episode_0042

The day passed without any incident. Hayun was anxious because she couldn’t make it to the midterm exam yesterday. Even though she didn’t study properly, she woke up early and tried to cram because she went to bed early. It’s 7 a.m., and Hayun’s exams today were all focused on the afternoon. So, I decided to take it easy and concentrate on studying in the morning and opened the book.

Hayun sat in front of her desk, took out a thick textbook and tablet next to her, and spent time studying. While skipping breakfast and studying, Hayun groaned and stopped moving her hands.

Hayun didn’t know because she hadn’t had sex or sexual intercourse for the past few days, but after masturbating and masturbating all night long yesterday, she felt like she was going crazy. Perhaps it was because she had lost control halfway through her abstinence, but the pleasure rushing in all at once made her feel dazed.

Hayun, who remembered that she had been moving vigorously with her younger brother all night and then woke up the next day feeling dizzy, tilted her head forward and expressed her concerns.

“… … Am I frustrated?”

That was the conclusion Hayoon came to. Something, a feeling of longing kept lingering in my mind. Yesterday, I masturbated in front of the camera, saying it was for Hansol’s sake so that Hansol could stop filming, but that wasn’t enough and I couldn’t control my heated emotions, so I fell asleep as if in pain, repeating how I had seduced Hansol by asking, ‘Did I do a good job?’ .

Not only did he play with his fingers in the bathroom while washing up, he ran out of the house, bought a dildo, and started wiggling his hips, so it was a natural conclusion to come to.

Hayun had no way of knowing whether Hansol, who said he had an exam at 10 a.m., was still asleep or doing something. It was frustrating because there was no news since Hansol went into the room yesterday, except when he was eating.

That nervousness was showing in his attitude. Without realizing it, Hayun brought her hand to her mouth and bit her nails. Every time I hear the sound of someone biting something, tap, tap, do I feel a little more calm? Hayun picked the nails on her thumb several times.

Hayun, who came to her senses, glanced at her messed up fingernails and sighed.

“… Haha.”

I felt like doing something I wouldn’t normally do was gnawing at me like this.

At first I thought I followed out of curiosity, then because I couldn’t overcome Hansol’s insistence, so I reluctantly followed. And as time goes by, there is nothing we can do about it. I saw myself defending myself, and instead I saw myself clinging to it. They are a family, they are siblings, they are like an older sister and a younger brother.

Hansol, who had pushed us away out of fear that the eyes of society and others would look at us with contempt, suddenly declared that she understood and that she would move away from us, and it was Hayun who felt empty.

Could it be that the word incest feels like such a cold dagger because you are the one involved? The reason why it felt as if the dagger was ripping out my heart and mind was probably because I didn’t truly hate that relationship.

Thinking like that, Hayun couldn’t help but feel distressed. He lowered his head, saying he didn’t even know why he was doing this and couldn’t understand.

Time passes, and after lunch and taking the exam, it is the afternoon that seems to be evening. Hayun smiled as if she was dumbfounded and walked outside. The test wasn’t difficult. However, I couldn’t remember, so I couldn’t tell if I wrote the correct answer or the wrong answer, and it was such a mess that I couldn’t say for sure if it was the correct answer.

Even though I had done all my studying, when I was reviewing, I was so distracted by other things that I couldn’t concentrate, and the results were terrible. These days, I was just perplexed as to why there were so many depressing things happening and why nothing was happening.

Just when Hayoon was about to go home with her head down, a voice called out to Hayun from among the students rushing out. It was Seong Ha-jin, a student in the same class of ’18 who called Hayun yesterday.

“Ha Yoon-ah! You came today. Thank goodness.”

Ha-jin glanced at Hayun’s attention and spoke to her, but what was Hayun’s business? I just looked at him with that expression. Unlike Ha-jin, Hayun’s reaction was because she didn’t have the slightest interest in him.

But Ha-jin, who had no way of knowing that, smiled sheepishly and continued talking.

“Did you do well on the test today?”

“… No, I’m a little anxious.”

The topic of the exam was brought up all of a sudden, and Hayun, who failed the exam, really didn’t like it. But that didn’t mean she could ignore it, so Hayun reluctantly opened her mouth and answered. Of course, my steps are heading back home.

Hajin didn’t know if he knew this, but he followed Hayun and told her to speak.

“Ah, you’re being humble again~ This time, I’m going to beat you, so just wait and see.”

Ha-jin, who had been increasing her interest in Hayun by burning her competitive spirit with Hayun, who was on top of her grades in the same architecture department, thought that Hayun was intentionally being humble this time, and continued talking with a smile.

Of course, since he had no way of knowing how Hayun felt, it was impossible for Hayun to be angry at him, but when he actually heard this, he felt like his insides were boiling.

The attention and favor I received from someone I wasn’t interested in was just unpleasant, and I hated it even more when they followed me around like this. In the first place, Hayoon wasn’t interested in Hajin’s grades, so I couldn’t understand why she kept clinging to him and inciting competition on her own.

Hayun’s soft and lively personality suddenly became neurotic and sensitive without her knowledge. The change came from her relationship with Hansol, but Hayun, who did not even know what had changed, let alone the reason for the change, simply walked forward, muttering at the sound of that voice.

“By the way, do you want to get together after the exam? Let’s have a drink after the party… ”

However, Ha-jin kept asking questions subtly even on her way home, so she had no choice but to spit out the anger that had built up in her throat.

