. Lowering the hand that was touching his slightly sore forehead, I looked up.

“Hey, are you okay? Even if you’ve apologized, you could at least say something-!!?”

I fell silent.

No, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. It was just that I was too surprised. My mouth was wide open, but I was simply speechless.

There was a person holding a paper bag filled with sandwiches.

Judging by the logo on the bag, it seemed like we were on our way back from the café where we had our first lunch.

“Um… Hello? Oh, long time no see?”

When I’m flustered, I end up saying silly things.

Long time no see…!

We were in the same training ground this morning!!

Back then, there was no chance to greet each other, but still…

If there were no eyes watching, I would have grabbed my head in frustration.

I hate myself for making such a pathetic greeting.

The person who received my pathetic greeting blinked. He seemed very flustered.

…Why?

Ah! Is it because he’s seeing Yulia for the first time?

“Oh, this is Yulia. She’s a maid who grew up with me and a friend! We also entered the academy together.”

“Hello. My name is Yulia.”

“This is Karl Meiner, Yulia. We are taking the same classes…”

It was a complicated explanation to brush off the fact that they were taking the same classes, but there was no need to tell Yulia more than that…

“…I see. So you’re Yulia…”

Karl soon regained his composure and stared at Yulia.

He didn’t seem particularly surprised. Other people were often surprised when they heard that Yulia, a maid, had entered the academy, but Karl seemed unimpressed, probably because he had already encountered her in a novel.

Yulia was the same as always. She showed no change.

…No impression?

There couldn’t be, right?

I became anxious and looked back and forth between them.

What is making me so uneasy?

The image of Cloe from this morning flickered in my mind.

Thump. Thump. My heart raced again.

My grip tightened on the magic wand.

Holding the magic wand tightly, I observed the two.

Yulia really seemed completely fine.

Really..?

Is she okay?

I turn my gaze back to Karl.

He suddenly looked away from Yulia and was looking at me.

Thank goodness…

Really, thank goodness-

“What are you doing here?”

“Huh? Oh, I came out to buy something with Yulia. It’s suffocating to be only at the academy, isn’t it?”

I hastily let go of Yulia’s arm that I was holding and picked up my wandering hand, fidgeting with both hands like a lost child.

“There are still many places we haven’t been to if you say it’s suffocating… It’s such a wide place.”

“Haha, is that so…? But still, coming outside changes your mood, doesn’t it?”

“That’s true.”

“Well, there are still many places we haven’t been to… Maybe later, do you want to go around together?”

My brain wasn’t working.

Right now, I was speaking without any self-control, just blurting out whatever came to mind. Because of the words I threw out without hesitation, the burning face and embarrassment were entirely my own.

“……”

Karl couldn’t easily respond.

Before he could ponder over the meaning of my words, he had to make a move. He quickly changed the subject, like someone trying to cover up a mistake.

“So, what brings you here? The sandwich in the bag, it’s too much for one person to eat alone…?”

I gestured toward the paper bag he was holding.

It was filled with sandwiches.

Karl flinched slightly.

“Buying so much, where are you going? Who are you planning to eat with~?”

Showing an unusual side, curiosity arose as he probed. A slight smile appeared on his lips.

Internally, I briefly hoped to tell him “with you.”

….

Crazy, I should speak sensibly.

Waiting for his response while having pointless fantasies, a bit of silence passed, and Karl spoke up.

“You wouldn’t know.”

….???

A cold response was heard.

It was an aggressive tone.

My heart, which had been pounding nonstop, felt as if it stopped, creating an illusion of silence.

Right now…

What did he say…?

I must have misheard, right?