episode_0042

On the way home, separated from Ha-yeon.

All I have to do is follow this road and open the door, but my heart keeps pounding.

Stand in front of the entrance.

What does Yeonseo look like behind this door?

Is he just sitting in the living room waiting for me to wash up and go to bed without even looking at me?

It’s my home, but in this awkward atmosphere, should I just stay in my bedroom and watch what happens before I fall asleep?

I think today might be the first time we’ll sleep apart.

It’s normal to sleep apart, but I felt an indescribable sense of sadness and distance.

Open the door.

I tried to close it as quietly as possible, but I couldn’t stop the distinctive metallic clanking sound.

At that sound, Yeonseo came out of the living room and greeted me.

“Come on in.”

Her speech was not polite. Still, I greeted the saintess who came out to greet me at the front door.

“I’m back.”

“What about rice?”

“No thoughts.”

“Eat a little. I didn’t eat either.”

“I’ll prepare it.”

“No, let me prepare it.”

Since he was being so harsh, I couldn’t say anything more, so I just washed my hands and feet in silence and went out to the kitchen.

Yeonseo took out the stew and side dishes she had prepared yesterday, put them in bowls, and served dinner on the table, serving her rice and mine.

“You’re early.”

“I came as soon as the reservation was finished today.”

“You said it’s still there?”

“Two or three times a week.”

“Yeah.”

Here, Yeonseo seemed to want to say something more.

But he put the bowl of rice in front of me and started to grumble, then quickly closed his mouth and went back to his seat.

Both of us had no appetite, so we ate less rice and side dishes.

All that can be heard is the quiet sound of the spoon hitting the bowl.

We ate more slowly than ever before.

There was no conversation.

When I glanced at Yeonseo, her eyes were slightly red and swollen.

You cried. My heart sank.

Since it was the first time that someone had cried because of her, it was difficult for her to find an answer to what to do in such a situation.

I just play with the spoon by inertia and get lost in my own thoughts.

Arian clearly said that if I cried out for Yeonseo, he would chase me and kill me…

Even if he actually appeared and tried to burn my head with a fireball, I could only lower my head and accept it calmly.

I couldn’t understand why we kept fighting even though I felt that our hearts were towards each other.

This is exactly what I was afraid of.

Even in the midst of passionate feelings, conflicts arise, and won’t there come a moment when that conflict consumes your love and you turn your backs on each other?

Seeing my parents fighting like enemies every day with insults and insults, even though they never divorced, the only thing my sister and I had in common, even though we each had different thoughts, was that we vowed to ourselves that we would never get married.

The determination that had been strong before leaving home was greatly shaken when I saw Yeonseo, who had traveled to another world and followed me across dimensions.

But I couldn’t help but think of my parents every time I had a little argument with Yeonseo.

I was scared that two people who clearly loved each other and got married would end up trying to kill each other by cutting each other’s hearts with the sword of words.

I was afraid that I would become like that too.

There was a phrase like this in a book I read when I was young.

How can someone who has never been properly loved love another person normally?

Those words were embedded deep in my heart and I still couldn’t get them out.

Growing up with nothing but our father’s indifference and our mother’s arbitrary expectations and greed, we used to joke and giggle that we would never be able to love.

The awkward dinner is over.

“I’ll clean it up.”

“No, I’ll do it. Jinhyeon, wash up.”

Yeonseo quickly approaches and takes the rice bowl away.

I quickly put everything in the sink and start washing the dishes in a hurry.

The water was so cold that I flinched slightly, but soon pretended not to care and filled the bowl with cold water.

I approached quietly, turned the faucet toward the hot water, whispered softly, and turned around.

“Thank you for making dinner.”

But what was different about Yeonseo from her mother was that she welcomed me and prepared meals for me.

And, you didn’t say anything while eating.

‘You idiot, you ruined your life and now you can eat?’

If it were my mom, she would definitely do that.

If I had gone into my room without eating, he would have said that to the door, and then I would have fallen asleep with the blanket over my head and my earphones plugged in.

‘If your father is a cripple, you guys should have done better. Why did I put up with all that?’

While I was showering, I suddenly remembered my mother’s personal insults and grabbed the shower ball with all my might without realizing it.

The body wash foam dripped onto the floor.

It felt strange because it seemed to be replacing me, who has dry eye syndrome and therefore produces fewer tears.

I headed to the bedroom, wiping my wet hair with a towel.

Yeonseo was sitting.

“Sorry.”

I apologized awkwardly and went out to the living room.

I threw the roughly dried towel into the laundry basket and turned on the TV.

Nothing was fun.

It was a TV I bought to fill out the assortment, and I didn’t like it that much to begin with.

More than anything, I hated the fact that the people in the square screen were laughing out loud, and the more I looked at their laughter, the more I became rigid.

Change the channel on a variety show.