“Stop it!”

Ha-jin, as well as people around her who were passing by, were surprised by the sudden loud voice and focused their attention on one place. Hayun, who realized that she had lost her temper without being able to overcome the anger that rose up momentarily, stopped in place, opened her eyes wide, and looked at her surroundings, as if she was surprised by her own actions.

I screamed?

As she thought about that, her eyes trembled. The trembling didn’t stop and his gaze suddenly fell to the floor. When Hajin saw that, he swallowed his saliva and carefully opened his mouth.

“If I’m not in a good mood right now, I’ll tell you later.”

And then he leisurely left the place.

After Hayun lost her temper, which she didn’t normally do, she expressed annoyance rather than regret. As she watched Ha-jin leisurely walking away, she said quietly,

“… Why are you clinging to me? Annoying.”

Unable to control this feeling she felt for the first time, she continued speaking as if in a rush. The soft expression is everywhere, the calm demeanor is nowhere to be found, and the image of thinking about others seems to have been broken.

A sensitive and violent woman was the only one standing there.

In a place where countless eyes were everywhere, Hayun walked forward without even being conscious of other people’s gaze. And at the spot where Hayun disappeared, other architecture students spoke one by one.

“… Who is he?”

And soon, people who knew Hayun and people who didn’t know her started whispering about her.

**

As soon as she got home, Hayun went into her room, threw away her bag, and pulled out her hair. Then he let out a moan and continued speaking as if he were sobbing.

“Ugh, why did I do that.”

I felt like I was losing my mind. I curled up in regret, wondering why I got so angry when I wouldn’t have done so originally. It’s not just a place with a lot of people, it’s the end of the 18th class exam for the Department of Architecture, so it’s probably everyone’s familiar face, so why did that happen?

Hayun, who rolled over on the bed a few times, kicked the blanket away, saying she didn’t know why she was doing this. Just as I was barely able to control my excitement, I heard a knock on the door outside. Who could it be? There is only one person in the house right now who can knock on Hayun’s room door.

“Sister, what are you doing?”

just as expected. First, Hansol, who had come home after the exam, asked about Hayun’s condition. And when Hayun heard Hansol’s voice, she took a deep breath to quickly calm down her excitement and straightened her tangled hair. Then he cleared his throat and opened the door.

“Uh, why suddenly?”

With a height difference of just over 20 centimeters, Hayun carefully raised her head and looked at Hansol as if nothing had happened. Hansol noticed that his older sister’s condition was a little strange and glanced towards the room. The blanket on the bed, which would normally be neat, was a mess.

Hansol swallowed his saliva for a moment and continued speaking as his appearance was in contrast to his older sister’s neat and tidy appearance.

“My sister’s room seems to have been a bit noisy since yesterday, so I was wondering if something was going on.”

Hansol said those words and looked at his sister’s mood. I brought this up because I already knew that yesterday my older sister went into the room and masturbated while chanting her name, so I thought it would be like that today as well. So there were things I said on purpose.

Hayoon thought for a moment about how to answer Hansol’s question, then nodded and closed her mouth as if in pain. And after a while, I just sighed.

Should you voice your concerns or bury them? Hayoon was in agony, but those thoughts soon subsided. Anyway, if it happened like this, wouldn’t my image at school have already been tarnished? He decided to tell the others because he was sure they would stay away from him.

It was a decision I could make because I was a person who knew my body and mind better than anyone else.

“No, today… That kid, Seong Ha-jin, kept asking me about my grades and kept talking to me, which inadvertently made me angry, and it happened to be the time when the kids were going home after their exams.”

When Hayun started speaking, Hansol tilted his head and snickered. I thought I knew him well because he was my older brother who was taking one of the classes of the class of ’19 and I had known him once.

Hansol thought he was a pure older brother who was devoted to his studies, but when he heard that his older sister was a slouch, Hansol lost all interest in him and looked at Hayun’s face with his expression blank. As I continued to listen, I couldn’t help but nod my head with a serious expression when I heard my sister’s words.

“So, I thought maybe the kids would look at me strangely the next time I go to school.”

I didn’t really know why my sister was so sensitive, but I had a vague guess. When I saw him masturbating like that yesterday, I couldn’t help but notice that it was frustration. However, Hansol had no intention of satisfying his sister’s needs right away in that situation.

Well, looking at the current situation, my older sister was ruining her school life on her own, and there was no reason for me to intervene and stop it.

Hansol, who was forcing a serious expression to hold back laughter, wanted to throw his older sister into a deeper hole by preventing her from going to school. However, since he did not want his sister to have doubts about his words, he tilted his head for a moment, thinking that he should adopt a different approach.

Hansol looked down at his older sister for a few minutes, seemed to be thinking about something, and then answered while thinking about it.

“Sister, it’s okay. If you’re having a hard time, taking a leave of absence and going with the class of ’19 is also a good idea.”

I didn’t think I could be considerate of my sister with half-hearted words, and I couldn’t use them as a solution. In that case, the only plan for the future was to tell him where to run away, saying that he could do it this way if this didn’t work out.

And Hayun, who heard those words, listened to them blankly, then nodded and thought that she had said it well.

“Yes, thank you.”

Since my grades this semester were a mess anyway, I held on to the hem of my clothes, thinking that what Hansol said might be right.