episode_0041

Episode 40: You shouldn’t make it too hard.

A person’s emotions are like a well.

Continuously drawing water, eventually the bottom will be revealed.

Just as the great waves, Kang Hyeon’s emotions also laid bare the bottom.

The defense mechanism of humans to escape pain.

Through rationalization, Kang Hyeon was enduring her dry school life.

What was sustaining her life?

A love-filled web novel?

She was no longer afraid to turn on the app.

Thus, endlessly touching her smartphone, wasting idle time.

Kang Hyeon deeply sighed with an expression close to ‘nothingness,’ devoid of laughter or pain.

It wasn’t difficult.

But not being difficult didn’t mean she was happy either.

An emotionless human was no different from scrap metal.

In that sense, Kang Hyeon’s life in recent days could be seen as mechanical.

Following Kim Hyeongmin’s demands, or staring at her smartphone while sitting at her desk.

Her heart, locked with chains and padlocks, trembled.

Like a pounding heartbeat.

She hesitated to unlock the regularly bound lock to release herself.

At such times, Kang Hyeon thought of Han Se-in.

The throbbing pain in her chest grew and subsided simultaneously.

She felt the pain of being afraid to face him.

Yet, recalling his smiling face brought a comforting feeling.

Let’s give up.

Let’s not love.

What’s the point of my affection?

Kang Hyeon did her best to resign herself to giving up on her feelings for him. It was a natural thing, but that didn’t mean it was easy, hence her current struggles.

Instinct emerged from her withered emotions.

She was thirsty.

Drinking water would solve the issue, but she wanted a sweet drink.

To avoid suffering.

Expressing emotional exhaustion, she stood up from her seat.

Three days.

It was enough time for a person’s mental fatigue and emotions to recover.

From a personal perspective, it was a big shock, yet objectively, it was nothing significant.

It wasn’t like losing a lover; it was just a simple crush.

Kang Hyeon slowly got up and headed to the convenience store.

Whether it was out of consideration for her, Kim Hyeongmin didn’t bother Kang Hyeon much.

After hitting rock bottom emotionally, she believed that once everything settled down, someone would look at her.

“……”

People who knew her approached her, while ordinary students passed by cautiously.

The former were troublemakers, the latter truly ordinary and kind kids.

Where did things go wrong?

It was an environment she had naturally grown up in since childhood.

Hence, even when it was time to receive proper education, it was confusing.

It was her role.

To assist Kim Hyeongmin, hiding and helping him enough so he wouldn’t get caught.

Since meeting Han Se-in, Kang Hyeon had started to change gradually.

She had been confined by her environment.

Love became a new environment that stirred up the wind.

As she arrived at the convenience store, memories naturally resurfaced.

Buying drinks and bread with Han Se-in.

Conversations with the convenience store owner.

A smile formed for no reason, and a ridiculous sigh escaped her.

It was nothing.

It wasn’t anything special, and Han Se-in might have been uncomfortable.

Her thoughts naturally drifted.

Worried psychology summoned another past.

“Don’t hate. Kang Hyeon.”

Her heart raced, emotions tingled like pins and needles.

Just thinking about it made her face flush.

Kang Hyeon gazed at the scene where the sentence from a novel came to mind.

“After a long time, the reunion with him was the worst.”

A famous line from a renowned novel.

It flashed through Kang Hyeon’s mind, who had read many novels.

That was to be expected.

Entering the convenience store, Kang Hyun-ah witnessed a scene that was shocking in itself.

3 days.

Yes, the reunion with Han Se-in after just 3 days was the worst.

He who had become involved with Jung Ah-young.

The first thing that caught his eye was his pained expression.

It wasn’t just simple pain; there was also a mix of the expression one makes when doing something they hate against their will.

If one possessed human instincts and could infer emotions by looking at others’ expressions, it was hard not to notice.

Being dragged out against his will by Jung Ah-young.

The moment he faced that situation.

Emotions surged within Kang Hyun-ah.

His dry and indifferent life up to now seemed like a kind of plea.

At the sight of Han Se-in’s slightly grimacing expression and eyes that seemed to be reluctantly following along, a deep-seated emotion stirred within him.

Various emotions flowed through his body.

First came anger.

Then relief.

And then anger again.

Jung Ah-young, holding hands with Han Se-in and leading him.

He felt angry and resentful towards her.

You shouldn’t be doing this.

At least.

You shouldn’t do things you dislike.

“Hah.”

A bitter laugh escaped.

As they approached the convenience store, Kang Hyun-ah met their gaze. The uneasy look in Jung Ah-young’s eyes and Han Se-in’s eyes uncomfortably intertwined.