I turned off the drama because I knew that the conflict would eventually be resolved, unlike in real life. I turned off the documentary because it seemed like it was completely ignoring my problems and trying to escape from them.

I was about to lie down on the mattress in the living room, but I woke up too late because I realized the light was bright.

I flipped the switch and turned it off.

A gasp of breath could be heard from the bedroom.

Maybe I was waiting for you.

I didn’t notice.

I won’t be able to watch TV properly anyway, so I’ll just go to bed early.

Lie back down on the matrix.

Since I’m lying down alone, the space is spacious.

As I became alone, the emptiness in my heart also grew.

As I closed my eyes and took a deep breath through my nose, Yeonseo came into the living room with a thump.

“What are you doing?”

The tone was agitated.

For a moment, I was reminded of my mother and looked up in surprise.

Damn, I think I’m going to hyperventilate.

As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I saw Yeonseo’s silhouette.

Yeonseo didn’t ask any more questions and came to me, still thumping.

As Yeonseo tried to lie down without hesitation, I quickly pulled my arm out, which was stretched out like a stool.

But it seemed like that really touched Yeonseo’s nerves.

“Eight!”

“Huh…?”

“Give me your arm!”

When I reached out my arm again, hesitantly, Yeonseo immediately found the armrest and stuck her head in.

Finally, Yeonseo found the most comfortable spot and hugged me as she always did.

What is this situation?

As I was losing sleep and trying to figure out what was going on, Yeonseo clenched her teeth and whispered to me.

“No matter what…!”

I was desperately holding back my sobs.

“No matter how much we argue…! Don’t just stop doing what you have to do for each other, what you should naturally do for each other.”

Those words sent goosebumps down my spine like lightning.

“I’ve thought about it a lot. When we fight, I get angry and annoyed. But if we just turn our backs on each other, we won’t be able to have the conversation we want to have.”

Yeonseo’s words paused for a moment.

It was clear that she was holding back tears while sobbing.

“This is a saying from the Bible that contains the words of the Goddess. If you cover your original heart with small selfishness, the end result will be a breakup, and if your hidden heart is revealed again after the breakup, you will regret it. I didn’t know what it meant when I was young, but now I know.”

Yeonseo hugged my body tightly.

“I hate you and I’m disappointed in you right now, but I don’t want to distance myself from you. So at least… at least! Don’t lose faith that our fight is only a moment.”

Yeonseo’s voice becomes hazy and her chest becomes wet.

“When you wake up, say hello and ask if you slept well. Ask what you want to eat for breakfast. When you go out to work, say goodbye and when you come back, tell me you worked hard. Tell me you’re going to go too and that you’re back.”

“…Okay.”

“But why!”

Tang and Yeonseo struck his chest.

It didn’t hurt, but it was bitter.

“Why didn’t you send me a KakaoTalk message saying you arrived at work today or finished work?”

Bang! I get hit again.

“Why didn’t you tell me to come to you when you were sleeping and didn’t even try to give me an arm pillow? Did you not want to see me? Did you stop wanting to touch me?”

“That’s not it.”

“Then why! Why… are you acting like you’ll never see me again?”

Yeonseo’s arms tightened around my torso.

But what hurt was my mind more than my body.

“Even if you fight, even if you’re angry, if you don’t keep each other by your side, that’s cheating! He’ll think you want to do that with another woman! You’ll think that if I do that, I want to do that with another man!”

Those words made my blood boil.

Me with another girl?

Yeonseo with another guy?

“But I’m trying to be by your side. I came here. You really shouldn’t do this to me. Do you understand?”

Only then did I pull Yeonseo with all my might.

As I held her in my arms and stroked her hair and back, Yeonseo’s breathing calmed down a little.

“He said that the more interested he is, the more upset he becomes by small things.”

I listen to Yeonseo’s mumbling in silence.

“I believe the reason we feel sad is because our hearts are big.”

We hugged each other tightly, pressed against each other more than ever.

“Even if you hate it right now, remember that feeling and don’t cross the last line. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“You said you knew?”

“Okay, I promise.”

When I tried to pull back to see Yeonseo’s face, she came closer instead.

“I hate you right now. I don’t want to talk to you.”

Even though I was talking to myself, Yeonseo tried to shut my mouth.

“Tell me tomorrow. I hate you so much for avoiding me today, so tell me tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

“…I’ll definitely talk to you tomorrow.”

“I will definitely do that.”

After hearing my answer, Yeonseo let out a big sigh mixed with tears.

The hug became tighter and the chest became wetter.

Feeling the small face and the back of my head buried in my chest, I closed my eyes with a jumbled feeling of relief or regret.

Even so, I can’t cry.

All I can do is express my heart’s weeping as I look at this chest soaked with Yeonseo’s tears.

Still, let’s definitely talk to our saint tomorrow.

When I wake up, the first thing I should do is ask if they slept well.

Okay, let’s start a conversation.