The next emotion felt was relief.

Their relationship was artificial.

Not born out of genuine love, but rather orchestrated by Kim Hyung-min.

By others. It was a forced relationship.

Han Se-in’s expression and the uncomfortable atmosphere around Jung Ah-young.

That became the basis for speculation, leading to a sense of relief.

Then once again, emotions stirred.

It was self-loathing.

Why did he feel relieved about that?

About not being lovers with Jung Ah-young?

Was he fortunate not to truly love her?

He despised himself for feeling relief.

It became an impulsive action.

“Ugh?!”

“Damn, let go.”

It happened quickly.

Kang Hyun-ah’s approaching steps to the convenience store collided with them, and he swiftly grabbed Jung Ah-young’s neck and pushed her against the wall.

The tightening grip and growling voice.

Jung Ah-young’s eyes filled with confusion and fear.

As he used violence and physical force, Kang Hyun-ah’s heart began to soften gradually.

With each word and action.

It was due to the questions and self-loathing directed towards himself.

“Let go of Han Se-in’s hand.”

Who am I to do this? To be Han Se-in’s boyfriend?

“Damn it. Are you a woman? How tightly did you grab her? You don’t even know how to consider a man?”

He released his grip.

A red mark remained on her soft, white hand.

Only then did regret fill Kang Hyun-ah’s eyes as he looked at Han Se-in.

Once again, a wave of self-loathing washed over him.

It wasn’t simply because he liked her and wanted to love her.

If it weren’t for such feelings, he wouldn’t have acted this way.

Compared to the actions he had mindlessly taken so far, this was too different.

He found himself too unfamiliar and repugnant.

Thus, he released the hand that gripped her throat in the midst of the chilling situation.

“Cough, ugh…”

Ignoring Jung Ah-young, who was rubbing her throat, Kang Hyun-ah turned towards Han Se-in.

Taking a few steps closer, he looked down at him with a dizzying gaze.

He wasn’t in a position to say such things.

He knew he was the one making it difficult, and he wasn’t worthy.

But…

As a woman who loved someone.

It was a message she wanted to convey.

A message containing courage to break the environment and bring about change.

Kang Hyun-ah slowly began to form the words.

“If it’s hard, say so. If you don’t like it, say so. I’ll talk to Kim Hyung-min and put an end to this.”

…

The silence continued.

It was a courage she had mustered, but it was an expected situation.

It was a statement she had drawn out alone without any warning.

Kang Hyeon-ah sighed and tousled her own hair.

“Ah! Damn.”

What is she trying to do?

The emotions she had suppressed faded away.

In a state of guilt, Kang Hyeon-ah began to move her steps.

Meeting after three days, what’s the point?

Now, she doesn’t know anymore.

……

……

Kang Hyeon-ah left.

In front of the convenience store, a cold silence lingered.

Jung Ah-young, clearing her throat, cautiously spoke up.

“It hurt… right?”

“A little…”

“Don’t… say anything.”

“No. I could endure it.”

“That, that…”

She wanted to say.

Jung Ah-young swallowed her choked voice.

It was an unexpected action.

Within Han Se-in’s words and actions, she saw fragments of herself.

It could be called a kind of mirror therapy.

Her stifled and deeply suppressed emotions tormented her.

More than the hand gripping her throat, what made her agonize was Kang Hyeon-ah’s words.

Insensitive and lacking consideration.

Words that stimulated her, making mistakes repeatedly even as she loved him.

Ironically.

Excluding Jung Ah-young, Kang Hyeon-ah’s words, venting her own emotions, pushed her away.

Like forcibly pushing someone off a diving board.

Pushing Jung Ah-young, who hesitated and hesitated, led to this outcome.

“Se-in, wait…”

“Yeah?”

“Over there. Let’s talk.”

“Hmm…”

“I have something to say.”

“Got it.”

At the back of the convenience store.

A small space with no one around.

There was no need to go there, and smoking students used a designated area, so it was a kind of surplus space.

Jung Ah-young stood there.

She began to gather the words she couldn’t muster the courage to say.

Not out of lingering attachment.

But because the moment was changing due to someone following her.

“Se-Se-in…”

“Yeah.”

“So, um, so…”

Silence.

It was difficult to meet Han Se-in’s bewildered gaze.

However.

She didn’t want to remain silent any longer.

It might be a forced action, as Kang Hyeon-ah said.

But at least.

This is how it is.

She wanted to open up and express it.

“I like you.”

“…..”

In the midst of what seemed like a lengthy conversation.

It was the conclusion she spat out first.